NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

The Ultimate Fat Lineup!

February2

When I first started to go to fat events it was mostly just meet ups and the occasional clothing swap or shopping. It took me a few years before I attended more organized events. The first fat event that blew me away so completely that I couldn’t stop smiling for days after was “Go Big or Go Home” by Big Moves Bay Area. The show itself was so put together, but it was the feeling of witnessing something so special and honest and amazing that stuck with me! That first major event featured the Phat Fly Girls, Rubenesque Burlesque and Raks Africa! Talk about a triple threat?! Ha-ha! And my first encounter of Marilyn Wann in the flesh! I also had the pleasure of meeting Carol Squires that evening through sheer happenstance; my friends and I asked her to take our photo during intermission. Little did we know that she used to be a portrait photographer (and a member of the Fat Lip Readers)!

Life changing stuff, folks! Inspiring and empowering and moving and just fan-fucking-tastic! I mean, that was also the first time I’d gone strapless in public! Wow! That was nearly two years ago! Now I own like four or five strapless dresses! Ha-ha! I later attended “Queer.Fat.Political” in San Francisco and discovered the Fat Lip Readers and witnessed so radical a group of women that I was humbled and inspired. Standing in that room (I was video taping) and just soaking in all that was around me? It was like a bolt of feminist-fat lightening went through me. I walked away changed, for the better, forever. Never before had I felt such a sense of responsibility to carry the torch, as it were, that these women lit so many years ago and truly set the bar high. Their activism was to me the truest sense of the word. They put their necks out to improve the lives of fat people everywhere. I was honored to be in their presence.

A few months later Big Moves Bay Area hosted “Fatdance: What A Feeling” again featuring the Phat Fly Girls, Rubenesque Burlesque and Raks Africa…and this time hosted by Marilyn Wann and Amy Benson. It was fantabulous! You just can’t be around these amazing women and not get inspired! At the very least you’ll walk away laughing and smiling. There is something so powerful about witnessing someone doing whatever it is that they are passionate about. I don’t have a word for it. It always makes me want to dance again. I do dance, but I just can’t very often. At least not until my knee is sorted out. I had the please that same weekend of attending Marilyn’s b-day party and WDAL fundraiser. Talk about awesome fatty party times?! So fun!!!

I took these experiences as sort of a template or outline for how I wanted Fatty Affair to be. I didn’t want to copy anyone or anything, but these events had such an impact on me and I knew that good feeling just needed to be spread around! That was the point of all of it for me, to have a good time and to connect people and create a stronger community. The first person I asked to speak was Marilyn, of course! If you’ve never had the joy of having a fat-related conversation with her, well, it’s great! It’s this fantastic free flowing exchange of ideas. It’s what all creative types need. It’s what all activists need. It was absolutely what I needed on both of those fronts! She had tons of ideas and plenty of experience in participating and attending such fat events all over the world. I was delighted when she agreed to speak and pleased that she was excited about it, too.

Not being a professional anything at all, I stumbled a bit when I first tried to get people to perform at Fatty Affair. I wasn’t clear in communication and while still running the cafe, sucked at follow up! Once further details and apologies were worked out, the rest of the lineup came together nicely. The last person I asked was my BFF Jery. I don’t know why…I always feel like he “has better shit to do” (gee, wonder why that is? Ha-ha!) or whatever, but I did and he accepted. It wasn’t until two nights before the event that we actually got together and nailed down a timeline for it. I know, we live in the same building and can’t seem to sync our schedules! Ha-ha! But it worked out just fine.

And here is where I use every ounce of restraint I have in me to not gush over Linda Bacon PhD not only accepting my invitation to participate/speak at Fatty Affair, but that she did so after receiving paid offers on the same day! She says it was for purely selfish reasons, that she needed to be around our positive community, to be re-energized. Can’t say that I blame her. It was yet another life changing experience for me and for many others. Everyone who helped, participated, performed or spoke was so fantastic! I seriously could not have imagined it going better than it actually did!

It was a success because of so many passionate individuals who worked together and helped pull this whole thing off! A special thank you and shout out to Raven Eagan and Amanda Evans! Raven was my boy scout and pressure valve while Amanda was the genius who took over the bake sale for me and really made it shine!

  

Amanda & Marilyn (Belly Bump!)

Raven & Jeanette: Babin’!

Tomorrow I’ll be talking about: The FATshion!!! <3

Outfit From Fatty Affair

January31

This was a dream dress, y’all! I saw this dress over two years ago for about three times the price I paid for it. When I first saw it I envisioned myself standing in front of a piano in a jazz club singing Betty Hutton songs. It could happen! Ahem! I let it go due to my financial struggles, and not yet being comfortable wearing dresses (Psshht!), but never forgot it’s beauty and how it inspired me. I watched it on eBay a couple of times, hoping for the ultimate bargain…but no dice. I’d nearly given up all hope on owning it when a couple of months ago, when I was in my full-on-Eshakti-addiction mode, I came across it again on this interesting web site: www.ChicStar.com

I bookmarked the dress the moment I saw it again. I couldn’t believe my eyes! How could it be the very same dress for such a reasonable price?! It seemed impossible to me somehow so I hesitated buying it for awhile. As December began and my NYE plans started to come into focus, I knew I needed something special and maybe this site was worth the risk. I do tend to be a bit of a risk taker when it comes to online deals. But I still wasn’t quite ready to buy the “dream dress” for some reason. I first placed my NYE dress in the cart online and then perused a bit more, always going back to the bookmark for the “dream dress.” Then I thought I might as well do a quick search for coupon codes or free shipping deals for the sight. This is when I embrace and love happenstance and all of it’s magic and wonder! You see, I not only found an amazing coupon code (I don’t even remember the actual discount, maybe 30%), but I ended up qualifying for free shipping, too if I added the “dream dress!” And so I did! And it ended up being so affordable I couldn’t believe my eyes!

When the dresses arrived though I worried. They were both too big in the bust! The price was so cheap though that I didn’t want to send them back. I got a size 28 in both dresses. I bit the bullet and went to a local tailor. I paid exactly the same amount for his services as I did for both dresses…but it was totally worth it! They now hug my bosom (or bazooms if you prefer) and I feel confident and fabulous in them (except or the elastic back on the “dream dress”, My beloved Raven pinned it for me just before Fatty Affair began so I wouldn’t have to worry about slippage)!

I also went ahead and ordered the black crinoline to go underneath, since they’d both look better with it. So glad I did! I love it, I love how it makes the dresses look and I am just so pleased with it all in general! My NYE dress started my year off right and with a bang! The “dream dress” was more than any jazz club could offer! They were both Dream Dresses and the entire experience was, too! I mean, I hadn’t worn dresses happily or comfortably since high school! And now look at me? LOOK!!! Strapless! In public! Smiling! Laughing! Dancing! And having the time of my fucking life!!!

Oh yeah! The rest! Ha-ha! I am wearing my classic pearls from Shane Co. my husband bought me ages ago and one of my most treasured possessions. Also, winter length black teggings from ReDress. You all know how much I love my teggings, right? They are the perfect offspring of tights and leggings…No chub-rub!!! And the winter length are a bit thicker/sturdier so perfect for winder or colder days. My shoes?! Oh my beloved Doc Marten’s! I love my wingtips! I wear them mostly for special occasions, but also when I want a touch of sass in my style! I always get complimented on them. They are fairly comfortable, though not the best for support on long days. Docs are like that, no worries. I got these babies on eBay for $35 a few years ago. Another of my treasured possessions. Though few they are precious to me. And my hair feathers are from Ross (Dress for Less).

I had originally planned an entirely different hair do. Then I saw these feathers! The colors were perfect! They are on a comb and cost $7.99. A bit more than I would typically spend on such a thingy of curiosity, but so glad that I did. Everyone loved them! I loved them! They added that extra pizzazz you need when you have nothing on your shoulders. I still had another hair do in mind, but after my initial 80% blow dry my husband said how much he loved the natural flip my hair was doing and so I just fucking went with it! No hairspray or nothin’! Just shoved that comb in, pinned it in place and walked out the damned door! Okay, not really…I spent over an hour on my eye liner and nearly freaked out about it big time. Stress! What can ya do? Ha-ha!

It all worked out for the best. I got so many genuine compliments that I will be floating on air for weeks! Fatty Affair was a dream come true in so many ways. It is so sad to me that it’s over now, but I am looking forward to seeing everyone’s pictures and hearing their awesome stories. Everything I’ve seen so far has been just delightful! Except for the moment face book decided to block me from my account for using a “fake name!” Ugh! Don’t get me started…

Thanks for reading…more to come! <3

Fatty Affair: So Many Feelings!

January30

It is so difficult to put into words just how I am feeling right now. It’s the Sunday afternoon, after Fatty Affair. If I told you it wasn’t nerve wracking and worse beforehand, well, don’t believe it for a second! But now? Now that it’s all over and done with? I’m in this love overdose afterglow! I feel sort of like a blissed-out version of a hangover. It’s surreal. It’s magical. It’s overwhelming! I am so full of love and positivity! I feel floaty and dreamy and inspired.

So many things fell apart and came together right up until the moment before it began (and even after and during). I felt a bit out of control. I felt guilty for sort of “checking out” of life the last couple of weeks. There were some surprises and disappointments. In the end it all found this incredible harmony and was a total blast! It was a big fat positive party, y’all! My nearest and dearest were there (with one exception, but I love ya P) and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more supported and cared for in my life!

Truth: I was so stressed to the max before we’d even gotten things set up. I was shaking! I was on the verge of a panic attack. This little fact, or the fact that I have had a few of said attacks previously, frightens people and maybe even challenges their idea of me. But I always manage to come through it better off somehow. I know that I need to get better at asking for help when I need it. I did a lot of that. I did some serious delegating, too! This is such an improvement for me already. Some friends really stepped things up and brought not only my stress level down, but made the event the true success that it was.

That I was able to make something I’d only dreamed about become a reality is still boggling my mind, but I know that I could not have done it without the help, love and support of my friends and the fat community itself. It is the thing that energizes me and inspires me and keeps me going. It is for the fat community that I did this. It is my way of giving back the love that has been given to me over the years. The community that gave me my love of style and fashion again. The community that gave me back my confidence! The community that gave me the strength to open my own business and become an activist and writer and so much more! I would not be the gal I am today without it!

A commenter mentioned recently that I sound like I am more alive than ever. I agree completely. I am more alive! I am more keenly aware of the world around me. I am more present and playing a more active role in my own life! It is a powerful thing. I have found that it is only when I stick my neck out, stand up and out, and most importantly get outside of my comfort zone that these amazing things and incredible people come into my life. I urge to to look around and choose for yourself to follow your passions and shove fear aside!

Had I let fear hold me back, Fatty Affair would not have happened. My cafe would never have happened. I would not be wearing dresses again…oh so many pretty dresses! I wouldn’t even think of attempting to write a book! No, fear can go fuck itself in a cold, dark corner! I’m through with fear. I’m through with my inner critic and I am learning to embrace my own vitality and awesomeness! Because “‘To dance or not to dance?” Should never be the question!” and not giving a damn what other people think of me is such a weight lifted from my soul!

I have never been so moved, touched, loved and supported in all of my life. This feeling is beyond words. The people I met and hugged and belly bumped yesterday have changed my life! The work was worth it because of them. The difficult choices I have had to make are all the more clear to me now and why I had to make them.  I feel nearly invincible. I have no fear of an ego growth though, this was not the fruits of the labor of one. No, this was a village effort! This was a tribal celebration! This was what fat liberation/acceptance/pride means to me!

I want you all to know, the many that could not attend the event due to various reasons and circumstances: You were right there with me! You were holding me up and making me smile! I pretty much smiled for five hours straight!!! Ha-ha! It was for you that I strutted my stuff on the “catwalk” and shimmied and danced! It was in your honor that I wore what I wore and said what I said. You give me so much and I want you to know that I am feeling it! I am accepting it! And I am loving it! <3

*You can pretty much count on this entire week being about Fatty Affair! More pictures to come, too, lovelies!

It’s The Simple Things…

January26

That can make you feel so friggin’ awesome!!!

Like Bright Blue Nail Polish (for the first time)!!! (Not really my nails, camera not cooperating)

New Lipsticks that look good and feel good, too:

Being anonymous in a random town

Being anonymous in a big city and just walking around like you live there

Friends! I have the most incredible friends, y’all!
They have so been there for me when I needed them lately and I cannot thank and love them enough!

My readers and commenters! I love you all! You amaze and inspire me everyday! You have touched me in some unexpected ways and I am so grateful to you for the time you spend on this blog. =0)

 

 

My “Perfect” Purse FAIL!

January12

So my “perfect” purse is a piece of crap! I used it once or twice prior to gearing it up for my new job last week. Pssht! The moment I walked in the door the strap broke. “No problem, I know a repair guy!” I thought, foolishly! I also foolishly thought it was leather because inside it said “Genuine Quality” or some garbage like that. UGH! Sadly, repair guy said it’s made of vinyl, also showed me other spots it had torn or were about to (I’m assuming from just the one day’s use since I’d inspected it the day before and found no issues at all). He said it wasn’t repairable or even worth the effort.

The purse was perfect because the strap was the perfect length and the pockets are just right and in the right places but the closure is so cool! The repair guy said I should contact the company who made it (Relic) and send them pictures of it. He said it was shoddily made and really cheap materials. Funny, that tag inside said, “The finest materials!” I write to Relic and explain (minus the swear words) and they want me to pay for shipping to and from plus prove that I paid for it and it has to be within the last year, which was how I began the letter, “I bought this great purse over a year ago…” UGH!

So, hey, don’t buy their stuff. They suck! Their product sucks, despite it’s looks and “quality” promising and their warranty/customer service policy, while standard, left me feeling cold and unwanted. As a customer service guru myself (ask around), I take personal offense to this type of corporate bullshit! Hiding behind policy and not caring about one customer when you have so many…I know that the companies I have worked for, even some corporate giants, they cared about their customers. All of them! They stood behind their reputation for customer service and I mine!

I may take this sad sack to someone and see if they can make me a clone in real leather or if they could recommend a better material all together. I’d rather do something sustainable and not cruel if I can, but I need it to last a good long time! Y’all know I don’t have the moolah to go back to my old obsessive handbag hunt! Whew! Because I stopped when I found this bag! I found the “perfect” bag and stopped searching. How awful that I am so devastated by it’s failure now! Ugh! *ShakesFist*

Any recommendations on affordable materials for a close of my late, though not-so-great-after-all, purse?

 

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