We Are All Worthy!
“This show has taught me that there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering. And that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things, often don’t feel worthy once they have them. There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of happiness.”
“We often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough…
This show has taught me that you are worthy because you are born and because you are here. You’re being here, you’re being alive, makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.”
“We are all looking for validation. Every person you will ever meet, shares that common desire. They wanna know, do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? …Try it with your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends, validate them: I see you, I hear you. And what you say, matters to me.” Oprah Winfrey (Her very last episode)
The above quotes weighed heavily upon me and stayed in my thoughts for a few days after the fact. I just watched her last three episodes last week. I’d saved them and put off watching for some reason. Good stuff, honestly! I was surprised. I’ve never followed Oprah closely. I’ve admired and respected her from a distance. You probably know why, too. That she is self & fat hating. But I do think she has begun to see the error of that thinking as time goes on. But this concept of unworthiness? That struck me! Like a bolt of non-lethal lightening!
Worthiness. We see that as something attainable, somehow. Yet just living makes us all worthy! I love that! You are enough! Just as you are! I wanna shout these phrases from rooftops, y’all! I feel like it’s something that shouldn’t be a secret. For all I have been through in my lifetime, all that I have seen and been a witness to, all that I work for and toward…To know that I am still worthy? That is meaningful to me. I feel more grounded by the thought of that. It connects us to each other. It connects us, I hope, to our planet. I feel more a part of the universe itself, it’s limitlessness humbling and comforting me.
And it also terrifies me. To grow up feeling the need to prove myself worthy is a difficult thing to shake. I still catch myself trying. I hear myself say things to prove what I say or believe or just know. As much as I try to focus on the energy I bring with me where ever I go, I still find that I am that poor kid. Maybe now more than ever because I understand things I never did before. I have a different perspective than I could have had back then. My defenses may never leave me, but perhaps one day I will stop feeling the need to prove myself to anyone…even to myself.
This is where fat liberation connects to worthiness. Fat liberation (I know many of you prefer or have only heard acceptance, it’s the same thing really, but I prefer liberation), gave me the permission I needed to live my life now. To just accept and love and enjoy myself and my life. It gave me hope and cause and reason and passion. What am I saying, it gave me…it still gives me these things!!! It fuels my fires, baby! Ha-ha! Fat liberation gave me a new prescription in my spectacles that allows me to see beyond the mass-fed bullshit! And I love that!
And I am worthy. And you are worthy. And why can’t we just take that with us everywhere? (Where is my worthiness backpack?) I want to. I want to take it and share it with everyone I know! This should be part of the UN or something, I dunno. But it’s so important! This is amazing! This is a universal communication:
Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?
Think about that awhile. Think about actively using it. I want to. I will try to. I have said such things to my friends, but I wonder how that feels to hear it? I mean, without some sort of prompt? I guess it could come off as strange or pushy, maybe…well, I won’t stop. It’s such a powerfully positive thing! I had no idea such a simple concept/word could affect us all so strongly. But it does and I feel better for knowing it!
Happy Friday to you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for seeing me and hearing me and letting me know when something I say means something to you. You make me feel worthy. You are worthy, too! <3
You know, it sounds like an easy concept. However, it’s a whole other thing to actually practice it.
I am a little confused about how we are constantly bombarded by commercials telling us we are worth getting on the best. You know, the best cosmetics, the best vacations, luxury cars, etc. Although we hear this all the time, we don’t really believe it down deep inside.
I guess that’s the work we have before us….
Great post. 😉
@WAHM: Thank you! Yes, exactly! We get marketed to both establishing and tearing down our worthiness, depending on the product their hocking. It’s ridiculous, it’s damaging and it’s turned a generation (or two or three) into anxiety-riddled worriers! It is because of this that we must individually choose to ignore those messages and see through the bullshit (follow the money) and supprt one another against those corporations. Thank you for reading and commenting. =0)
“How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?”
Sorry. The title just gave me a Life of Brian flashback… which is a pretty cool thing to have. Just so you know.
I do hear you. What you write has meaning for me, and has on more than one occasion helped me work out my own thoughts on the subject at hand, whatever it may be.
Oh, and NOW I’VE SEEN YOU, TOO, AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!! We definitely need to do that again soon.
Yeah, the worthiness thing is something I sometimes really struggle with. I was the baby of the family who sometimes did get patted on the head and assured that my latest revelation was last week’s birdcage lining, because everyone else had figured it out well before me. I couldn’t help it. I was the kid. And then I was the school punching bag for about four years. And then the teacher who taught the class that was saving my sanity turned out to be fighting a pitched war against me for reasons that mostly seemed to have to do with other members of my family.
So at the time when I most needed to know I was something pretty cool just for being, well, that was the time in my life when I got the most messages of unworthiness.
To this day I still catch myself working overtime to be the smart kid in the class who did all her homework and extra credit, honest, in hopes that I won’t get thrown out of the club. It happens less and less, but for cripes’ sake I’ll be forty-nine in less than a fortnight! When do I get really over it?
But I think I found myself a new mantra today that I want to teach to every child in the world. I went and took myself to the movies to see The Help (fucking great film, BTW, though I may not be able to face a slice of chocolate pie with equanimity for some time). In it, one of the heroes, a maid in Jackson, Mississippi in the early 60’s tells the little girl she’s raising as part of her job: ‘you’re smart, you’re kind, you’re important.’ every morning and then has the child repeat it back to her. All I could think was what a beautiful gift that is to give a child: a solid sense of self-worth to lean on in the hard times we all face.
@Twistie: No worries, I know how much Monthy Python means to ya, so I will take it as a compliment.
Oh yes, we do need to hang out again. Mostly because YOU are so fabulous and fun to talk to and listen to! <3
I think how you described being the baby of the family has made me understand my sister a bit more. Thank you for that!
I LOVED the Help!!! That chicken crunch haunts me still! WANT! Oh yes, I wanted to remember those words she taught that little girl. It was so touching and so valuable! I want to say that to everyone, too! <3
Well written and so, so true. And so painful for me, it’s something I don’t allow myself to think about very often. As WAHM wrote above, you’d think it would be easy to learn to appreciate our self worth, but it’s damn hard to put in practice.
I was raised by a parent with borderline personality disorder. In a nutshell, borderline personality disorder is, like the name says, a disorder of the personality. The person suffering with it literally can’t understand that others’ feelings, thoughts and opinions are different from their own. If your feelings don’t match theirs, they can’t process it, so it’s like they can’t accept you for who you are. They don’t seem to see, hear or recognize you as an individual.
Growing up with a parent who acts this way is a form of deep neglect. It has created deep difficulties for me in learning to see, hear and respect myself, to see my own worth. It’s why this concept is so painful for me to consider and reflect on why it exists in my life. It’s attached to painful feelings from childhood, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be as balanced a person as I could be because it’s such a struggle for me.
@thirtiesgirl: I think I know how that feels. I don’t know what my mother was finally diagnosed with, but she absolutely suffered from mental illnesses. And she greatly neglected myself and later my brother and sister. I hadn’t even seen it quite that way until I wrote about it a little while ago. To read the reactions was what did it for me. I needed that outside perspective, I guess. I get these little revelations every few months that make me step back and rethink and be in awe of things. *Hugs*
This is a completely off topic comment, but nevermind.
I have an artist friend who bemoans that in her ‘anatomy for artists’ books, all the models and drawings are of muscular, athletic people. My brother does life draings, and all the models are 20 -30ish and slim-ish – no one else will volunteer.
Why don’t you guys offer to sit for life drawing classes? The artists will appreciate having different forms to draw – it doesn’t have to necessarily nude (although – I’ve found the times I’ve done a naked (caving!) photoshoot amazing: having a chance to decouple nudity and sexuality, wandering around, not giving a hoot if I wobble…)
C
@Christine: That is an excellent suggestion! I love it! I will have to look into that. I had considered applying for a regular position for face models at an art class locally, but nude? I am not sure I am ready for that yet, but I know others who might be. Thanks.