NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Dream Coats Are Real!

November15

Dearest Weirdos,

I have dreamt, for years, of finding the perfect pastel-candy-colored faux fur coat. Last week I randomly clicked on a Target ad, of all things, curious about jacket offerings (it’s hella cold in my office, even though I’m in California). Never would I have imagined finding what could possibly be THE COAT!!! And the price is affordable, imo ($42). I once did a ridiculously lengthy blog post about it (https://bit.ly/2Fc8HVZ) because I was obsessed with finding one, but they were never in my size or less than $300. Treated myself to a discounted lippy, too! (Link to the coat!)

Let me tell you lovelies…I just received this magical mint mirage and IT FITS LIKE A DREAM! Even over my 62″ hips! This is the ultimate fantasy coat for me (I’m easy! LOL!). It’s so warm, too! But I’m in California and have to contend with smoke more than coldness these days. Get this coat now! It’s soft af!!!! I’m in love! I cannot wait to wear it literally everywhere!
I just so happened to be wearing the exact same color today (my all-time favorite color ever!) to work! Ha-ha! Meant to be!!! Dream Coats Are Real! It’s satin lined, which is nice and I cannot get over how squishably soft it is. If anyone cares the top is from Torrid a couple years ago, the skirt is stretch velvet, also old Torrid, the shoes are from amazon (here) but it’s my first time wearing them.
What is your DREAM fashion item? What have you always wanted but never seem to be able to find? Or was there a beloved item you long to replace? Tell me all about it! I know I’ve always longed for the perfect pair of tall engineer boots, chunky-ass soles, big honkin’ buckle, but they never fit my luscious 22″ calves! *whimper*

Current Obsession: Miranda

March2

I have been obsessed with the show Miranda (streaming now on Hulu), a British comedy series, since Christmas evening 2017, whilst trying my hardest to snap out of a really terrible pit of despair. It worked fantastically that night. I just finished watching the entire series (4 seasons in all, 6 episodes per season, but the last has only two) last night for the fourth time and it hit me right in the feels, again, but it was for a different reason. It’s funny how every time we watch something over again and again we pick up on new things or don’t know how we missed something on the first or second viewing.

Miranda, the character and the comedian playing her, is self effacing and aggrandizing. She bemoans and bemuses the minutia of life’s daily struggles. I adore and envy her relationship with her best friend Stevie in the show. She celebrates her single life, living alone, being a quirky, and often called a weirdo. She struggles with her size, but mostly (and only, IMO) due to the lack of acceptance from others. SO RELATABLE! In fact the romantic interests in her life never mention her size at all, only her quirkiness.
Miranda is a bit clumsy, a bit gassy, always hilarious – even if she’s the only one laughing, and truly and completely lovely. I won’t give away anything or the overall story arc of the show (it’s so good!!!), but I would encourage anyone to give it a shot. I think it’s the perfect sitcom, though it’s a few years old, it’s mostly a critique of the path of the traditional, cis-hetero woman in England/the west, from dating to marriage to reproducing, only she fights it every step of the way. She questions and protests, despite, or to spite, her overbearing mother’s constant intervening.
She celebrates silliness, has vegete-pals and fruit friends, creates games for her own pleasure like snack fishing and muffin tetherball. Amazing! She tries to travel solo but ends up only going to a hotel around the corner! Ha-ha! But she thoroughly enjoys herself there, perhaps a bit too much! I found such comfort and connection to all of the shows characters. I feel like she gets single life in a way I haven’t found for myself yet, but I’m getting closer thanks to this show.
Every time I watch it, I am floored in the best possible way by this line:
“Women like me can be sexy. It’s just, the world might never affirm it, so it takes us a little longer to realize it.” THIS!!!!
I hope you give Miranda, the show, a chance. I’ll be looking into reading Miranda Hart, the comedian’s books, too!
Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

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GlassesUSA.com A Review

December8

As a long time wearer of prescription glasses, I know all too well the pains, aesthetic and financial, of finding new eyeglasses. When I went into business for myself and became my own boss, that also meant not having things like big corporate benefits and insurance. Bummer! BUT I was soon introduced to a whole new way to buy glasses…ONLINE!

“What?! How the heck does that even work?! I’m no optician!”
I know, I know! And believe me, I had my doubts. Through many years of trial and error, I have finally found what works best and how to avoid the common pitfalls of online glasses shopping! I’ve tried the bargain buys and designer deals and find that I’m really neither and yet both at the same time. Ha-ha!
My most recent dip in the waters of online spectacle buying has left me quite satisfied. My first choice ended up not working out for me, but I was pleased with the level of service, turn around of my return and insistence on my satisfaction that GlassesUSA provided me. When I received my new pair of glasses I was hopeful, but as always with buying stuff online, a bit apprehensive. No one likes being disappointed.
I chose them because I was intrigued by the flexibility factor but also a lightweight and durable frame?! Seemed too good to be true! I was wrong…they rock!

I ended up with the purple and baby blue pair from the Ultem Collection. The purple was a touch darker than I expected, but after wearing them to work…They are perfect! In fact, they are so light weight that I kept checking to make sure they were still on my face! And they are super bendy! I love showing people, too, “Hey, check out my new glasses!” *BendsInAllDirections* and always they respond, “Whoa! Cool!” I love that!

 

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I love innovation and creative solutions to everyday problems, it’s what I do everyday in my own life and at work. So when I see a product or company that feels the same I typically jump right on it. Only this time? They found me first! Ha-ha! In the interest of full disclosure, I was gifted a pair of glasses by GlassesUSA in order to provide a true and honest review. I was impressed with their commitment to customer satisfaction! As a former corporate trainer in customer service (a job I miss and would love to do again), I appreciated this beyond words!
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When my first pair didn’t work out, they made sure my return was easy and seamless (but you will need access to a printer for the prepaid return shipping label, this was my only obstacle). When I chose my new frames, they emailed me to confirm that my prescription had not changed to ensure no further issues. No other glasses website I have encountered has ever done that. I have tried local companies, oversees ones and everything in between. I can honestly say that I am most satisfied with my newest experience and pair of glasses I got from GlassesUSA. Their selection was impressive, but their prices were even more so!
They offer…
  • 110% lowest price guarantee and a 100% satisfaction guarantee
  • A generous refer-a-friend program (You can get $30 for each first purchase a referred friend makes – and use the $30 towards your next pair of glasses)
  • A Facebook page and Twitter feed with exclusive discounts for fans
Their most current discount codes can be found here Sales & Coupons
And readers of this blog can take 10% off any order. With code: Blog10
From GlassesUSA:
“Seeing properly shouldn’t be a luxury – it should be a necessity. We do our best to help our customers and we take their vision needs very seriously by providing our customers with top quality lenses in the most fashionable frames available!”
I believe my complete prescription glasses (this included lenses and coatings) was around $70 total. Not bad! In fact, hella good! I remember paying $300+ at the eye doctor’s office. No more!!!
Here’s my tips for buying glasses online:
  1. Get your eyes examined! Not being snarky! Ha-ha! But you’ll need a current prescription in order to buy prescription glasses online. Sorry, that’s just how this works. I do recommend checking out your local JC Penny or Sears for exams or even Site for Sore Eyes, as they typically run promotions for exams at $50+/- which is a great deal!
  2. Get that prescription on paper! Many opticians will refuse, knowing you can just buy online and leave them and their huge mark ups in the dust. I usually say that I’m traveling abroad and want to make sure I have my prescription handy “just in case!” I once had one absolutely refuse and insisted that they would only Fax it (what is this? the 90’s?!) to another optician or optometrist. Psshht! I don’t know the legality of such a thing, as it is MY info/prescription, but be aware of the possibility. *Also, ask them to take and write down your PD or Pupil Distance measurement as this is very difficult to do on your own and you will absolutely need this in order to buy online.
  3. Measure your favorite and most comfortable pair of frames in Millimeters:
  • Measure your frames across the front, this is called Frame Width
  • Measure the height and width of one of the lenses Lens height/width
  • Measure the arm that goes over your ear (from frame to end of arm), this is called Temple Arm Length
  • Measure the part that goes over the bridge of your nose

Now you’re ready to start shopping! Please keep in mind that not all shaped frames will work for all shaped faces. You might look up how to choose the right shape frames for your face on google, I know I have and now stick with rectangular frames for my roundish face. I would also suggest using a picture of yourself without glasses on, so you can upload it and virtually try on frames online (different sites have different names for this feature)! Also? Have fun with colors! I used to only go for frameless or really skinny/barely there frames and now I go for the complete opposite and love it! Bold! Colorful! Fun! Hey?! That’s me!!! 😉

GlassesUSA also offers a NEW share-able Virtual Mirror feature!
I have not yet tried this feature but it sounds super cool! Let me know what you think when you try it!

Fats Hating Fats

July25

I know that I no longer really use the term Fat Acceptance anymore, but for the context of this post I will. I have been a fat activist and fat acceptance blogger/supporter for many years. Gosh, how long has it been now? Well, I’m not exactly sure, but a long ass time. For me it all started with a copy of BUST magazine and the article about the U.K. Chubsters fatty gang. I immediate hopped online to discover all I could about  them and the movement they represented and talked about.

Soon I found myself jumping from link to link to blog to blog until finally happening upon the community that would change my life for the better: LiveJournal.com’s Fatshionista community. Without that community I never would have dabbled in fashion, question my own internalized fatphobia, learned to heal my relationship with my body, taken a helicopter ride over Maui (had to buy 2 seats and feared fat shame, so glad I did it!), started my own small business or this very blog.

I longed for fat friends, solidarity and community. It took awhile, but I did find it. The key was that I refused to quit no matter how hard it got. The first few meet ups I organized were disappointing. When I had my cafe there were times when no one would show up at all. Or the clothing swap where only four people came and I was left with a car full of left over clothes to donate. Slowly but surely though I met the right people and found my community in fat acceptance.

I have met some very famous fats on my journey but only one gave me that awkward “OMZ! I have your book!” feeling and moment. What I have found is that most fats, famous or not, are awesome people. I never had fat friends growing up and the few that I did hated themselves and the world, too. I haven’t always been fat myself, but was fatter than most and then some once I hit puberty. I had a fat bff when I had the cafe, but her refusal to accept my fat body and her constant self hate was too much for me to handle.

Years of attending fat events and conferences and meet ups and dances and picnics and more and I thought I knew what my local fat community was: awesome! What I hadn’t realized until the last year or so is how it is also very fluid. It changes and reshapes itself constantly. There are the veterans and the newbies and while I thought everyone was accepting and positive and loving and all of that, I was very wrong.

Even in a community where we share the same pain, oppression and battle against a society brainwashed by marketing schemes, there are still cliques and mean girl attitudes that continue to shock me. This past weekend I heard stories of fats hating fats. Of famous fatties saying things like, “I’m fat, but not mid western fat!” or terms like “Forklift fat” and more. I’ve heard disabled fats feeling invisible or worse, that their needs were “just too much.” It seems even in a community where we bond over our mutual struggles in the world, there is still so much room to grow in just loving and accepting each other. The worst is the whole “good fatty versus bad fatty” mentality. It has got to end if we are to make any progress outside of our own community.

Racism is an especially vital subject that often isn’t addressed in the fat acceptance realm. Racism is something I have been keenly aware of, an activist and ally against and a struggle in my own life as far back as I can remember. In a space like No Lose I learned so much last year in the anti racism workshops and white allies group on Facebook. I had no idea until then what a privilege I have by having grown up in such a diverse community (the San Francisco Bay Area). I was looking forward to doing more of this type of work and learning this year and was excited to jump back into the tough dialogues and conversations necessary to make this community inclusive and safe for everybody.

What I hadn’t thought I would hear in such a space is how I and other white allies, regardless of the work we do within our community and at home, would be reduced to nothing but a skin color. I heard a story from a fellow fat that in seeking information to coordinate for a workshop they were told, “I’m not talking to white people this week.” and dismissed. Had this person given them even a moment to speak they would have thanked them for helping them through a difficult time last year, but they never had the chance. It breaks my heart to see past connections broken like this. I have no idea what caused this, nor is it my place to guess, but it was still a surprise and in an activist space I do not think that this is okay.

From the No Lose page:

NOLOSE* is a vibrant community of

fat queers and our allies,
with a shared commitment to feminist, anti-oppression ideology and action, seeking to end the oppression of fat people!  

I did not see this philosophy or attitude at the conference itself. The workshops I attended did not once mention solutions, healing, community support or even open discussion. It seemed to be more of a sharing of painful stories, anger, frustration and experiences thing and not a workshop at all. I understand and support having a safe space for connecting and bonding over shared pain and experiences. I think that it is important and vital to have this, but not alone. There needs to be more of a creative mindset, I feel. There were caucuses for this, but workshops? Nothing was “workshopped” in my eyes. At least not in the five or six workshops I attended.

No Lose may provide a more revolutionary space than the straight world has to offer, but it is not the inclusive utopia it strives so hard to be. There is work being done, don’t get me wrong. But the work and solutions versus accusations and calling people out and insisting upon accountability without making it safe to do so just isn’t happening or working. In a previous post I was put upon to hold those accountable who bullied me at the conference. If you’ve ever been bullied you know this is not an easy task, often it is impossible to feel safe to do so.

I was minutes away from a full blown panic attack when I was physically pushed aside by a smaller fat. This was moments before the talent show began. When it was time for me to hit the stage there was an issue with the mic stand on the stage (I needed it moved in order to dance) and then my music started late and I could barely hear it and I forgot all of my choreography. The moment I left the stage my panic attack hit me harder than a brick wall and I ran hysterically crying up to my hotel room. By the time I’d composed myself and calmed down enough to re-enter the conference space again, everyone was gone. The dance party was canceled and so I chose to hang out with some awesome people in the bar for an hour instead.

The following morning was my volunteer shift bright and early and then the Sunday Salon where I read my controversial piece “Fatty Dancer” and things would never be the same again. Not once did I feel safe enough to report or hold accountable the people that bullied me (physically or emotionally, there was way more than the pushing incident). There was so much going on, and in the end, what would it have accomplished? All I have ever wanted to be is myself. I fight for the right to be me and to live the life I want to live everyday in the straight world. I didn’t have it in me to fight for that at No Lose. Perhaps that is on me, so be it.

Since no one is willing to tell me exactly what I have done wrong, what specifically in my piece hurt people or is racist, I cannot see that anything with it or me is wrong. I was held accountable, I got up in front of the entire conference and acknowledged the pain I’d caused without knowing how or what caused it. In an activist space I expected more information, compassion and discussion. There was no discussion that I was allowed into. Many superfats felt invisible in a conference where the social currency was fuckability and always the smaller fats deemed more popular/accepted.

I wanted to quit being an activist due to how I and other fats were treated. But fuck that! I am an activist. I have always been and always will be an activist! I may not always have the spoons to speak up for myself but I almost always want to help and stand up for the underdog. I know the work I have done and continue to do can speak for itself. My events are inclusive to all. There is talk and sharing of pain and struggle, but always with a message of healing and connecting and community. No one is an island, but we all know what that feels like.

Living in a fat body in western society is hard enough. We are the embodiment of many people’s worst nightmares. Those on either end of the spectrum of oppression get it worst of all and that doesn’t take or give to anyone else. We have to stay connected and work with each other and for each other in order to make things right. Hating people you do not personally know is continuing the oppression you claim, as a fat activist, to want to end. What the fuck is that about?! We can do better! So stop spouting hate about who is or isn’t in your cool fatty club and realize that you’re harming all of us by doing so. There are so many great minds and vibrant voices being silenced and shut out. I refuse to sit idly while this happens. I will not be silenced and I will not stop working towards something better. Please join me.

Rad Fatty Love to you ALL!
<3
S

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TMI Tuesday!!!

June25

Today’s post is a review of a personal massager/sex toy. If you know me or would rather not know about my preferences or thoughts on this topic, please come back tomorrow for more of my usual fat talk and thoughts. Thanks! 😉

The following review has in no way shape or form been sponsored by anyone, nor have I been compensated in anyway. This is my own honest review of a personal purchase. 

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Oh dear readers! You always know what I need. Often it’s love and support, advice or solidarity, but when it came down to sexy stuff? You did real GOOD!!! I’d heard from many of you publicly and privately (you can always hit me up at notblueatall@notblueatall.com) that the Hitachi Magic Wand is nothing short of amazeballs. But you also frightened me with tales of it’s strength and intensity “so powerful it can give you an orgasm through a snowsuit….from across the street!” Yikes! But I’m here to share my thoughts on this hot topic! Ha-ha!

So, okay, y’all know I’m broke as fuck, but I did this user study thing at eBay and got a $50 visa gift card. I thought it was the perfect time to give the Hitachi Magic Wand a shot! And so…I did! I ordered it from Amazon and found one with two attachments for a great price. When it arrived I was a bit nervous about trying it. At first I just plugged it in and held it in my hand and then thought, “Hell no!” It was big and powerful and noisy! I put it away and didn’t touch it for a week.

Then I ran out of batteries for my go-to toy and thought, “Fuck it! Let’s do this thang!” and gave the Hitachi a go. WOW! It was too powerful for me that first time. It made me cum so fast I barely noticed. Which, let’s face it, kind of sucked. I just didn’t know what to make of it. Again, I left it alone for awhile. A few days later I thought to myself, “This is supposed to be the end all be all and I need to figure this shit out!” So I put on my favorite porn (“Libidinous Games” if you’re curious…it’s pretty tame and hilariously dubbed, but feel free to share your faves too) and took my time.

Holy Shitballs, Batman! I came so hard I thought I’d have a heart attack or pass out or something! This thing has two settings: “Low” (we’ll call it the clit pounder) and “High” (aka: are you insane?!?!). I can only handle the “Low” setting thus far. I’ve toyed with the “High” but only for like a second because I’d actually like to have a pussy left intact when I’m done masturbating! Ha-ha!

I have used the attachments and I have to say that they aren’t really that great. They make the whole thing noisier (no thank you) and are a pain to remove. I personally enjoyed the curved g-spot one a lot, but the straight one was of no interest to me (tried it, meh). What works best for me is using the curved attachment thingy to, um, penetrate myself vigorously (Ha-ha) and then remove it and focus on clit stimulation. Again, removal is no fun. I suppose you could leave it on but it will muffle the vibrations while simultaneously making the thing super loud. I don’t get it. I know there are other attachments, but until I have a disposable income (what is that again? Ha-ha!) I won’t have a chance to try ’em (let me know what you think of ones you’ve tried in comments, please).

The bottom line for me is that this thing is awesome! It plugs in so no more batteries!!! This has to be the best part. No waning battery life, no expense or trips to the store. It keeps on truckin’! I have sort of gotten used to the intensity and do try to take my time with it so as not to hurt myself or whatever. AH! The long handle is fantastic, too! That’s a great thing for a short armed, big bellied fatty like me! Long cord, long handle, never ending vibes: happy ‘bating! Ha-ha!

I was always too scared to spend the money on this sexy legend, but I can honestly say that I wouldn’t hesitate now. And I know many people who use it as a genuine massager for those hard to get knots. Especially in your neck/back/shoulders. All in all this is a great toy and a great buy. Do you have one of these babies? Tell me what you think, what works for you, tips, tricks, etc! 🙂

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