Brief radio silence there, but I suppose most of you are used to that from me by now. Ha-ha! Wow, okay, where to start. Bit of a catch up here. All of the Fatty Affair stuff certainly did keep me busy, but that actually isn’t all. I will just come right on out with it because I know that if you read this blog you will understand where I am coming from already…
So, on January 13th, I asked my husband for a divorce. Things have been strained for some time now and while there were many attempts on my part to work on and improve things, it seemed it was more one-sided than I could deal with in the long run. The beginning of this year sort of solidified some things in my head and brought other things to the foreground that I hadn’t been willing to address/recognize until then. I spent some time depressed and writing it out and all, but in the end I felt it must be done. I needed to find happiness within myself. I couldn’t continue to be hurt by waiting for him to be someone he never will be or to suddenly understand how to make me happy. His silence was like a knife in my heart every day and I felt it unfair to both of us to stay so unhappy.
The amazing part is that despite the initial shock, he totally gets it and supports me! I spent the week after Fatty Affair packing. I’d found a room for rent in a house in my actual neighborhood! It’s nuts how things work out sometimes. It’s three blocks from what is now my husband’s apartment. I moved in and spent my first night in the new place Sunday night. If you’ve ever been to my old café, I painted my room the exact color! It’s called “Sweet Nothings” by Valspar. I adore it! I get to have a bit of my café with me while also being surrounded by this gorgeous and not-too-vibrant color! And I bought a set of curtains…I’d never even had curtains before!
This past month and a week has been a whirlwind; mostly an emotional one, but a physical one, too. There were plenty of bumps and hiccups along the way, but I’m hopeful that the worst of those are over with. I certainly could not have done it without the love and support of my closest friends and this of course includes my husband.
I feel compelled to strike out on my own for the first time (for the most part) and seek out what the world has to offer! I want to begin writing my book and get back into the art scene and just do all the things, ya know?! Ha-ha! It is completely scary and terrifying; don’t get me wrong, I have never truly been on my own. I can’t say that I’ve ever not been in a relationship either. I’ll admit that my first night in the new place was entirely sleepless. I needn’t have expected anything more. That is typical of me. I don’t sleep well whenever anything major is happening or changing. No biggie.
I do not want sympathy or anything. I still love my husband; I have no ill will or even anger or anything towards him. Honestly, we’ve been getting along so much better the last couple of weeks than we have in years. Funny how things work out that way! We’re still close friends. We still hang out with our BFFs every Sunday night and except for living together, not much has changed. I have been surprised by my own emotions and find myself apologizing for stupid shit again, but I’m a work in progress, folks. Just goes with the territory.
So, yeah! Lots of crazy changes in my life lately. It’s a bit difficult for even me to wrap my head around. I mean, what with the new job (which is still great) and all…And yes, I did choose the absolute worst time ever for such a thing, but the heart wants what it wants when it wants it. The stress of it all was killing me. I hadn’t eaten or slept much in nearly two weeks before I finally told him and the very next day I felt so much better. I haven’t ruled out reconciling one day in the future, but he’s resigned to never marry again. I can’t say that I blame him. I know that part was just for me and I don’t even know why that was so important to me then. Fourteen years together, we started out as friends, we leaned on each other when our lives were difficult and here we are again.