I am so fortunate and grateful to have had the television show “Roseanne” in my life as a kid/teen. Not only did the show offer amazing working-poor family representation, but it also made me feel less different and weird. Here was a fat woman and a fat man busting their humps trying to keep house and home for themselves and their three kids. Guess what? Sounds a lot like my family (minus a working mother). “Roseanne” approached otherwise taboo topics like lesbianism and labor rights long before our current equality and labor rights climates were on anyone’s radar. I can’t help but wonder how much of that show influenced my own feminism and thoughts on fat bodies and their presentations. In fact I have watched and re-watched the entire series (yes, even the last two seasons, they were still good fun) and still love it, if not more than ever!

I saw a bunch of people linking to an article called, “And I should Know” so I had to read it. I don’t follow Roseanne Barr’s blog like I used to, but I check in from time to time. I enjoyed seeing her on Oprah and was moved to tears watching the video they showed of her life on her macadamia farm in Hawaii. I had meant to save it for my husband (he wants to live off the land as they say), but accidentally deleted it from our DVR. Then a real treat happened when Ms. Barr guest hosts the Joy Behar show and had guest Michael Moore on! WOW! Two rad fatties (if only Mr. Moore was body accepting *sigh*) I adore on the same show?! Amazeballs! They talked truths, my friends. It was a radical moment for me in both uses of that word. I have not read any of Roseanne’s books, but mostly because I’m broke. I think she is a brilliant woman and is so underrated it is offensive!

Anyway, back to the article! I truly enjoyed reading about her fighting for proper credit due to her and how she went about it and how the staff helped her stay strong through some heavy bullshit. It’s a worthwhile read, I promise! I know she’s had some controversies and scandals and all of that shit…but she is a being in constant renewal and change. I identify with this as an abuse survivor, as a woman and a feminist. though her words can come across as harsh (I’m guilty of this, too), I find that when you get to the heart of her message (and her heart, too) you can see that she is speaking from a place of love and honesty. What more could you ask for?

I love The Simpsons. I have watched since it’s introduction on The Tracey Ullman show oh so many years ago. Even when my dad banned it from our house because my ‘lil bro pulled santa’s beard off at my grandma’s company x-mas party (as had been seen on The Simpsons the week prior), I still watched, but in secret! I have seen the show evolve into a pop culture phenomena and into something people of all walks of life can bond over. I love the humor and the family dynamic and never questioned it. I look forward to new episodes as I do all of my favorite shows (though the number of ’em has drastically declined over the years).

I am not easily offended and often find such moments of offense to be more windows of opportunity to share the experience or knowledge with my fellow earthlings. I say this because the other night, while watching the newest episode of The Simpsons, I was offended and shocked and then just plain fucking mad! The episode is titled, “Love is a Many Strangled Thing” and it addresses the unique if not entirely abusive relationship that Homer has with Bart. Hence the “Strangled” bit. We’ve all laughed at those moments when Bart just pushes Homer over the edge and that all-time classic “strangling” ensues. No worries there, I mean, they’re cartoons!

This episode also had a “nightmare” sequence for Homer. In it he suddenly finds that he is the character “Precious” from the film of the same name. I was startled to see such a dark reference on such a funny and family-oriented show, but I didn’t question it. That is, until I caught what Bart (while in the nightmare as “Precious” abusive mother) says at the end of the sequence, “I don’t see many more movie roles for a girl like you. Not unless George Lucas needs another Death Star.” And my heart broke. And then I just got angry! (You can watch the clip below, quality is poor, but the quote is in there.)

I just can’t get past this. When he said that I felt a stab in my heart, seriously! I know it’s a cartoon, but it stings! And what the fuck is that all about anyway? Why attack the actor and not the character or film or whatever? I don’t get it! Because we all know how fucking mad-rad-awesome and fantastic Gabourey Sidibe is, y’all! I think the writer’s took a fucking day off or something. A lot of work goes into those episodes and a lot of people have to agree and get on board with an idea for it to be approved and ready for the show. So how did this little biting bit of fat hate get thrown in there? More importantly, WHY?! Why did anyone deem that little remark necessary? It certainly didn’t help the plot or even make me laugh. I have laughed at fat jokes before. It’s true. Not in awhile, but I have. Now? I prefer fat puns by fat people. Just how I like it I guess. But this was just wrong and rude.

I can’t say that I will stop watching The Simpsons, but I will begin to look a bit more closely at the dialogue and take note of those writers’ names and see if maybe I can’t write a letter or two. Homer is a much beloved fat international anti-hero. He usually doesn’t give a shit about his fat, and even when other characters make him feel badly about it, by the end of the episode, he usually comes to some form of acceptance. In the end, the real nightmare was mine.

I don’t do Trigger Warnings, but this is all kinds of triggering. So this is a Trigger Warning for pretty much anything and everything relating to diet talk, weight loss and so much more. Ugh! (Also, I swear!)

A&E has a new show called, “Heavy” from the site: A&E’s new docudrama Heavy follows twenty-two individuals facing extreme life-threatening health consequences as a result of their obesity. The one-hour series follows two participants per episode documenting their incredible transformations during a six month treatment program.

(The ad at the top right when I loaded the page was for onestopplus.com, the one at the bottom of the page is from avenue.com, irony much?)

The ad I found in a magazine I subscribe to (Entertainment Weekly) is what made me look it up. The image for the ad seems overly doctored and just weird. A woman standing on a scale blank-faced, staring right at you. Also, the people in the ad/ads aren’t actually from the show, they could be models or CGI, not sure. But it bugged me enough to go online and look it up. The tag line for the series, “Losing is their only hope.” UGH!

“Unlike other weight loss series, “Heavy” is not a competition or stunt, but is rooted in the incredible real life day-to-day journeys of the participants during a lengthy treatment program. In order to most accurately document these multiple weight loss journeys over the course of six months and present them individually in one hour, A&E sought out two different production companies to undertake the lengthy and ambitious filming process. The result is a never-before-seen look at the unique struggles faced by dangerously obese individuals who must learn to live healthier lifestyles and understand the root of their food addictions. Through their day-to-day struggle and the voices of their loved ones, viewers will see first hand the pain and self-doubt associated with a debilitating weight problem.”

This makes me feel ill. I just don’t have the words right now. I won’t discount that some people do have food addictions, and maybe everyone they chose for the series does have one, but not all fats have a fucking food addiction! That’s absurd! Well, except for the simple fact that all living things NEED FOOD!!! WTF?! I have never watched any weight loss series/show. I have seen clips from “Biggest Loser” and decided on my own that it wasn’t for me. And after reading Golda’s interview with BL finalist Kai Hibbard I knew it wasn’t going to “entertain” me, at all. The whole concept sickens me. But I digress…

“In the premiere episode, viewers meet Tom and Jodi, both 37 from Houston, TX, and learn why they are heavy and how they must reverse their lifestyles or die.”

This is what pissed me off most: “Jodi, 5-foot-6 and 363 pounds, is at a critical juncture with her health. Her heaviness prevents her from keeping up with her husband and two children and from her favorite pastime, singing with her brothers in a band.”

What the fucking fuck?! My weight has never stood in the way of keeping up with my husband and our puppy or my love of singing…SINGING! It mentions her fear of suffering another stroke. And this: -Wants to lose the weight to avoid another stroke
Am I wrong here? I thought a stroke was a blood clot in the brain, no? How the hell does weight affect this? If I’m wrong, let me know. I know that individual experiences differ so very greatly, but I just don’t buy any of this.

The Bios page is the worst bit for me. You click on a picture and it gives the “bio” for the person. Only, it’s no bio like I’ve seen, it’s only stats, health problems, limitations and “stakes.” I mean, half of these people, when you read what it is that they want, they just need FA & HAES! One gal, Julia, says “Scared of getting diabetes” under health problems. So, wait…she doesn’t even have any health problems! WTF?!

Look, the ignorance runs deep with this show. It makes me sad and angry. And this anger, this very special kind of anger that cuts right to the heart of my big fat fucking body, it fuels my fat activist flame! It is because of stupid bullshit like this being broadcast to the masses (not sure what the ratings are like for A&E, but it’s more than ten people and that’s too many) that I and so many other fat bloggers/activists work to spread the word, support one another and just be publicly fat and happy, dammit!

Had these people been introduced to Fat Acceptance before being approached by A&E they may have an entirely different outlook on themselves, life and the world all together. I know I do!

So what can we do to spread the word on FA & HAES? How can we let A&E know that this show is bullshit? What else can we do?

So, here’s a bit of an admission: I’ve been taping Oprah. It’s a bit of a guilty pleasure, a bit of wanting to see what she does during her last season and also wanting to know what millions of people are watching every weekday. I don’t watch all of the episodes. In fact I delete most. But I try to watch 2 episodes a week.

Yesterday I watched the episode called, “30 Year Old Virgin”. I was interested in what these two ladies had to say and to understand the motivation behind not wanting to have sex. It seemed apparent to me that both ladies knew exactly why they didn’t want to have sex. But I also appreciated seeing Dr. Laura Berman counsel them and start them on a hopefully healing journey.

But then there was this part where they take Carmen to Marie Claire’s offices for a mini-makeover. Carmen visits Ashely Falcon, author of the column “Big Girl in a Skinny World” and what killed me was that the first thing she said to Carmen after hearing about her daily struggle to get dressed was, “I am not the size I want to be right now, I’m not, it’s that simple. But you know what, I still need to get up in the morning, I still need to go to work and I refuse to be in a garbage bag.” Really? A garbage bag? Wow!

I don’t know why this surprised me. But it did, y’all! It truly did! Am I so disconnected from outside the FA world that I have a hard time hearing this stuff? Ugh! I guess I just felt that a huge opportunity was missed here. I didn’t feel at all that they tried to show Carmen a world without self-hate. Lots of us in the FA community have PCOS and I’m sure many have fallen into the spiral that Carmen did. But damn! 10 years of hating yourself so much that you would just rather stay in bed? It makes my heart hurt for her. She gave up on herself and life! I know ladies with PCOS who are sexy as hell, have lots of or steady men in their lives and I just fucking admire them! It’s not an easy life (for anyone, right?), but to just give up? Because you’re fat? Dear Maude, please help us all!

I wanted to reach into the television (yes, it was recorded so even if that was possible it would be for naught) and hug Carmen and tell her that she is worthy of love and life and joy and pleasure! I didn’t really feel that they did that. They told her she was beautiful (Ugh! Why is that always the first thing they say when someone asks for help?) and referred her to a psychiatrist and nutritionist and endocrinologist, but damn! I would have showed her the LiveJournal Fatshionista Community! It IS a revelation! And honestly? I’d want to meet each of her friends and demand to know what the hell, ya know? Why didn’t they make her feel worthy and loved enough to get the hell out of bed?

People don’t always ask for help. Many are very good at hiding their inner struggles. But this girl spent so much time in bed! WTF?!

If I could talk to Carmen right now I would say, “Carmen, you are an amazing person. There is an entire world out there just waiting for your impact! We are all waiting for your input and sparkle. We need you to participate in this world. Forget about men and sex for a minute and ask yourself why it is that you think it’s so terrible to be the size that you are right now? Because there is nothing you can’t do right now. There is nothing that will magically change with the size of your body. You deserve all of the magic and wonder the universe has to offer you. You just have to reach out and grab it!”

I know I have fallen victim to my own depression, but I would be dead without my friends. No lie! They have verbally and physically and emotionally saved me. Sometimes it took some tough love and other times some tenderness. But that is what friends are for!!!

If you need to talk to someone without judgment, email me! notblueatall@notblueatall.com I will listen and I will love. Please, reach out!

This weekend I was too tired & sick to do much of anything, but luckily it was raining and it all worked out to a cozy Sunday on the couch with the puglet and husband and the heater all working in harmony with the Cooking Channel to give me nearly all the comforts I could ever ask for. I do love the Cooking Channel! I just discovered it a couple of month ago, but it was love at first sight, honestly.

Sunday morning after a bite to eat and some fabulous espresso drinks, we headed home and I literally curled up with the pup on the couch. We snuggled in for a full day of cooking shows. The first few, I believe, were three episodes of “Two Fat Ladies” and oh how I had forgotten how much fun their show was to watch. I remember my grandma watching them and talking about it. I remember watching a couple of episodes with her long ago and generally enjoying myself (cooking & baking is a new found love for me).

The title alone is so radical and just smacks of you got a problem with it? To put the word FAT in the title of a show? WOW! And the ladies themselves were such a hoot to watch working together in the kitchen. Not only that, no, they also ride a motorcycle (one in the sidecar) and one episode ended with them doing a bit of a spin-out…Fabulous!

At one point Jennifer Paterson burst into song as she was cleaning up a counter. I turned to my husband and said, “Well, at least you now know, when you die, this will be my future without you!” because y’all! I totally burst into song all of the damn time at home, especially while cooking! Too funny!

While they were hardly afraid of calories, they were often seen as a bad influence on the Brittish diet for their use of butter and lard in their dishes. Paterson often ended an episode by smoking a cigarette and having a nip of something alcoholic. Glorious!

It did make me a bit sad though, as I knew one had died. In fact it was Jennifer Paterson, of lung cancer. On her death bed, she called Clarissa Dickson Wright asking for a tin of caviar. When she arrived though, Paterson had already passed away. “Dickson Wright said that after Paterson’s funeral, she ate the caviar as a tribute.” (Quoted from wikipedia.)

I just fell head over heels all over again for these “Two Fat Ladies” and cannot imagine what it would be like had they debuted now. *sigh* I have come to see them as radical revolutionaries in the Fat Acceptance movement. Intentional or not, they are among my fat heroines, for sure.