NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Open and Me

March19

Living my life out in the open and honestly has been such a cool thing! It’s a game changer, babies. It’s magically delicious! It’s…rad! When I present myself as nothing more or less than me, well, the pressure is off! I no longer feel the need or pressure to try to fit into anything or to be like anyone or appear any way other than the way that I already am. Whew!

Interviewing for jobs is far less nerve wracking than before. Now I walk in looking and feeling fabulous and just smile and laugh and answer honestly and try not to second guess myself at all. It’s tough, we all feel like we have to be professional, whatever that means, but being genuine has proven to be far more freeing and I’ve had a few interviewers say outright, “I like you.” Wow!

Super new to dating, for real it’s nuts y’all, my dating profile pages are full of the word fat and bad ass and I make no bones about any of it (Bones! ha-ha!). I include full body shots as well as awesome head shots and get lots of positive responses to both, though mostly on my smile as of late. I have been pleasantly surprised when dude after dude tells me how refreshing it is to meet a confident woman. I never quite know what to say, but it does reaffirm the fact that this body positive activism shit is so very necessary!

Oh yeah! Explaining to people what it means to be a fat activist is interesting. I have had a total of two people message me about this little factoid in my profile, asking if I’m promoting “obesity” or unhealthy lifestyles. I generally answer with my own thoughts and a couple of links. No, I never heard from them again, no worries. I have a pretty low tolerance for bullshit, liars, jerks and douche bags. I can usually filter those out pretty quickly, though few get past my profile (I have a lot of “Do NOT message me if…”). And thus far, none have gotten a third date with me. Poor fellas. 😉

So far only one guy has me wanting more and well, I think he’s awesome. *Blushes* I don’t want to push things though, I prefer things to progress naturally and certainly we’re both that awesome, so no rush is needed. He’s actually the first guy I’ve shared my blog with! *Gasps* I know! What was I thinking?! Ha-ha! Hopefully it won’t send him running for the hills anytime soon (I’m quite certain it won’t, he likes that I’m passionate about this stuff and has even said it’s “important work”).

I’m doing my best to remain open to whatever the universe has to offer. Trying not to obsess over things. I did finally break my “spell” though! Oh? You hadn’t heard? Ha-ha! I’ve been listening to The Cure “Galore”  (their greatest hits album) non-stop in my car since the first week of December. Yeah…Then I transitioned to a mix I made based on The Cure “Fascination Street” to sort of ease myself off of it and then on date #2 with a certain mister, I popped in Portishead and couldn’t take it out for awhile. Now I’ve been going through some old mixes I made of mega-randomness and have been loving it! Spell broken! Woo! (And thank you “Mister” for helping me along with this.)

The days are warming up and I have more time on my hands, too. I’m not always sure what to do with myself, as yesterday surely proved, but hey, I’m happy. Hopefully I will get a job I want and the rest should fall into place nicely. For some reason, I’m just not worrying about this stuff anymore. Ahh! This feels nice. 🙂

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