Life is all about perceptions. How we see the world at a given time and place makes us see other things in that light or through that lens. Given enough time and space, things seem different somehow. What was once so urgent and necessary can seem trivial in hindsight. The memories now hazy and sepia-toned become little more than “remember when…” and we find small-knowing smiles all too common among them.
Time is funny. It can be torturous and healing at the same time. Time is a test for us all, I think. I know it is for me. Whoa is it ever?! I’m a passionate lady, I do things with my whole self. I don’t half-ass things, generally speaking. I don’t just have passing thoughts and pay no mind to them. I’m a deep thinker and a mental masochist. People tend to worry if I’ve been quiet for a noticeable amount of time. My nearest and dearest know this and me enough to check in when I’ve gone silent or hidden myself away for too long. I’m gathering, grounding, regrouping and healing myself, usually. But too much of that and I do get a bit, um…shall we say coo-coo-bananas? Ha-ha!
Time has been such a beast and a bear for me this year. It’s September now?! I mean…who let that happen? Ha-ha! I cannot believe for the life of me all that has come to pass since the first of this year. It seems like both a lifetime ago and yesterday. I have grown and learned and changed so much in that short span it is difficult for me to wrap my head around, let alone try to explain it. I am grateful for the gift that this time and this life has given me.
My perceptions on just about everything have changed in some way or another. I have seen myself through others eyes and have been so blessed to have the gift of “Perspective Lenses” given to me by them. I have met people in the last few months that have somehow known parts of me that I was not yet ready to see for myself. I have had the luxury of this time and this space to be able to step back often and take a look at where I am, how far I’ve come and all that I am and have in my life now. When I say that I am grateful and blessed, I am not kidding.
Today I am feeling good. Like, really good. Like, everything is going to be okay because it just is, it always is, for you and for me. This crazy world keeps a-spinnin’ and damn, isn’t it great that it does? I have had some moments this year, okay more like days and weeks, where everything seemed so on-the-brink that I couldn’t even comprehend calmness. Yet, here I am. I am full of love right now. I am feeling fulfilled and strong. I am facing my fears and anxieties left and right and conquering them one by one. I am following my passions and dreaming new dreams.
This self-acceptance journey is no joke. It is a lot of work, for all of us. But it is so much sweeter thanks to the wonderful people we come across on our way. They all impact us, they leave an impression always. We can’t always choose how we are affected by them, but we are and hopefully we can grow and learn from every new experience and person we encounter. When the right mix of people come together, it is incredible, it is inspiring and it is magic!
As I look back on these past months and all that has transpired I am just in awe. I stopped questioning myself and my decisions and I don’t even know when that happened. Ha-ha! I’ve let go of a lot, too. I’ve let go of a lot of obstacles that existed for no one but myself, but those are the toughest, ya know. I’m proud of myself and the life I have. That is still a bit hard to say, but it’s true (even if it feels so tentative). I know what I am capable of and that the only thing stopping me from doing anything is me.
Why was this all so hard to arrive at? Ah yes! Perception! I see it all so clearly now! Ha-ha! Is this maturity? Is this wisdom? Is this living? I have no fucking clue! But what I do know is that I am buckled up and ready for what comes next!