NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Today is for Today

May13

I am grateful for my body. It is in a lot of pain right now, and I’m even grateful for that. I am grateful for every roll, bump, lump, blemish, fold, wibbly-wobbly bit and all. I have pushed my fat body and stretched it and did my best to heal and rest it this weekend. Dance rehearsals are going very well and today I am feeling the results of all the work we did yesterday.

I experienced that mythological high folks often said they get from running or whatever. After dance rehearsal I felt high! I was focusing on driving and hydrating, but I tell you what: I was floating! Kind of cool, though. I can’t say that I’ve had that happen before.

The best part was that I felt that I could keep going. I am glad that I didn’t, mind you, because I’d surely be feeling worse today if I had. Luckily B was available for a massage (I’ve mentioned here that he’s a CMT, no?) and good Zod did that help so much! Mostly I’ve got this odd heel pain that has me moving slowly today. It’s manageable and again, I’m grateful that my body can handle what I’ve thrown at it lately.

Last week was made of suck. The brightest spots were the four dance rehearsals. Moving does make me feel better. Dancing makes me feel the best. I’d mostly hidden myself away in my cave of sadness and wine. Every time I’d poke my head out, I swear something bad or terribly disappointing would occur, so I would just stay in.

I’m now doing my best to not think about my problems. I’m just trying to focus on the very moment that I am in. Breathe in, breathe out, repeat. The pain actually helps to remind me to stay in the present. Thinking about the end of my employment and what the fuck I’m going to do, well, that will have to wait. I have spent far too much time crying and being sad and then feeling like I am not allowed to have those feelings. Ugh!

Today is for my body. Today is for gratitude. Today is for today. 🙂

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2 Comments to

“Today is for Today”

  1. On May 15th, 2013 at 1:41 pm Alena Says:

    Love the drawing – I confess, I am of the Mind Full sort most of the time!

    I love this post because this exactly how I feel when I do yoga. It’s very intense, but the act of pushing my body incrementally beyond its current limits, working to become more and more flexible, is exhilirating. As I become more flexible, my mind feels more flexible also. It’s hard to explain.

    What are you rehearsing for?

  2. On May 15th, 2013 at 3:21 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Alena: I am rehearsing for this: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/378829 I hope you can come! I know Stephy was asking if we could hang out after one of the performances (There’s two).

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