I talk a lot about self care on this blog. I talk a lot, period. I talk about self care as this immensely valuable thing that we all must do mindfully to stay sane and healthy. I believe this. But lately I’m not walking my talking. I am not living my life fully and completely and I’m really only just getting by. Which is okay, I’m not having a pity party, I’m just owning my current state of things. My knees have been feeling better, but I keep icing them before bed so I don’t forget (I suck at routine). When I went dancing last Saturday, they were fine, but it was my calves that hurt the next day (different style of dance than I’m used to). It’s the being mindful part I’m having difficulty with, I think. Because my mind wanders and there’s, like, so much goin’ on in there…it’s just…wow!
I was recently at a local Walmart looking for this awesomely cute swimsuit (please ignore the name and it’s sold out everywhere anyhow) when I walked past these cheapo face masks thingies I used to buy ages ago. As a retail manager I would have one weekday off and one weekend day off, usually. Because my husband worked a Monday through Friday job, I typically had that one weekday all to myself. I would take that day to really pamper myself. I would shave and do a face mask and paint my nails and all of the girly things I couldn’t get to on work days or just preferred to do all at once or on my own. It became a weekly ritual that I enjoyed and placed a lot of value on. I am glad that I did. I certainly needed to do it with the horribly stressful shit I had to deal with. Ahem! But it took seeing those cheapo face masks on a rack again for me to realize just how much I have neglected myself and for how long.
I don’t know what is up with my bathroom mirror, it’s funky and weird and it’s semi magnifying yet not? I dunno. But even in my rear view mirror in the car I see the impact that the stress of my life has caused my face/skin. It makes me sad. How did this happen? Is it more than just stress? Is the stress really that bad? Ugh! You know how that goes, right?! Well, the thing is…I don’t have these thoughts often and so when I do I pay close attention to my immediate state of mind. How am I feeling otherwise? Did I sleep okay? What did I eat last and when? These things matter. My hormonal fluctuations fucking matter! Am I feeling hurt by someone or something that would draw me down a self-hating path? If I’m otherwise a-okay, then I know it is the stress and I need to detox!
So, this weekend I am going to attend to all the girly things! I will give myself time and rest and relaxation. I will do one of those face masks and keep my hair in a towel too long and paint my nails and say, “Darling!” far too much. I will drink at odd times (but safely) and I will feel amazing. I will get dolled up and go out dancing and have a fan-fucking-tastic time, even if I just go by myself. Because I’m awesome company. Because I wanna dance! Because all of this IS self care! Because no one will ever do this for me, nor could they, and no one will remind me or you to do it either. It is these little things that we do for ourselves that keep us sane and together and better prepared to help others and to be our most authentic selves, too.
I know that my health has suffered from the stress I have been under. I see it. I feel it. It’s not just my skin, but it has become increasingly apparent there for me. I want to find better products for my skin and a better routine, but I’m broke as fuck and ain’t nothing I can do about that at the mo. But I will drink more water, because I want to and I know I would feel better if I did. I will be more mindful of when I eat instead of just barely giving it a thought as I have been. I say I/we are worth every effort in the world…but I wasn’t living it there for awhile. I see that now. I can learn, again. I admit and share these things because I know for a fact that I am not alone in this. When was the last time you did a little something to pamper yourself? Do you set aside a specific time regularly? How do you remember?
Have a fabulous weekend, Darlings! <3