Just in case you hadn’t noticed the recent increase in my finding excuses to dance, I wanted to share my thoughts and reasons on the subject. Well, not just dancing, but moving for pleasure in general. As a fat person it is often difficult to find ways to move for pleasure out of one’s house without having to worry about ridicule or worse from, well, haters. Not sure what else to call them. I have in the past wanted badly to say play basketball or go swimming, but kept myself indoors due to the fear of being judged or worse. Now? Fuck that!
I love to dance! My knee injury isn’t making this easier on me, but it gets better and worse at its own whim, I care for it as best I can, so be it. I must dance! I dance in my car in traffic each night on my way home. I bounce and shake and wiggle and I don’t care who sees me! I feel like I’m making the most and the best of my commute time and it helps me stay sane when so many would otherwise be rage-filled. I sing, too! I am a total diva in my car, yo! No shame!
I catch myself dancing while shopping or waiting in line for something out in public. If there’s music, if there’s a decent beat? I’m movin’! Nothing can stop that. Well, I can and have stopped that and it made me so sad. I went so many years without dancing other than at home and what a bummer that was. It was only when I started to go out dancing with friends again last year that I realized what a loss that was. And music! MUSIC!!! Music was my entire life for so many years, how did I let that passion slip away? Well, I did, but it’s back and thank the stars for that!
Now that the weather is warming up, and I have more time and space to do as I wish, I want to be even more active. I want to move and feel great! I want to play! I want to be silly and have fun! I don’t really care what I’m doing so long as it’s enjoyable. Dancing? Yes! In fact this Sunday I will be attending the Big Moves Bay Area‘s Free Day of Dance! Jeanette and I will be dropping in on the Hip Hop class since I was just lamenting my lack of moves at the club last weekend. Ha-ha! And I cannot wait! The class may kick my ass, but I know I will have a blast!
Can I just share a moment here how much I love to swim? I LOVE TO SWIM!!! Yet in the last fifteen years I have gone swimming only a dozen or more times. It’s a shame! What’s kept me from the water? Shame. Fear. Anxiety. Lack of a decent/comfortable/cute swim suit. Access, too, for sure. But I had an apartment with a pool for the last twelve years! WTF?! I would hold myself back and for what? It’s ridiculous! No more! This summer, and even spring since it’s so lovely, I want to swim! I want a cute-ass swim suit and I want to feel confident and free in it! I want to swim because I want to and not have to force myself. Once I’m in the water I always enjoy myself. It’s just getting there. But I will! (And if anyone has a lead on a mega-cute suit or fatkini for a size 26/28 hit me up! I’d like to try an underwire one, too).
I can’t run anymore, but I think I can do other things. I will fix my bike and get on that puppy, too! I will shoot hoops at the school behind my house. I will play Frisbee in the park. I will do whatever I can whenever I can and as much as I want. Why? Because I enjoy it! And I’m only now realizing that I was depriving myself for all the wrong reasons for so many years. It’s bullshit! I’m over it! I’m done! Movin’ on and shakin’ it loose! Ha!
Also, as a redhead (please refrain from using the word “ginger” as it is derogatory, thanks), I have always avoided the sun like the plague. No matter what SPF I have slathered on me, I duck into the shade always. I don’t want to do that anymore. I need to be more careful with the sun and prepare with the sunscreen and all, but I have been eating my lunch in the sunshine at work and have been enjoying that so much. I should keep my floppy sun hat in the car! But keeping myself out of the sun at all costs? Not worth it!
If anyone has advice, tips, suggestions in regards to movement or my knee injury, please let me know. What things should I try? What should I avoid? How can I best prepare? Lay it on me…I can’t wait to get out there!