Yeah, things were too good to be true. You know that whole thing I said the other day about hoping that the latest string of awesomeness wasn’t just a brief reprieve? Well, it was, it seems. I didn’t get my so called dream job. I’m in shock, honestly. It felt so right. Everyone seemed to genuinely like me. My BFF pulled strings and everything and none of it mattered in the end. I guess it just wasn’t meant for me. I wish I could understand, but I can’t and perhaps I’m not supposed to.
Many will tell me it’s because something even better is on its way, but I’m just not seeing that yet. This felt so right. And patience? Patience is bullshit. I hate it and I hate the burden it feels like. It’s always trust and be patient and I do and what happens?!?! Sorry. Ahem. It’s just so painful and frustrating. I mean, the whole process is, but this one cut a bit deeper than most. I know I’ll be okay, somehow, it’s just such a surprise.
When I first got the news I cried for a few minutes, then played some Candy Crush Saga (seriously? fuck that game!) and cried a few minutes more. When I try to talk, my throat closes up, but I’m not crying anymore. It’s not like the last job devastation where I uncontrollably sobbed myself into hyperventilation. Ugh! No thanks. Maybe the good stuff happening to and around me lately has given me a cushion or maybe so much endless rejection on the job front is thickening my skin. However, I refuse to sink back into despair.
I am redoubling my job seeking efforts and even signed up at a temp agency. I no longer believe it’s a “Who you know” kind of job market. Networking has gotten me nothing in this regard and so it is back to what I know and has worked before: craigslist! Ha-ha! Somehow it’s always worked for me and hopefully will continue to. I’ll be okay, this much I do know. I just don’t know what the hell my life will look or feel like in the near future. So be it. 😉