NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Grateful, Blessed…

October12

Ever have one of those week’s where you wake up and think, “Holy shit! How is it Friday?!” Yep…I’m there! Ha-ha! Is it just that time of year? So much is going on and happening and it’s all so fun and exciting and exhausting. I love October! 😉

I’ve been practicing things like self-care and not putting so much pressure on myself about stuff (like blogging, obv.) and I have a new hobby, too. I’ve been trying to stop and smell the roses and freshly rained upon greenery all about. I’ve been spending more and more time alone, doing my best to get comfortable with that. I’ve made some serious leaps and bounds, actually. Music always helps, always! Embracing my quirks and celebrating them when I can has been fun as well.

I’ve been playing with fatshion and trying things I’d previously written off all together. I think my boss was a bit shocked at my tight fitting, bright colored, bold-wide horizontal striped, jersey knit dress yesterday morning, but then said she liked it. Six months ago I would have been too self conscious to even consider such a thing. And now I feel as though this dress IS me! Ha-ha!

I’ve been taking walks again, which really helps me sort my thoughts. I’ve been spending time with friends I so rarely get to see and this has been so healing. Some friends you don’t need to talk to every day or week or month, you just pop in and out of each other’s lives as though you’re in the same conversation five minutes ago.

Life is so beautiful and confusing and wonderfully quixotic and just WOW! Some days I feel like a kid again. I can see the world’s most mundane details with new eyes and appreciate all that I don’t know but want to so badly. Yes, I have those days where hiding under the covers seems like the best decision (boy howdy!). Again, trying not to put unnecessary pressure on myself, especially on those tough days.

Mostly though, things tend to work out just fine. Life never does seem to follow the plans and direct paths we lay out for ourselves, but generally it comes out great. Different is good! Surprises, while scary as hell, are good, too. I guess you could say that I’m loving life again and feeling so very blessed and grateful for the people in my life. I’ve carved out quite a lovely little chosen family for myself and I am amazed at how all the difficulties and work have paid off in this way.

I caught myself breathless and in awe of bunnies the other day. Like, two, actual, bunnies…ten feet away from me at a park! I couldn’t believe my eyes! It was beautiful outside with the high-bright sun and fluffy-full clouds above (my fave, especially when lit from behind so that they seem to be glowing). I thought to myself, “This is a special day.” It seems silly, but I fucking love animals, you guys! They just make me appreciate shit! Like, holy crap! I’m in a major metropolitan area of the world and I can still just be in awe of some fucking bunnies!!!

Isn’t that the spice of life? Connecting with other creatures and beings? It is for me! I never want to be the person who sees those bunnies and thinks it’s no big deal or worse, an annoyance. Those people? I just don’t have words for them. I’ve learned to appreciate brief-quiet moments. It’s a baby step for me since silence freaks me out. Maybe it’s just that I missed my room and my bed and my stuff after a long-ass time house sitting and stuff for like everyone ever this summer! Ha-ha!

I guess I just feel like there’s so much that we take for granted in our daily lives and the world around us and I want to remind myself to stay mindful of that. It’s not easy. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stress and the details and the chaos of life and not realize the beauty and wonder surrounding us all. It’s there, I promise! You just have to take a deep breath, let it out and open your eyes a bit wider than usual and see that every cell in us and in the world is connected. Because it is!

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One Comment to

“Grateful, Blessed…”

  1. On October 12th, 2012 at 4:04 pm Tee Says:

    I know how it feels! October always has a special place for me. I guess it’s because I realize that fall is REALLY here. Speaking of hobbies and fashion, I just finished knitting myself a pair of fingerless gloves. They’re really nice ^_^

    I need to take walks again, and look life in perspective. Thanks for this post!

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