Sitting here talking to myself, like ya do, “what the fuck to blog about?!?!” But then I realized, hey, let’s take this moment to just be, ya know?! I’m feeling really good, though not physically (just soreness), and I should sit with that and appreciate it. So, here I am, happy as a clam, just being okay and right with the world right now. 🙂
I’m trying to be patient with myself, doing my best to care for me and my recent injury (pulled hamstring I think). But I’m also cramming for a dance performance next weekend…so exciting and scary!!! I know I have been pushing myself and this injury a bit much but I also need to get this shit down so I feel more prepared and confident, ya know? Oh yeah…No Lose is next week!!!! I am so excited!
Not only is it friggin’ No Lose, the best fat thing ever, but it’s also in Portland, OR, one of my favorite towns on the planet! AND my bff is driving up with me! So awesome! I cannot wait to reunite with rad fatties from all over! I cannot wait to learn all the things in the workshops and dance all night and swim with the hottest fatties! I mean?!?! And then there’s my fave places in PDX to check out! Like Gustav’s! OMZ! Incredible German food, yo! And they have these blackberry margaritas?! Whew! But really, it will feel so good to reconnect with my activism community. I haven’t felt very involved lately and sort of unmotivated, too.
It’s kind of weird to feel like so good about life right now. Not taking it for granted for a second, though! I am really enjoying it! I’ve been spending a lot of time alone and enjoying that. This is not entirely new, but I’ve been taking care of things and considering new projects and getting in touch with friends and just like rocking my life right now! Woo!
Okay, yes, my “Special Geek” has been keeping me very happy, too. He’s the sweetest most wonderful thing! I was struggling for a long time with unworthiness and questioning (Does he really like me?! How could such a handsome, successful, smart guy like me?!) and all of that. No more! I’m just enjoying it and his company and having a blast along the way. 🙂
I’ve been revisiting things that have helped me in the past, too. Like Alan Watts! Or last night I put on Rain Sounds as I went to sleep. So lovely! Just trying to stay calm, keep the anxiety beast at bay and appreciate the absence of stress as much as possible. I mean, yeah, the money thing has been freaking me out. My roommate paid my rent for July and that was super hard for me to ask for/accept her offer to. But I have a bunch of interviews lined up and I’m stoked for it all! Plus my unemployment payments should start any day now (fingers crossed).
I just feel fulfilled right now. That’s awesome, right?! I feel like it’s not allowed for some reason, but I’m fighting off those feelings, too. Being so poor has also made my creativity and resourcefulness kick in, which is strangely fun in it’s own way. Like buying toiletries/necessities with my Amazon points (so it’s free! I have a visa that earns the points, so awesome!). And there’s this grocery store near me called Sprouts that has amazing deals on produce! I have been living on raw veggies, summer fruits, salads and dips! Ha-ha!
It also means that I’ve been spending almost all of my time at home. Not that I’m complaining. I’m getting really good at entertaining myself and have had some great conversations with my awesome roommate. I got to hang out with my dog for a few days/nights last week, too! He is the best thing ever! I’m just trying to appreciate everything! Ha-ha! I know I have been through some horrible shit and because of that I feel it necessary and healthy to try to keep these good feelings with me as much as possible. I’m sort of having a moment where I wanna shout from the rooftops, ya know? 😉