How do you pick yourself up after a long hard day? How do you keep yourself moving when what’s ahead is hard, too? I woke up feeling pretty lousy this morning. I say woke up, but I’m not sure I got much in the way of actual sleep. I slept in fits and spells and couldn’t figure out my temperature needs. Yuck!
The truth is, I had a pretty rough weekend. Things are fine now, but it was really hard and scary for awhile there. Emotionally, I went through the wringer. This human connection/communication stuff is hard, yo! I keep fooling myself into thinking I’ve got a handle on it all when nope, no way, not even close! Psshht!
Knowing in advance that my Monday would not only be chaotic, but physically difficult for me, let’s just say I was not rearing to get out the door this morning. And now, it’s right around my lunch time, I feel worse. A headache may be coming on, my stomach is doing things I don’t care for and my back is feigning issues before the actual work has begun. What the fuck?!?!
So how do I just keep going and get through this day and this week? I keep telling myself it will all be over soon. Friday is my birthday and I get to see my favorite folks and enjoy some good old fashioned merriment with them! But that seems so far away! “Head down, keep moving, you can do it…” I tell myself.
I have been so spoiled with the company of my boyfriend the last couple of weeks because he was on vacation. He canceled his trip abroad last minute and we spent many a day and evening just doing awesome stuff and enjoying each others company. It was so great! Like, I seriously needed that! So much! But he went back to work today and so I know I won’t see him until Friday and that seems extra hard for me this week. I already wrote him an email this morning! Ha-ha!
I just feel sort of exposed and vulnerable and cranky. I will have to do something extra nice for myself tonight. I just don’t know what that is yet. Might even take a sleeping pill (otc) just to ensure I can fall asleep tonight! Last night was awful, but I did try to get my z’s right after watching the Walking Dead! Ha-ha!
No, tonight I have to remember to take care of me. Shake off the yuck of the day (and weekend) and focus on the moment at hand. Breathing helps. Stretching does wonders. Reminding myself that I’m worth these small efforts is needed, though not easy. I feel a shift beneath the surface of whatever “me” is these days. I feel a strong urge to hide and protect myself, but I also don’t think right now is the best time for that. I want to push myself to get out and do more stuff, but I guess I can’t just jump in head first without looking anymore.
Do you have a trick or ritual or something that keeps you motivated when you just can’t manage it on your own? How do you get through a hellish work week? For now I’m focusing on getting what I can done, staying mindful of how I feel and doing my best to take care of myself, while knowing I will have a fantastic weekend at the end of it all.
Rad Fatty Love to ALL!