No matter how great I’m feeling or how far I’ve come in my own self acceptance journey, there is still this one thing that irks me to no end and can have me go from calm to cantankerous in no time at all. I’m not sure what to call it, though I kind of want to come up with my own name for it now because of this, but that thing where you’re standing somewhere, being or doing or whatever, and someone comes along and while there’s a good amount of space all around you, they make a huge deal out of having to get around you somehow. I could be standing in a 30 foot by 30 foot room with nothing else in it and some motherfucker will come along and act like they have to literally squeeze by me and EEK! possibly even touch me to get by and go about their business. It’s all bullshit, too!
Shall we call it the fatphobic tango? The space face-off? The shopping cart shuffle? It does seem to happen in stores more than anywhere else. I can’t say that they would do this to a non-fat person, but it feels that way. It feels as though they’ve never encountered such gargantuan body mass that they are somehow unable to gauge not only their own necessary amount of space to move throughout the world, but also anything else’s. I’ve had folks make eye contact and try to hit me with their cart, this hasn’t happened in awhile and if it did now I certainly wouldn’t be silent about it like I used to. Or they will look like a deer in headlights, all mouth agape and eyes all wide and glazed. Bastards!
It never ceases to amaze me. It almost always irritates me. Sometimes it actually enrages me, but that’s rare now days. This afternoon I had to pop into Target for some toilet paper and Carmex (it’s an addiction) and this happened about six times as I went through the store. Kids usually aren’t an issue for me at all, most actually love me, but two kids today actually froze in their tracks to take in the sight of me. Mind you, I was in workout wear and it’s really hot today which means frizz city for my ‘do. Oh well. So fucking be it!
I did not care about a damned thing while running my errands today. I had to go buy coffee because I was all out of beans, I figured I’d get all I needed in one go and so I went about it all. Mind you, I grabbed some other essentials (note to self: write broke femmes drugstore finds post) and minded my own damned business the entire time. But I just don’t understand the fatphobic tango thing! Ugh! Does this happen to you? Does this happen to non-fats? Is it the obnoxious florescent lighting? Ha-Ha!
In the end I suppose it doesn’t really matter. I still get to come home and take off my pants and say “Fuck it!” and drink my iced coffee and re-watch “The IT Crowd” and “Black Books” on Netflix and do my best to enjoy the rest of my day. I’m feeling calm today. It could be the heat. I did have a pretty damn good weekend with some of my favorite people. I’m just fine today, I guess. I have plans to do a face mask thingy later and possibly cook myself a fucking steak (cheap at Target, who knew?)! What are your self-care plans this week?
Thought I’d share: I’ve had Beth Ditto’s solo EP playing on repeat in my car for a week…I love it!
This video for “I wrote the book” is soooo “Justify My Love” it’s not even funny…it’s awesome!
Fuck I miss the 90′s!!!