NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Worth & Intent

July13

Have you ever gone out of your way to let someone know how little they mean to you or make them feel worthless? You gave it some thought (or not) and chose the time and the words and went about it…

Have you ever gone out of your way to let someone know how much they mean to you or make them feel that they are worth so much to you? You gave it some thought (or not) and chose the time and the words and went about it…

I can honestly say that I have done both, but the latter I’ve done enough times that I’m actually quite good at it. But I cannot help but think back on the times someone has made me feel worthless or has gone out of their way, it seemed, to let me know how little I meant to them. I wonder if they did think about it at all and if they did choose their words and went about telling me.

It makes me think of every time someone has fat shamed or hated on me. The man in the grocery store eying my cart’s contents, the “good for you!” for having so much produce on that particular trip, the up-down from the old lady in aisle 5, the look of utter disgust in the parking lot and even an eye-roll from the power walker in front of my house (at least once a week). They chose to do those things, they wanted me to know how they felt even if they didn’t have the words to express it.

That is my point: intention is everything! Our body language communicates even when we don’t have the nerve to do so verbally. They may have thought that they were being discreet about their looks and such, but they weren’t and I felt it. We all do this and we don’t even think about the people it impacts.

I often consider the energy I am bringing into a room or space as well. Am I bringing a bad mood or negative energy with me? We’ve all walked into a room and could feel the bad vibes. I don’t want to be the bringer of bad vibes and I do try to stay mindful of my own state of being when interacting with others. I never want to bring people down and it is because of this that when I’m in a really great mood that I want to share it with those I care about.

These things are contagious, no? Think about it, someone smiles at you and you will more readily smile at them or the next person you come across. The same goes for the sneer and the frown and the eyeroll and the up-down. It spreads! If someone sees that it’s A-OK for dudio to fat shame me, guess what? They will then believe that it’s A-OK for them to do so as well. FUCK THAT!!!

I make eye contact…lots of it! I smile, extra big! I hold my head high, especially in the face of haters. It pisses ’em off to no end and that just tickles me! I love to disarm people or catch poopy-pants-people off guard! I don’t want their stinky mood to spread, even to others. I live in this world, too! I do my best to spread my positivity everywhere I go (I picture a pastel-glittery-airy-rainbow trailing behind me, ha-ha!) and when I don’t have it in me to beam? I try not to have a negative impact on others as best I can.

I’m not saying that I am “on” at all times, hardly. I think that my most authentic self is really a myriad of emotions and states of being…but if I can stay on the brighter side and help others to catch a glimpse of that? Awesome! Remember, I used to be the Eeyore type. I believed that only pain and suffering, misery and sadness were my lot in life. It took my realizing that attitude is everything and everything is a choice to turn my life around. And I did it!

People who meet me now or have only known me a few years are often surprised or simply don’t believe that I was the ultimate Debbie Downer. It’s true, though. I remember it all too well. I have a tattoo to prove it! Ha! And best of all I have very good friends who stuck by me through that awful phase of my  and rightfully earned their place in my much more positive life. They are always there to remind me, to support me and to keep me going.

I see now the value in sharing how I really feel about people. I let them know as often as I can. Even if I don’t know someone that well and I like them, I just tell ’em. No harm, no foul. I do not think I will ever go out of my way to make someone feel worthless again. When I did in the past it was necessary, but now I simply don’t let assholes into my life. I hope that you can find a way to share your loveliness and love and value with those in your life who deserve it and to ditch those who simply aren’t worth the effort.

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