I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

I Was Wrong About Women


Many years ago (let’s just leave it at more than ten), a friend of mine took a women’s studies class in college and was just beginning to tell me about it. And sadly, my knee-jerk reaction was something along the lines of, “Fuck that femi-nazi shit!” *HeadDesk* I’m really sorry “Q”! I see the error of my ways now.

You see, I used to believe that women weren’t to be trusted. That I couldn’t get along with them or they me. That somehow I just couldn’t “put up with their bullshit” and well, I was all kinds of wrong. I mean? Well, I’m a woman, why on earth did I feel this way? How did I get so off-course? *Sigh* It happens. I didn’t have a strong female figure in my life growing up and certainly, for awhile at least, every gal I got close to would hurt me. So I made up this strategy/philosophy and let it dictate my own fears and comforts for many many years.

As I get older and wiser (one hopes anyway), I learn more and more about how the media/marketing and all sorts of other influences can make us hate our own gender. My husband often apologizes for the crimes against women, humanity and nature on behalf of his gender. I didn’t used to feel so loyal or affiliated with my own gender. But that all changed the further I got into the fat liberation (acceptance) movement. How could I continue to distance myself from an entire gender when it was the very group who were inspiring me everyday? The short answer: I couldn’t!

The at liberation (acceptance) movement has shown me time and again new ways of thinking and being and feeling. Not in some cultist way, mind you, but in very positive, common sense and even life affirming ways. I had no idea what I was missing out on! Not having a nurturing figure in my life (well, that’s a complicated story for another time), I missed out on lots of things and am only now figuring out things like eyeliner and tights and stuff like that! More so, the deep love and compassion a woman can give to another in a way that is neither sexual nor sisterly.

And I fucking love women! Women get shit done! Women are known for talking/chatting/gossiping? Huh! More like planning, organizing, plotting! I never used to believe in or apply the label to myself, but dammit, I’m a modern feminist! I’m not afraid to tell the world. No matter how weighty that word can be (and how convoluted it’s become sadly), feminism to me is simply believing in equality…for all! Go read my “about” page and you’ll see that that is a major thing for me. And I have no patience or tolerance for hate, not from the world and not from anyone in my life! None. Life is too short and too awesome to waste on that shit. And if you’re someone who spews hate at “skinny bitches” and shit like that? Check yourself, hun, please?! It’s judgment, plain & simple! And unnecessary! We need to get beyond this.

Now? Now I have more female than male friends (big switch from my past). Now I know some of the most beautiful, smart, powerful, creative, talented, wondrous women in the world! Women who fuel my passion for fat liberation. Women who inspire me and motivate me. Women who bare their souls to me without ever meeting me. Women who have survived horrible abuses who live to see another day and share their stories so that maybe just one woman will be saved from that pain. Women who lay their own lives on the line in the name of justice. I know these women. I am these women. You are these women! And we are an amazing species that have evolved and adapted and grown over millions of years.I am so proud to be a woman because of all of you.

I see men in a different light, too. Men who have touched my heart and my life in ways I didn’t think possible. Men who will just as quickly lay their lives on the line for our cause. Men who believe in supporting us and letting us shine or stepping up and helping in any way that they can. We need them just as much as they need us. This isn’t a competition. This is nature. The nature of our species and the nature of our world. Thank the stars above we have this very moment to breathe it all in and relish in the knowledge that we can choose to help and care for each other rather than battle. And I feel for the guys who didn’t or don’t have women to teach/show them things to help them understand the world, themselves and women, too.

I recently heard someone say that you can always tell when a guy grew up without sisters or women around. It made me think about it for awhile. It’s scary! To only really see one side of the world (in a way)? It is no wonder than many guys see feminists the way I used to. And I can say that they just haven’t been exposed! They haven’t seen the truth! I highly recommend this book to anyone who is even slightly interested, “Misogyny: The World’s Oldest Prejudice” (and you can get it for a steal!). I had no idea how long and how awful women were treated and why they were treated so terribly.  It is a great read, educational for sure, but informative in ways I hadn’t imagined.

Thank you for reading. Take care of YOU!

17 Comments to

“I Was Wrong About Women”

  1. On September 29th, 2011 at 10:58 am Ashley Says:

    I don’t know. I have seen men my age who were raised by women still grow up to be sexist because his mom was raised to believe that women belong in the kitchen, so that’s how she is and that’s how she taught him.

  2. On September 29th, 2011 at 11:05 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @Ashley: Exactly, he hasn’t been exposed to the world of modern feminists! That for me was a major part of my own growth.

  3. On September 29th, 2011 at 12:01 pm Twistie Says:

    I still don’t get how my one brother wound up such a misogynist jerkwad.

    Then again, he came out of the womb fighting Mom and still hasn’t stopped more than twenty years after her death. After all, he has to have someone to blame his life on and it certainly couldn’t be him, could it?

    Still, I do agree that sort of bullshit sexism is more prevalent among men who haven’t had strong women in their lives.

    From a very early age, I had it figured out that people are people are people. It’s not about what they zip into their jeans or how much melanin their skin contains. And so when I realized the word ‘feminist’ existed, I comfortably slipped it on and never thought about taking it off again. Why would I? It was a word that said I didn’t need a penis to be a perfectly reasonable, competent, worthwhile individual person.

    All my life I have simply assumed that people are people. Some are nice, some are assholes, some are less easy to pigeonhole as good or bad, but they’re all just human beings underneath all the surface differences. We all have an equal chance of being thoughtful, fabulous people or vicious, vindictive douchewads.

    I like surrounding myself with the former rather than the latter. And I still don’t give a crap what they zip into their jeans. And I’m still every inch a feminist.

  4. On September 29th, 2011 at 2:35 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    @Twistie: “It was a word that said I didn’t need a penis to be a perfectly reasonable, competent, worthwhile individual person.” YES!!! I love this! And I love you! Thank you!

  5. On September 29th, 2011 at 12:29 pm Jenna Says:

    Have you read, Half the Sky…? If not I highly recommend it! Its about the world war against women and how the world population of women is much lower than it should be by nature, oh by selective abortions, neglect, not giving daughters as much food as sons, and so on. very eye opening!

  6. On September 29th, 2011 at 2:33 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    @Jenna: No I haven’t, but thank you for bringing it to my attention!

  7. On September 29th, 2011 at 2:34 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    @Jenna: I might also recommend to you “Banker for the poor” as it is what got me started on empowering women and such. =0)

  8. On September 29th, 2011 at 5:49 pm JeninCanada Says:

    Once I got out there and started reading feminsts texts and blogs my world got so much better, and BIGGER. Women rock (and so do men!) and we should all be equal, not just on paper, but in real life too. You might like my post today, and by post I mean mini-rant.

  9. On September 30th, 2011 at 10:03 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @JeninCanada: Oooh! I love a good rant! Let me go read!!! Thanks.

  10. On September 29th, 2011 at 5:50 pm thirtiesgirl Says:

    I consider myself a third wave feminist and always have. First and second wave feminists paved the way for us and I love and respect all of them (one of my favorite books is Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique). But in the ’70s and ’80s, feminism wasn’t multicultural. White women in western culture had made big strides in gaining equality and recognition, but the same didn’t apply to women of color and women in third world countries. Second wave feminism also didn’t make room for women who might make different choices with their lives, such as being a stay at home mom, or a homemaker, or being a sex worker or working in the sexual entertainment industry. Nor did second wave feminists hold much respect for women who chose a more ‘girly’ presentation, liked to wear dresses, make-up and do their hair.

    When third wave feminism began to take shape in the ’90s, it worked to eliminate those stigmas, to capitalize on womens’ choice, whatever their choices might be, and to shed light on the horrible experiences and living conditions many women in third world countries were subjected to. Third wave feminism also made room for women of color to speak up, share their experiences and not ignore them completely. Third wave feminism still has a ways to go, but I believe its ideals are in the right place and third wave feminists are making an effort to be more inclusive.

    …Anyway, what I really wanted to say was Go You! for opening up, reflecting on your past choices, and for opening your life to lots of wonderful friends. I wish I could do the same, especially with guy friends, but most of the guys I’ve met over the years are just not quite good guy friend material. They’re more all about themselves and less supportive of women’s goals. I haven’t found my ‘adopted family’ yet.

  11. On September 30th, 2011 at 10:07 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @thirtiesgirl: You will find your chosen family, it just takes time and a few leaps of faith (I suck at trust). It’s not easy to find decent guy friends, no doubt, but they’re out there. I think sometimes we undervalue the people in our lives until something changes (they leave, get sick, etc). Then suddenly we’re faced with how awesome they are and how we never saw that before. That’s where I’m at (obv.).

  12. On September 30th, 2011 at 1:14 am Veronica Says:

    That was such an engaging read! And even better than that, such an interesting read! I’ve only recently started scratching the surface of how society teaches women to devalue themselves, and I have realized that the scorn I have felt towards some typically female traits are a direct product of that. So sad. Anyway, very well done! *Standing ovation*

  13. On September 30th, 2011 at 10:09 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @Veronica: Thanks, doll! Honestly, what first got my toes dipping into feminist waters was a book about modern women in the 1920’s. It was such a radical time! And while the book talked about the radical changes in hair styles and fashion, it also talked about the social changes (goodbye chaperones) and things like that. The roar of the 20’s in my eyes was the empowerment of women! Thank you so much for reading and commenting. You rock!

  14. On September 30th, 2011 at 3:21 am Vanessa Says:

    Very thoughtful post. I can SO relate to “More so, the deep love and compassion a woman can give to another in a way that is neither sexual nor sisterly.” I value my female friends so much.

  15. On September 30th, 2011 at 10:10 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @Vanessa: Yes! I don’t think I was in a place to appreciate or love back for much of my life because of my own misgivings about women. Now that I’m in my thirties (almost wrote thirsties! Ha!) I can recognize and give back the greatness given me. Rock on!

  16. On October 3rd, 2011 at 6:52 am Heather Says:

    great post! I too look back at my old days of sexism against women and feel ashamed but also amazed at how far I’ve come. Our culture sets us up to hate women.. regardless of what gender we are. great read 🙂

  17. On October 3rd, 2011 at 10:38 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @Heather: Yes! And when you are in the thick of it it is so hard to recognize that these concepts may not in fact be our own. Angers me to no end, but I roll with it now. =0)

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