What are we doing…to feel better in the moment?
(I think this will be the start of a “What are we doing?!” series.)

About two months ago I came across some random cake decorating videos in my feed and very quickly got sucked into only watching cake decorating videos. I soon realized why. It calmed my anxiety. I have dabbled in the arts of baking and cake decorating years ago and while I enjoy it sometimes, it is often very stressful. But seeing these professionals and even home bakers frost their creations and smooth them out to perfection was like someone smoothing out the rough edges of my anxiety. Piped roses and vines, ruffles and shells, perriels and edible glitter, I was so dazzled and yet calmer than I had been in months. 

I soon found myself wanting to share faves with friends but it almost felt shameful in a way, I know better, but still no one else shared my enthusiasm for the art form and so I only shared two videos with one friend, Ha-ha! I nave since scaled back my consumption of these videos but not before discovering the incredible way watching someone pipe “Happy Birthday” in full flourishing cursive, perfectly spaced out and gorgeous, makes me feel almost as satisfied as if I did it myself. I do not have the practice for these finer skills, and such a hobby is not going to fit within my already limited bandwidth. I do really enjoy them. 

A couple of weeks ago I woke up on a Saturday morning feeling pretty lousy. In general, but also just dealing with some random stomach issues lately. I wanted the comforts of childhood Saturday morning cartoons, dammit! I was looking into a favorite cartoon that they never released the last two seasons of in the US due to HBO’s constant BS changes and purges. And then I found it! For free and with no commercials on Sling tv! Summer Camp Island is a cartoon about a summer camp that seems normal to outsiders, but is actually a camp for witches and magic! It is so sweet and focuses a lot of friendships and problem solving and it’s soooooo adorable! It has lots of very famous actors (Elijah Wood, Whoopi Goldberg, Fortune Feimster, and more) and just the sweetest little animation style. I binged those last two seasons that very morning (episodes are like 12 mins). I was so happy that whole weekend because of it.

Having a chronic illness changes you. tI changes how you approach things n life, how you have to accommodate yourself because no one else will, and relearning what you are capable of on a daily fucking basis. My everyday baseline would be enough to send most folks to urgent care in desperation for answers and treatment. There is no treatment for my illness, not yet. I cannot dwell on such things, I see the world for what it is. I see my country for what it is, So I must do all I can to support myself everyday and do all I can to feel better even if it is only in small doses.

I give myself permission to skip a meal when my appetite disappears and permission to indulge when the desire strikes me. I am realizing more and more that peppers of any kind make my tummy very unhappy and that sucks. Not that I’m a heat seeker, but I love flavor! Time to stock up my spices for sure. I use music a lot to lift my moods. I’m building a playlist of guaranteed to get me moving songs, hit me with your recommendations in the comments, please. 

I just bought six books and am already working my way through these two: Weight and Wisdom: Reflections on Decades of Working for Body Liberation, and Everything is Tuberculosis. It is wonderful reading the history and stories of fat activism and liberation work in Weight & Wisdom. Did you know that the Adirondack chair was invented to help tuberculosis patients dry out their lungs by allowing them to sit at the perfect angle? I highly recommend using Book Shop for your book needs. Going back to physical books has helped me get back into the habit. 

What do you do for yourself when you need to feel better? What other self soothing techniques do you use? What spices should I try? What is grabbing your attention these days? I’m watching the second season of Andor (Star Wars series that precedes the movie Rogue One) and the parallels to modern day US fascism leaves me quite rattled at times. It’s so good though. I try to watch Simpsons or Bob’s Burgers after to cleanse my palate, so to speak. Ha! 

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I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

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