NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Wow! Long Time No See!

October11

I just received a notice from Livejournal.com that someone posted a comment in my Fat_The_Power community. Wait? What?! Oh yeah! I had forgotten about that comm. Wow! Soooo much time has passed…so I read an entry and decided I’d re-post it here. It was a little strange, as it often is, to read something I wrote a couple of years ago.

“Off my chest…”

[info]notblueatall 4/12/08 02:44 pm

Food has no moral value: I am so tired of being the only person who realizes this. It’s like being enlightened but having to watch everyone you know still struggle with it. It kills me sometimes. And people still feel the need to discuss their dieting bullshit with me. You have an eating disorder if that’s all you can talk about. I am healthy, thanks for your consideration. Are you healthy? Like I am just waiting for that perfect tip and then I’ll decide to suddenly be thin. I don’t want to be thin. I think most people’s perception of thin as beautiful is gross. That’s my opinion. I eat what I want when I want and I give it no thought outside of, “I am hungry. Hm. This food will give me energy and I won’t be hungry anymore. Yay!” Unless I ate something I have a reaction to. Then it’s just ickiness and whining! Ha!
Giving food a “good” or “bad” label I think is confused with what’s “healthy” or not. And if you eat a brownie, that’s not unhealthy. If I make brownies, they’re quite healthy! I add extra protein and fruit and stuff and they are delicious. But eating a Mrs. Field’s cookie isn’t “unhealthy” either. It’s just a cookie. Unless your diet consists of nothing but cookies, don’t worry about it.

Being Fat is the worst thing in the world: When asked if you could choose to gain 100 LBS. that you could never lose or lose a hand what would you choose? You’d be surprised at how many people choose the hand! Being fat isn’t the end of the world. To me. It isn’t easy, but it’s not the worst thing a person can go through either. It’s not a moral issue. It’s not a choice. It is what it is. I’m Fat. I’m okay with my Fat. It makes up the body that my husband love’s and is attracted to. I love my body because it gets me places and does things that I like to do. I don’t hate my body. I may hate my moles (ya know?!) but not my entire body. I may dislike how my chin looks in a picture or how my tummy rolls aren’t always working with me when it comes to clothing, but whatevs. They’re my rolls to deal with. Not yours. Don’t worry yourself about it. I’m not “big boned.” I’m just fat. And that’s okay!
It is especially difficult for me lately when someone looks at me and I register a thought/emotion in their eyes. Sometimes it’s pity. Sometimes it’s disgust. Sometimes it’s more like anger/resentment. Sure every now and then I’ll get the more welcome “not bad” look or pervy look from people, but not often. It’s the worst at Valley Fair/Santana Row. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s the uber-designer shopping mall/district in San Jose. I go there from time to time for Torrid (mostly) and Samuel’s Jewelers to get my wedding set serviced (as per the warranty). This morning in fact I was coming off an escalator and another gal was getting on. She had dark glasses on, but I could still see her eyes. She wa swearing a lovely jersy wrap dress in black with a collar. Cute dress. Her bag was a bit overstated, you know the giant designer kind that’s big right now. But she quite obviously looked me up and down and then tossed her hair to one side as she looked away dramatically. Giving me the impression that she did not feel I should be there or anywhere in public. Had she said something she would have gotten an earful, but we’re no long a society of outright confrontation. No, that’d be awful. We coudln’t internally judge people by our own standards that way. No…prejudice and eye rolling is way better. EW!
I’ve noticed lately that older women (and I mean 60’s & 70’s and beyond here…agists! don’t get me started) are split between giving me a pleasant and endearing look or an all out disaproving stare. This amuses me. Because I don’t care what people think of me and my fat body. It’s mine. If I’d like an opinion, I’ll take a poll!

Fat people are stupid: People look at me and assume I am stupid because I am fat. Like somehow the fat spread into my brain meats and deleted the information stored therein. Ha! My head and brain are of normal size and capacity! I am the first to admit that I dropped out of High School. It’s a non-issue for me. I’ve worked very hard and reached many varying heights of success and satisfaction. I’m no genius, but I’m no idiot either! Just because I sound like a valley girl with some street slang thrown in for good measure (and my pleasure) doesn’t mean I can’t give a corporate presentation that would knock your socks off! My Kung-Fu is the Best!

Fat people eat too much and most of it is junk/fast food: This always kills me. I don’t eat McDonald’s or Burger King or even red meat for that matter. I hate McDonald’s and haven’t touched the stuff in years. I will on occasion grab some Taco Bell or Jack in the Box or Wendy’s, but that doesn’t mean I’m ordering five bags worth of fries and burgers, either. I don’t particularly like your typical junk food fair. I enjoy fresh baked goods made with love. I enjoy cereal like there’s no tomorrow…but that doesn’t mean I overeat. I eat what is necessary for my energy needs. I may eat far less than my husband and some friends, I may eat more. Why does this matter to you? What I eat is my business, not yours. Don’t presume that because I’m taking a bite of food it’s what I’ll be doing all day every day for ever. What amazes me is how little most people know about food. I’ve read a lot and researched a bit and though I’m no expert I am always amazed at people’s insistance on something being “healthy” when it is obviously (to me) not healthy at all.

Fat people are lonely and will never find a mate: Bullshit! Ask my friends, I was rarely without a boyfriend. I was a serial monogamist, but rarely lonely. For me it was simple: Guys like big boobs and I have them. Ha! There’s more to it obviously, but my fat rarely got in the way. I’ve dated big guys and little guys tall guys and athletic guys. There is no one type of guy that likes big girls. I chose my mates based on my own preferences and attractions, not on size/shape. My husband is of average build (maybe on the skinnier end). He’s a solid medium. He doesn’t sturggle to stay thin or to lose or gain weight. He loves my bigness and has no problem “finding” my girly bits…believe me! We are equally attracted to each other (our sex drives are just in different gears at times) and have a deep, meaningful and sometimes intellectual relationship. We’re normal. We’re best friends. We’re in love (ten years as of 4/24/08). My fatness doesn’t come up. It’s not a problem for either of us. He saw no reason why we shouldn’t go to Maui and take a helicopter ride (no regrets, it was beautiful and amazing) and wear a bathing suit on the beaches. While I was self-conscious at the time, I am so proud that I overcame it and we had a blast!

Fat people sit on the couch and watch TV all day/night: And we jump and play and ride and skip and whatever the hell else we want. I play some mean badminton! I like to swim (when the pool isn’t full of kids) and boogie board (my version of anyhow) and play frisbee and bocce ball. I’m not athletic, but I like to be active. I watch TV, but not all of the time. In fact I don’t even turn the TV on until the evening and only when something I want to watch is on. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I get great pleasure from TV! Animal Planet and Nat. Geo. and Comedy Central are my fave channels. But I do love a good sitcom, too. I’m not a singular purpose being. Are you?

I didn’t choose to be fat anymore than I chose to be a female or have redhair. It’s genetics baby! Love it or hate it, but there’s nothing you can do about it. It is high time we accept ourselves, our bodies and everyone else for what they are and stop this unhealthy disordered way of thinking. It’s not productive and it turns us all into ugly people. All I want is autonomy. Don’t you?

If you’re reading this blog, you already knew all of the above, but I’m proud of myself for being so passionate about dispelling those myths. I don’t know that I’m quite that confrontational now, but I also tend to assume people are okay with the word FAT and am surprised when they look surprised by my frequent use of it. Ha-ha!

How do you dispel fat myths? What fat myth particularly irks you? How can we all get rid of that myth?

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4 Comments to

“Wow! Long Time No See!”

  1. On October 12th, 2010 at 9:02 am Rachel Says:

    “Because I don’t care what people think of me and my fat body. It’s mine. If I’d like an opinion, I’ll take a poll!”

    I love you!!

    I seriously couldn’t have said it better myself. If I asked for people’s fucking opinions, I’d dole out surveys.

    Nearly all of the fat myths really piss me off though.

    But one that particularly bothers me is the state of the food industry today (which is kinda a separate rant but collides with FA just a little. Heh sorry for the rant to follow!) It’s not a myth, it’s a very real thing that bothers me– the one-sidedness of the “for your health” argument.

    I think that educating the public about HAES would be a good step towards dispelling fat myths and just improving peoples’ health altogether because almost every so-called “health” initiative out there is namely hellbent on making people smaller, rather than actual health measures like cholesterol levels, blood sugar, heart strength, etc. Like there needs to be public health initiatives to put an end to urban food deserts, make healthy foods readily available and more affordable in poor areas, stopping tax breaks and increasing fines for franken-food companies, and educating the public that eating healthy foods and exercising can be done to make you FEEL GOOD and be healthier, not necessarily to lose weight. Because these questionable (but affordable) foods have adverse affects on everyone’s health– but it always gets turned into “hey you should eat this/not eat this because you need to lose weight, fatty”.

    Because if a fat person is seen eating packaged food, or something like McDonalds, these people (namely richsplainers) bitch and scream. Don’t the poor deluded fatties know that food is just so bad? They should stop what they’re doing to cook at home more!

    But no one screams at unhealthy thin people who eat McDonalds and processed foods.

    I say that the so-called concern isn’t “health” unless the person who bitches points a finger at EVERYONE with a Big Mac, not just the fat people seen eating them.

    For fuck’s sake, I’ve had people open up their frigging mouths to me about what I’m eating or how much or whatever when really, how is my plate and my body their frigging concern? Unless it’s a restaurant I didn’t my tab at?

    And yes, then there’s the myth/assumption that fat people are not okay with the use of “fat”: in fact, the use of the words “big”, “curvy”, etc. piss me off a lot more. Some fat women are both. Some are neither. I could be described as curvy but for fuck’s sake I am not BIG. At a size 16 and a towering 5’2″, I am not fucking big and want to punch out every single person who tries to use that euphemism around me.

    I am FAT dammit. It is not a dirty, shame-ridden word. It is a mere descriptor, like saying I am short, brunette, tattooed, and pissed off. 🙂

    But I think when someone says “You’re not fat!” they mean it as in “you’re not (choose one or more of the following) smelly, lazy, etc.” and the things our society associates with fat.

    Rant over. 🙂

  2. On October 12th, 2010 at 12:10 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    I love you, too! And I am with you on this 100%! I do think that it is up to the self-accepting/fat accepting among us to push the FAT envelope, so to speak, and reclaim what’s become a dirty word. Man, you’ve got to see Marilyn Wann do her Fat Libs or other such things. If you haven’t read her book “Fat! So?” you must! It’s right up your alley. Ha-ha!
    It is amazing how not very long ago I was calling myself a “big gal” and now I’m just fat. I prefer it, too. It makes others squirm, which is a bit fun I must admit, but it also makes them realize that it’s not a swear (I hope) or worse, ya know?
    You rock, girl!

  3. On October 12th, 2010 at 6:01 pm Rachel Says:

    Totally agree! I’m so tired of “fat” always being in a pejorative context, like it immediately means an insult…when it’s just a descriptor. Hell, in other cultures “fat” means something good– like in China, “fat” is used to describe someone who appears well to do, regardless of their body type!

    I definitely want to read Marilyn Wann’s book since I heard so much about it!

    And I’m all about pushing the envelope and then some. Look out, I don’t fall within the confines of a Flat Rate Priority envelope! 🙂

  4. On October 13th, 2010 at 9:12 am Not Blue at All Says:

    YES! Also, this killed me, “I don’t fall within the confines of a Flat Rate Priority envelope!”

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