I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

TMI Tuesday


Today’s TMI Tuesday post isn’t salacious or exciting. It’s just about my feelings over recent fat happenings and my own personal struggles with access and financial status at the moment. If this doesn’t interest you, please come back another day for your regularly scheduled fat/Sarah’s emo talk. 🙂

So, I won’t be linking to anything here today. This shit is all over the damned web already, I choose not to contribute the traffic at all, thanks. And while I have been silent thus far, it is only because I hadn’t processed my own feelings about it. Specifically the whole Abercrombie bullshit scandal and the whole “fat people shouldn’t get PHDs” thing. Ugh! *EpicEyeRoll*

I haven’t touched either of these topics for one reason: I’m Poor! I say this not to gain sympathy, pity, charity or words of encouragement. I state it as a simple fact. I refuse to be ashamed. I refuse to hide it. It just is, so be it. My immediate future is so uncertain that I am forcing myself to keep that shit out of my mind as much as I possibly can. Here’s the truth though, last night I was filled with anxiety because of food insecurity. I felt like shit when B bought my dinner, again. Ugh! I know I am soooooo fucking lucky to have friends who can support me through meals or just general support and stuff. I am eternally grateful and tell them this often. It doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t know if I could eat the next day.

So this morning, realizing that I’d received my last paycheck direct deposit, I went grocery shopping. I went to this new Walmart grocery store and holy crap I got so much stuff for so little money! I’m hoping to stretch what I got for a few weeks or at least until I know where future monies will be coming from (new job, unemployment, etc.). Being with loving friends who also enjoy cooking inspired me. These are “broke bitches” after my own heart and believe me when I say that  “broke bitches” know how to take care of business and get shit done and make everyone in their life feel good, too. I am in awe of them both! So I loaded up on staples and produce and will hopefully come out of this scary period unscathed.

Because it is hella scary. I know I said I would keep all the bad things away, but I’m trying not to live in denial, either. I just gotta face this shit and keep moving ahead and hope and believe that thing will turn out alright. They just have to. So yeah, I bought groceries, but I feel a lot better overall because of it. I offered to cook dinner for B tonight and I’m excited to do it! This is progress, at least for me.

So, what does any of this have to do with the recent fat hate scandals? I always say, follow the money and the truth/intent will be found. The truth is that I’ve never had access or ever fooled myself into believe I could ever have access to either name brand clothing or a higher education. I was reprimanded by high school teachers when I explained that college would never be an option for me. Is it any wonder why I dropped out?! Ugh! I went to work full time at age sixteen and never looked back. The only time I longed to wear name brand clothing was in Junior High School when Guess jeans were all the rage and once my dad saw the price tag he snatched me up and outta the store on the double. Ha-ha!

If these entities have bias it has always been against the poor. If they are choosing to publicly hate on fatties? What the fuck else is new? I want no part of either. I choose to focus my time and attention on what I can in my own life and community. I know what has held me back that  I had control over and that is my own self esteem and general attitude towards life. Money? Psshht! I haven’t ever had control over that. It has ebbed and flowed as it pleases and I try not to get too hung up on that shit. It only distracts and dazzles and makes you want things you don’t need.

What has been difficult is getting invited to all the things by so many lovely and wonderful people but having to decline every single one because I’m too broke to buy a ticket, bring something or really leave the house much. This past weekend was such a luxury and really all I did was drive. My lovely friends really did take care of me. But I cannot expect nor count on that forever, nor would I want to. I don’t want to have to rely on such kindnesses, but I am so grateful that it’s there if needed.

All of my problems could be answered with such a simple thing: A full time job. That’s it! Not a six figure salary or retirement plan. No, simple is what I prefer anyway and really all I typically want. I’m pinning my hopes and thoughts on that dream job I interviewed for last week. I have to keep applying/looking for work though or my unemployment could get screwed. And if something comes along before the dream job I will have to take it. The thought hurts, but I gotta keep on keepin’ on as always, babies.

If you have tips, recipes, or just wanna share some love, hit me up! ;)


Don’t Worry…


I would like to take this moment to just be happy. Today is a huge day for me. I have an in-person interview for what appears to be the perfect job for me. Not only is it a job, though, it is basically the missing piece of my awesome life puzzle right now. If I get this job I won’t have to worry about EVERYTHING all of the time anymore. The funny thing is, I kind of feel like it’s already mine. In an intoxicated state after my dance show on Sunday, while having dinner with my bffs, I said aloud, “Now that I’m at _______, I’ll totally be the most fashionable chick in the office! Ha-ha!” jaws dropped and eyes widened and they all said, “Wait?!?! You got the job?!?!” I realized it was a slip of the tongue, maybe some visualizing and hopes sprinkled in and nothing more. Oops! But…It will be mine! Oh yes! It will be mine!

The truth is that the last few weeks have been extremely stressful and bad. This week has felt magical by comparison. In this moment, right now, everything seems possible and wonderful. I feel fearless and capable of anything. I feel so perfectly me that there is just nothing stopping me or holding me back…except that whole not having a job part. Ha-ha! Even though things seem kind of dire in this whole employment-finances department…I’m fucking HAPPY!!! It’s…nice! It’s certainly refreshing, anyhow. I’d been so depressed and stressed out for so long. Not to mention tired. Whew!

I’ve had some great surprises this week as well. My “Special Geek” gave me a phone on Monday which has greatly improved my life! My old one was so fritzy I’d get lost anytime I needed to rely on my GPS, it would crash and freeze all of the time. Now? Perfection! And as of last night…I have a boyfriend!!! I feel like a fucking teenager! *Blushes* He is like no one I’ve ever met and I just adore him! He makes me very happy! I mean, I knew I liked him waaaay too much after our second date, but when my friends all loved him, too? Oh yeah! It was a done deal. When that boy says my name my heart is all a-flutter! *Blushes* I just hope that I am the awesome girlfriend he’s always wanted. 🙂

And my road trip to Fatlandia (aka will be amazeballs because my bff of over 22 years will be driving up with me and it will be just like old times! SO EXCITING!!! I know we will be blasting the good old tunes like back then.  We used to write in bathroom stalls, “There’s No Diva Like Me!” and scream our favorite songs at the top of our lungs! Ha-ha! So fabulous! How has time just flown by?!?! Oh man!

I’m writing this before I know what this day brings. No matter what I will be with people I love and whom I know love me back. After my interview I’m having lunch with my other bff of over 22 years. Then I’ll be spending the evening and night with my beloved Raven!!! Saturday I’ll be heading up to visit my friend Laura for some seriously needed girl bonding time. I just…WOW! I’m so grateful for all of it right now, ya know? HAPPY!!!

I know good things are on their way and they are already in my life, too. I know that despite the dark times, the light always finds a way to shine through. There’s no fighting it now and I want nothing more than for you all to feel as great as I do now. I’ll keep y’all updated and definitely share my continued joy, no matter what happens. 😉 Have faith in you and don’t let anyone else get or keep you down. You’re amazing and worth all of the love in the world!


Randomness is Random


I would love to see a blog called “Perfectly Portly”…someone do this! 😉

Dance rehearsal was hard and good and a bit emotional. Our progress is fantastic when only a week ago we had just half a song choreographed. I  got that runner’s high thing again, it’s kind of awesome. I keep getting asked if I’m excited or nervous and I am, but it still somehow doesn’t feel real yet. Part of me also just wants it over with. Ha-ha!

If you’re local to San Francisco/Oakland area and are interested in seeing me perform for the first time in 17 years, or just want to see a fantastic body positive dance show (OMZ! It’s the best!) there are TWO chances: Saturday, May 25th at 8pm or Sunday, May 26th at 2 pm. Get your tickets in advance to save some time and money:

I paid for my NoLose registration…I cannot wait to go! Hoping and wishing and visualizing awesome job so that I can pay my credit card off and my hotel room. I may have to drive, but I’ve been itching for a road trip anyway. It’s in Portland, Oregon this year. PDX is like my favorite place not in California, so WOO!!!

Did y’all see that ReDress is back?!?! This is where I’ve gotten all of my Teggings!

A pic of me & Raven from the Fatty Affair Family Picnic a few weeks ago:

Gawd we are so aforable!!! Ha-ha! Both wearing Eshakti (current) and I’m not in love with vintage cocktail hats from the 50’s because of this little white one I’m wearing. Do you have any of these? Hit me up!!! I am dying for a black one! 🙂

Today is my last day at my current job. I have some interviews this week and I am feeling good and hopeful. I had a great weekend with wonderful people who made me feel special and cared for and I am so grateful to have them in my life. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m excited about it once again.

Rad Fatty Love to you ALL!




There’s an effort afoot, led by Ragen Chastain, to buy space for a billboard in Georgia saying “WARNING!  Shame is bad for your health!”  If you want to help out, they’re raising funds at 

Also check out this great post on this same topic:

Please join in the “I STAND…” photos, if you like! Email your photo and credo to

Fatty Affair: FATshion!


The clothing swap part of Fatty Affair seemed to be the most popular portion for sure. And while I only snagged a couple of tops towards the end of the main part of the swap, I’ve already worn one and Love it! What was truly fun for me was getting to see what people picked up, tried on and strutted around in! Many were quite pleased to just change on the spot and wear their new garb the rest of the day. That is so cool!

We also had a catwalk/fatshion show where people were asked to get their strut on if they were feeling good in what they were wearing, even if it wasn’t from the swap (the song of choice of course being “Super Model” by RuPaul). At first we had sign up sheets, but only one person signed up. So I said fuck it and started just recruiting people! Ha-ha! This did seem to work as soon there was a line on either side of the stage area. I didn’t realize that Jery would be the first or that he would even be participating, other than being the emcee, but gurl! He knew how to kick it off:

I went next and decided to twirl before bustin’ out my swagger down the catwalk:
Nicole of was, as always, dressed to impress!
Raven was such a good sport since she originally had no intention of participating:
Tigress & Amanda teamed up for an adorable twirl and strut combo!
But I have to say it, nobody embodied the spirit of the day or the swap quite like my friend Lauren!
This is her catwalk outfit (she had just snagged it in the swap):
This is what she showed up to Fatty Affair wearing (posing with her own artwork):
And this is what she ended up wearing the rest of the night after the fatshion show
(posing here with Milo and her companion looking ever so fabulous!):
It was a total blast! We all clapped along to the song and for each model. It felt so good and so empowering!
To live your entire life being told you could never do something because you’re fat? Yeah, fuck all of that!
We can do anything we damn well please! Together, as a community, we can move mountains and make dreams come true! I know this because it is my own experience. To see people really come into their own and become the person they always wanted to be. To shed the bullshit and the guilt and let go of toxic relationships and just live each day for you. To try things and step outside your comfort zone and experience the dazzling pleasures life has to offer if only we did that more! This is what Fatty Affair and the Fat community mean to me and have done for me.
I urge you, if you have even a tiny desire to attend something like this, do it yourself! Plan it! Team up! Coordinate! It’s so fucking worth it and you won’t regret it! Hit me up for tips. I mean, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I did it! Ha-ha! You don’t have to live somewhere specific or know “all the right people” because that is not at all what this is about. This was only ever about community for me. It was only ever about exchanging the love! And belly bumps! Ha!
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