NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Lost in My Head…

February4

I kept meaning to do another video, sort of a post Fatty Affair thing. But you know, I have been so lost in my own head ever since I got home that night (last Saturday) that I just haven’t done much. Not beating myself up over that, either, I mean, What’s the point?!

I got home from all of the hub bub, and believe me it was immense, and well, I have been sitting with my thoughts and feelings more and more. It keeps me quieter than usual, that is for sure. Ha! But I’m finding that I’m getting a better understanding of some things that I hadn’t sorted through or processed before. And now I’m ready for the awesome! BRING IT!

I think that somehow the build up to fatty affair was so exhilarating and exciting that when it was all said and done and finally here I was a bit sad after. Like, I had to mourn that shit for a few days. I had a hard time even talking about it. All that came out of my mouth was “Thank you” and “I love you” and I know that sounds sweet, but I tell you my brain had little else inside of it to share.

The truth is that the entire day of Fatty Affair was filled with love and adoration. So many people came up to me and said the kindest things, so many hugs and laughs and honesty and it was very overwhelming. I absorbed it all and took it home and just laid in bed all night with it sleeplessly wondering how and why and what the fuck. I was upset with myself for not feeling worthy when I’d worked so hard to do the damned thing. But it’s not for the love and adoration that I do/did it. I know that.

I do/did it for the exact reason so many people shared their love and adoration with me for: We had nothing like this in our lives! It’s true! I had no positive fat role model in my life or even a positive female role model (other than my grandma, but I didn’t see her that way until I was older). It is because of this that I/we do this activism. This radical self acceptance and body love shit? Well, it ain’t shit! It’s amazing and powerful and necessary! I can never know how different my life would have been had anything even remotely body positive had been in my life. *Sigh*

I am also feeling a great amount of pressure (from myself) to keep the Fatty Affair ball rolling and to get going on the next event. I want to but it’s like my brain is too tired. Ha-ha! I have done so little since last Saturday…okay, well I did go dancing this Friday & Saturday nights. Whew! So fun! But that’s it, really. Just work and chillin’.

So, that is where I’m at right now. I’ll have picture from Fatty Affair 2013: Reclamation! up on the web site gallery soon for you to peruse. How has your 2013 been so far? I can’t believe it’s fucking February?!?! Ha-ha! Last February feels like yesterday! How did that happen? Ha!

Rad Fatty Love,

<3 S

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One Comment to

“Lost in My Head…”

  1. On February 4th, 2013 at 1:57 pm Laura (dusty_rose) Says:

    The Fatty Affair sounds amazing! I would love to be able to make it someday.

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