NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Ditch ‘Em!

May31

Do you have/had someone in your life who constantly makes you doubt yourself? Maybe you don’t see it that way, but I have found myself there time and again. The worry, the guilt, the constantly wondering what I could have done wrong, questioning my own sanity…We are so quick to blame ourselves and to torture ourselves with this shit that I have to say this right now: STOP!!!

If you have someone in your life that whenever you spend time with them you don’t feel like your best self, that you need much time to decompress after hanging out with them because they take so much from you (drained) or you feel you can’t tell them the things about your life that you used to or would want to? This is a toxic relationship. Plain and simple.

Anyone who makes you feel bad consistently is not good for you at all. Anyone who makes you doubt yourself, your abilities, your relationship with your own body or lays heavy guilt trips on your for apparently no reason? BAD! This is not someone who is a friend or who loves you. They may say that they do, but they are not behaving in a way that shows or supports that. If they aren’t straight up lying to you, then they are absolutely lying to themselves. Is this who you want in your life?

I found myself feeling all of the above about my dad and his wife. After seeing them for even just an hour I would be drained and depressed, sometimes for days after. These are people who claim to love me, but their actions and behavior spoke volumes louder than the words they were so quick to say. The guilt trip stuff never worked on me, I see through that shit so fast I’m like Wonder Woman deflecting bullets with her bad ass bracelets! But the lying and manipulations? Wow! Yeah, those sucked and hurt a lot. In fact they tore my entire family apart.

I am at a point now that I simply don’t have room in my life, or the energy or sanity points to spare, for people who don’t or can’t accept me for me. I can’t be around constantly negative people anymore. I know I used to be that person and it is painful for me to expose myself to that way of thinking and being again. It is somewhat like a dependency that is so difficult to shake; it wants to lure you back at every turn. So I avoid such people and make no bones about why.

I know it’s hard to ditch people you care about, but you have to ask yourself when will it be enough? When will you see that they don’t love and respect you and how long are you willing to deal with that? Some people just don’t know how to give and some simply don’t care to. People who take and take? They suck! They don’t belong in your life or mine.

We cannot be our most authentic selves with someone, anyone, holding us back! It is entirely under our own control how we react and respond to such persons. Anytime someone makes you doubt yourself, your abilities or you know, anything? Think really hard about WHO is making you feel this way, WHY they feel the need to and consider ditching them all together! Because we are all worth so much more than that!

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3 Comments to

“Ditch ‘Em!”

  1. On May 31st, 2012 at 11:41 am Twistie Says:

    A good friend of mine recently divorced her husband of ten years because of this sort of shit. He used to make fun of her for reading, deflect all attention off of her and onto himself whenever possible, whine when she wanted to spend time with her friends or go do something fun… and it took her a long, long time to realize that she was slowly being swallowed alive with emotional abuse.

    I just talked to her a few minutes ago. She’s having a blast now with friends, critturs, activities, books, and new plans.

    Dumping that walking toxin to the curb has made her a much, much happier woman.

  2. On May 31st, 2012 at 9:31 pm Bluegrass Says:

    Amen, sista! You are so right about needing to you careful who you spend time with. It can be hard if you have mutual friends with a person but if they diss you or ridicule qualities in others that you admire in yourself then I try to dial down the time I spend with them. Good post.

  3. On June 3rd, 2012 at 6:17 am Cia Says:

    Amen indeed! Once upon a time i put up with way too much out of fear of losing a friend. When I finally stood up for myself I DID lose him, but now I can’t remember why this was something to be afraid of. It was like losing 100 pounds (not in the dieting sense, more like taking off a huge, annoying back pack). 😀

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