Yesterday Jeanette and I headed up to San Francisco to catch Virgie Tovar‘s lecture on Intersextions of Fat Positivity & Sex Positivity at Good Vibrations. Well, we were very late. You see, parking in the city is a pain in the ass and well, we spent a good twenty minutes trying to find parking and by the time we did we’d probably missed a good chunk of Virgie’s talk. Bummer. But we went in and the fabulous ladies at Good Vibrations were so kind and helpful and welcoming and even escorted us back to the lecture so we wouldn’t feel weird being so very late.

I wish I could tell you all about the lecture and what I learned or took away from it, but to be honest, and more likely because we’d missed nearly half of it, I have nothing to report. The other ladies that were in the lecture were new to Fat Liberation/Acceptance and I was a little surprised by this, but in a happy way since they were very interested and seemed to want to hear more about it. Always a good thing! And I am learning to be more comfortable telling people about this blog. So far so good.

After the lecture, Jeanette and I stuck around the back room to take in the, um, uh…sights? Ha-ha! Well, the room was covered in crocheted penises!!! It was quite distracting. As someone who in fact crochets I was quite interested on a detailed level, too…but it was funny to be surrounded by it all:

There were just so many…everywhere!!! Ha-ha! Some were frilly, some plain, some, um, firm and some soft and it was a delight to look closer and see the individual adornments of the…pieces! Ha-ha! I’m a twelve year old sometimes, sorry.

After snapping some pics and grabbing a business card of the artist, we shopped around the actual store and we both found some new fun things to try out. I may even do a sex toy review again, yay!

Then we high-tailed it out of the city and to a bakery for a bite to eat. It was just so nice to hand out and chat with Jeanette. Even if we missed the lecture, which was a bummer, I still had a great time. We chatted and carbed out and checked out a fancy goodwill store that I swear I will return to. Oh yeah, and I wore one of my new Eshakti dresses:

The one I’m wearing is here, but it looks like they took the blue color down. No worries, it’ll probably be back. Little tip, if you see something missing from one day to the next, try just typing in “dress” in the search box and everything will come up. Not to say that they still don’t discontinue things, but I think they reorganize and stuff often and some things get lost in the shuffle. I love this dress, I chose the custom option for 7 bucks as I always do, but it’s always worth it! The cardigan I got at a swap, the boots are from Avenue last year and the tights are actually teggings from Re/Dress.

I highly recommend Eshakti to anyone, anywhere. Invite a friend over, bust out the measuring tapes and take each other’s measurements. It’s fun! And having your measurements on-hand makes online clothing shopping sooooo much easier. I have another dress I haven’t worn yet and another on it’s way…so exciting! Remember, I was the gal who hadn’t worn a dress since high school. I at one point felt I didn’t deserve pretty things or shouldn’t wear dresses for a number of other reasons. Thanks to Lesley Kinzel and my fashion idol,  Nicole, not only do I wear dresses, I rock the hell out of them!

Remember, I stopped giving a damn and now do what makes me happy…don’t  you? Thanks for reading. <3

I’m an avid eBayer and have been for, well, ages. It is my go-to for things I want/need but can’t pay full retail for. I have no problem buying used items most of the time and I was looking for some new lingerie on eBay and was somewhat surprised with what I found. While I understand that some find “foundation garments” to be necessary while others will recoil at their mention, I am not talking about Spanx here, peeps…Nope, I’m talking old school.

I saw everything from panty girdles and waist cinchers to full body shapers and panties with booty inserts. The full spectrum of body shame lay within these “foundations” and while my personal experience with them is limited, my view of them is that of body hate incarnate. I just can’t see it any other way. These contraptions are damaging to the body and the mind. Most of these things were new…with tags! these are no anciet relics, unearthed from bowels of grannies basements, no these are still manufactured TODAY! And all I gotta say is: WHAT THE HELL?!

I had in my mind an image of sexy lingerie for fatties. Satin and lace and frilly little numbers, peek-a-boo whatever and ruffly booty shorts. Those were there, don’t get me wrong, but what I couldn’t shake were the “longline” “full-body” and “power shapers”…Power? UGH!! Some of these things, I wouldn’t even know how to get into, let alone out of. Hooks, snaps, straps and all manner of man made materials, all in the name of “I must not appear fat!”

And can I just say that I never want to hear or see the word “Flattering” ever again?! It’s just fucking code for not fat!! I am over that shit like WHOA! I know we’re a rare and fabulous bunch to be so self accepting and to use and love the word FAT, but it makes it that much harder when faced with the old bullshit baggage of yore.  Also, it is perfectly fine and acceptable, in my opinion, to add touches of lingerie to your wardrobe…that you would wear out of the house! It is, it’s fine and it’s fun!

I think the point of trying to look sexy is to just own it! If you feel sexy, you will be, no matter what you are wearing. No one embodies this more than my gorgeous and lovely friend Virgie Tovar! She is sexy. She makes you feel sexy just talking to her. She pushed the envelope and the boundaries that say fat cannot be sexy. Fuck that shit! We can all be sexy, if we want to be. There is the bottom line, if you want to. If you don’t, no worries. Keep on keepin’ on! But if you do? Go for it! Be it!

I adore this article Virgie wrote for The Sex Positive Photo Project! It’s almost all text, but the ads are not safe for work, or the text for that matter. But I love how she sees fats as anarchists and revolutionaries. I know it took me a long time to see how things like Burlesque could be political and not just fun or sexual. Sexuality itself is political and my view of my own sexuality has absolutely evolved since becoming involved and in love with fat liberation/acceptance. Not once does she mention having to smooth or shape or cinch in order to fit an ideal. Because that is some heavy bullshit. I can be dead sexy without a thread on my body, why the hell buy some horrific contraption to appear as something you’re not? You don’t have to and you shouldn’t. Just be you! You’re fabulous!!!

My interview outfit from last night. Ugh! You can’t really tell, but the tights are a violet purple. I’m wearing t-strap mary jane docs (with a chunky square heel). The dress is from Eshakti (I don’t see black available but it’s come back before, also, splurge and get the custom sizing for $7.50, it’s so worth it!). Clutch is Avenue from several years ago and the headband, as always, from Ross (dress for less).

I don’t know if I got the job. The whole thing was a bit strange and not in the awesome way I had hoped. I couldn’t read the interviewer well and while I think she liked me, she seemed to believe the job was  beneath me. I am sick of that! Just give me a job, people! Who cares if my talents and abilities are beyond what the job will utilize, let me suffer through it if I must! Ha-ha! But she did say I was the most elegantly dressed interview she’d had all week. My response, “Thank you! I’ll remember that!” What? I know! I say silly things that make no sense to me. When I said that to my husband he said, “Well, you will remember that.” He’s right. ha-ha! Oh well.

I’m not terribly excited about the job anymore. Turns out I had it confused with another job listing. Ugh! My brain! She fucks with me sometimes. I am quite embarrassed actually. So, the job listing I thought it was, was for a “Bad Ass” admin…the job I interviewed for yesterday? “Office manager/admin” Shit! I wrote the word “Bad Ass” all over my screening submission! I’m an ass! Oh well. It wasn’t as creative/exciting a place as I’d imagined anyway. It was kind of fun to get excited about something so unknown for a minute and I did school them on “the obesity epidemic” bullshit they’d bought into prior to my submission. To quote a White Stripes song, “Oh well oh well oh well!”

It’s Friday! I’m in a good mood despite the fucked up and weird week I’ve had and just chillin’ with my puggyman today:

Also, going to finally test out my new and bizarre espresso machine this weekend! Just gotta get a couple of supplies this afternoon and I’m set. What beans did this connoisseur of coffee ultimately buy? The Garuda Blend from Peet’s! Ha-ha! I can’t get enough of that stuff (whole bean always and forever babies!)!

Today’s Tank Top Tuesday post comes from none other than my sister, Katie/SpiffyGal! Woo hoo! I must say that I am a very proud big sister! I had picked her up to do stuff the other day and loved her tank top (we both love Lenore-comic book “dead girl”) and she mentioned that I should take a pic for the blog. I was mega-stoked! Also, I want that tank top! Ha-ha!

“I am not so self-conscious about my arms usually, only when it’s really hot and I get sweat rolling down my arms, that is really annoying. I started gaining weight mostly due to being on depo provera. It’s a contraceptive in the form of a shot. I would get a shot once every 3 months and I didn’t have a period at all. One of the side effects is weight gain. Also part of it is when you start “settling down” with someone and are less physically active. I use to have dance class 3 times a week in high school and I use to be right around 130lbs. now with almost no change in diet and a decrease in exercise I am about 190 give or take. But I’ve always been big in the hips. I try and exercise for a while and stick with it for a few months and then ether we get bored or our life becomes busier and we can’t keep it up. But I am maintaining my weight right now I stopped going up in weight when I went off the shot.

My only problem I have with my weight is bra size. In high school I was a C cup. the last time I was measured I was 34 DD and possibly on the cusp of DDD I haven’t been sized in awhile so I don’t know what I am now. I stopped wearing regular bras because they are expensive and uncomfortable. I have been wearing sports bras for the last few years. But now I need new ones and like everything else right now we can’t afford to get new ones other than my bra issue I am ok with my body and how it looks. I love what you are doing for body awareness and fat issues.”

SpiffyGal/SpiffyKitty & her husband GottaSpiffy review Professional Wrestling and Disney Films on YouTube.

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

**Friend of the blog Erylin, has a clothing swap coming up in Kansas city mo. we will be having one on September 25th at the north Kansas city library right off of armour and I-35. (if you need more info leave a reply and we will connect you somehow). **

You ever do something that surprises even you? Yeah, I did that! I had considered entering a model contest, for the club I go to about once a month, but chose not to…until yesterday (the last day for entries)! I entered my info, answers to cool fatty questions and pictures. And hit submit! WHAT?! I know!!! What?! I don’t know what I was thinking, but it really doesn’t matter. I mean, it’s a fun idea and if I get picked, awesome. If I don’t? No biggie. I just can’t believe I did it at all!

I have been really pushing back on the ideas of presentation and how women are “supposed to look” and all of that bullshit. I generally don’t do things like wear make up or high heels or anything one could identify with a model. But shit, dude, I can break down those standards of beauty and flaunt my own version of it! I can be a model and a bad ass, right? Secretly, being a model for something/anything is on my bucket list. So is joining a book club…and tonight I might just fulfill both! A good friend invited me to join her book club and after some questions I accepted! Woo!

I am all about getting the hell out of my comfort zone lately and repeating the phrase, “Why Not?!” So, can I be sexy in Doc Martens? You bet your sweet Asparcreme I can! (I miss those ads, always cracked me up!) And if I don’t get into the semi-finals or finals or whatever, so be it! I tried! Ha-ha! Today is about possibilities. Tonight is about fun with my gals! Right now is about nourishing my body with these  lovely fresh blueberry scones (Trader Joe’s Freezer Section, yo!) and espresso! YUM!

I am nearly done decorating my piggy for Love Your Body Day and have been surprised at how much fun I’m having while doing it. At one point I had it all planned out, something flubbed and now I swear to you it is creating itself! My ideas? Out the window! This piggy knows what she wants! My hands are merely the instruments she’s chosen to beautify herself into her truest and most authentic form (sparkly)!!! And then I shall be sewing/repairing the dress I’d like to wear to the club tonight! Woo! I’m terrible at sewing, but luckily the repair is on the seam and that should be about what I can manage. I had meant to do it yesterday, but piggy demanded more of my attention! Ha-ha!

It’s Friday and I’m in Love…with The Cure! I heard “Fascination Street” in the car yesterday and have been listening to their best of ever since…non-stop (okay, I slept)! They are so great! I can’t even handle their greatness! I’ve fallen for them all over again. I love when that happens! Like a couple of years ago and I “discovered” The Pixies! Oh man, one of the best bands ever! I’d just never been introduced to them back in the day. Oh well, still plenty o’ time to love! Now to start my own band…another bucket list item for sure!

Tomorrow we visit our local Renaissance Faire! We have a bogo coupon and the weather should be just right! Woo!

What are you stoked about today or this weekend? What was the last thing you did outside of your comfort zone that you’re glad you did? I wanna hear all about it! Let’s celebrate something, shall we?! Woo!