My husband and I recently watched the documentary, “Pregnant In America” on our Netflix instant watch (gotta love it). I had wanted to see it for awhile. Having previously watched “The Business of Being Born” another birthing in the US related doc by Rikki Lake and, “At Your Cervix” where the truth behind pelvic exams was revealed. All great documentaries! I highly recommend them all if you are even remotely interested in having a child in the United States of America. Because a lot of what we’ve been told, taught or marketed to in regards to women’s bodies and reproductive health, is, well…BULLSHIT!!!

I was born in a hospital. No complications, just a typical 1977 birth. My younger brother and sister, however, were born at home with a midwife. They, too, had no complications in their births (or should I say our mom didn’t). Yet somewhere along the line I grew a nice big prejudice against home births. I am not entirely sure why, other than I typically will rebel against anything my mother is for (I have not seen her in over 15 years). But getting my info on and watching these incredible documentaries has completely changed my mind!

I had grown fearful, over the last couple of years, of having a kid because of a lot of things. Mostly passing on genetic stuff, but also because there’s a damned good chance that I’ll have a fat child (who may also end up with my hair color, not bad, but kids are merciless towards redheads). Would the government take my child away because it’s fat? I couldn’t bear the thought of living through that. Or would I even get a say in the birth of my child while also being seen as too fat for anything in the eyes of the medical world? I read the blog WellRoundedMama and have found some great articles/info/resources there, but that fear still lingers.

When I read this post on AmpleProportions I was quickly reminded of my fears and the real threat to our rights as women in America, let alone the rights of the fat! Watching “Pregnant in America” sort of snapped me back to my germaphobic self in a way: hospitals are for the very ill, not for the newly born! I mean, babies don’t belong there! They don’t have fully formed immune systems and who knows who is touching your baby and if they’re washing their hands appropriately?! My husband has long said that he doesn’t want to have our baby in a hospital because they snatch it away from you the moment it’s released from the birth canal and instantly inject, weigh, test, “clean”, etc… when the natural thing is to clutch the infant to the mother’s breast, leaving the placenta in-tact for awhile, so that the natural hormones kick in and do what they need to do: Bond, initiate natural breast feeding and so much more.

Is it possible that the rise in postpartum depression has something to do, directly, with the westernized pathology of handling birth? To inject drugs (epidural) into the spine of the mother (can lead to so many problems I don’t even wanna talk about right now) so that she cannot feel the baby moving and may even be temporarily paralyzed until after the baby is born? You see, we’re natural baby makers, women. We and our bodies know exactly what to do, if we are unaltered and uninhibited. We will find the right position for us while giving birth, naturally! While OB/GYN’s have been trained to find pathology and complications where none exist all in the name of efficiency and profit! Laying on your back, legs splayed in the air, is not only not natural, but damned uncomfortable while pushing out a baby! I have completely changed my mind and I have no intention of going anywhere near a sick house (hospital) unless it’s an absolute emergency. They don’t want me anyway, I’m fat and have no insurance. Fuck ‘em!

I’m not pregnant and don’t have immediate plans to get there, but if and/or when  I am ready, I thank the stars above that these films and the experts and resources available today are there to inform and help me along the way. I cannot stand the thought of not being in control of my own body or infant. To interfere with a natural thing? Well, that’s bullshit! I won’t stand for it and I most certainly will not pay for it!

We learn to judge sometime in our childhood. We learn to judge others and eventually ourselves. We begin to see the world through this new lens, but when we turn that lens upon ourselves we choose (or are taught) to see the negative. I think this self-judgement only worsens with time/age/environment. And I think that right now, in time or this year or whatever, it is worse than ever before in history. Women and girls see their self-worth directly tied to their weight and beauty. We push ourselves to a previously unfathomable degree and then sit back in shock and horror when such behaviors blow up in our collective faces. When breaking away from this type of thinking or behavior lands you in the “other” category or worse getting bullied.

I am still on my own personal path to a judgement-free life. I know it’s possible, I feel as though I am halfway there. I see people like Yoko Ono, the Dalai Lama, Oprah Winfrey and more, teach these concepts and practices hoping to reach even a few minds ready for change. And that is the crux of it, isn’t it? Change. It is what drives us and freezes us in terror. The unknown is what scares us. Change is what we think we want when we feel positive. But it is when things are drastically wrong that we rally together for that change. When we are instructed or asked to change for our “own good” we resist with a resistance against it like little else in the world. As though changing one iota of ourselves for health or well-being or for the health and safety of our loved ones, would change yourself and your personality for good. I used to believe that people do not actually ever change, but I know now that that just isn’t so. I have changed so much that when I look back I am often horrified at the person I was or the shit I allowed to be done to me or brought into my life.

With every passing year I think I see the world slightly differently. It used to be me against the world. Then me and my husband against the world. Now it’s just us trying to live in harmony with the world as best we can. That is a major shift! I used to walk around with a black cloud overhead, the living gal version of Eeyore. I believe at one point that I was so worthless that I didn’t even deserve death, that the best punishment for someone like me (I was in my mid to late teens) is to live in misery and agony for the rest of my natural life. I believed that in my heart of hearts (where did that saying come from?). I bought into that self-created philosophy for many years. Even got a tattoo with Chinese characters that say “Everlasting Pain”. *HeadDesk* That is not the person I am now. Not even close! But I changed. I grew. I evolved and I opened myself up to new things and people and concepts and lifestyles and ideas and I made informed changes in my life.

What inspired this post is an article about a woman who gave up mirrors for a year. I was struck by that concept, especially how it might pertain to Fat Liberation. When we look at ourselves in the mirror we see what others see (or so we think). A good friend of mine once told me a story about shopping at a local Target and seeing an older but stylish woman looking at her from behind a clothes rack. Well, that woman was her! She was alarmed at how much older she appeared in the mirror (though don’t get me started on department store mirrors, yo). She and I are one month apart in age. I found the story humorous, but poignant, too. At what point do we hold onto an image of ourselves and refuse to let go? I have been exposed to a large swath of the population and it varies, I can tell you that much. I have found that for men, 21-25 is their ideal image of themselves (no research was done, this is a guestimation y’all). And for women it can be much younger or older than that. I think it has more to do with what was going on in their lives than anything else, hindsight being 20-20 and all.

This all reminds me of a quote from Andy Warhol, “I know a girl who just looks at her face in the medicine cabinet mirror and never looks below her shoulders, and she’s four or five hundred pounds but she doesn’t see all that, she just sees a beautiful face and therefore she thinks she’s a beauty. And therefore, I think she’s a beauty, too, because I usually accept people on the basis of their self-images, because their self-images have more to do with the way they think than their objective-images do.” That Andy knew what was up! I think that girl is me! Ha-ha! seriously! I don’t own a full-length mirror anymore (not intentionally, just situationally) and thus can only view myself from the shoulders up. Sometimes I see myself as a beauty, other times I just look tired. But I am who I am and I accept that. I try not to dwell on that reflected image, either.

Could I (could you?) give up mirrors for a year? I don’t know. I mean, I suppose I could, but driving? Hmm, that would be the hardest bit. To resist the ultimate temptation of looking in the rear view mirror at myself? I don’t think I could. But I don’t hate what I see in the mirror anymore. I know who I am and while certain aspects of my personality may always be in flux, I know that the core of my being is good and kind and strong and capable and important. I hold that closest to me. I remind myself often. I have to. Because in this world, right now, with the hate flowing from every pore and person? I have no choice but to love me for me, I can’t expect to receive or buy that anywhere else. There’s no installment plan for self-acceptance.  It takes work and it takes a willingness to be open to that concept to begin with.  And I am a much better person for having found it! I now have more meaningful relationships and work to honor and value them. I hope that you can find a way to accept and love yourself, too. For now, accept that I love and accept you just as you are, right now!

<3
S

Fat events, that is!

Have you ever been overwhelmed by goodness? By love? By friends? That’s kind of where I’m at today. Last week was my first “solo” effort since closing the cafe and I was busy, y’all! Ha-ha! I lunched with fabulous ladies and hung out with rad fatties (okay, some were the same people) and then went to Cupcake & Muffintops yesterday! Whew! I should be tired from it all, but I’m more energized! That is what the fat liberation community does for me. Every time I attend an event I walk away exhilarated! And I am! In fact, I’m so excited that I couldn’t even think of what to write for today’s post! Not that this is anything new, ha-ha!, but I wanted to write something meaningful or deep or whatever…yeah, that ain’t happenin’!

A commenter recently wondered where the fats were at in their home town/state. I felt this way, too! I can’t be the only bad ass fat ass around! And I am most certainly not! I will say it took a bit more work on my part to open myself up to new people. To be open minded, but also open to new friendships, philosophies, lifestyles…all for the better! I can honestly say that my views on many things have changed because of the fabulous people I have met through the fat liberation community. And I highly encourage any and all to do the same. Start a meet up group! Create activism in your area where none existed before! Be radical! Get political! Stand up & be heard! You could buy a “Yay! Scale” and use it in your activism (it is the coolest thing to see people’s reactions!). Start a zine! A newsletter! Or plan a clothing swap!

This one gets people out of their hidey holes, I think, most! Why? Because fat people don’t often get included in such things and finding fatshion, in your size, that fits, that isn’t a gazillion bucks? That is fantasyland, right?! But it doesn’t have to be! You could do a small swap with just a few people or a big ole one for all to attend and enjoy! I encourage gender inclusiveness and an overall sense of community building, but that’s just me. You can have a theme or a costume party or a craft day, whatever. Just dip your toe in the fat liberation community waters in your area. I promise you’re not the only fatty in town!

Where to start? Well, I got my fat activist training wheels on LiveJournal.com’s Fatshionista community. So I would start there. Read the posts, check out the tags, see what resources are there (there could already be a local meet up you haven’t heard about!) and then consider posting your own query about your town/area. It’s that simple! You start by planting that seed and if you nurture it, that baby will GROW! You could also try to get other local groups involved. GLTBQ groups, Feminist groups…there’s so many who could identify with our cause, I’m sure they’d love to help/join forces!

My first meet up didn’t go so well and I wasn’t as open and accepting as I am now. It was a diverse group, but I think too many severely different personality types. We lunched and shopped and that was the end of it. I tried to organize a meet up a few more times and finally it did work out. Though it ended up never being truly a monthly thing, more like every other month. But you know what? I have made some fabulous friends from that group and I wouldn’t trade that/them for the world! It is hard to put yourself out there, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Nobody is perfect or expecting you to be (and if they are? Fuck ‘em!). Just keep it friendly and casual until you know what you want to do with the group. And if you do any of this stuff? Hit me up! I’d love to promote you! Take pictures! Have fun with it! I’m dying to throw a fatty dance party myself and I will, in time. =0)

For now I say this: If there is a fat event, attend! Support! Promote! Spread the good fat positive word! If there’s not? Consider getting your hands dirty and starting your own! Start small and open yourself up to the possibility of helping grow this spectacular fat liberation community in your area. You won’t regret it! <3

Yep, that’s my little Puggyman, checkin’ out the the piggies I just received from Amanda of FatWaitress & LoveYourBodyDetroit! One is for moi! The other I get to decorate and send back to her for some serious fat activism for Love Your Body Day! Yay!

So adorable and fun! Purple tu-tu? Yes, please! I don’t yet know how I will be decorating my pig, but I’m excited for the challenge and opportunity to do so! I will of course take plenty o’ pictures when it’s completed to share here with you lovelies! Any suggestions on decorating it?

A lovely reader of this blog, “JaneDoe” wanted to make me a “Fat Bitch” necklace and well, how could I say no?! Emails were exchanged, facts and figures were shared and then I received a lovely little something in my mailbox: