I would never refer to or describe myself as graceful, except perhaps in jest. I won’t go so far as to say that I’m terribly clumsy or unbalanced, but I am whatever it is that I am (I just am) and this means that from time to time I fall or trip or stumble. It’s not a big deal, except when it is! And when you’re fat it is always a big deal. Ugh!
My husband probably has nightmares about my falling because even when I just stumble a bit and catch myself, he acts as though I’m flying through the air into giant steel horror film inspiring spikes from hell. I fall about once a year I believe and while it’s not always in public, it is those instances that stick out in my mind, but mostly due to people’s reactions and not due to some sort of injury I sustained or anything.
The first public fall I remember was just awful! I was wearing these new slide-on sandals with a rubber soul. The problem was that the heel of it was rounded and thus not entirely stable. I didn’t realize this of course until I fell in a grocery store. *ShakesHead* I just sort of turned my ankle and fell. No biggie, right? Wrong! You would have thought an old lady was having a heart attack the way baggers and checkers and regular Joe’s came a-runnin’ to my aid. Only, I didn’t need or want any aid, let alone any attention. I was beet red (or probably more resembling a boiled lobster in color) and just wanted to get the fuck out of there. But the manager, I am sure, was worried about a law suit, while I was just worried about saving face! I threw those shoes out the moment I got home.
The next public fall I recall was on our flight back from Europe. I think it was the flight from Ireland to England’s Heathrow airport. We were deplaning (this is the most hilarious term for exiting a plane, y’all!) and just as I crossed the threshold from plane to tunnel/tube/whatever that thing is you walk through to get to the terminal, I somehow got caught up on a small bit of diamondplate (like a steel plate with x’s on it) and slammed my knee into the diamondplate and the rest of me onto my suitcase. The flight crew looked horrified. The passengers held up behind me were horrified (if not peeved that I was holding them up with my fall). My husband was in near shock. I just wanted to evaporate! Little did I know that my knee was actually quite fucked and I would spend the next 12 hours in horrible pain from the swelling and being cramped into a coach aisle seat, which I’m actually grateful for since I could stretch it out a bit from time to time.
And then I broke my foot! Such a stupid and boring story, I think. I was a corporate trainer for a mortgage company/bank and I was visiting an office out in central California and as I was walking (not in heels for once, at the time), my heel or toe caught the edge of a walkway and I flung forward onto my briefcase (gotta love these luggage landings). Only something wasn’t right, my right foot was white-hot and I couldn’t feel it entirely. So I shoved my shoe back onto it (and mule type of slip-on, quite comfy actually) and went on in to train the peoples. When I fell, about four people came running out of the office to help me up. What a first impression, eh? To make matters worse the people I was there to train were complete assholes to me about the new program I was there to train them on. But I digress. On my long-ass drive back home (3 hours I believe), my foot became increasingly painful. Like scary painful? On top of that I got a call from some headquarters jerk-off that decided that was the right time to be a prick and start yelling at me and question my authority when I absolutely had the fucking authority to ask for the cell phones for employees he was organizing. So that ended up with me hanging up on him and crying my entire face off. Turns out I had a tiny fracture and while I didn’t miss any work, I was in a lot of pain for a long time and have sworn off uncomfortable shoes ever since. No, I don’t care how cute they are. Fuck them!
I’m sure I’ve fallen a few times since, but I can’t quite remember any specifics. Until this passed Saturday morning. I was in a hurry to open the cafe, but needed some milk and stopped at a local drugstore a block away. I entered the parking lot (in my car, duh) and as I pulled into the first spot in the row my back tire caught this sliver of a curb. Funny thing…I get out of the car and grab my canvas bag and wallet and rush towards the store. Only, my left toe (I’m wearing flip-flops) catches that same damned sliver of a curb and I go flying like the lowest flying superman ever! This woman walks up slowly and says quietly but sternly, “Are you alright?” and I say, “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks.” and when I look up she’s already entering the store. She didn’t actually give a shit! Nice! No, seriously, I don’t want people to fuss unless I’m like “hey help!” or whatever. But oh well. I am fine, I was embarrassed, but since not many people were around so early on a Saturday I wasn’t too concerned. But damn if it doesn’t still sting! My hands and left arm got a bit scraped up, but no blood thank the stars. You know that stinging-burning sensation you get from a scrape? THAT SUCKS!!! I HAS IT!!! Ha-ha! And I think I chipped my big toe nail which sucks because I was going to paint them when I got home.
So, I am left wondering, would the reaction be different if I were smaller in size? Is it the mere sight of so much flesh (and assssssss, heh-heh) hitting the ground that causes this extreme of a reaction? Do smaller people never fall or trip? Have you publicly fallen? How did people react? I once tripped walking from the kitchen to the living room by catching my toe on that lip of carpet that divides the room, my husband was so freaked out! I was totally fine and laughing the entire way down (it was a slow-mo one), but he was so shaken that he was mad at my laughing about it. Oh well. We can’t control other people’s reactions to us, so why not just be a fucking bad ass on the regular, right?!
I would like to hear from other fats about their experiences like this. Or perhaps you got an entirely different response? Tell me all about it! =0)