NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Reach Out if You think You may Be in An Abusive Relationship

November10

Catching up on some blogs I hadn’t paid much attention to recently I curiously clicked on a link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline which lists behaviors that are red flags when identifying an abusive partner/spouse/etc. Reading that list brought back a lot of feelings for me. So I wanted to just take a moment to say that if you at all ever feel that you might possibly be in an abusive relationship:

Do Not Hesitate! Call the Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE

Or if you’re not comfortable taking that step yet, email me notblueatall@notblueatall.com and I will give you my cell phone number and please call me and you can yell and scream and we can talk and cry and laugh and whatever you need! I have been there and I can honestly and from my heart tell you that you don’t deserve it! You can get out! You are lovable and loved if by no one else but me, it’s true! Please do not wait until it is too late. Reach out!

I spent 5 years of my life (ages 14-19) in an abusive relationship. Much of that time I was nearly a hostage in my own home. He controlled every aspect of my life. I lost so much. Everything on that list above he did and then some. No one ever told me he was bad. No one ever asked me to leave him or offer help in doing so. I believed I deserved his abuse for so long. And then when I realized that I didn’t deserve it and started to plan my escape (oh so many escape plans that were never to be) it was nearly too late. Through a friend and great timing and logistics I was able to get out. But at one point I didn’t know if I would even live to see another day.

I am still healing from this. I still have sudden memories pop up and shock me. All of these years later. I have a good life now and am grateful for the very air I breathe. But there were so many close calls that I am surprised I survived at all. But I put my life back together; I started over from scratch. It took a long time to discover who I was and that I am worthy of love and respect and dignity and freedom. I found my true partner and I can honestly say, it is worth it to get out now!

You are worth every ounce of effort in the collective universe to save you from the abuse. If you don’t feel safe, if you can’t reach out to someone you know? Just know that I am here and I will help you!

Thank you for reading.

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10 Comments to

“Reach Out if You think You may Be in An Abusive Relationship”

  1. On November 10th, 2010 at 3:48 pm Jenna Says:

    This is such an important message. I, too, stayed in an abusive relationship for too long. He even tried to use my weight against me saying things like, “I do not care about your weight but if you leave me other men will care about it and will not date you.”

    Years and a whole world later he is gone and I have a brand spanking new boyfriend who treats me like gold. If only I could travel back in time to my old self to have stopped the years I would do so in a heartbeat.

  2. On November 10th, 2010 at 3:52 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, to go back in time…but I am conflicted on that because I also think that it took everything that I’ve ever experienced to not only make me who I am now, but also to have the wonderful husband, friends and life I do, too. So in a way I guess I wouldn’t do it over, but yeah, wish I could have avoided meeting that person over all.
    Thank you for reading & commenting, too!

  3. On November 10th, 2010 at 4:10 pm Anna Says:

    I think I’m a bit younger than you are, so I just wanted you to know that this message is getting out there. I was with someone for three months, and recognised the signs that he was on his way to becoming abusive to me. I got out fast. I hate to think of what would have happened if I had stayed.

    Thank you for posting this. This is so SO important.

  4. On November 11th, 2010 at 9:37 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I think I heal a bit more each time I share my own. It means a lot to me to know that not only am I not alone in my abusive past, but that we can connect online and collectively share and heal and hopefully prevent someone from having to live through the same ordeal. Thank you for reading this blog, too! <3

  5. On November 10th, 2010 at 9:46 pm Twistie Says:

    I’m lucky enough that I haven’t been there myself, but I’ve been there for a couple women who have been there. It’s true. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Nobody deserves to have every action controlled. Nobody deserves to be hit. Nobody deserves to live life in fear of someone who claims to love them.

    I can only reiterate: reach out. Call that hotline. Get help from a trusted friend. Find a way out. Please. You’re worth it.

  6. On November 11th, 2010 at 9:40 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Thanks, doll. I am so happy to hear that you have not been in such a relationship and what a wonderful friend you are! Sadly, one of my very close friends once witnessed an attack and she did nothing. Nothing! It kills me to this day. I can only guess that she was afraid as well. But I have vowed to never walk away or remain silent if I ever witness such a thing myself. *hugs*

  7. On November 11th, 2010 at 12:36 am Emerald Says:

    Thanks for this – it is so, so necessary.

    I was married for six years to a man who showed many of these behaviours, plus a few more I won’t mention here, but I would never have believed it was abuse at the time because he never actually hit me. Hindsight has taught me that abuse needn’t be just physical to be abuse. (The same, incidentally, applied to my relationship with one of my parents.)

    I have a wonderful husband now who genuinely loves and respects me, and the difference is blindingly obvious…but sometimes, when you’re enmeshed in an abusive situation, you need someone else to point out what’s going on. Again, thanks.

  8. On November 11th, 2010 at 9:43 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Wow! Thank you for sharing your story here. And yes, even when I was being beat up on a regular basis there was always some other type of abuse/control I had to live with. Sometimes that was worse than the violence itself. I am so glad that you’ve found someone who treats you with love & respect! And yes, it took a few months before he started actually hitting me, but all of the signs were there beforehand. Had someone confronted me at the time I probably could have escaped the next five years of his torture. I think it’s so important for us, as survivors of abuse, to share our stories and to reach out to those at risk. I think it heals us as well as keeps the message out there that this is a reality and it can happen to anyone! Thank you! *hugs*

  9. On November 20th, 2010 at 12:02 am Kath Says:

    You are an incredibly strong woman. I also come from an abusive past, but I’m in no way ready to bear the burdens others carry as well as my own. To be able to offer that is incredible, and bless you for doing so.

  10. On November 20th, 2010 at 9:53 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh Kath, thank you. It took me a long time but I found that once I started to accept what had happened to me the burden felt so much lighter, too. =0)

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