You may recall in my this post that I’ve been struggling for over two years to find some knee high boots for my fat calves. Thanks to a commenter kimstrauss I had ordered these boots from Lane Bryant: http://bit.ly/cY237m which I had shipped to my local store (free shipping this way) and what do you know? The measurements on the site? Not accurate. Well…okay, I ordered an 8W. I always wear 8W in shoes, unless it’s a generally wider shoe, like my beloved Keens. The boots were way too big in the foot and ankle while the calf, though the elastic would have you believe there’s give and then some, were too small. In fact I could only get them zipped half way up and even that was with some serious work!

So my search continues. Finding a boot with a 20″ calf and 8w shoe size? I’m thinking it’s nearly impossible at this point. I have scoured the interwebz and frankly, I’m sick of searching. I still long for lovely shit-kickers that I can pair with cute dresses (ahhh, my grunge days), but for now I think I will just wait and see what other fats post on Fatshionista (on Livejournal.com) or other blogs. I had such high hopes for those LB boots. I must admit though that they were very cheaply made as the part that connects the foot part to the upper leg part seemed glued together shoddily. Just sayin’! This was the same issue I had with Avenue’s boots last year, couldn’t zip ’em up and even if they had fit? They were so cheaply made they wouldn’t have lasted one night of dancing.

My friend Carmen still holds hope for my boot lust. She insists that there must be a way…and there is, but I cannot afford more than $100 right now. I can’t afford even that but I can make it work at least. No, my patience will be tested again and I will gaze greenly at the other ladies of the world happily sauntering around in their gorgeous boots of awesome.

What was interesting was chatting with the sales gal at LB about my boot ventures and Fat Acceptance. She seemed so confused about retailers not responding to what is an obvious demand by consumers. I laughed at this, hard! Luckily she’s in nursing school and won’t have to be stuck in retail for long. She was sweet. Part of me misses that naivete, but then again? That was before I found FA, so no thanks.

Have you found mad-rad boots? Let me know all about it!

After my Woman Within Fail post yesterday, I realized that many people do attempt communication with retailers. To this I say, “KEEP IT UP!” & “THANK YOU!” Because every time I have tried to rally fats together for a letter writing campaign or anything close to it I get nothing but negativity and, “It makes no difference.” “Who cares?!” “They won’t listen, what’s the point?!” And that bugs the hell out of me!

I’m a firm believer in feedback. Both in life and business. I would not own my own cafe without feedback. I would not still be in business without feedback. And I give feedback to the businesses that I support and who support me. It’s vital! I know to many who just shop at larger “big box” type stores it may seem futile, but I can assure you, even at the store manager level, feedback is a remarkable thing!

How I know this? I worked in retail (from clothing to music) for over ten years. I have held every position from stock girl, fitting room attendant, cashier, assistant manager and finally store manager. I know how feedback can impact a store/retailer. Feedback can hit you like a ton of bricks, sure, but it’s what you do with it that counts!

See, retailers who receive little or no feedback, they breeze right along, growing and strong, thinking the world is their oyster. They become bigger and more arrogant. They become “too big to fail” and such bullshit. And it is these that ruin an industry! I believe the key to success, no matter what the industry or field, is feedback and using this feedback to focus, restructure, maintain and grow!

I have written many letters to retailers. I have approached overworked and underpaid retail managers with my feedback and have been given that look of, “Are you fucking kidding me with this?!” and still do it today. And you can tell right away what type of manager/company you’re dealing with by their response. Sure, e-tailers will send you a form letter with a “you will receive a personal response within 24 hours” line. But it’s what is in that response that counts. They all claim “your feedback is important to us” but if they do nothing with that feedback? If they sit on it and it never reaches the right ears/eyes? It can seem utterly pointless. I get that, I truly do. But when you get a manager/company that does get it? Well, you get results!

I am still working on a specific Target store with my feedback about their plus size section (zero signage, always messy, shoved into a tiny corner), but I’m patient & persistent! Plus, I understand retail management structure, so that helps. Sure, one letter to a giant retailer may fall on deaf ears/blind eyes, but if many people do it and all have similar feedback? It should land in the right hands!

Take Dominoes pizza for instance: they received tons of awful feedback and I don’t know if they have a new president or CEO, but that guy in the ads sure seems to give a shit about what his company is serving its customers! That is golden! I talked smack about Dominoes for ages, having never liked their pizza. After all of those ads (specifically the one with the photo of the mushed pizza) my hubby & I decided to give ’em a try. And you know what? It was fabulous! I love that garlicky seasoning they put on the crust! But I never would have tried them again without those sincere ads!

That is what it’s all about! It doesn’t have to be thousands of emails/letters, either. It is more about the feedback itself. If you write Old Navy a letter saying, “You suck! Put plus size clothes back in your stores!” it’s not going to get any attention. And I know for a fact that they have received hundreds of those. Ha-ha! But if you’re more specific, “The sizing of your jeans varies so greatly that I’m spending too much on return shipping. HELP!” you should get the help you need while also letting them know that their shit is all wongo in its sizing! This is information they need to know!

Look, I love that fire-in-the-belly, rallying the troops sort of moments when people unite for a common cause or action…but the truth is not everyone feels the same things about the same companies. Certainly there are fats who still love Lane Bryant & Torrid. While some of us reminisce about the days when things uniformly fit across style lines or were more on-trend and less polyester. Ha-ha! Telling a retailer that fat people deserve cute and comfortable clothing at affordable prices? Certainly an important message, but not an actionable thing for one retailer.

The other thing to consider is that a lot of the associates/salespeople are  women (for women’s clothing anyway), while their higher-ups or executives are often men. Huge disconnect! (Speaking from experience here.) So I must repeat: Be specific, be clear, (don’t put ten things in your feedback) and keep it simple! I’m also a firm believer in giving positive feedback, too! Just think how your day would be brightened if a customer called your manager and said, “Wendy was so sweet! She really helped me decide on the perfect outfit! She was very patient with me and helpful in suggestions and options.” Let me tell you, I have had this happen, and I wanted to leap for joy and sing from the mountain tops! So don’t hesitate!

Also, don’t hesitate with the bad feedback! It is so important for a manager to know what’s going on when they’re not there. And believe me, it gets ugly! I had an employee stealing x-boxes and game boys. I knew who it was, but never had proof (he was the only other person with a damned key to the store). If you receive bad service (or good) get names. If you’re uncomfortable telling someone to their face that they are being inappropriate or rude, get their name or a good description at least (including time of your visit/purchase). It is near impossible for a manager to ignore feedback that has all of the facts and details straight.

I hope this all makes sense. I would love to hear from anyone who has received a decent response from a retailer or even had something changed due to their feedback. I know it’s tough. But damn, we spend our hard earned monies and so much energy to give these companies our business! We vote, so to speak, with our dollars. We need to follow it up with our words! =0)

Last night when I got home from work I grabbed the mail as per usual. I had gotten two catalogs and some ads and headed upstairs. Later that evening as we were winding down and nearly ready for bed I started flipping through these catalogs. One of that furniture company C2B, mega-cute stuff, but hella pricey! Then I grabbed the Woman Within catalog not realizing it wasn’t clothing within.

The first pages were full of wider and more weight bearing office chairs and their accessories. “Cool!” I thought, having bought an office chair last year (a Herman Miller used for $20, I love craigslist) I knew it can be tough with wider ass/hips. I hadn’t thought of finding one through Woman Within! Page 7 had all of these gorgeous & wider chairs! With notations like “500 LB capacity” and more…Loved them! Showed my hubby a gorgeous silver tufted chair that I long for! So cute! I continue to flip through ogling the various home furnishings and such. I genuinely thought it was super cool to have these options for more weight bearing things like bed frames and chairs and wider desks and such.

On page 57 my eyes are suddenly hit with diet books! WTF?! Look, I was fine with the exercise videos and equipment, but I don’t need to see Jillian Michaels smug-mug smiling back at me with that smirk of judgment! More diet books on the next page and then a short reprieve with some cook books and such. I do love cookbooks. Ha!

I get towards the back of the catalog and I’m finding kitchen things like pots & pans, juicers and blenders, storage containers and things. Cool! Then I get to page 71 and my disappointment grows. “Biggest Loser” products! Food scales, body scales, Mini Grills, steamers and more. Now I’m fed up & tired and am too angry at this catalog to even chat about it with the hubby. UGH!

Why is this all a big fail for me? Because here I was fairly stoked about the pretty chairs and mobility helping items and think that was pretty dang cool, more options for fats! Then I get hit with the typical bullshit about dieting, weight, etc! NO THANKS! I was feeling good until they threw all of that in there. I mean, let’s just say for one second that dieting works (That is hilarious!) why would I buy your bigger chairs and things if I’m still buying into the fantasy of becoming thin? I wouldn’t! Hello? Ya hear me? I would not buy that stuff because I would somehow still be buying into the thin myth! Please keep this shit out of my catalog and perhaps I’ll buy one of your gorgeous chairs one day. Yes? Thanks.

I’m sitting here in my cafe, waiting, nervously so, for the band-dudes to show.

Being in a band has been a dream of mine since I was 13.

Here I am, waiting and facing what could be the first step in the right direction to realizing my dream.

Yet I’m a bundle of nerves after I had decided not to be. I’d been through the nervy bit before. I’m done…or so I thought.

Ugh! I am terrible at physically waiting for this. Like waiting rooms and such. Yuck!

I feel wobbly-kneed and heady.

My inner critic is trying to get me to bail, but I won’t let that happen. Not this time!

Meeting strangers can be scary on it’s own, but having to sing for said strangers? Terrifiying!

I’ve never auditioned for anything, really. Just once and I lip-synced and danced, easy-peasy!

I’m not necessarily auditioning for this band thing, it’s my idea/design/space. But I feel like I am.

The one band-dude that I know is coming (the other has mysteriously not responded to emails all week) is very experienced and has been in many bands. He plays bass. And so I’m freaking out. I have to sing for/with this person. My ears are still a bit plugged, so I took a Benadryl, but not sure it will help/hurt. Hoping my voice will come out. Hoping I won’t start coughing or some other awful thing.

But the fat activist in me is screaming its head off, “Stand up! Head up! Smile! Be strong! Sing! OUT LOUD!”

And this both pleases & surprises me. That this fat activist voice in me is louder and clearer than that inner critic.

I’ve come a long way baby…

You know, almost anything you feel you “have to” do, like cleaning and washing, can become a chore, even a drudgery; while those things that remain optional, like Disney World and Twister, can seem far more inviting, even fun.

So, as you go down the path of life, particularly when it seems you must force yourself through the motions, it just may help if you pause and give thought to the countless souls who’d give most anything for the option of even your “chores.”

Life… it can sometimes be like one of those really, really “good problems,” huh?

Tallyho,
The Universe

Touche` Universe! My head was in that exact same space. I was driving in to work this morning and listening to KPFA(.org) and I am not sure who the guest was, but they were talking about the disappearing middle class versus the sprawling of poverty in the U.S. I may not have that quite right, but the point is that their conversation made me think about myself, my friends and my family and how in the last two years our lifestyles have gone from comfortable, but not by any means rich, to struggling every damned day to pay the bills.

I read something yesterday about the cost of health care having gone up some astounding percentage and this made me think of England and France and every other country who has free universal health care for it’s citizens. *sigh* And what a mess we’ve made of our own health care systems here. I mean, it’s not the like the actual cost of doing the same procedure/job/etc went up…no the insurance companies simply keep raising their prices! No real reason for it other than the fact that they can. Plain and simple! And how sick it makes me feel to think or even to know in some instances that I will probably be denied medical treatment at some point in my life due to nothing but my size.

This made me realize that I should talk to my husband about this, specifically, because if something did happen to me and I was unable to advocate for myself, he would have to and I think he should be well informed when the time comes. And we never know when that time may come. Sobering thought.

Taking a moment each day to be humble and grateful for all that I have and even for what I don’t has really helped me stay grounded and happy. It has given me sort of a check-in moment and allows me to see that even on a “bad” day, things aren’t so bad at all.

I’ve been reading Linda Bacon’s “Health At Every Size” and every day something just sort of slaps my face and says, “OH MY GAWD! EVERYTHING I’VE EVER BEEN TOLD ABOUT MY BODY AND DIETING IS A DAMNED LIE!” and it makes me so very thankful that she wrote this amazing book. I seriously want to buy a copy for everyone I know! I wish it was in every school library in the universe! I know I will be buying at least five copies for various family members who truly need this information. I want to send one to Michelle Obama! How could I do that, or more to the point, how could I get her to read it?

I wish I could commit the entire book to memory. I want to carry it with me so that when ignorance attacks I can defend myself or fight back with actual knowledge and wisdom and facts…scientific facts! (Oh man, I so held back the urge to type “scien-fucking-tific facts!” Ha-ha!) It pains me to the core when I think of the amazing and incredible people who’s lives have been shortened or taken away entirely by a corrupt and misguided medical industry. To find out that it’s the exact same people (sometimes) that are screwing up our own government with the lobbying and whatnot. UGH! I want to scream at the heavens and shake my fist at, well, everything!

How do we get the truth out when it has no corporate backing?! Reading “Health At Every Size” has made me realize that all of the anomalies in my life actually aren’t anomalies at all! I’m normal in the sense that I am healthy. My numbers have always come back normal (blood pressure, cholesterol, fasting glucose levels) and always to the chagrin of doctors & nurses who read them to me.

The “thin is in” trend comes and goes, but mostly goes as larger lovelies always come back into vogue. I think the only reason it’s held us in it’s grips this long this time around is due to the invention of marketing either in print or television or what have you. It’s taken hold of our society and while I have begun to see more and more people of size in the media, it’s nowhere near normalized yet.

And that’s where fat activists come in: we must be publicly fat! We must stop using words that make other people comfortable and start using the word FAT! Make them shift in their seats if they must, let them hold onto the lies if they insist, but they will never be able to tell me again that I am wrong or other or not worthy of any damned thing! We need to encourage each other and support one another and for once I just want to see a happy fat on t.v. instead of the continuously humiliated and depressed or abused fats on reality shows.

This weekend, while I’m out walking or shopping or serving organic goods to my customers, I will hold my head up high with a full heart and a knowing smile. I will welcome conversation and open dialogue. I will use the word fat in places where I would have otherwise referred to myself as a “big gal” or “plus sized” or “my size” and I will not allow other people’s negativity to seep into my consciousness!

Because I am worthy and strong and fat and happy and healthy (and many think I shouldn’t exist)…too bad for them, I AM A UNICORN!!!

*If you would like your own messages from “the universe” sign up for free here: www.tut.com