NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

TMI Tuesday: Sexy Times! (NSFW: Text)

March1

This is the part where I say something like: If you know me or would just rather not know about my sex life or preferences, please come back for your regularly scheduled fat blogging tomorrow. Thank you so very much!

 

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I don’t know what is up with me, but it’s like a switch got turned on and then so did I! I have been a mass of lustiness lately. I can’t explain it exactly, but it’s sort of like one day I was all, “Sex? Eh. Whatever, sure. I guess.” and the next I was all, “OMZ! I NEEDZ TEH SEX! GIVEZ TO ME NOW!” for no apparent reason. Ha-ha! I do understand that hormonal fluctuations may be the cause, but hey, might as well enjoy the ride, right?!

Being with my husband for nearly thirteen years (married half that), we’ve been through it all together. I was on the pill for many many years (too many if you ask me) and little did I know that this was the reason I kind of grew uninterested in sex overall. I enjoyed it when we did it, but it just wouldn’t occur to me to initiate or do it on my own at all at that time. I didn’t even masturbate for like years! I had no libido what so ever! Then I stopped taking the pill. There was about a week where I hated my husband and everyone else in the world while I was coming off the hormones. Not a good week for anyone around me I’m sure. But once I’d stopped the pill and started my regular cycles again (because I was doing my packs back to back so I’d only get 4 periods a year) suddenly sex seemed like a great idea and one I’d think about and do way more often than before.

My poor husband. Ha-ha! No, he’s awesome. And luckily for me, patient, too! We tried all kinds of things, but in the end we stick to fairly simple sexy times. Now I’m the one who initiates sex. Sometimes with a simple, “Wanna do it?” or just gentle touching and rubbing or holding of each other. It’s fantastic! And it’s never been better! Now, I’ll admit to being a bit of a Pillow Princess, but not because it’s a preference of mine. Okay, so here’s where I’ll get really TMI: My husband usually gets me off first by fingering my clit while I’m on all fours and then after I climax he will penetrate me, in this same position, until he orgasms. We use condoms and lube and it’s fun! I can’t sing the praises of lube enough, use it, it’s the best! I wish I’d known about it sooner!

Now this is a combined effort. I would much prefer we please and tease each other back and forth and vary penetrative and oral and everything in between (heavy fondling?) until we finally must just fuck…ya know? But I don’t think that this is his preference and he seems to like to focus on one thing at a time. I’m too much of a multi-tasker, I guess. So lately I’ll give him some appetizer oral and then he’ll get down to making me cum and then we’ll “do it” and that is that. It’s always fantastic, our needs are simple and always met. Rarely any disappointment. And when there is it’s usually because of trying something new.

We bought a liberator set a couple of years ago. I had read about them somewhere and then heard from a fat blog somewhere that it had helped with different positions. So we got a set and tried it a few times and I guess just never got the hang of it or I don’t know?! We tried a few positions, but in the end just stuck with what we knew and kept it simple. We still have our set, somewhere. But lately I’ve been mentally obsessed with me-on-top sex. I had an idea of how to go about it the other day and tried it, but I miscalculated my height versus the height of our bed and thus it didn’t exactly work. For me I think being on top is a problem not because of being self-conscious (after thirteen years? Yeah, right!), but of feeling unsupported. I got on top and all and then sort of just stayed in the lean-forward position with my hands on either side of his shoulders on the bed. Just sort of moving forward and back with me in a sort of doggie position while he was under me. It was awkward and the reason I have long said I hate the girl-on-top position. He said I should try to sit up and place my hands on his chest, but I just wasn’t feeling it at that point.

I would often fantasize about using the couch or an office chair. This latest attempt I had thought I could have him lay at the very edge of the bed and I could just put one leg up on the bed and thus have most of my weight and muscle strength from the other leg on the floor for more control and movement. But my legs are too short or our bed slightly too tall for it to work. I thought about trying again with the liberator, but I don’t even know where to start and I don’t even know why it’s been in my mind for so long. I don’t fear crushing him at all and I’m fine with him seeing me in the all-together (as they say). I just can’t feel comfortable or supported enough to sit up. In my mind it works out great (he-he) but in reality? Not so much.

Then yesterday morning I woke up after having an incredibly sexy dream! It was so fantastic, but I haven’t broached the subject with my husband yet. I feel, honestly, like I’m some sort of nympho suddenly and he doesn’t know what to do with me. He’s seems up for the task at hand (so to speak), but also not aggressively so. I’m in no way forcing him to participate, but I also don’t feel like he’s as into it as I am. And that kind of sucks, to be frank about it. This dream? It was of him slowly and methodically tying me up (sort of like in this book, which I wanna check out) and teasing me every few minutes until I was tied in such a way that left me begging for, well, more more more! I’d always seen myself as a dominant lady in the boudoir, but this dream along with other fantasies has lead me to the conclusion that I am more of a submissive than I had previously realized. I’ve never really ventured into the BDSM world, but for some reason it’s very attractive to me right now.

The funny part is that many many years ago when we’d only been living together a couple of years, I had found a print-out of a Japanese girl tied up in this fashion and I was so horrified (and completely immature) that he got turned on by this that we had a big fight about it. I think, now, that it had more to do with the gal in question being so tiny while I wasn’t. I didn’t see/say it that way, it was more, “Oh my gawd, how can you be into that and be into me and is this normal or healthy and oh my gawd” (many tears and shouting followed). Oh how wrong I was. But now I’m afraid that I scarred him with that incident and now he won’t talk about what turns him on or what he looks at in the porn dept. online (because I think there’s only one department, ha-ha!).

Sex is such a fantastic stress reliever, man. It’s also a ton of fun! And great cardio! Ha-ha! It’s just so human and basic and wonderful. I wish I’d know that ages ago! It seems so simple a concept, but you know, girls aren’t suppose to like it, right?! Ha-ha!

I can’t be the only one with these concerns, right? Any suggestions? Advice? Tips? Have your own sexy time concerns or fears? Tell me about it!

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posted under fat, Sex, TMI Tuesday
18 Comments to

“TMI Tuesday: Sexy Times! (NSFW: Text)”

  1. On March 1st, 2011 at 4:25 am rebelle Says:

    soooo jealous. I’ve been on prozac for a year and a half and it’s KILLED my sex drive to the point where my partner is SUPER frustrated. It’d be nice to be interested in it again. I’ve got an appointment to figure out the medication, but it’s not for another month or so.

  2. On March 1st, 2011 at 12:05 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry, hun. Yes, the no sex drive thing sucks big time. But you know, you can do other things to keep each other happy and interested, right? I mean, I don’t wanna pry, but even when I wasn’t so into it, I did enjoy giving him some good times. I don’t know why, but I have always enjoyed giving him oral sex. It’s like a challenge and a power and a gift and he certainly doesn’t mind! Ha-ha! I know that when I was on the pill and he would initiate sex and I’d be thinking to myself, “Oh, yeah! Hmm…not so into it but…” and we’d fool around for awhile before actually doing teh deed, as they say. Usually I’d get into it soon after the initial makeouts and groping. Not in a majorly juicy-gal sort of way (I’ve never been particularly juicy at all), but interested enough to want to do it anyway. I’m wondering, no sex drive, are you still able to have an orgasm? I mean, if you tried? ‘Cause hey, I’ll take one of those any old time! Ha-ha! I hope that you figure out your meds, hun. That is a frustrating thing, I know! My husband was on one, not prozac but another for his anxiety, and it made him feel like a zombie! There are supposed to be better ones now, it’s just a matter of figuring out what works for you. Take care of you! <3

  3. On March 1st, 2011 at 4:57 am Ashley Says:

    I wish I had the guts to get this personal on my blog haha. And I wish people understood posts like this, but too many people I know personally read my blog and would freak out if they read me writing stuff like this.

    Anyways, yes it is good cardio! I consider it as part of my daily exercise.

    I have the pill-sex drive issue as well. I’ve been on the pill for almost 4 years, and I didn’t realize how much my libido suffered until I went off of it for a month so I could I switched brands, and I immediately noticed it sky rocket back up. Then it went back down when I got back on the pills. I miss it too. But condoms aren’t for me, so I am kind of conflicted on what to do for birth control until I want to have a baby. I’ve asked doctors what to do and they basically say they don’t know how it will affect my sex drive until I try out other pills or other forms of BC.

  4. On March 1st, 2011 at 12:09 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    My close friends read my blog, but that’s why I put the warning at the top. They can choose to read if they like, but are not allowed to judge either way. But I have been dubbed the Queen of TMI, so I’ll just own that shit as long as I can. Ha-ha!
    The cardio thing is friggin’ awesome! I won’t even go into last night, but what a work out! Whew!
    I was on the pill for around 13 years! The last few years I was on the absolute lowest dosage of hormone I could get. It still fucked with my sex drive. I never understood the “condoms don’t work for me” thing. My bff says this, but she won’t really say what specifically she doesn’t like. We tried many kinds before sticking to one. It’s fun to try ’em out, too! But I guess you could try an IUD, though it is still hormones, so not sure if it works the same as the pill. You are still able to have sex and enjoy it though, right? I mean, when I was at my worst (I think our longest drought was 2 months), I would still enjoy sex, it just wouldn’t ocurr to me to have it until he brought it up. Ha-ha!

  5. On March 1st, 2011 at 6:15 am lowbudgetcyborg Says:

    My advice for getting him to try the bdsm stuff: tell him about your dream in a private, but non-sexytimes setting, tell him how it turned you on, and tell him you would like to do something like that. If he brings up your former reaction to the porn apologize for your immaturity at the time and tell him that your comfort level with that sort of thing has increased.

    It’s really important to keep the lines of communication about this sort of thing open.

    My most recent ex and I had a lot of difficulty with him being way kinkier than me and having very poor communication skills. That sucked. Now I’m kind of gun-shy about kink. Intellectually I don’t have a problem with it, but my irrational brain thinks of it as something that messed up my relationship (which isn’t true, there were several factors in that breakup, and bedroom incompatibility was only a small one).

  6. On March 1st, 2011 at 12:12 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Yes! And he’s mentioned an interest in that style of rope tying, too. I think I hold myself back from talking about this stuff too much. We have a great open line of communication usually, but I’ve never been good at instructing in the bedroom. I need to get over that shit! Ha-ha! Thank you for the advice. We’ll see what happens. =0)

  7. On March 1st, 2011 at 8:14 am Shaunta Says:

    Don’t have much to add–except I love your blog, and my goodness you are brave. (And also–I could have written this. If I was brave enough.)

  8. On March 1st, 2011 at 12:01 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Aw, thank you! I love your blog, too! I don’t see myself as brave, but maybe a bit “ah, fuck it!” ya know? Ha-ha! I just hate that certain things are so taboo. It’s bullshit! We should be able to talk about anything and everything and not be judged! Thanks, hun!

  9. On March 1st, 2011 at 10:23 am maggiemunkee Says:

    i have yet to read them myself, but the books Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns and S&M 101 were heavily recommended by the president of my local kink society.

    as for bringing it up… do it in a distinctly non-sexual time. maybe a cuddle time when you are very unlikely to end up in sexytimes?

    i have to run to an appointment, but i’ll ruminate on this and come back later. 🙂

  10. On March 1st, 2011 at 11:59 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Thank you! I will check my library for that book or similar ones. And bringing it up in non-sexy times is probably best. Less pressure, no? Let me know if you think of anything else. And thanks again! =0)

  11. On March 1st, 2011 at 12:20 pm ladymeag Says:

    Have you considered FAM (that’s Fertility Awareness Method) charting? Charting has made me incredibly aware of when and why I can expect my libido to jump through the roof. It can also make it easier to know exactly when to expect your period, why you have those weird days where nothing you eat agrees with you and all kinds of other things. It’s stunning what you learn just taking your temperature every morning before you get up and checking your cervical fluid (for the squeamish, you don’t have to touch it if you don’t want to, checking what’s on the TP is just fine.)

    As for woman-on-top – I have trouble feeling unstable as well. I also have “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing up here” issues as I am, uh, generally not inexperienced and being inexperienced is a difficult thing for me. The thing that seems to be working best for me is just giving it a go every so often and letting my partner know when I need to switch positions. It helps having a partner that’s game for communication like that in bed, though.

    BDSM: There are a lot of ways to get into it slowly. I do think you need to discuss it with B, as suggested by others, in a non-sexytimes setting (don’t spring it on him in bed!) and at an otherwise low-stress time when he’s not terribly distracted by a favorite show or activity. It can be an awkward conversation to start but I think just jumping in and starting with “so, I’ve been thinking about this and I was wondering what you’d think about it and … ” “Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns” is a commonly suggested book (as mentioned above) but it wasn’t really my bag when I read it 10+ years ago at the suggestion of a friend. I have similar issues when someone suggests “The Ethical Slut” for polyamory. Keep in mind that these books are ONE author’s version of how things are in a community that is large, vibrant and opinionated. I know a few fat-positive sex-educators in this area and I’ll ask them if they have any intro-for-novices type suggestions.

  12. On March 1st, 2011 at 12:39 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Thank you! Great advice! You rock! I have never charted a damned thing! I’m terrible at that. I even tried Month.ly once for my period alone and I just never stuck with it. But temperature? That’s interesting. We do have a little digital one. Where can I find out more about this charting thing? Do I have to take my temp while in bed or can I wait until I’m in the bathroom? ‘Cause I have to pee like crazy the minute my eyes open in the morning! Ha!
    Yeah, gal on top? What is up with this? I have begun asking myself if I’m so satisfied with the positions we enjoy now why keep trying at something that seems so hard? But then I feel like it’s a challenge and I wanna figure the thing out, ya know? Ha-ha! I feel like if I had something to lean on or grab to support my upper body I’d be better. Still thinking on this. Thanks again! =0)

  13. On March 1st, 2011 at 1:08 pm ladymeag Says:

    fertilityfriend.com has a great easy-to-use charting system and a 20 day free-by-email course on charting, fertility and how to monitor your own cycle. The information is geared for trying to conceive (as that’s how most women come to charting) but it is just as effective for information and charting to avoid pregnancy. The book Taking Control of Your Fertility is often suggested by those who chart.

    There’s all kinds of stuff I didn’t know before I learned about charting – like the three hormones (estrogen, luteinizing hormone and progesterone) that dominate different phases of your cycle, when and why your cervical mucous changes, why I feel warmer at some tomes of the month than others (and why some nights I’m a blanket thief.) Just doing the email course might help you understand your patterns better.

    You need to take your temperature under as similar conditions as close to the same time of day as possible. I’m a pee-at-waking person, too, but have found I can wait for the thermometer to beep to go. My (cheap, from CVS) thermometer saves the last result, so I don’t have to read it until I’m fully up and awake, anyway.

  14. On March 1st, 2011 at 2:39 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Fantastic, thank you thank you thank you! =0)

  15. On March 1st, 2011 at 6:52 pm thepowerofmyth Says:

    Oh man I love being on top once I figured it out! It took me awhile to know what the heck I was suppose to do up there and how to make our bodies fit together and what not. However I just kept trying and my bf was really helpful he would like run his hands over my hips in the movement that felt the best in encouragement which was a big help!

    I don’t really feel unstable on top, I think its a really great position for me and my man personally. I don’t know I straddle my bf so that my knees are on either side of his hip/waist area and then lean forward so that my hands touch the bed on either side of his head and I can rest some of my weight on them. I really like this position cause I get to be in control, he doesn’t have to do all the work but if he wants to he can help out too, and I love being close to his face for kisses and what not. I have also found that pushing my hands against the head board/wall is really helpful too sometimes if my hands start to hurt from the pressure of my weight. I don’t think I could do on top if I was squatting like you sometimes see in porn movies no idea how people manage that!

    When I was on birth control pills it made me so bipolar. I had like major violent mood swings and it killed my sex drive which is normally pretty damn high. I stopped taking bc pills 3 weeks ago and I feel SOOOO much BETTER! I will take condoms any day over those pills. I guess sometimes condoms can be annoying because you normally have to stop what you are doing and put one on before things get out of hand, but I really don’t see the problem with them and neither does my bf.

    One of my friends uses this implant that goes in her arm up by her armpit area. It stays in for like 3 years I think or something and she says she hasnt notice any real mood changes on it. However I will stick with the condoms, because I just can’t handle my moods and what not getting messed up. It just makes life so much harder.

    As far as bdsm, I would agree with what everyone else has said just talk to him about your desires in a non-pressure time. My boyfriend suggested a couple weeks ago that we both sit down and write a list of sexual things we would like to try and then give our lists to each other just so we can get a feel for what each other wants. Without having to worry about all the pressure that can happen from just springing it on someone during sex or whatever.

    P.s. I still love your blog! and I think you rock for being the Queen of TMI! Its freaking awesome!

  16. On March 2nd, 2011 at 9:12 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Yeah, maybe I don’t know what the heck I’m doing up there, too! I do what you say with my hands on the bed on either side of his shoulders. But yeah, my wrists get tired fast and I’m not really able to DO much other than real simple movements that don’t do much for me. He has no problem simply holding my hips in this position and taking control, if you know what I mean. Which is fine, but ya know, my wrists. Eh! The arm implant thing was crazy popular about ten years ago. I honestly didn’t know it was still in use. My friends that had it had worse symptoms than they did with the pill, so they all quit soon after. But hey, whatever works. The condom thing is a non-issue for us. We don’t even really have to stop to put it on, it can be part of the action. It’s fab! Thanks, hun.
    P.S. I love your blog, too. And I think you’re fabulous! <3

  17. On March 1st, 2011 at 11:09 pm Lauren Says:

    For the record, I currently have an in arm implant that is continuously releasing hormones, but the meds I’m on for my head reduce it’s effectiveness, so to stave off surprises we’ve gone back to condoms too, leaving the implant in as back-up. I wouldn’t change my meds though, because I’m doing the best I’ve done in a great while and it DOESN’T affect my sex drive measurably.

    Something weird for me though in my relationship with psychiatric meds… Before I started taking them I was pretty insatiable. I mean, I would go through periods of SUPER HORNY. When I’m on the meds, it takes the edge off, particularly the neediness attached with the overdrive. I find them balancing. I’m still the one who usually initiates in my relationship ;P

    As for getting on top, some suggestions: How good are you at holding a squat? I know there are people who have a real problem with that, but if you can manage it, you can plant your feet, prop up your partners bum on the liberator, and go to bouncy town. HA! ;D If that is not feasible, try propping your partners back up with balled up blankets. It might give you the intimacy that you are looking for in those couch/chair fantasies. You can also lean on the pile for support if you build it carefully enough.

    I also want to echo the other posters when they say talk about your desires. And don’t just limit it to your ‘tie me up’ fantasy, also talk to him about your need for foreplay. I notice that men really do get task oriented in sex, but that task is making you feel good. If you give him feed back on how to do that better, I’m willing to bet he would appreciate it.

    gotta say, I love TMI Tuesday! It’s nice to talk about all the things that we normally keep to ourselves in such a frank way!

  18. On March 2nd, 2011 at 9:16 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I love TMI Tuesday, too! I never knew how liberating (he-he) it could be to just talk this shit out! Thank you for participating, as well!
    We haven’t tried the liberator with me on top, so that is something to definitely try. Yeah, surprisingly (and maybe due to my Scorpio ways) I was never that into foreplay, but it could be because I was doing it wrong! The other night, well, wow! My husband sometimes knows what I want better than I do! But yes, should be part of the convo, for sure.
    Oh! I am not the only insatiable nympho?! Fantastic! Yes, the neediness! I get all pouty-moody about it and he won’t even know why. HA-ha! Working on it, but with everyone’s advice I might just end up with that “happily ever after” thang! Thanks, doll. <3

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