NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Check Myself: Gratitude

March11

Friday was a full day, a busy day, and a fulfilling day. I am usually off on Fridays, but my boss is out of town and a delivery had to be made to San Francisco and so, yeah…I did that. I also got up way before I’d planned to and threw my laundry in the washer. The day seemed to have it’s own pace, with or without my say or influence. I actually woke up smiling (the previous night’s date still fresh on my mind)! There is just something about a Friday that always makes things seem like they are about to be so much better. It helped that it was sunny out, too.

After running around all day and chilling out with B and the puggyman that evening, I found myself in a very silly moment of self-pity/disappointment. I thought to myself, “Why am I home on a Friday night?!” but I immediately checked myself, looked up at the stars and thought, “Fuck that! I am so grateful to have this moment of peace in so much chaos.” and smiled (because I’ve been doing a lot of that lately).

I don’t know where the notion of being or going out meant anything other than simply that. Whether or not I have plans on a given day should bare no weight one way or the other. I had had a very full day and a long week, actually. I had to laugh at the absurdity of these thoughts, but that’s gotta be progress, eh? Ha-ha!

It feels like everyone around me is feeling their age or the passage of time lately. People have stopped believing that I’m 35 years old when I tell them. Yet it’s been twenty years since Dazed and Confused hit theaters. What?! I know! Ha! Last night when I looked up at the stars and laughed at myself, I began to think of how connected we are and to the universe itself. We’re all made of the same elements. It’s beautiful! It is moments like that when I realize just how much I/we take so much for granted. It really is the simplest of things in this world that can bring the most pleasure.

When someone suggested that I run for president I had to laugh (but thank you for saying it, you’re so very sweet). I thought about that again this morning in the shower. People like me just couldn’t fit in that sort of political environment. But you know, I know that I have impacted people, connected with them and even helped people. It never ceases to amaze me when I get an email from someone willing to share their story with me or tell me how I made them realize something about themselves or take control of their life. I try not to think about that stuff when I write because I think deep down I haven’t entirely accepted it.

I’m just me. I share my story and my ideas and thoughts because I know what it feels like to think you’re a complete freak of nature for feeling something or experience something. It’s only when we find out that we’re not the only one to feel that way or go through something that we can begin to heal. I just want to do all I can to have the best quality of life that I can with what I’ve got, ya know?

I’m excited for the future, but so grateful for the present moment. It is so lovely, so fleeting. It makes me feel more alive to know that I’ve done good in the world while so stoked for the chance to do more! So I will stay in on a Friday night, I will give myself every opportunity to reflect in those quiet moments. And I thank you, my wonderful readers, friends and supporters, for giving me so much back.

Rad Fatty Love to you ALL!
<3
Sarah

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