NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

I’m Fat, Let’s Party!

August30

In my last post I mentioned going to my sister’s apartment for her b-day. Well, I also got to meet some of her friends. Very cool peeps, I must say. I was surprised (and relieved & excited) to meet a few fats, too! Sadly, these are not self-accepting fats and I was sort of coming down from my Cupcakes & Muffin tops high and didn’t have any words of encouragement for them or my gorgeous sister who started going on about losing twenty pounds. *sigh* I tried the genetics argument and her husband understood, but even he went on about the twenty pounds. *sobs* Seriously? Even my little sister?

I feel like this diet industry and war on obesity thing is a fucking zombie-disease and it’s infected even those I love most!

So, what can I do? Give her a copy of “Health At Every Size” and hope she reads it?

How do you broach a subject such as size acceptance at a party without being a dramatic downer? Is it truly taboo?

This group seemed very open minded and chill to me and well, it made me sad inside to hear some of the diet talk from these very smart people. Should I just let it be?

Thanks! You’re the best!

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posted under Bullshit, fat, Fat Acceptance
10 Comments to

“I’m Fat, Let’s Party!”

  1. On August 30th, 2010 at 11:40 am Twistie Says:

    This is something where you have to start by accepting that you’re water on stone. It doesn’t seem like it’s doing much, but given enough time, the water will wear down the stone.

    Any time you hear an opening, quietly use it. When someone in the group starts the body shaming talk, counter it with something body positive. When someone asks you if you’ve lost weight, cheerfully tell them you don’t know and don’t care. And yes, if you think your sister might be ready to hear its message, give her a copy of Health at Every Size or direct her to a couple FA blog entries you think she might enjoy reading.

    But you have to realize that every time you say something body positive or refuse to indulge with others in their body shaming, you are essentially speaking a language they don’t understand. You are one voice going against the fifty million voices they hear every day encouraging them to hate and fear and disrespect their own bodies.

    It won’t happen overnight. It might never happen at all. But I firmly believe that the more of us who speak up when the opportunity presents itself, the more people we can get to hear and understand the message of body love.

  2. On August 30th, 2010 at 1:53 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Thank you for this. I think your stone-water metaphor is perfection and you’re so right. I appreciate the encouragement. I don’t give up easily. I guess I just wanted to be sure it was bad etiquette.

  3. On August 30th, 2010 at 11:42 am Heidi Says:

    Personally, I’d probably opt for the – “I’ve felt so much better about myself since I stopped dieting and started working on feeling good about myself at the size I’m at” approach. Also “Dieting/diet talk can be really triggering for me” helps too (even if it actually isn’t).

  4. On August 30th, 2010 at 1:53 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    I like the positive approach to anything, so this makes sense to me. Thank you!

  5. On August 30th, 2010 at 2:04 pm Living 400lbs Says:

    If things are feeling nice and friendly, I’ll usually say “Eh, diets never work for me. I lose weight initially, then I start to gain it all back, then I quit the diet and end up weighing even more. I figure if I don’t diet I won’t gain weight.”

  6. On August 30th, 2010 at 2:07 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Hey, that’s a good idea. It keeps it casual & friendly, too. Thanks for that!

  7. On August 30th, 2010 at 2:14 pm inge Says:

    Give her what she’s ready for. If she’s worried about her health, or about gaining uncontrolled, “Health at Every Size” with some personal endorsement (“this really motivated me to get moving”) might be a good thing. If she’s motivated by vanity and tends to diet, point her to some entries about the dangers of yoyo-dieting. If she’s just making societally approved noises, tell her you are tired of it, and isn’t she, too? If she’s sceptical about the medical establishment, get out a few numbers about who profits from the obesity panic. Unhappy about her food choices, intuitive eating might be for her.

    I firmly believe that to get people on the train, you need to pick them up where they are standing. And as it is unlikely that a group of people will all be at the same place, bringing the issue up in front of a group is in the very best case water on stone and should be kept simple.

  8. On August 30th, 2010 at 2:25 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    I am so glad I wrote this post! =0)
    Thank you for this. What’s funny is that I don’t think she’s ever dieted. She has large hips and boobs like me, but a much smaller figure. She’s active, but she did mention her and her husband getting the Wii Fit so they could get some exercise. Made me wonder, but glad it’s helping. But yeah, she was trying to blame a sudden leg pain/injury on gaining 20 lbs. over the last three years. I was so proud when my husband was quick to say that it couldn’t cause such a sudden and specific pain like that (they are both massage therapists, my sis & hubby). And she knows a lot about the body, but we all can fall into those traps I guess. I think I will propose the book to her and see what happens. Thanks again.

  9. On September 4th, 2010 at 9:01 pm Kath Says:

    I love the phrase “Be the change you want to see.” My philosophy is to behave, and treat others, in the very way that I want the world to change and treat me. Because Fat Acceptance is so very positive, in it’s very nature it’s infectious. It takes time, and yes, is a process of evolution, but I’m starting to see it happen all around me with such a cumulative effect. Because for every one you break through to, they take that message out into the world and break through to others.

    And yeah, share the great books that are out there on the topic. Cos you know, I’m a librarian and all, gotta plug the books!

  10. On September 5th, 2010 at 10:26 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Yes! I love that quote, too. And I am very much of the same way of thinking about treating people with kindness & respect (how I would like to be treated). Rock on! I didn’t know you were a librarian. Awesome!

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