NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Crummy

October21

How do you pick yourself up after a long hard day? How do you keep yourself moving when what’s ahead is hard, too? I woke up feeling pretty lousy this morning. I say woke up, but I’m not sure I got much in the way of actual sleep. I slept in fits and spells and couldn’t figure out my temperature needs. Yuck!

The truth is, I had a pretty rough weekend. Things are fine now, but it was really hard and scary for awhile there. Emotionally, I went through the wringer. This human connection/communication stuff is hard, yo! I keep fooling myself into thinking I’ve got a handle on it all when nope, no way, not even close! Psshht!

Knowing in advance that my Monday would not only be chaotic, but physically difficult for me, let’s just say I was not rearing to get out the door this morning. And now, it’s right around my lunch time, I feel worse. A headache may be coming on, my stomach is doing things I don’t care for and my back is feigning issues before the actual work has begun. What the fuck?!?!

So how do I just keep going and get through this day and this week? I keep telling myself it will all be over soon. Friday is my birthday and I get to see my favorite folks and enjoy some good old fashioned merriment with them! But that seems so far away! “Head down, keep moving, you can do it…” I tell myself.

*Sigh*

I have been so spoiled with the company of my boyfriend the last couple of weeks because he was on vacation. He canceled his trip abroad last minute and we spent many a day and evening just doing awesome stuff and enjoying each others company. It was so great! Like, I seriously needed that! So much! But he went back to work today and so I know I won’t see him until Friday and that seems extra hard for me this week. I already wrote him an email this morning! Ha-ha!

I just feel sort of exposed and vulnerable and cranky. I will have to do something extra nice for myself tonight. I just don’t know what that is yet. Might even take a sleeping pill (otc) just to ensure I can fall asleep tonight! Last night was awful, but I did try to get my z’s right after watching the Walking Dead! Ha-ha!

No, tonight I have to remember to take care of me. Shake off the yuck of the day (and weekend) and focus on the moment at hand. Breathing helps. Stretching does wonders. Reminding myself that I’m worth these small efforts is needed, though not easy. I feel a shift beneath the surface of whatever “me” is these days. I feel a strong urge to hide and protect myself, but I also don’t think right now is the best time for that. I want to push myself to get out and do more stuff, but I guess I can’t just jump in head first without looking anymore.

Do you have a trick or ritual or something that keeps you motivated when you just can’t manage it on your own? How do you get through a hellish work week? For now I’m focusing on getting what I can done, staying mindful of how I feel and doing my best to take care of myself, while knowing I will have a fantastic weekend at the end of it all.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL!
S

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2 Comments to

“Crummy”

  1. On October 22nd, 2013 at 7:46 am tucking_fwit Says:

    Everybody has days like that periodically. Those of us struggling with depression have them more often. I like to “go into my cave” and be alone as my alone time is very important to me. Meaning I keep a low profile, staying at home in my jammies and taking care of myself when I’m feeling vulnerable. I work from home so it’s easier for me but you could do that when you have finished work or on the weekend.

    I also try to be kind to myself and do things that make me feel good: music, hot cup of cocoa, reading something good, watching something amusing. I try to remember that feelings are temporary and do pass and that it isn’t necessary to push myself. Most times the next morning after a good night’s sleep I feel better.

    Only if one has spent too much time and home and is becoming too isolated do I think it’s necessary to push oneself and get out. I find exercise helps enormously too.

  2. On October 22nd, 2013 at 9:16 am Not Blue at All Says:

    tucking_fwit: Thank you. I treated myself kindly last night and feeling the benefit/results of that today. Whew! *Hugs*

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