NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

TMI Tuesday! Everyone’s Favorite!

February1

I hadn’t planned on a TMI post today, but since a fabulous friend called me “The Queen of TMI” last week, well, that sort of sealed the deal.

Let’s see, we’ve discussed our lady bits, toilet/bathroom issues, sex, masturbation, positions…What’s left? Oh! I know!

Stuff I’ve broken with my Fat Ass! I love hearing stories about this and while I only have one major breakage issue, I’d love to hear more, more and MORE! This is the part where I say, “If you know me or would just rather not know personal/TMI things about me, please come back tomorrow” where I’ll be recapping the Second Telesummit for BodyLoveRevolution.com! Woo!

I am sure I have broken more than a thing or two in my life with my fat ass, but for some reason I can only think of one: Toilet Seats!

I’ve actually broken about three or four of them and all within a very short amount of time, I must say. It was a few years ago, before I was fully accustomed to the Fat Acceptance way of thinking, but I was getting there. My husband and I had been living together for ages and while we try not to fart or poop in front of each other (well, at least I don’t) we’re generally quite comfortable talking about everything if not doing whatever it is in front of the other.

One night when I got home from work I went to the restroom to relieve myself (I always have to at least pee the moment I get home, it’s a long drive!), I believe I was doing the wiping bit and I leaned forward a bit too far and heard the worst sound I could have imagined.  The sound of plastic snapping in a thuddish sort of way at the same time. The toilet seat had broken. “Oh shit! What the hell?” I thought. “What am I going to do?” Panic! Pant-pant, eyes darting around tiny room…”Fuck!” Nothing to be done. I tried to sort of mush it back together a bit. It was like a fiber/particle board with a plastic coating over it so the fibers did sort of stay together with the mushing. At some point it had registered that it was my giantess ass (I love the word giantess) that did this major act of destruction and I had to hide it until I could replace it the following day.

The trouble was that I had a hell of a time getting the old one off. Who knows how long it had been stuck on there?! But I sheepishly headed to my local hardware store (OSH for inquiring minds) and picked a cheap, but sturdy looking model. I sped home and installed the new one. Husband noticed but only said, “Cool.” and nothing more. I think I had some story about having to step onto the seat to reach some make-up or something off of a shelf. Ha! I always ask him to reach things for me, so he must have known. Oh well. Not two days later I broke the new one. This time the husband went with me to the hardware store (it is as much if not more a girl’s best friend than a diamond I tell ya). We chose a slightly more expensive and somewhat sturdier looking one this time. Got it all installed and seemed just fine.

A week later? Yep, I broke it! “For fuck’s sake!” was heard shouted from the bathroom. It seemed to me at this point that all toilet seats were vulnerable to the magnitude of my gargantuan ass! (Those last two words said in the character of the father from “So I Married An Axe Murderer.”) Also, they all seemed to be constructed of the same thing and in the same way. Thing is? None have a weight rating and at this point I had figured that it wasn’t simply my weight, but the major lean forward I do to stay extra clean ‘n fresh while wiping my bits. Hmm…I went to a couple of stores this time and selected what I thought would have to be the sturdiest model that didn’t have weird decor on it. (Have you see the clear ones with the fish? Or glitter? Honestly?! Ridiculous!) And the craziest part yet? It never broke! It’s probably still at our old apartment and lookin’ hella fine, too! I chose a nice one with shiny steel hardware. So classy!

So, what have you broken with your fat ass? I am dying to know! Have fun with it. No hatin’! Y’all know the rules by now.  =0)

Also, feel free to discuss other TMI topics. I am still talking about the masturbating post with people. Bring it on!

Thanks,
<3
S

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33 Comments to

“TMI Tuesday! Everyone’s Favorite!”

  1. On February 1st, 2011 at 5:40 am Kath Says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever broken a dunny seat, but I have sat on one that has a crack in it that has pinched my bum! And that HURTS!!

  2. On February 1st, 2011 at 9:36 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh! I’ve had that happen, too! Boy did that hurt. Who knew?!

  3. On February 1st, 2011 at 9:31 am vesta44 Says:

    Toilet seats have been broken by my fat ass, but the worst thing was when I sat on a kitchen chair and it collapsed. It was one of those old metal ones, that looks like this – |_
    _|
    and it just kind of collapsed towards the floor backwards when I sat down on it. I also broke the seat on a newer chair like that, but it was one of the wider chairs, had the woven wicker back and the padded, velour seat over a fiber board base. I sat on the chair and the fiber board cracked right up the middle, between the sides of the chair.

  4. On February 1st, 2011 at 9:38 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh no! I hate fiberboard anything! It all breaks!

  5. On February 1st, 2011 at 9:33 am vesta44 Says:

    well, that didn’t work so well, move the bottom two lines so that the upright line is even with the right side of the underscore and that will give you an idea of the shape of the chair, damn formatting that doesn’t keep the original context.

  6. On February 1st, 2011 at 9:38 am Not Blue at All Says:

    No worries, I think I can picture it just the same. Thanks for trying. =0)

  7. On February 1st, 2011 at 6:54 pm Ericka Says:

    I broke one of those kinds of chairs, too, it did exactly the same thing, just bent towards the back till my butt was on the floor. Other things I have broken include a friend’s futon frame (in college, though that involved an enthusiastic flying leap, as well as my fat ass), a toilet seat (it was cracked already, but I totally finished it off), and, most embarrassingly, my boyfriend’s father’s bedframe. It was old and kind of crappy and kludged together, but I still felt so guilty and embarrassed. He didn’t get a new one for years. Augh.

  8. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:02 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh noes! The bf’s father’s bedframe sounds the worst. Dare I ask how it got broken? (I’ll assume some fantastic love was being made?!) I’m now wondering why people buy those types of chairs. Hmm…

  9. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:03 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Dare I ask how the bf’s father’s bed frame was broken? (I’ll assume some fantastic love was being made?!) I’m now wondering why anyone buys those kind of chairs. Hmm…

  10. On February 1st, 2011 at 7:18 pm Twistie Says:

    (hangs head in shame)

    I have yet to break anything with my fat ass. Not even the cheap toilet seat at our old apartment despite eight years of heavy use.

    Of course, knowing our landlord, if I had broken it he would have just told me to stop dancing a highland fling on it and refused to replace it.

    BTW, speaking of So I Married An Axe Murderer, I actually knew the gentleman who played the piper at the wedding. The outfit and pipes? Were his… as was the astounding facial hair. The actual piping, though, was not his. He looked gloriously colorful, but he was a crap piper. Mike Myers et al had the good sense to use a better performance.

  11. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:04 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh! I love a nice bit of trivia. Thank you!!!

  12. On February 1st, 2011 at 7:58 pm heavyaura Says:

    The combined force of both my ass and my partner’s has broken those cheapy plastic toilet seats (or not the seat, but rather the hinge-y things that keep the seat on the toilet). We’ve since used metal hinges and haven’t had a problem!

    And… classic TMI, we’ve broken not one, but two beds while having really exuberant relations.

  13. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:05 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I say anything broken while in the midst of “having really exuberant relations” is fair game and nothing to be ashamed of. And yes! Those cheapy little hingey things are the worst!

  14. On February 1st, 2011 at 10:24 pm Kath Says:

    I’ve had one of those chairs that vesta44 mentions “break” underneath me. Well, it kind of just folded, went down like an elevator. Now you see me, now you don’t.

    In all fairness though, it was old and non-fat people had had the same thing happen with other chairs in the set!

    Those plastic garden chairs are the ones I’ve broken a few of though.

  15. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:05 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I’ve always been wary of those plastic garden chairs. I’ll sort of ease into them and put most of my weight on the edge. It’s silly, I’ve seen thin people break them, but it’s somewhat instinctual I think. Hmm…

  16. On February 1st, 2011 at 11:01 pm Lauren Says:

    I’ve broken chairs, I’ve broken toilet seats, I’ve broken fences that weren’t set sturdily enough into the ground. But by far the most depressing this I’ve broken with my fat ass is my beloved IKEA futon. I broke one of the wooden struts supporting the mattress by trying to kneel on the bed. It was only after it broke that I found out that IKEA is too cheep to use real wood in their products, nooooo, they use layered veneer glued together and pressure sealed, ‘for flexibility!’ I tried fixing it with duct tape, which worked for awhile until it broke again in another place, and I just decided we didn’t need that slat anymore.

  17. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:06 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh man, everyone has broken those things! Not just fats. Ikea, I love ’em, but they’re not known for sturdy things. Ha-ha!

  18. On February 2nd, 2011 at 5:12 am mimbles Says:

    Things I have broken:
    Trampoline mat – 1, ripped when jumping on it in my teens (it was pretty ancient though)
    Toilet seats – 2, one at home, plus I cracked a cheap plastic one at a hotel.
    Plastic garden chairs – 3, one at home, one at a cafe, one at an outdoor wedding
    Folding camp chairs – 1, the next one I bought had a weight rating on it, it’s lasting just fine!
    Our bed – the screws holding my side of the bed up sheared right through.
    Teak outdoor folding chair – 1, it’s still sitting on the back deck waiting to be repaired 2 years later.

    I think that’s it, but there may be more that I’m repressing!

  19. On February 2nd, 2011 at 9:28 am Not Blue at All Says:

    That is an impressive list! I love it! I hope you’re not offended by that. But let’s face it, things simply aren’t made to last these days and I seriously doubt that anything without a weight rating on it was meant for long-term use by a variety of bodies. Thank you for sharing that!

  20. On February 2nd, 2011 at 12:46 pm mimbles Says:

    Not offended at all 🙂

  21. On February 2nd, 2011 at 12:50 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Yay! =0)

  22. On February 3rd, 2011 at 7:50 am Psycho Sue Says:

    THOSE EVIL MF’n WHITE PLASTIC PORCH CHAIRS!!!
    I think I have gone thru 3 of them. Hate them. If I go to a restaurant and they have these. I WALK OUT. No effen way man! LOLZ

    I have had a bad run lately with the toilet seat. I bought 3 from home depot and the same hinge broke on all 3 of them! I think it’s gotta be cheap hinges because the same wooden seats in the past lasted years! I don’t think it’s ALL our faults!

  23. On February 3rd, 2011 at 9:55 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Ha-ha! Yeah, who is actually comfortable in those hideous things? No one I know, that’s for sure. I love that you walk out, I usually just desperately search for an alternative. Though one time out of the blue and with no gesture or hint on my part, our server randomly brought me a more comfortable chair while eating on a patio in a restaurant. I was having a business lunch and while it was a bit embarrassing, it was also mega-rad! I tipped her like mad!

  24. On February 3rd, 2011 at 8:33 pm Sweetnfat Says:

    I.love.you.guys.sooo.much.
    My fat ass has been the perpetrator of destruction as well. My boyfriend, who is not fat enough to break things, is not very understanding of this. I have broken his couch (the wood and springs beneath the seat wore out/cracked) and put a huge, my-ass shaped dent in the bed (which a memory foam mattress topper seems to have remedied).
    Granted, he’s got cheap, old furniture that was not meant to last forever, and he’s had it forever, but it was my bulk that busted it.
    And toilet seats. Oh god, the toilet seats. One year, I think I went through 4. I’m very mindful of my weight distribution now, and haven’t broken one in a long while, but it was kind of devastating every time it happened.
    I’ve never heard anybody else say they broke a toilet seat…let alone multiple toilet seats! I feel SO much less alone. Thank you for giving too much information, seriously. I tried to talk to my friend about the big ass destruction I’ve caused, but she was only so understanding. When I mentioned the toilet seat (and I just said one!), she gave a long pause, a serious look, and said, “That’s really bad.” I just haven’t told anybody about it since.
    Can’t wait to read more TMI.

  25. On February 4th, 2011 at 9:02 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Impressive! I’m sorry your friends and bf are less than supportive/understanding. I guess you have to have a bit of an FA mindset to get that things just aren’t made for a variety of body types these days. I had feared telling anyone about the toilet seats, too. My husband of course knew, but I don’t think he ever knew how many. But one thing that stuck in the back of my mind all of these years was seeing Carnie Wilson on Celebrity Fit Club (I watched two seasons before I knew about FA) and a specific thing she said about her weight, “I was breaking toilet seats. Toilet Seats! THAT was how heavy I was and I knew I couldn’t allow myself to be like that anymore!” well, I’m paraphrasing. But it’s always been in my head. So when I broke those toilet seats, there was Carnie barking at me about my fat ass…then I found FA and it’s like, well, I feel like a champion in some way. Like I am stronger and more resilient than any toilet seat this side of the Mississippi! Ha! Maybe that’s not the healthiest way of thinking about it, but it works for me. Thanks for sharing yours with me. <3

  26. On February 4th, 2011 at 7:19 pm Kath Says:

    Toilet seats are usually made cheap anyway… cheap stuff is designed to break so that you buy more!

  27. On February 5th, 2011 at 10:03 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Too true!

  28. On February 7th, 2011 at 11:38 pm Nicole Says:

    Ugh, I’ve totally had that ass pinching thing happen. I thought something bit me! Then the paper got stuck in the crack and I couldn’t get it all out. I had a purple line on my ass for weeks.

    I haven’t actually broken a toilet seat, which kind of amazes me. After growing up in a house with 6 people, I’m not sure that we ever replaced them – maybe because of the hinges but mostly because they were gross (4 dudes in a house = bad).

    I have broken a few of the plastic garden chairs – it doesn’t help that the kind of plastic gets brittle with age and even faster in the sun.

    There have been a few of the camping chairs that go in a bag too. Recently I bought some with a 400lb weight limit and my 200 lb brother manged to fucking make the fabric pull/almost break. Think it was more from how he was sitting in it than due to weight. The second one I bought has been just fine!

    I’ve had a few computer chairs break. Or well, the ones with the plastic bottoms/wheels. Two were inherited but I busted them!

    Hrm… as a kid I was kneeling on my brothers bunk bed and I totally snapped some of the wooden slats. Oopsie!

    As an adult, I kneeled on an office chair to reach something (I think) and my knee went through the seat. Yay for particle board!

    My childhood bed, that I found myself sleeping in at age 22 after I moved. It was a daybed and there were only two supports and a net with springs on the sides to support the mattress. Not really meant to support an adult, at all, haha. Especially without the daybed under it! Took about 2 years but the support broke, one of the springs stretched. It was making sleep almost impossible so I got a new full sized bed.

    I’m more cautious now about what I sit on. Or well, I’ve just learned to make the judgment with a glance. Falling hurts!

  29. On February 8th, 2011 at 9:19 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Wow! Quite a list…but you’re right. I think we all learn over time to sort of gaugue the integrity of a piece of furniture we’re about to sit on and shift our weight thusly. Ha! Thank you for sharing this. I certainly felt a bit of shame lifted by sharing my toilet seat troubles on here. Ha-ha! Those things!

  30. On February 7th, 2011 at 11:38 pm Nicole Says:

    Oh my god, that was a lot. Sorry!

  31. On February 8th, 2011 at 9:19 am Not Blue at All Says:

    No worries, the longer the better!

  32. On February 9th, 2011 at 2:36 am Kath Says:

    Oh I went through the slats of a bunk bed once! I was about 15. They were those kind that roll out with hessian strips down the sides, and in the middle of the night the slats all turned and CRASH, down through the middle I went. I cleared the stuff out of the way, then got into the bottom bunk… same thing happened a few minutes later!

    But I’ve heard of that happening a lot, not just to fat people. Those kind with unsecured slats are not allowed here any more, since a few kids died getting their necks caught in the loosened areas.

  33. On February 9th, 2011 at 10:23 am Not Blue at All Says:

    That sounds awful! Glad they outlawed those things.

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