NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Under A Spell

January10

Okay, so I was thinking about what to write and I just haven’t been terribly inspired to write much at all lately. I’ve been very busy with Fatty Affair 2012: Reclamation and pretty much talking about it non-stop. I have been placing my heart and head in the same space, which is lovely, and talking about my dreams. My dreams of somehow turning Fatty Affair into a non-profit that will have body positive events and eventually outreach programs, too! I’ve been so caught up in it that I forget sometimes that the people I’m talking to, bank tellers and other random peeps, haven’t ever heard of the fat community or even body positivity. I used to bristle at the thought of having to explain such things to those I don’t know or can trust. It’s my love and passion, this community, and telling possible haters would freak me right the hell out…but apparently not anymore!

I think I am so confident and excited about it all that it’s harder to stop me from talking about it. Ha-ha! This is new and good and gets me even more excited. It proves that I am moving in the right direction! Can I get a “Woo hoo?!” To not know what I want to do with my life or what I would even want to do…but this could actually be the thing all of my experience fits into. It’s all starting to come together, at least it feels that way. I just hope that this trajectory continues.

I feel as though my journey is starting all over again in some ways. I knew this past year would be this giant learning experience, yet I could not have known just how vital it all was. The people I have met, and let go, and all that I have seen and absorbed…I am one blessed fat gal! I feel more connected to every human being everyday by simply being open to whatever the universe throws my way.

I know many people roll their eyes at all of the positive thinking stuff, but I’m not selling ya anything and it has truly changed my life for the better. I was Eeyore incarnate and just look at me now. I almost literally poop rainbows! Ha-ha! Okay, not quite so cheery as that, but I’m also a work in progress…so someday, eh? Ha! I still have days (and most of December) where things feel like they ain’t ever going to change or improve. But here I am smiling and peppy again. I don’t know, man. It’s just easier this way I think. It certainly feels better, anyhow.

So, I want to write about the basics again and see where that takes me. I know how important the small stuff is and how it doesn’t feel small at all when it’s new and fresh to your eyes and mind. I can’t forget that feeling, it was so trans-formative! It was like lightening hitting my big fat brain! I was to hold onto that forever and even more so, spread that to all who are open to it, too.

I was recently struck by such a simply concept that at first felt very hippy-dippy-crunchy-granola to me, but shit, it was my own thought and it felt good, too. It is how I feel about my fat community, though I was talking about music and songs, specifically.  That music is like a magic spell, we’re all susceptible to different ones and some just overlap and we can share in their magic together. You know what I mean if you’re a super fan of an artist or band or song. When I listen to “Fascination Street” by The Cure, I’m completely under their spell! Nothing else exists or matters when that song is playing and I get so caught up in it I swoon! It might just be my heart song, odd choice I suppose. But it’s the feeling that it gives me, the way it makes all the bad things and thoughts go away, even if only for four minutes or so…

This is exactly how I feel when I’m participating in my fat community. When I go to a conference or meet up or clothing swap, I forget the haters exist! I forget that fat is most commonly seen as a bad thing. It is a magic spell. The evening I came back home from attending my first No Lose conference, I was still floating on air! I felt like an other worldly being! It is because I was surrounded by other worldly beings and rad fatty love all weekend. I just couldn’t feel the ground beneath my feet with so much rad fatty love lifting me and carrying me back home. I want everyone to know that feeling! I hope to spread it as far as I possibly can. I hope you’ll join me! 😉 <3

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