De-Lurking in the Fat-O-Sphere!
Before I was an active participant, my journey towards fat acceptance began very slowly and almost secretively. I am almost certain that this is not uncommon. I had read about the U.K. Chubsters in an article in BUST magazine. I then went to the Chubster’s site and started clicking links. One link lead to a blog which had more links which lead to another blog and so on until I happened upon the Fatshionsita community on livejournal.com. All this probably took about 2-3 weeks before I found Fatshionsta. I had already had a live journal account so it was easy to stay on top of the latest posts and such. However, I did not even comment on a single post for many months. And when I did finally start commenting? I only ever said very nice and complimentary things. Not that I lied, I only commented with honesty, but I never had any advice or suggestions either.
Slowly but surely I gained confidence and courage and finally the nerve to post my very own OOTD (outfit of the day). I kind of wish I knew what my first OOTD was, actually (she says this after searching the archives for two hours; there’s gotta be a better way to find them). Actually, I had done sales posts and even organized a meet up before actually doing my own OOTD post. I know this because while I was at said meet up I asked the group was OOTD stood for! Ha-ha!
I think it can be a bit intimidating at first with so many rad fatties with blogs or posting in the Fatshionista community. But have no fear! It is a VERY supportive and loving and caring and helpful community. I now see the entire Fat-O-Sphere this way, too! I was terrified of starting a fat blog at first. I attempted to make this an “arts” blog of some sort. Then I found myself writing more and more about fat issues. And what do you know? More people read those posts! Then I was invited to join the Fierce Free thinking Fatties feed last June! I was so flattered that I became super focused and have dedicated myself and this blog to Fat Acceptance ever since.
What a life changing thing this has been. Had I never had the courage to de-lurk and actually start participating? Wow! Who knows what sort of life I’d have now. I mean, I never would have had the confidence to open my own business. I never could have talked openly about FA to my friends or that one time I let it slip in a job interview. Ha! FA has done nothing but positively reinforce my own existence in this world. It has been a best friend to me when I’ve needed it most.
Now I feel an obligation, no, compelled to share and to help and to nurture those who are new to Fat Acceptance and all of it’s wonder! I feel like everyone’s big aunt fatty! I’ll lend you a dress and a fatty book and share my fave blogs with you. I’ll tell you where to get the best jeans for 65″ hips! I’ll make fat puns with you and brag about those toilet seats I broke back then. I’ll make you cupcakes and laugh and sing as we eat them together. All in absolute defiance and rebellion of what society wants me to do. Fuck society!
We may seem like a tiny little island in this vast world of ours, but we stick together and strengthen each other! We love without judgment and we support one another. We are fattastic & rad! *shoves fat fist in the air*
Thanks.
Sing it, sister! Testify!
(loves and huggles the Fatosphere) (and you)
Ha-ha! Thank you! For some reason that post was super hard to write today. Go figure.
This post reflects many of the feelings I had when I first joined the Fatshionista community. I remember feeling like such a noob when I posted my first OOTD, because of course it had the worst lighting, my feet were cut off, and I think I was wearing the same belt for all the different outfits!
I felt so nervous starting a blog as well, and while I still haven’t developed a strong voice on FA topics, so I just try to stick to posting deathfat outfits as a positive contribution, and hope that I can work on my writing skills!
I also love that you feel like you are everyone’s big Aunt Fatty, and I’ll just have to pine for the day that we can eat cupcakes!
I don’t think it’s about writing skills as much as it is writing from the heart/gut. I mean, I still feel like a noob often. Everyone is so academically pro in FA. I feel so privileged to have the access and opportunity and readers that make this blog happen. I have next to no education and so my style is just me. When I stopped worrying about how things sounded or looked and started just baring my soul (in a way) things seemed to just get better over all. I love your blog and all that you’re doing. And we need more Death Fat representation! So please, don’t stop!
You totally made my eyes well up when I read, “I’ll just have to pine for the day that we can eat cupcakes!” You’re not so far away and besides, we’re all just a click away! <3
Thank you for being my Big Fat Auntie, my BFA! (Tack it on the end of your name and people will think you have a bachelors of fine arts, but feel free to correct them!) It’s been a rough couple of weeks, but you’ve been amazing. Thank you for the books, the links, and the emails! So awesome!
I have been trolling the internet, gathering links and ideas and odds and ends, thinking all the while of how I could use them to start my own blog. I have been afraid of the writing process for a long time now, but this is pretty fascinating. I have a background in the sciences, so I’ve been collecting ideas about dissecting dissenting opinions when it comes to FA, and hopefully come up with some good counter arguments. I have a background in the arts, so I’ve been collecting images of fat women, particularly sideshow old-timey photos, thinking of diving back into some creative photo manipulation. I’ve also been working on some original drawings. Up until now, I’ve really only drawn idealized thin images, but looking at the raw power the presence of a fat woman can have has been getting me motivated to draw again. I’ve also designed clothes before, like fashion line style, but solving for different body types, particularly deathfat types, is also pretty exciting.
I don’t have a space yet, but I just wanted to let you know that you have inspired me, and that when I do get it going, you will probably be the first to know!
I love BFA! Too cool! And I am always glad to help, hope you know that. <3
So exciting! Do let me know and I'd be more than happy to be your sounding board or whatever they call it...you can bounce ideas off me and I will jiggle! Ha!
So cool, Lauren, we'd love to have another death fat blogger, especially a creative one, in the mix!
It’s such a positive thing to be a part of such a great community online! I definitely look forward to reading everyone’s thoughts everyday.
I dunno, I kinda want to add my blog to one of the feeds but I don’t feel like folks will really read it? I update frequently but it’s usually not that important. But… the amount that I enjoy reading everyone elses’ posts, maybe someone will enjoy mine too?
You just never know who needs to read what you write. Here I thought my TMI stuff would be ignored or worse, yet everyone seems to love them. Go figure! Now I’m the “Queen of TMI” and I won’t let that title go easily. Ha-ha! I say take the plunge it won’t hurt, I swear!
I think because I do write with an academic background I have the tendency to feel frozen when I try to write about things that are so dear to my heart! Almost like I get lost in rules and shoulds that I find myself overwhelmed. I do agree with you about the necessity of our voice coming from the heart/gut- I really need to make that my mantra! Thanks for the blog love too, this can be such a tricky arena to navigate because of sensitive subject matter, and I would rather keep my content light but full of visual inspiration.
As per cupcakes- clearly I need to venture to SF sometime to make that happen!
If you do venture up to SF you know Nicole will be stoked, too! Big fat fatty cupcake party! Woo! <3
I would love to see more visual stuff, but perhaps take the pressure off of yourself. Other fats around? Or start a meet up of your own? Just to change it up. It's hard to create visual content on a daily basis. I know!
Ahh I remember those days too, before I dove on in and had a go myself. I clicked on a link shared on Twitter, and it took me to a Shapely Prose article. From there I started following links around, found Tumblr, and then it all kind of exploded.
Community is the most important thing for me in Fat Acceptance. It’s what picks me up on the tough days, it’s what keeps me going, and it’s what enables me to celebrate when we make a difference somewhere. And we DO make a difference, all the time.
Yes! And the community is what keeps me going, too! I wish more fats could find their way to FA and I believe in my heart that they will one fine day. Until then we’ll keep spreading the fat love and do our best to enjoy the ride! <3
Love this post! love all your posts and been listening to your podcast! parts of this post sound very familiar to me, have been lurking in the fat o sphere for a while after accidently discovering fat acceptance, and have just started a oootd tumblr. and doing “like this” to lots of people… loving the journey!
Oh! I’m following your tumblr now, so watch out! Ha-ha! <3
Thank you. I think it's important for those who have been in FA for many years to remind themselves and each other of all of our own humble fat beginnings as it were. I got quite a kick out of looking at those old posts and if I ever do find my first OOTDs you better believe I'll be posting them here. Ha!
“I feel like everyone’s big aunt fatty!”
I’ve been trying to work out why I like your blog so much, and that I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for FA blogs in general (although this is my favourite by far).
You *are* like an elder sister. I’ve learned a huge amount and my thinking has changed from when I discovered the FA movement at the turn of the year. You’re so open and honest, and it’s an inspiration to see someone becoming so comfortable with themselves.
Although I’m not technically fat, I carry a sack of body issues around with me and I identify with a lot of the themes, experiences and thoughts of the bloggers here. It’s the first time I’ve read people’s experiences and they’ve really talked to me. Taking about body issues: everyone else seems to be body confident or terrifying feminists.
My mother is size 4 (USA) – she’s small built, and struggles to put weight on anyway. She has also been anorexic and depressed.
I’ve come tro realise in the past while that part of my confidence problem is taken from her cue. Although she is very strong in some ways, she has a odd subservience to men when it comes to intellectual things, money or physical work. These are things that *she* can’t do, but she extrapolates it into ‘mens work’ and ‘women’s work’.
I worked on a farm over summer, and she came out with odd phrases like “it’s so nice of them to employ you, seven though you’re a girl”. No, they’re not employing me because I’m a girl, they’re employing me because I’m happy to do physical work for 14 hours a day, pull my weight and get stuck in. In fact, I work harder than the boys there, because I *am* a girl, in a very male environment (although that’s another issue).
I’ve always had a issues with femininity – that it’s ‘weak’ and subservient. I’ve only come to terms with this recently; that I can wear dresses without feeling that I’m setting back feminism 100 years.
Issue two – and this is the big one. In the last week I’ve realised that Mum judges people’s worth on their weight. If someone is fat, she will mention it. Every time, without fail. Including actions.
And I’ve picked this up and applied this to my own worth.
I went to a wedding a few years ago. I was wearing a black jersey dress, and there was a lovely photo of me and the bride, arms around each otherm and for once, I was smiling, and not sneezing in the photograph. Mum saw it, pointed at my stomach and said “don’t you wish you could get rid of that?”. I was American size 6-8.
I’ve only just realised that this is her neurosis talking, not logic.
I’ve carried around a lot of self loathing for a long time. I’ve never had much body confidence – I was bullied a *lot* through school, called fat (dear Jesus I wasn’t) called ugly (probably not either) and various other things. The physical stuff, at least I could fight back. But the mental stuff; If you throw enough shit, some will stick, I guess.
I have a huge bag full of body issues (not least that I would happily put on as much weight as you suggest if it would make the cellulite go away!). I’ve not been swimming for years because I hate the way costumes showcase me; I’ve never bought lingerie because I hate the thought of looking like I’m trying too hard, and looking ugly anyway; and I loathe shopping because it can knock my confidence more than I can handle.
But FA, and you, are teaching me that this is all in my head, and that I’m the one in control. I’m taking baby steps forward in accepting the only body I’ll ever have. I’m too scared now of losing my youth to disordered thinking to stop moving forward.
Listen to your Big Fat Auntie: You are amazing and beautiful and downright brilliant, too! And I’ve gathered this information from a single comment! Seriously! You are of sound mind and sound like one helluva strong lady! Fat or not, you identify with the body politics FA discusses and that is fucking fabulous! I sometimes shy away from the term Fat Acceptance and lean more towards Body or Self Acceptance because I often meet people who need to hear this stuff more than the average fatty.
As for your mother’s issues, this always bites us in the ass as we get older. We hit a point (and now I’m 33) where we realize all of the mistakes and idiocies our parents made or hefted upon us and we get angry or feel betrayed or worse: grow so bitter we forget to enjoy OUR OWN LIVES! It is your life and you obviously know how to use your body for good physically (I admire your farm work abilities) but let’s talk about bringing that incredible machine some pleasure! You don’t have to buy lingerie or frilly dresses if they make you uncomfortable wearing the, but don’t let a terrible shopping experience hold you back! Some shops and their staff are made to make everyone feel awful, I think. So do me and you a favor and do one tiny little special thing for yourself every day. Just one little thing! Have a cupcake or give yourself a mud mask or paint your toe nails. Something simple yet pleasurable! Then come back and tell me all about it! <3
yayyy big aunt fatty! “love without judgment.” this speaks to me SO much this morning, as i sit here feeling a bit down about all of the negativity and hate in this world, mostly toward women and their bodies. le sigh.
I’m hear ya, doll, I do. But it’s fucking FRIDAY (even though I work tomorrow) and that is reason enough to smile! I just made myself a giant coffee, picked some daisies from outside and put ’em in a shot glass and I’m ready for this day! I’ve got Harry Connick Jr.’s “Songs I Heard” album blaring (it’s all fun kids musical songs) and I am singing along and hoping for a better tomorrow. I hope you find something that makes you smile today and something you can do for yourself (and no one else) too! <3
[…] me to combat the negative messages/images/legislation because I’m welcomed into a place that “loves, without judgment”, but i’ve started to leave other forms of self-care by the wayside and that’s not good. […]
Wow, tab this post for those down days baby, you are loved! Rightfully so, I might add. Big Fat Auntie, indeed. Rock the fuck on.
I hear you! I’ve only just de-lurked and started blogging myself… it’s taken a while to get here but I feel like I’ve just been reading and reading and absorbing like a sponge… now I’m ready to squeeze my brain and let all my personal FA goodness come out 🙂
Fantastic! I am so happy for you! And I like what you’re writing over there, especially that undies post! Woo! Let it all out, my dear and you’ll be surprised with the response! <3
[…] random at times, but try to stay on-topic as much as possible. I offer myself as everyone’s (FA)Auntie Fats and hope that if you’re an abuse survivor or in an abusive situation now that you reach out, […]