NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

My Fat Passion

July26

A new friend was sort of in awe and marveling at my passion for fat acceptance/liberation. They said that they’d never had such a passion in their life and hoped that they one day would. I explained that I had no choice in the matter. I have this passion because I am fat and I want to be treated like an equal human being. Nothing more and nothing less. I want to have a voice and to be heard, not judged, labeled and othered. It seems so simple, but if you’re reading this then you probably already know it never is that simple.

People whom I meet today cannot believe that I used to be insecure and chronically depressed. It’s true that that is almost the exact opposite of the gal I am today. It took a ton of work though and it’s not like I’m all things great all of the time or anything. I’m simply more willing to do the self-work (until one fine day I can both afford and find a therapist I can trust, I suppose), expose my vulnerabilities and share my truths with whomever will listen. Powerful stuff.

People often say that they are open and honest with their thoughts and feelings, but I find this to be utter crap! Unless asked, very specifically or strategically, most people will avoid all such personal topics. The more people I meet lately the more this becomes obvious and sometimes (for me) painful to accept. Am I some sort of freak of nature? Why do I feel the need to be so brutally honest and open about myself? I guess part of me hopes that I might just lead by example. That my willingness to wear my heart on my sleeve will prove that it won’t kill you.

My passion for fat acceptance/liberation is a blessing. The universe gave me a fat ass (among other things) and then showed me a way to make sense of it in a world that doesn’t make sense at all. I feel most fulfilled and excited when talking and planning something fat/self-acceptance related. Because I know what it feels like to be the outsider, even in your own mind. I have been the suicidal girl screaming in agony on the inside while silently smiling on the outside. And I have found ways to lift myself up and grow as a person and to love myself.

It can be the heaviest burden, hating yourself. You feel trapped inside your head or your body and just disconnected from the rest of the world. You feel as though something has to give or you’ll explode! The truth is you have the power to not feel that way right now. You can choose to change your own mind about yourself. You can take one small step towards healing and loving and living and finding what your best path is now. Everything is temporary, you won’t be miserable forever.

I keep hearing people say or quoting something along the lines of finding what it is you love to do most and it will lead you to your life’s passion. I have no idea what is ahead of me on this journey. I am quite frankly just enjoying the scenery at the moment. I’m doing my best to gather and learn all I can so that when I can finally and clearly see my path that I will be well prepared and ready to take on the challenges that are waiting for me. I’m giving myself the breathing room now to do it and to not place unnecessary pressure on something that simply cannot be rushed. I remind myself daily to be kind and to address the powerful goddess that I know is inside of me…and you, too!

Shine on!

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4 Comments to

“My Fat Passion”

  1. On July 26th, 2012 at 5:12 am Veronica Says:

    I’ve noticed that the fire that burns with my passion for FA has gotten smaller since I first “got it”, and I know this is because I’m moving further and further away from the massive amount of despising of myself I used to do, so it’s getting harder for me to remember what that felt like/what it feels like for the fatties who still feel that way. I feel kind of sad about this to be honest (not that I’m despising myself less obviously), I suppose I really need a new source of inspiration, and I feel that it should/that I want it to be trying to get something FA off the ground here in Norway, it’s just that the FA activists/enthusiasts are so few here in Norway, and … well, I suppose it’s a combination of thinking I won’t be able to do it, and not really having the spoons to do it.
    Hm, didn’t really mean to tell you all that, guess it’s been weighing on me, hope you don’t mind my burdening you!

  2. On July 26th, 2012 at 11:58 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Veronica: burden? Never! I’ve felt and currently feel pretty much the same way. I suppose the difference for me is that I have access and resources to some pretty amazing people, places and things. however I am the fussy to talk myself out of doing anything! If I didn’t talk about my worries and wishes openly, they would never become anything more. *hugs*

  3. On July 26th, 2012 at 11:53 am Twistie Says:

    Passion can move mountains. I love that fact.

    @Veronica: sometimes conserving spoons is the most important thing you can do for yourself. But if you keep your eyes and mind open, you never know when the perfect opportunity will present itself. Just keep taking care of yourself until you see how to do what you want to do.

  4. On July 27th, 2012 at 9:49 am Veronica Says:

    @Twistie Thanks for saying that, and I know it’s true. But there’s something to be said for using your spoons on the right things.

    Not Blue at All: Thanks:=) I wonder if my subconscious has been telling me you’ve beeen in kinda the same place, and that’s why you’re the who was on the receiving end of my little word vomit. Don’t actually understand this part of your reply: “however I am the fussy to talk myself out of doing anything! If I didn’t talk about my worries and wishes openly, they would never become anything more.” But *hugs* back!

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