NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Fat on the Move!

February25

I struggle with physical activity. It’s a complicated issue for me and many fats, actually. What is amazing is how I forgot how athletic I was in school, that is pre-high school anyway. I loved basketball and was on the Jr. USTA in 6th grade (tennis). Volleyball was always a treat and my bro and I would go head to head on teatherball until one of us got the other laughing and then we’d just collapse in a pile of giggles. Good times. So what happened?

Boys. Drama. Drugs. Drama. Boys. Life. Work. Chaos. Work. Etc.

Things got in the way. I lost my motivation or even my desire to get out and move. Then I was working such long hours on my feet that by the time I got home I would just collapse from exhaustion. And that’s sort of where I’m at now. Not that my hours are that long (I have a fabulous fatty boss…Moi!) but it is both physically and emotionally taxing to run your own business. I’m not making excuses here. Just telling it like it is. It’s what I do, I guess. I struggle with exercising in public, even just walking. I feel people’s eyes on me and it BURNS! Ha-ha! Sorry. Ahem. It can feel awful though. And when you actually catch their eyes? Awkward! Not to mention the possibility or likelihood of harassment.

So what’s a fat to do? I got a puppy. I figured I’d have no choice but to walk him. And I do. Well, my husband and I do. It’s helped. It’s still hard, but I can’t look into those puggy eyes and say no. He is so hyper, too, so it’s nice for him to burn off some energy on a walk. I wish there was an indoor space you could go to so that we could play off-leash and out of harm’s way and he could just run and run and run. Oh well. We used to go to the dog park, but other people and their dogs created some major discomfort and problems. I wonder if being a big fat fatty and having a little dog is some sort of joke to some people? Probably, but fuck ’em!

A few months ago my husband bought me a basketball when he heard me reminisce about playing back in the day. But I’m terrified! I haven’t even dribbled a ball since 7th grade, yo! I feel like I need a few friends with me to even attempt it. Maybe that’s what I’ll do! I’ll grab some friends and hit the court! Could you imagine if I just showed up on my own and there were like regular jock-dudes there? I wonder what would happen?

I love to dance, but don’t have the space to do it. I would dance three times a week if I could, maybe even more. I looked for a long while for a space I could rent for 30-60 mins in my area, but no dice thus far. I hate class situations as I prefer to just “rock out”, which for me is more of a free-form dance style that would incorporate all of my favorite moves I’ve gathered over my lifetime. I just can’t get comfortable with a teacher instruction while I just wanna bust a move, ya know?

How do you like to move? What motivates you? What do you struggle with? Tell me all about it!

Thanks,
<3
S

**I’m terribly sorry if I offended anyone with yesterday’s post. It was not my intention at all. Nor was it my intention to come across as critical or dictating what should or should not be part of FA blogging. There is room enough for everyone. We all have a voice and it is because of this community that I have found my own. Thank you all.

 

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posted under Blog, fat, Fat Acceptance
18 Comments to

“Fat on the Move!”

  1. On February 25th, 2011 at 10:23 am Patsy Nevins Says:

    My issue has always been kind of the opposite, controlling the urge to over-exercise. I have spent at least 4 period of around 4 years each in my life pushing myself not just to be normally active, but to work out 4 hours daily. I have cerebral palsy, am now getting lots of osteoarthritis, & am 61 years old, so 4 hours per day is no longer doable. As part of the CP, part of my personality, & I also expect abuse issues, I am very hyper & cannot sit still. I rock in a straight chair, swing legs, tap toes, wiggle. I have to get up every few minutes & walk around, which is actually a good thing, since I stiffen up if I sit too long, & frequent movement also helps my sluggish circulation.

    I am having issues with aging keeping me from moving as much as I prefer, & this time of year, since I live in Maine, it is not safe most days for me, as a disabled person, to go outside, so right now, I am walking around the house a lot during the day, sometimes watching a kid’s show with my granddaughter & getting up & dancing (badly) to the music on the show. However, when the ground is bare, I am out every day, some days twice, walking at least 35 minutes every day & most days over an hour total.

    We have a large percentage of fat people in Maine, it seems, & the fact that I have CP has always given the idiots something else to pounce on, so I seldom get harassed for being fat, but have had a lot of it for being disabled. I have walked all my life, both as exercise & as transportation, because I do not have a license or own a car, so it is second nature to me & I really never think of what other people think of me out on the streets. I go about my business, & on the occasions when someone DOES say something stupid, I try to let it roll off & try to forget it as soon as possible. Of course, since I have been walking the streets of this city a lot for well over 50 years, I guess a lot of practice.

    Good luck finding a way to feel comfortable with movement & to get more into your life.

  2. On February 25th, 2011 at 10:31 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I didn’t know Maine had a a large percentage of fats. Interesting. My husband’s family is from there, but their body shapes are quite varied. I can certainly understand with the weather and all how hard it must be. I can’t understand why anyone would want to make fun of anyone, honestly! Ugh!
    I usually don’t have a hard time with harassment. I can usually let things roll off my back, as it were, but this last time it was more confrontational. It has stuck with me for some reason. I used to walk everywhere, too. At some point I started to dislike it though. Now I am wondering why. Perhaps with spring I can push myself a bit out of this comfort zone I’m clinging to and get out and walk some more. I have begun to take in as much nature as I possibly can. And I love seeing gardens in yards and such. I used to just pass them all by without taking notice. So glad I can and want to smell all of the lovely flowers. Thank you for sharing your story. You must be a tough lady! <3

  3. On February 25th, 2011 at 11:01 am AcceptanceWoman Says:

    I recommend trying 5 Rhythms — I think you’re in the Bay Area? I’ve found it to be welcoming of people of all sizes, really, any and every body is okay at the studio I dance at.
    Here’s a link:
    http://www.gabrielleroth.com/
    Click on teacher and if you find a teacher nearby, you can email and ask about classes in your neck of the woods. They are usually 90-120 minutes long — but not intense dancing the whole time — there’s usually a warm-up, and a “wave” — very little instruction, if any — and no choreography. I recommend trying a few different teachers unless you “fall in love” with the first one.
    Email me if you want to know more. I find it to be a great release, a creative outlet, a spiritual practice, a bit like moving meditation, and it also happens to be exercise.

  4. On February 25th, 2011 at 11:06 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Thank you for the link! I am in the bay area, but south bay. My cafe is near SFO, so I am always going back and forth! Ha-ha! Wow, 90 minutes? I love the idea of a moving meditation! I have tried meditation in a few forms/styles, but could never keep my mind still. This would actually be better I think if I’m focused on breathing AND movement! WOW! I only have $5 to my name at the moment, but who knows what tomorrow will bring, right? Thanks again, this is amazing.

  5. On February 25th, 2011 at 5:02 pm AcceptanceWoman Says:

    They will usually let you take the first class for free (that’s how they get you hooked! It’s like a cult!)

  6. On February 26th, 2011 at 9:07 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Ha-ha! I love it! That is fabulous that they do that, I don’t doubt that I will get hooked. Thanks again! =0)

  7. On February 25th, 2011 at 5:26 pm Lauren Says:

    Well, if you ever need some one to play basketball with, I’m your gal! I loved basketball growing up and was on a few teams up until middle school, when I was made self conscious about running. I still love the game though. Also, It’s always better to play with someone than just with yourself, not just to keep the assholes away. IMO though, playing on a school campus after hours, particularly an elementary school, is your best bet because they are usually abandoned and you won’t have to compete with any assholes. Give me a call when you feel up for it!

  8. On February 26th, 2011 at 9:07 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Awesome! I will totally call you on this! Thank you!

  9. On February 25th, 2011 at 8:14 pm sabrina Says:

    i used to play basketball, i’ll totally shoot hoops with you one day after a fat meetup! 🙂

    i started bikram yoga a couple years ago and LOVED it, but then just kind of stopped going. i keep meaning to take it up again. i went the first day TERRIFIED that i’d be the fattest fatty in the room and everyone would laugh at me. but that couldn’t have been further from the truth! i was shocked. everyone is so into their own practice that they don’t give a shit what you look like. even if you can’t do some of the poses (like me). hmmm, i’m feeling a blog post coming on about starting it up again 🙂 thank you!

  10. On February 26th, 2011 at 9:08 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Bikram? Wow, scared of you! Ha-ha! Thank you, maybe we should shoot some fatty hoops!

  11. On February 25th, 2011 at 8:34 pm TropicalChrome Says:

    I swim and lift weights mostly. We’ve started conditioning for a difficult hike I have wanted to do for 6 years and this is the year we are finally going to try, so I’m also doing treadmill on a steep angle to build up those hill climbing muscles.

    My husband bought me a baseball mitt for Christmas. We’re learning to play catch. We suck, but we don’t care because it’s *fun*.

    What keeps me motivated: mainly it’s how completely awful I feel in my skin if I don’t get enough motion in. It’s a weird, squirmy sensation and I don’t like it. All the above activities are also a major way I keep my stress in check. And ok, my body likes putting on muscle and I like seeing it do so. But that’s just me.

    I was pretty self-conscious when I started, especially swimming, until I realized, REALLY realized, that no one was watching me. If they notice me at all it is to make sure they aren’t going to walk into me. Most everyone is so into their own workouts and listening to their own music that I just don’t register.

  12. On February 26th, 2011 at 9:10 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Wow! Go you! That is fantastic! I hope to hear or see pictures and stories of this great hike you’ve got planned! Thank you for sharing your story. =0)

  13. On February 25th, 2011 at 9:51 pm Kath Says:

    I would say you’re already pretty physically active in your general day, running that business on your own.

    However, I understand the longing to engage in more activity for the sheer pleasure of it, not because it’s work or chores etc.

    I too have to be careful with the over-exercising. That’s part of the disordered relationship I have had with my body in the past, I get into exercising rather than activity, and all sorts of messed up stuff starts to happen in my head and I take it way too far.

    For me, I’ve REALLY used the activity not exercise mantra. If I’m going to be physically active, it’s because it’s an activity I enjoy and makes me feel good.

    Friends have been really important in my finding activities. I bought my bicycle simply because I have a friend who I know will go on “tootles” with me. The same thing for going to the beach or the pool. It’s social as much as it is an activity.

    How about the beach for you California Girl? I found that I really like “old people” beaches. Nobody gives a crap about your body or what your togs look like when they’re all over 70 and wrinkly!

    The only really solitary activity I do is yoga. But that’s all about relaxation for me. When I get home from work full of tension and stress, I put on my Yoga for Dummies DVD (with the adorable Sarah Ivanhoe) and do the basic routine. Guaranteed, when it gets to the corpse pose at the end, I’m nodding off on my living room floor. It’s the BEST way to relax my body and help me sleep. Only takes about 45 minutes too.

  14. On February 26th, 2011 at 9:14 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I have some yoga dvds, I may even have the one you mentioned, but haven’t been in the mood for that sort of movement lately. I have wanted a bike for awhile and Egao Eku is getting one, so it just brought that all back again. I wanna see how hers works out and maybe my tax refund could pay for one? I dunno, I miss riding my bike everywhere as a kid. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me, Kath. I feel a great kinship with you. We both share a lot of personal stuff in our blogs. I appreciate all of your love and support and advice. =0)

  15. On February 25th, 2011 at 10:26 pm Bri Says:

    I wasnt offended by your post yesterday, just wanted to explore an alternative point of view : )

    I struggle to find a physical activity that I enjoy. And I have tried many. I used to enjoy cycling and would like to try that again but don’t have the cash for a bike right now. I do have an exercise bike though and I hate using it so I am wary of spending the cash on a push bike in case I don’t end up enjoying that either. I also have a Pilates dvd that I have been meaning to try…need to get on to that!

  16. On February 26th, 2011 at 9:17 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh good and thank you, I am open to alternative points of view. I appreciate your willingness to provide it, too!
    Stationary bikes are terrible IMHO. I would take a cheap-o regular bike over an exercise version any day. But I understand the no cash thing. I don’t have an income except the tips I get at the cafe and that pays for my cell phone. I’m lucky to have what I do, but I struggle with it daily. I want a bike, myself, but can’t figure out when I would use it and thus have talked myself out of it numerous times. And yeah, I have a bunch of yoga dvds, I just haven’t been motivated. But a friend did give me some yoga pants! Perhaps I shall give it a shot tomorrow. =0)

  17. On February 25th, 2011 at 11:46 pm fatty on the run Says:

    have you ever considered an ipod? That way if you get harrassed you won’t even know! It works for me. Just turn up the tunes and rock it out!

  18. On February 26th, 2011 at 9:18 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I have an iPod, but I also enjoy being in the moment and taking in my surroundings and just being present. I get what you’re saying though. I wish I could find headphones or ear buds that were comfortable enough and would stay on so that I could use them on walks. Any suggestions there? Thanks so much. =0)

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