NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Thoughts on Abuse Survivors & Yesterday’s Post

November11

Firstly, I want to thank all of the lovely people who commented on yesterday’s post. It was a spontaneous post, but it felt right and I just had to do it. And I am so glad that I did!

I think it’s so very important for survivors of abuse to share their stories. I have found, very recently, that every time I share my story I heal a little bit and I have also been able to see things in a different or new perspective. I also think that just maybe by sharing our stories we can prevent someone from having to go through such a terrible ordeal in their own life. We cannot remain silent in the face of such abuse! I have vowed to speak up and do something if I ever witness such a thing. After one of my very good friends witnessed the abuse I endured, she said nothing. I know it’s never easy, but it is a must!

Talking with a friend the other night about Fat Acceptance and she remarked that it didn’t seem that I had struggled internally with body hate and feeling awful about my body as I continued to gain weight in my mid-teens. I explained that at that time I was more concerned with living and enduring the abuse I was dealt on a nearly daily basis. Then I suddenly realized that at one point my abuser had forced me to go to Jenny Craig! I had completely forgotten this! The moment I set foot in that place I wanted to leave. Every fiber of my being screamed in protest! Yet I remained silent and smiling and nodding in the chair while the salesperson ran-down their schpeel. I felt ill, but agreed to sign their contract for the ridiculous program. Luckily we couldn’t afford their food and that was the end of it.

What a revelation! The memory is a funny thing and I swear to you I remember new things almost every day! Not always good things, obviously, but good in the sense that I am finally able to piece certain things together or to see why and how things occurred as they did. Wow! Had I not been so open about talking about my abusive past, I would not have remembered that. For a long time afterward, I tried very hard to pretend as though it never happened. I don’t think that I can ever forget those five years of my life, but I can certainly keep healing and learning from the experience. I also feel as though I am able to take away, bit by bit, the power that was once held over me.

Also, I think it’s important to share our stories because it lets people know just how common this is! There are people who just don’t realize that it can happen to anyone! I certainly wouldn’t have believed it could happen to me had I not lived it. Before I was introduced to the abuser, I was a very outgoing and feisty gal! I would ask guys out and not even care if they said no; I was like, “Next!” After I finally got away from him though, I was so afraid of everything and everyone and I had no idea who I even was. I started over. I put some pieces back together and then just sought out the other things I needed in the world. I made mistakes and learned from them.

If you’ve been keeping the fact that you’ve been abused a secret and don’t feel comfortable telling someone close to you, you can confide in me! I haven’t told my dad & brother, but I also don’t think they need to know. It won’t benefit anyone by telling them, but I did finally tell my sister. It was a relief to tell her, I have to say. I think she understands some things about that time now, too. She was so young, you know. But I will happily be an ear or a shoulder or whatever you need.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out! Thank you. <3

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