First, please go read this: http://www.fatshionista.com/cms/index.php?option=com_mojo&Itemid=69&p=272#more-272

It is such an intelligently written look at what feeling  or being beautiful really means. The following is an exerpt that truly touched me:

“You do not have to be beautiful. It’s not your responsibility to be beautiful, for yourself or for anyone else, not for your family or your partner or your friends or some stranger on the street who finds your face unpleasant (and let’s be real here–the most beautiful woman you can imagine will occasionally have folks thinking she looks busted). “Beautiful” is a loaded concept, encumbered with implications far beyond the dictionary definition. It’s a vehicle on which we can put our deeper worries, our fears that we’re not good enough, our insecurities, our sadness. It’s easier to say “I feel beautiful!” than it is to say “I feel confident!” “Beautiful” is a feeling that’s okay for a woman to express; often, “confidence” is not. But that’s a conflation of two discrete concepts. When we use it in this way, “beautiful” becomes a code word we use when we can’t get at our deeper feelings, or at least when we can’t express them in a culturally-acceptable way. Feeling beautiful is often about nothing so much as feeling accepted, loved, appreciated, respected, and feeling those things about oneself from the inside, as well as feeling them as they are expressed by other people.

When my husband asks if I feel beautiful, I have to say no; because I never feel beautiful; because I am not a beautiful girl. I am rather a woman who knows where she stands, who feels comfortable and confident in her own skin, and yet who struggles daily with living in a world that tells her repeatedly that she shouldn’t feel this way, that she has no right to feel this way.

Our beauty, or our feelings of beauty, are often feelings we guard as ferociously as we would a priceless treasure. Probably because for many of us this feeling comes all too rarely. But if I might interrogate our assumptions for a moment: what do we really mean when we talk about feeling beautiful? We mean that we feel good about ourselves, don’t we. We mean that we feel happy and confident and alive, and the fact that this combination of feelings is so rare and so magical and so intoxicating that we have to call it “beauty” just breaks my heart.

That feeling is beautiful. But you don’t have to be beautiful, to feel it.”

I cannot agree more. I remember seeing the classic Woody Allen film “Annie Hall” a few years ago for the first time and thinking it was such a pleasure to see a woman dress outside of the norm yet still seem comfortable and confident in her own skin. I have often struggled with the concept of beauty. I am constantly in a tug of war with what women are supposed to look like and what I look like. Or how I dress or wear makeup. And then I realized a couple of years ago that you just can’t pigeon hole yourself that way! It’s awful. You are a human being! You’re a multi-facetted individual! While my many likes and dislikes often influence my appearance, they do not define me/you as a person. I choose to wear earrings and orange sneakers, but those don’t necessarily make me any more of less beautiful. It’s an abstract!

Gender roles be damned, I like to wear makeup sometimes, but then I go through huge dry spells where I just cannot be bothered with it!  I like to bake, but I also love to talk cars! And you know what? All of this is a part of me, but isn’t me in my entirety! I think if more people (not just women) embraced this way of thinking, that we are all different because of what we do and how we proceed through, then we would all have less stress in our lives!

What do you think?

Don’t you love it when you’ve tried and failed to explain something before or maybe you just can’t spit the words out about something and it’s frustrating and then one day you hear/read someone else saying exactly what you’ve felt all along?

THIS: http://www.fatshionista.com/cms/index.php?option=com_mojo&Itemid=69&p=265

OMZ! Not only is Lesley Kinzel my total heroine, but she’s fatshionably fab, too! I mean, the girl can rock a dress! This was a revelation for me since we’re very close in size and I hadn’t worn a dress since my high school grunge days (sigh). If not for Fatshionista (the website and the LiveJournal community) I would not be as sane and happy and as brave as I am today. For realz, y’all! The fat acceptance movement has given me support, confidence and rekindled my all-out love for fashion. Only now, I can’t say “fashion” I can only say “fatshion”…and that is awesome!

Because so many of us are afraid of the word fat or think it nothing but an insult. Who among us hasn’t heard another say, “Oh my god! I am so fat!” or some other such horribly negative use of the word. But you know what? Oh my gawd…I AM FAT! And I love who I am! So…wev! Embrace it! Fat isn’t a disease or a syndrome or a stigma (to me) anymore. It’s a state of being. It is simply a descriptive word. Nothing more, nothing less.

I hate to think of our self-obsessed culture killing themselves to be “thin” (whatever that means). Because, as Lesley says, “Every body is different!” And your own relationship with your own body is your business and no one elses. Just because I am fat my lifestyle is not hindered one bit. I have flown to and from Europe, I have danced in a club, I have flown in a helecopter over Maui, I have found my partner for life and near and dear friends and I have even opened my very own business! My fat never got in the way! I am happier now than I was as a size 14 (I’m not closer to a 28/30)!

I guess what I am trying to say is, please stop hating your body. You deserve better! You’d never let a friend turn to you and say, “Ew! Look at your thighs! They’re disgusting!” so why would you do it to yourself? It’s not easy, but you can stop it.

And my favorite quote of the week/month is from Beth Ditto (of Gossip fame), “Punk will never Diet!” Oh my gawd, that is my new motto! I want a bumper sticker and a t-shirt, please?! Ha-ha!

Thanks for reading. And don’t worry, I’ll be posting my TFIF tomorrow! Tah!

 To honor my new linky over at my fave blog: www.planetfabulon.com I thought I’d do a top 5 I haven’t before!

Don’t like what you see (really?!!) or think I left someone out (oh, there’ll be more, this was fun!)? Comment!

1.)Ewan McGregor: He is always my #1! Weather in a suit, a tux, a kilt, a hat or completely naked (yes, please!). He’s not just eye candy though (seriously?!)…an established and excellent actor and a fine scottish gentleman to boot! Who doesn’t love him? I fell madly in love with him upon my first viewing of “Shallow Grave” if you haven’t seen it then you simply must go (run, don’t walk!) to the usual rental or purchase establishment and watch it darling! You’re only depriving yourself of it! The instant I saw his smile? I was a puddle! And then I obsessed over “Trainspotting” for several years (still my #1 movie, evah!). I still think it was his finest…though “Moulin Rouge” would be second I suppose. That voice of his? Oh gawd! It melts my heart! To this day when I think of “Your Song” by Elton John, I hear that first note in Ewan’s voice! *sigh*

2.) Johnny Depp: Is there an actor who chooses more diverse roles that Johnny? I don’t think so. From undercover cop to pirate, from opium fiend to nervous doc…Okay, I have loved Johnny Depp since his “21 Jump Street” days, and that ain’t no lie! You can ask my real daddy! I had the “teenbeat” posters on my walls! I watched it religiously (although, the memories, they fade). And “Nightmare on Elm Street”? Yeah! I loved it and ended up watching all the “Freddy” movies, too! While my love for JD never fades, I do remember seeing the previes for “Benny and Joon” and freaking the hell out because oh my gawd, he looked incredible (and edible!). He took my breath away! And of course in “Gilbert Grape” (although, didn’t love the hair color). Yes, I even saw “Don Juan” in the theatres! (I can’t have been alone! Was that you in the fourth row?) Oh!  Can we talk “Edward Scissorhands!” He said little with his voice but his eyes deserved a damned Oscar for that one! He’s just hawt and a stellar actor and…hey! He and Ewan should start a band! They can call themselves “The Jeans Creamers!” (Ew, maybe not. What would YOU call them?) From skanky to proper, Johnny keeps hittin’ us with his best performances and he WILL get that Oscar one day soon. (And you know I can’t wait for the new “Alice in Wonderland”!!!)

3.) Jake Gyllenhaal: *drool* Huh? Wha? Oh yeah…Um…Well, there’s no hotter hottie than Jake Gyllenhaal! We all loved him in “Brokeback Mountain” and if you haven’t seen “Donie Darko” you probably should! I don’t know what else to say about him, because I’d much rather look at him (since touching is out of the question, right?)!

4.) Keanu Reeves: He’s no “Bill and Ted” anymore! Though not one for the big tabloid scandals, this low profile hottie deserves a mention! Again, another fabulous and genuine smile! Those are hard to come by now days. He was brooding and gorgeous in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” and rivetting as “Neo” in the “Matrix” movies. *squee!* He plays bass! Perfect for my mega-hawt celebrity band! Now we just need a drummer!

5.) Viggo Mortensen: He’ll always be “Aragon” to me! Oh, did I ever fall for him in “The Lord of The Rings”?! Hey! What else are you supposed to do when you always root for the underdog and he’s the hero of the underdogs in a three hour film?! C’mon! But also…did you see that nude fight scene in “Eastern Promises”? Holy shit! That took some balls (and he has ‘em!) and serious skill…oh baby!  

Okay…sorry, I gotta go, um…do…dishes?! Yeah, that’s it! Dishes! Don’t call me for an hour or so…’kay? *giggles*

P.S. if you go to yahoo images and type: hottest male actors, you get this as the first item:

thought I’d warn ya. What’s a friend for? Ha-ha! 

Gossip: In my humble (and free) opinion, the best band to come out of the last decade! Yes, I know that’s a bold statement and I am not one to take such things lightly! But this band’s sound rocks my world and kicks my ass into the next decade! Yep! It’s true.

Image based on beth ditto by IanMackinnon licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike

While relatively unknown in the U.S., the band Gossip have made  a huge splash across the pond,( in the U.K.). And for good reason, they are so different from most modern bands out there. Beth Ditto, singer/icon/rockstar/death fattie/lesbian is all things not normally seen in mainstream music and media. She carries a confidence that belongs in the rock world, true…but her style and shape and performance antics? She’s breaking down barriers many didn’t know existed and while some of us did, we’re either in love with her for it or hate her because of it!

 I’ve been a fan for awhile. Actually, I discovered them through BUST magazine’s review of their album “Standing In The Way Of Control.” I bought the CD and was completely unprepared or the ride! Listening to it is one thing, but then I looked up their videos online and WOAH! She’s a fat girl, too?! Holy shit! She’s also fahsionable and gorgeous and queer and talented beyond comprehension!

Their latest album, “Music for Men” came out this week and once again my mind was blown away! There is little left of my grey matter now as all I can do is sing songs from the album when left to my own devices. In the car, at home, on my iPod and in my bedroom…I’m loving every second of this album! The anticipation alone was enough to kill me, but now that I’ ve heard it a few dozen times? I’m lucky to be alive! It kicked my ass clear into next week! While it was no surprise to me how good it is, I had faith in the band all along…but I also knew it was produced by the infamous Rick Rubin! Yeah, a bunch of ridiculously and musically talented people making a record? Yes, please!!!

Lyrically genius and completely relatable and the production quality is sublime! I can’t say enough good things about this album and this band! Just strap yourself in and enjoy the ride! “And I will thank you for your cooperation…”

Music For Men – Gossip

Video for the first single, “Heavy Cross”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU3VbMGIZeE (or scroll down to my previous post for the embedded video)

I know, I know…You’re saying, “WTF?! This has nothing to do with Art at all!” But it does!

Firstly, I do think that good sex is an art that must be practiced to be attained just as an illustrator must start somewhere. Second, just wait a second and hear me out! Ha-ha!

I specifically wanted to talk about sex toys and props. These things used to be socially taboo. Lately though I’ve noticed a sort of mainstreaming of it all. I mean, bringing it into a more public forum/format. I think we have Oprah and Tyra and maybe even a little Jerry Springer (gasp) to thank for it, but I digress.

Sex toys and props used to be considered dirty little secrets or just for perverts and S&M “freaks.” The classic image of a skeevy guy in a trench coat walking into a porn store comes to mind. But this is a new era and with it comes a more open and refreshing outlook on what sex is and what it should and even could be. Yeah…regular old missionary sex is fine, but is it great? Not so much.

With KY advertising their lubes on national television and radio (have you seen the new “Yours & Mine” lubes? Anyone try it out yet? Could it work for same-sex couples? http://www.ky.com/index_us.jsp# ) I admit I was a little surprised, but pleasantly so. You see, no one ever told me about lube except for in sex education when they spoke ad-naseum about spermicidal lubricant (just make sure she’s not allergic, guys). But for pleasure or for better sex? Never! Without getting too personal on the TMI tip, my husband and I tried lube just to see what it was like and Wee-Ow! It rocked! I felt like I’d been left out of something though. I mean, does everyone use it? Why wasn’t I told about it sooner?

I’m sure it’d been brought up before this, but I realized while watching the movie, “Friends with Money” a specific scene where Jennifer Aniston’s character uses a vibrator (wait, did she use her housecleaning client’s vibrator???  Because, EW! Or was it hers? I can’t remember!) and then grins as she sticks it back in the drawer where she’d grabbed it. I thought to myself, “Wow! A mainstream Hollywood movie actually acknowledging and addressing not only masturbation, but female pleasure?! Rad!” I couldn’t imagine someone like Jennifer Aniston owning or needing or wanting a vibrator. But then I thought about it and realized it’s not about that at all. It’s simply controlling your own pleasure either alone or with a partner. Cool.

I saw Margaret Cho’s stand up live a few years ago and heard her talking about a vibrator not being strong enough for her. And how when she finally found one that was right for her it was a plug-in model (as in it plugs into an outlet in the wall!) that would shake her apartment walls (as well as her sugar walls! Ha-ha!). Ahem, sorry. Later I read an entire article in BUST magazine celebrating the joys and time tested quality of the Hitachi Magic Wand (http://liberator.com/products_toys_hitachi.php ). I believe this to be Margaret Cho’s fave pleasure device.

This last year was the first time I gave any thought to perhaps what’s considered a more serious sex-prop: The Liberator! (http://liberator.com/ ) I’d seen their ads in the back of my Rolling Stone and BUST magazines (oh man, BUST has the best sex ads and advice columns!), but I didn’t fully get what it was exactly. So I looked it up one day.

From the Liberator site:

Liberator Wedge and Ramp nest together to form an angled pedestal upon which to make extraordinary love. Sessions last longer than ever, leading to orgasms of incredible intensity! More than pillows, they’re a means to more foreplay, hotter positions and unlimited creativity. Explore new angles on oral sex, doggie-style and an erotically elevated missionary position.

Woah-Mama! It’s sex furniture! I was a bit scared about this, I mean, furniture to have sex on? Well, at least the sheets will be cleaner! Ha-ha! So I delved deeper and after some research it turns out that the Liberator is a legitimate enhancement to any healthy sex life! It actually makes some positions easier or better due to the new angles it allows. Neat-O! Then I happen to see the Liberator in a mainstream Hollywood movie, “Burn After Reading!” Yep! It’s true. George Clooney’s character uses the Liberator “Ramp”  (http://liberator.com/products.php?id=334&title=Wedge/Ramp-Combo )with his various affairs in the film. (And no, it’s not the crazy, self-made “penetrator” he makes from supplies he purchased at Home Depot!)

With the popularity of smaller personal vibrators (the infamous “pocket rocket”) now available at a Walgreens or other drugstore near you is it any surprise we’re starting to accept the “personal massager” as a normal product for the average person to buy? I don’t think so! Even http://www.drugstore.com/ has an entire section (and quite a selection) of toys and sexual aides.  If you’re seriously considering buying something for your personal or partner relation sexual pleasure, cheaper is not better!

 http://www.babeland.com/ is a great site where you can shop by type of item (ie: dildo, vibrator, etc) and they even have an informative “How To” section (it even has a how to on shaving your stuff!)a blog and more. How cool is that? They also carry LGBT specific toys and props as well as adult DVDs, Lubes, books and lots more. You can even read User Reviews on a specific item that catches your interest. Nice!

http://www.goodvibes.com/main.jhtml?typeFilters offers shopping guides for those who haven’t shopped for this type of thing before. They, too have the run of the mill stuff (ie: dildo, vibrator, etc) as well as a Bachelorette and novelty section.

After poking around these sites I thought I’d seen it all, little did I know I’d come across this by accident: The Cone! http://liberator.com/products.php?id=23&title=The-Cone#  Woah! I don’t even know what to make of it, but okay! Ha-ha!

With the mainstreaming of sex products I think it’s time we all give ourselves a little slack and buy yourself that present you really wanted last month: Pleasure!!! So, sit back, relax (plug it in if you have to) and enjoy the ride. I’m sure we’ll all be in a bit of a better mood if we did.

Your comments, feedback, testimonials, and suggestions are always welcome!  =0)