NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Son Of A…

October14

*Yeah, this one’s about Rosie O’Donnell, too, so if you’re not interested, I do understand. I will be blogging about fat things more next week, promise.

Watching last night’s episode of the Rosie Show, with Lisa Kudrow as her guest, pissed me right the hell off. At the beginning of the show she brings on this wisp of a man model and insists he’s “not the bad kind of skinny.” Then coming back from a commercial break she makes a big friggin’ deal about some weight loss bullshit and now I’m just mad and annoyed. I am beginning to think that Rosie will get up and cheer for just about any old thing…I don’t know why this surprises me so.

“We are kicking off a brand spanking new weight loss program today called “______ ____ ___”. Listen to this, so the people of “______ ____ ___” have signed on a smokin’ hot celebrity who lost a lot of weight on this plan but I can’t tell you who it is, I’ve been sworn to secrecy. —-You’ll get the exclusive on November 8th. —We’ve enlisted 25 women to start the program, they’re right here in ____ shirts. They got free “______ ____ ___” meals today and for the next 28 days. Plus, one on one help from a “slimoglogist” –which I didn’t even know they had that–We’ve got all of these women coming back and on November 7th They’re going to walk through and they’re going to be…thinner. And then the celebrity is gonna walk through and they’re all gonna hug.—“

And then she goes right back to another commercial break and I’m like what the fucking hell?! She starts off with “not the bad kind of skinny” and ends with a new weight loss plan…mind you she did not refer to herself in any way shape or form when talking about this program/plan/bullshit. And then I jump online to write this post and a commenter mentions how Rosie has always been everyone’s cheerleader. That she will be SO EXCITED for basically whomever is in front of her or people like or in some way could help her show. UGH!

Well, if she is going to be SO EXCITED for everyone ever, then I suppose it’s not such a bad thing. She is human after all. Certainly there are corporate sponsors to worry about. Oprah’s approval, too, no doubt. I just felt like this was going to be the real Rosie show, ya know?

C’mon Rosie! You’re better than this! This is YOUR show now, right? I mean, I love what you said about being proud and standing up for yourself and not wearing spanx that first night…and now this? I’m glad you’re not shilling for some weight loss garbage. At least not directly, your show is, as a host you are, but you’re not on the diet so whatever. I just want you to know that this back and forth on the body hate stuff…it’s damaging to all of us. Remember the “It Gets Better” anti-bullying campaign? Well, you know then how kids can be affected by a stigma. A stigma so deeply rooted in our society that their lives are threatened. That they are denied health care! Based on a damned stigma!!! Not fact! That they are harassed and encouraged to do so by almost the entire fucking world!!!

So think about it, and maybe consider ending the body judging comments all together. You can love yourself, too…just as you are, right now! Celebrity or no, you can let go of the societal pressure and bullshit body hate that only one industry truly benefits from: the 64 billion dollar diet industry! The rest of us lay in ruins in its wake of cash and empty protein shake bottles. Our self esteem still smoking from the last “diet” we all tried. Those fake statistics we all bought as fact…it’s all bullshit and deep down you have to know it is. You have to know it isn’t right. There is a better way. Self acceptance, self love, ending the self hate, ending the judging all together…that is the way, man. I can tell you that for sure! Nothing bad has ever come from loving and accepting yourself. And what a fabulously positive message to give to your audience and the world?! You are a brave and proud woman, I know you can do this!

Thanks for reading. <3

Rosie & The Fatties: Representin’?

October10

Not just a fabulous band name (hey wanna start a band?!), but last night I watched the new Rosie O’Donnell show on OWN. Okay, well, I taped it and watched it later. I cannot stand commercials. Can ya blame me? Anyway, I was watching and right in her opening monologue/stand-up she mentioned “fatties” and then said, “I mean that in a loving way” and I have to say, I’m not sure how anyone else took it, but I love it! Rosie is representin’ without shame! Woo Hoo!

Okay, specific quote to come here…

She’s talking about how she had to have a microphone (with a stand, as she gestures) for her monologue/stand-up at the beginning of the show, because she’s been a stand-up comedian since she was sixteen years old and now she’s forty-nine and all and she sees Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno and kind of makes hand gestures like they would. She mentions not knowing what to do with her hands and so she had to have the microphone.

“I like to have the mic, too, so I won’t do that chubby person shirt pull. Are you familiar with this? Anybody? All of the plus sized people, all of the fatties like me, and I mean that in a loving way…We do this (grabs front of shirt with pinchy fingers and pulls) I don’t even realize I do it, but I do it a lot. I watch myself –Why? Why do we do this? Is there such a big difference …it’s like this, oh no no not appealing, but this way Oh she’s Pippa Middleton look at her she is so svelte and fantastic. Just pull the hell out of…I don’t think Diane von Fürstenberg design for that, I dunno.”

And just like that…she’s a self-accepting fatty! I love it! I mean, it can’t be fake, right? I hope it’s not. In fact, I’m considering writing her a letter. I am not yet sure what I want to say, but I appreciate the fact that she’s okay even saying the word “fatties” let alone associating herself with it AND saying it’s in a “loving way.” She later said when asked by an audience member about what she’s proudest of she said of course her kids, “that and the fact that I’m not wearing Spanx right now. I’m very proud of that. Because I had to stand up to my wardrobe terrorist, who insisted I wear Spanx. Are you familiar with these? They’re horrible. They’re a torture device. I’m sure they use them at Guantanamo. I don’t k now what the hell–”

That’s right! She fought to not wear Spanx! How rad is that? Well, I think it’s pretty rad. You so rarely hear about people not wanting to wear these things let alone question what the point of them even is. I love it. I love her, I have a good feeling about the show. Mind you, it didn’t hurt me one bit that her first guest was Russell Brand. He’s delightful. I am fascinated by him. Not in an obsessive way, no I save that for other blokes for sure, but I enjoy him. I haven’t seen “Arthur” or even “Get Him to The Greek” but I just like him. I found the conversation between him and Rosie to be cute and funny, if not a bit stiff. It was live after all, so perhaps nerves?

So, what should I write to Rosie? I’d love your suggestions! What were your thoughts on her first episode?

Prohibition Then And Now

October6

After watching Ken Burns’ PBS series “Prohibition”  this week (three parts, each two hours – you can watch online at the link), it is no small wonder to me how anyone could see the similarities between the 1920’s and now. I would venture that every era, every generation has some social swell of some specific issue or struggle to address and/or overcome. Why, right now, we’ve got a tome’s worth! I am thinking about our social climate. Our financial struggles. The environment. Our prison industrial complex. So many things all going down those proverbial tubes. We’re all scratching our heads, clenching our fists, muffling our sobs and hoping beyond all reasonable hope that something will give, something will improve…it has to!

Prohibition began as a moral movement. Basically, how I took it, was a religious/conservative group gathered and organized on the platform that alcohol consumption led to corruption, prostitution, spousal abuse and other criminal activities. They believed the only solution was to prohibit, enforce and criminalize alcohol in all of its many forms. Does this sound familiar? No? Okay, consider for a moment the bootlegging that took the place of saloons and brewers. Many people died as a direct result of the illicit ways people got and distributed the booze. Think of the doctors prescribing whiskey as medicine, if you knew the right doctor that is, medicinal use being legal even after the nationwide ban on alcohol. Yet the consumption of alcohol itself wasn’t technically illegal. In fact you could make your own wines at home as many families did back then.

Many saw prohibition as a direct attack on immigrants who held fast to their cultures and rituals and often saw nothing at all wrong with alcohol. Suddenly self-appointed rabbis of any background were enjoying their own private supply as this, due to its religious significance, was also still legal. Soon petty thieves found themselves knee-deep in opportunity and flush with loads of cash for any and all liquor they could get their hands on. With this money came power they hadn’t the conscience nor education to put to good use (my opinion mind you). And basically, all hell broke loose! Speakeasies were raided, people were killed in clumsy displays of not in my backyard and many were jailed for periods far outweighing their crimes.

Sound familiar yet? Okay, let me put it this way, there are a lot of problems we currently have in this country. Many of these same problems were happening back in the twenties, too. The solution for the lack of jobs, floundering economy, a country overcome by unemployment and despair: end prohibition! How did they do it after such a long and successful battle by those who sought to turn this country into some sort of moral compass for the world? They found the right woman for the job! She had money, connections, charisma, power and above all else, she was fearless!

Right now we could fix a lot of our problems both environmental and economic. We need sustainable products to replace things like cotton, paper, oils, etc…we need to create jobs and fast…we need new revenue to get our deficit down and our economy flowing again! The solution: end prohibition…of cannabis!!! Think about it, it got its bad name and reputation because of a certain media mogul of those same roaring twenties: William Randolph Hearst! Hemp threatened his empire and so he sought to destroy it and whoa did he?! This may be my lay person’s grasp of it, but he did more than just destroy the industry itself. What he did (or eventually happened) was outright demonize not just hemp but cannabis itself in all of its various forms and uses.

There in lies the problem. Our prohibition of cannabis has turned petty crooks into power hungry lunatics. Ordinary citizens into life-sentence-serving prisoners thanks to steep drug laws, ravenous politicians and corrupt law enforcement and judges…not to mention California’s three strikes law. Ugh! That needs to be repealed, man. By ending prohibition on cannabis and repealing all laws to restrict, enforce, criminalize, stigmatize and whatever else they’ve chosen to throw at us, we could actually improve our entire socioeconomic situation!

 

 

New taxes! State-run dispensaries! Safer access! Hemp fiber industry jobs! We could actually bring manufacturing back to the USA with hemp. We could corner the market and find new ways to use the stuff. My husband was just telling me about the dire situation every winter in the colder parts of our country where senior citizens are forced to choose between heating oil and other necessities due to the endless rate hikes in oil. Hemp seed oil would be so much cheaper! Hemp is stronger than cotton, too. My grandpa had an old hemp rope that seemed a thousand years old. Ha-ha!

After watching the final installment of “Prohibition” last night I told my husband that what was needed to end the prohibition of cannabis was the right person to represent the movement. Someone with charisma and power. Someone well-connected and hopefully with lots of money! Someone who understood the impact and improvements possible with its repeal. I don’t know who that person could be, but I do believe that this simple thing could truly help us as a nation. If we can just step away from the stigma of it and focus on the hard facts, I think it could make a real difference.

I know that this post has absolutely nothing to do with fat, but it was on my mind in a big way. I spent the first part of this week very depressed. I’m not sure I’m out of it completely yet, certainly the police activity in my area has not been great for my anxiety and paranoia, but part of it is absolutely the economy and how it has ravaged my life and those I love. The arguments against cannabis are preposterous, absurd and full of stereotypes and stigma. I have yet to actually meet a person who is anti-cannabis. Even people who have never used it recreationally (as a drug or whatever) still understand its many varied and great uses and how it could improve our economy. It is something I believe in made all the more clear thanks to Ken Burns and his fabulous documentary series. I admit that I have always felt a deep connection to the prohibition era and it will always be an important era in my heart and mind. But that my lovelies is a post for another day…

Thank you for reading. Do share your thoughts on the topic. I would love to hear your suggestions, too. Take care of YOU!

!

We Are All Worthy!

September2

“This show has taught me that there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering. And that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things, often don’t feel worthy once they have them. There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of happiness.”

“We often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough…

This show has taught me that you are worthy because you are born and because you are here. You’re being here, you’re being alive, makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.”

“We are all looking for validation. Every person you will ever meet, shares that common desire. They wanna know, do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? …Try it with your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends, validate them: I see you, I hear you. And what you say, matters to me.” Oprah Winfrey (Her very last episode)

The above quotes weighed heavily upon me and stayed in my thoughts for a few days after the fact. I just watched her last three episodes last week. I’d saved them and put off watching for some reason. Good stuff, honestly! I was surprised. I’ve never followed Oprah closely. I’ve admired and respected her from a distance. You probably know why, too. That she is self & fat hating. But I do think she has begun to see the error of that thinking as time goes on. But this concept of unworthiness? That struck me! Like a bolt of non-lethal lightening!

Worthiness. We see that as something attainable, somehow. Yet just living makes us all worthy! I love that! You are enough! Just as you are! I wanna shout these phrases from rooftops, y’all! I feel like it’s something that shouldn’t be a secret. For all I have been through in my lifetime, all that I have seen and been a witness to, all that I work for and toward…To know that I am still worthy? That is meaningful to me. I feel more grounded by the thought of that. It connects us to each other. It connects us, I hope, to our planet. I feel more a part of the universe itself, it’s limitlessness humbling and comforting me.

And it also terrifies me. To grow up feeling the need to prove myself worthy is a difficult thing to shake. I still catch myself trying. I hear myself say things to prove what I say or believe or just know. As much as I try to focus on the energy I bring with me where ever I go, I still find that I am that poor kid. Maybe now more than ever because I understand things I never did before. I have a different perspective than I could have had back then. My defenses may never leave me, but perhaps one day I will stop feeling the need to prove myself to anyone…even to myself.

This is where fat liberation connects to worthiness. Fat liberation (I know many of you prefer or have only heard acceptance, it’s the same thing really, but I prefer liberation), gave me the permission I needed to live my life now. To just accept and love and enjoy myself and my life. It gave me hope and cause and reason and passion. What am I saying, it gave me…it still gives me these things!!! It fuels my fires, baby! Ha-ha! Fat liberation gave me a new prescription in my spectacles that allows me to see beyond the mass-fed bullshit! And I love that!

And I am worthy. And you are worthy. And why can’t we just take that with us everywhere? (Where is my worthiness backpack?) I want to. I want to take it and share it with everyone I know! This should be part of the UN or something, I dunno. But it’s so important! This is amazing! This is a universal communication:

Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?

Think about that awhile. Think about actively using it. I want to. I will try to.  I have said such things to my friends, but I wonder how that feels to hear it? I mean, without some sort of prompt? I guess it could come off as strange or pushy, maybe…well, I won’t stop. It’s such a powerfully positive thing! I had no idea such a simple concept/word could affect us all so strongly. But it does and I feel better for knowing it!

Happy Friday to you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for seeing me and hearing me and letting me know when something I say means something to you. You make me feel worthy. You are worthy, too! <3

Energy & Life

September1

“Nobody, but you, is responsible for your life. It doesn’t matter what your mama did, it doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do. You are responsible for Your life. And what is your life? What is all life? What is Every flower, every rock, every tree, every human being? Energy. And you’re responsible for the energy that you create for yourself. And you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.” Oprah Winfrey (from her very last episode)

This can be a difficult concept for many to fully understand let alone believe or try to incorporate into their own lives. I’m actually a firm believer, but not fully there in practice yet. I work on it everyday. I notice it most, though, when around people who have no idea what energy they bring with them everywhere. Have you ever been at a friend’s or perhaps at a party and someone arrives and the energy of the entire room shifts? Not always in a negative way, mind you, but it definitely changes.

Last week my husband and I were having this very deep conversation, and it was almost like a stream of consciousness type of thing for me, but the phone rang and so I got up to pee while he answered it and we just couldn’t find where we were again, energetically, and so we dropped it. While having that conversation, though the topics were heavy and dark, I felt sort of energized or like I was tapping into something important. Once that phone rang (oh noes! The outside world!) the spell was broken.

It’s sort of like when I was a kid hanging out at my BFF Riana’s house all day long and then it began to get dark but we didn’t want our good times to end so we would beg our parents for a sleepover. We felt like there was just no way for us to pick up where we left off the next day, ya know? It felt like the end of the world. Like a big bummer cloud decided to park right over us and pour down it’s bummer-ness. Boo!

I find that as I become more mindful of my own energy and how I carry it with me, the more sensitive I am to negative types. I mean, I can generally make conversation with anybody, but sometimes I will be frozen in place by someone’s total negative vibes, man. It can feel suffocating. It can stop me in my tracks, literally! Yet I would probably never feel comfortable enough to explain that to them. How could I? Yet they affect me so greatly.

I do know that when I am feeling drained/low/exhausted/stressed, it helps for me to sort of check in with myself energy-wise. What made me feel this way? Can I do anything about it now? What would help? Is there a first step I can take to get the ball rolling? If it’s all no’s, then I breathe deeply a few times, listening closely to my breaths and try to picture something tranquil. It doesn’t always work, but it can help a bit. I’m not talking about severe anxiety/panic episodes. Just blah-ness or feeling rough in general.

How do you channel or use your own energy? What have you experienced in regards to others’ energy affecting you? I’d love to hear more thoughts and ideas on this subject. Thanks for reading! <3

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