We use an application at my job called Slack, it’s sort of like chat rooms and instant messaging. When you type /giphy and a phrase it will produce a gif of an entertaining nature, usually. Today, as was absolutely appropriate, I typed, “/giphy everything sucks” and the above gif appeared and simultaneously swelled and broke my heart. My coworker to whom this was addressed responded, “He was right” and it all is still sinking in.
What many in the activism community have said all along is true. This world is run by selfish, greedy, ignorant and hateful white men. Their privilege has gone unchecked for so long that they’ve convinced even poor folks that they’ve been wronged and robbed by “those other guys” as of course it’s never their fault or doing. It’s always “not in my backyard” and their jobs are being taken away and all that nonsense. And it is nonsense. Absolute and utter absurdity, at this point, really.
I cannot harbor the amount of hate that those who elected that disgusting shit demon hold in their own hearts, I haven’t the capacity. But I worry for those I love and cherish, and for my own rights and health, too. I worry for all of the women of the world today. Some are hedging their bets in the U.S. by setting appointments to get an IUD installed, in fear of not having long term access to birth control.
I worry for the future, most of all. As the world turns its attentions to the U.S. today, and in the coming months, no one can say for certain what our fate will be. I want to believe that goodness and love will win in the end. I want to believe. I keep saying that over and over to myself. I want to believe. But I grew up in the Reagan era. I grew up watching the rich oppress the poor and blaming it all on “those other guys”. I grew up with air raid drills in fear of Russia and the Cold War. I grew up not understanding how the good guys acted like bad guys and no one could do anything about it. And that was before the Bush era…and there were a few! UGH!
I’m feeling very hopeless today. I fear opening my mouth at all. I don’t want to smile, it nearly hurts to. I feel helpless to protect those who are vulnerable and even myself. I have been grossly disappointed to see that the men I’ve encountered today all appear to be in much higher spirits than any women I’ve seen today. It’s upsetting! While most of the women I work with are wearing all black, myself included, and we even have a ladies wine night with a guest speaker planned for this evening.
I need something to look forward to. We all do. Until that thing presents itself, however, we need to be kind to one another.
Sending my love and broken heart out into the universe.
I want to believe.