The other day I took my mother in law to the outlet mall nearby (she’d never been, lived here 30 years). I was desperately wanting to hit up the Lane Bryant (LB) outlet so I could get a steal on some bras or whatever! Funny thing, we walked into the entrance right next to the LB outlet! Woo! We were both pretty excited to see what deals were in store for us as we’re both pro bargain huntresses!

This particular LB outlet had one side entirely Cacique. Sweet! We dove right in…only it was more expensive than even their website! What?! We asked the sales person and she basically agreed that it was weird, but left it at that.  So we headed over to the LB outlet side and began our hunting. Only, the bargains were nil! Seriously! Everything was around $50 and their sales only gave you about $5 off of that.  I was surprised at some of the styles there, but it is an outlet so I let that go fairly quickly. But the prices? Let’s put it this way, I walked out empty handed. I went in fully intending to blow quite a wad of cash, but just wasn’t inspired and was downright offended at some of the pricing on that stuff ($30 for a cami?! In an outlet?!).

And I think this latest experience sealed the deal for me. I no longer want to give my money to Lane Bryant. They don’t understand their customers and don’t even try to! Their prices go up, quality goes way down (enough with the fucking polyester! WE DON’T WANT IT!!!) and their “sales” suck! And don’t get me started on their damned coupons and “real women” dollars. UGH!!! *HeadDesk5,000*

Look, Lane Bryant, I get it! You have a huge share of this “niche” market (pishaw!) and you wanna take advantage of that. Go for it! But don’t expect your longtime and formerly loyal customers to stick around while you screw ‘em over at every turn! Why would you even consider keeping your normal pricing in an outlet with rejected goods/styles? Did you not know we were in some sort of apocalipto-economy right now? Oh you didn’t? You were too busy counting your millions? Oh, I’ll just leave you to that then…NOT!!! Your wares suck! The fit of your clothing is all wongo now. I used to be able to just walk in and buy whatever in a size 26/28 and know it would fit. Now? That is a joke! Now I have to try on every single damned thing and hope it fits because sometimes it does and more often it doesn’t and it’s never in the same ways!

So, Lane Bryant, as I am about to re-enter the workforce and have money to spend on clothing again, guess who isn’t going to spend it in your shops or on your websites? Moi! I will gladly seek out indie designers, thrift store options or even try my hand at sewing my own garments before setting foot inside one of your stores again! Got it?! Good! Now buck up or fuck off!

Thanks.

There is so much awesomeness going around right now that I thought I’d share some of my faves with you! Woo!

First off, can I just say how much I fucking love LOVE! love Virgie Tovar?! She is amazing and incredible and is doing a video series, “Virgie Tovar’s Guide to Fat Girl Living” and they are flabulous!!! Here’s episode one to whet your appetite (believe me, you won’t be able to stop!):

Dr.Pattie Thomas & PDA Nation want to hear Your Story (and for more resources, links, etc http://revolutionsresources.blogspot.com/):

Please consider submitting your own story through video or text (you can comment on the videos on YouTube).

Amanda Levitt of FatWaitress & Love Your Body Detroit just opened a fabulous fat positive Etsy shop to raise funds for more fat activism: http://www.etsy.com/shop/LYBDetroit
Do check it out, buy something for yourself (like the fat rights tool kit!!! OMZ!!!)

And a bit of not so greatness, but I hope we can have an impact before it comes out…I first heard about this from Marilyn Wann and wanted to share it with you: Please go to the Amazon pages (US and UK) and post a comment responding to the godawful children’s book, “Maggie Goes on a Diet.”
I was personally shocked that the story itself is about a 14 year old going on a diet, but the targeted age for readers is 4-8 years old. Yikes!!! I hope that you will read the discussion and consider adding your own voice! <3

I have found myself becoming more and more political lately. It began when I attended the Queer.Fat.Political. event at the GLTB History museum in San Francisco on July 24th. It was such an amazing feeling to be in the same room as these incredible women who have been fighting the good fat (and feminist) fight all of these years (some more than 30 years!!!). I don’t think anyone could walk out of that place that night unmoved. And I wasn’t simply moved, I was inspired, and I was changed!

Since that evening I have only used the term Fat Acceptance once, in a comment on another blog (but do call me out if I’m wrong). I now prefer and completely embrace and identify with Fat Liberation! I think it points more succinctly and directly to the fact that the fat are marginalized and oppressed. I don’t feel that Fat Acceptance carries the same weight (no pun) as Fat Liberation. It feels better on my tongue and I feel more radical for using it! I also think it’s important to use it in this way as more and more deny the oppression of fat people and even some previously self-accepting/fat-accepting people are now calling themselves all of those old euphemisms: fluffy, chubby, big-boned, etc. *HeadDesk*

For me, one of the most important and powerful steps on my own acceptance/liberation journey was simply taking back the word Fat! I use it every damned day! I have to! I enjoy it! It is such a fabulously simple word, with so much POWER!!! Take that power back for yourself if you can. Get a Fat Necklace and watch as the world stops, stunned in your presence (and shouldn’t they be already?!). Perhaps you don’t feel you need liberating. Maybe you feel acceptance is more of what you’re looking for. That’s totally cool! I’m not saying that there is one way or the highway. For me I just feel more empowered when I think of liberation.

I am not looking for anyone’s approval. I’m not interested in appearing “acceptable” (to whom?).  I AM looking to gain full equality for everyone. I am! I believe that everyone is equal and it’s our society and government and corporations that interfere with that and fuck with our minds and make us believe lies year after year after year. And I’m through with that shit, ya know? And while I still haven’t found the words to approach my mother in law about her big butt comments (not about me, but our niece) I did manage to squeeze in a bit of history regarding women and shaving their body hair. She was only slightly surprised and possibly less interested than I had hoped. Ha-ha! Oh well.

I just hate to think that one day this fat acceptance/liberation thing will disappear. Like a wisp of so much smoke. That over time it will become less and less in numbers, that would soon disband (so to speak) and stop accepting ourselves, fighting for the liberation of fats and even stop using the word fat as a descriptor. I can’t accept that as a future possibility! I CAN’T! It hurts too much to even consider. But I see cracks, I see trouble and I just think that we need to support each other and keep in touch with each other more often and stick together more tightly to keep this movement going! I could be the only one feeling this urgency, but I feel it and I refuse to ignore it.

It’s hard to be publicly fat. I know! But what is harder for me would be to go back to how things were. To hating myself, trying to conform (Ugh! Conformity?! No Thanks!) and getting back on the dieting train? Blegh!!! NO! As much as I feel that my very existence is constantly questioned, I know that that is not how I want to live again. I know that for me to be happy and healthy and productive and my truest self I have to keep fighting the good fat liberation (and feminist) fight! I feel it is a duty, an honor and a privilege to have this path at my feet and I do fully intend to follow it.

Hey! I didn’t receive any submissions for Tank Top Tuesday this week and I spaced on even attempting to take one of me, so, let’s just vent our shit out in comments! I know the last two weeks have been crazy-busy for most or at the very least stress inducing. Why not get some things off your chest?! Please feel free to engage in discussion in comments, too! I love when that happens. We have so much in common, you just don’t even know! Okay? Cool! Vent away!!!

Also, feel free to continue to use to comments section for your TMI questions and stories! Woo!

And please consider submitting a photo for next week’s Tank Top Tuesday. You can email them here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com Please include the name you’d like used, any blogs/sites you’d like to plug and what you think/feel about baring your arms!

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I’ll go first!

So, it’s been a week since I sold my cafe. It feels very strange to not have that weighty burden on my shoulders. I keep expecting something bad to occur because of it. I want to fully enjoy myself and this time I have with my husband, his mom and our niece, but his mom (and subsequently now our niece) won’t stop with the big butt and bubble butt comments even after my husband explained that it could be damaging to our niece. *HeadDesk* Then at dinner last night she was describing someone she works with, “Well, she has a huge butt, but that’s the only thing wrong with her…” UGH!!!WHAT?! REallY?! I don’t understand her incessant comments about her own body, food, calories, the word “fattening”, etc…when she turns around and orders things I couldn’t imagine eating (fried mostly, make me ill if I eat it). She is constantly trying to feed us snacks and “Life” waters and garbage. There is no way she eats like this at home, right?! Is she just vacation eating? Is she nuts? I am beginning to believe that by the time she and our niece leave, my husband and I will be cured of our indecision to have a child. Ha-ha! This has been a vent. Thanks.

(Trigger Warning for food issues/demonizing)

I witnessed an exchange yesterday that made me cringe. The son has a severe gluten allergy and my cafe makes gluten-free Belgian waffles. He ate his entire waffle, but his sister barely touched hers. Mom then began to eat the waffle after eating her own panini, but grew too full. She then insisted out loud that it was just too good to waste! And tried to get her son to eat it:

Mom to son: Please, take this last bite of waffle! I didn’t touch it!
Son: No!
Mom: You’re going to make me eat all of these extra calories?!
Son: What? (looks very confused)
Mom: C’mon! Just eat one bite!
Son: No!
Mom to me: He is a germaphobe, very OCD if you know what I mean. Ugh! I can’t believe he won’t eat it! It’s so good! *chews*

Prior to this exchange she was asking me about my paninis and which was “the least fattening?” To which I replied (with a smile), “Are you asking my opinion, because I’m not sure you would want it.” She laughed, so did I, but insisted on which had the least fat and calories and I refused to answer. She went with the vegetarian one (grilled eggplant with sun dried tomato spread, grilled onions and mozzarella) and insisted it was the most delicious thing ever!

My next customer wanted to know similar things, “What kind of bread do you use? Is it thick? I am trying to cut my carb intake…*mutters* and calories (with a sad face).” I reply, “But you need carbs and calories for your brain to function, for your body to move and work and play! Don’t you hate that we’re told that all of this stuff is bad and they make us feel awful for it?” She nods yes and looks slightly surprised by my response. Then I say, “Sorry, I don’t mean to preach, but I read a lot about nutrition and I get so upset that so much of what we’re told about food and nutrition and health are lies. It’s all marketing, you know? It is too bad.” She agrees and orders what she wants and then admits that the restaurants that show the calorie counts on foods really affects her. She says she has a hard time making a decision when faced with these figures. And I agree that it doesn’t really help. Then I explain that our body craves certain foods because it wants those nutrients. Substitutes don’t give those nutrients and often lead to more severe cravings. To this she agrees wholeheartedly and smiles.

I have these exchanges almost everyday. I don’t always get so wordy or mouthy about it, but I am tired of just smiling and nodding and letting these people demonize my food and my fat! Half the time it’s the adults that are the pickiest of eaters, kids just was food! No guilt or emotional attachments…just food/fuel! And food allergies are a serious concern! I cannot stand it when people make light of someone’s allergies or illnesses. Ugh!

I’m sick of people just repeating the exact same lies that are in ad campaigns! I want people to question this shit! To research it and to decide what is right for themselves. But they don’t know TO do that. They just take things on face value. “Oh! Whole grain means healthy!” Um, not exactly. *sigh* It’s an uphill battle. I don’t have $65 Billion to get the truth out there. The diet corporations do. And this is why Fat Liberation seems so daunting to many.

This is where I think we can make an impact though: with our moolah! None of us is rolling in money these days, but there are small things we can do to make small changes in the world and that begins with how you spend your money. Do you buy something that is suddenly advertising in a magazine or on a tv station that is fat hating? Call or email or tweet or facebook them to let them know you cannot support them if they support the fat hate! It works! So few people actually do speak up and contact these companies that when they do get more than say three people calling, they are surprised and want to please their customers (usually). Look into parent companies and see if you can contact them, too! In fact, get to know your congressperson and contact them regularly about discrimination based on height & weight! Many haven’t even heard of this stuff and will be interested and will want to listen to you!

You don’t have to get all shouty or overly political about it (even though it totally is), you can simply tell them that you refuse to support their products and company because where they are advertising (specify) supports the oppression of people based on their looks (weight/height/etc). Yes, you will most likely get a canned response, but you’d be surprised at how few people/complaints it takes before someone takes action! I saw this in the town where my cafe is. People were so annoyed at dealing with the strict 1 hour parking, but few actually complained to the city. I complained, a few of my customers complained, but not enough people did at first. Then I just got angry because they were straight up lying about how many tickets they were giving out (they claimed one a day when I watch them give out a minimum of five!) and started telling anyone who complained to contact the city. It took awhile, but it’s now been changed to two hours. I thought I was dreaming the day I saw the guys changing out the old signs to the new ones! Ha-ha! But they specifically said that enough people complained! Simple as that!

People don’t like to complain to the city/county/state/country. They like to complain to their friends/spouses/neighbors/etc. It’s like a past time for some people. When you suggest they take it up with someone who can actually do something about the issue? “Oh, they won’t listen!” is all I hear. And that is bullshit! If you don’t try how will you or they ever know?! They need to know, dammit! Business need this feedback, they need to hear from their customers or they will ASSUME they are doing the right thing every damned time! I don’t want anyone assuming what I want. I prefer to make my own choices and my own voice heard, thanks.

Okay, so I’m ranty this week, but that’s okay! It’s what I do. I’m tired of just complaining to like-minded individuals (and wonderful as y’all are), I feel compelled to start actually speaking up to these corporations and letting them know what I think. I may be naive in some of my thinking, do let me know, but it’s just too frustrating to be silent.

What products are advertising in fat hating media? I’d love to put together a list and post it. Thanks for reading! Happy Friday (for those who have weekends)! I hope you are all well and in good spirits! <3