I’ve been on Twitter for so long I can’t even remember. The thing is though, it’s sometimes like that friend you suddenly can’t remember why you’re friends with. Yeah, that!

But today? There’s been some fat shaming by Lane Bryant in regards to definatalie’s t-shirt design. It’s complete and utter bullshit that they are asking:

Is this really necessary? We say NO! Share your thoughts! http://ow.ly/2fILH #lanebryant

Wow! A whole company saying NO to one little indie artist’s design? OUCH! For one thing, I LOVE definatalie, her blog and ALL of her designs. She’s so talented and adorable and witty and just fab! I wasn’t going to buy that shirt, I prefer the fancily scrawled “FAT” shirt, but I am VERY tempted to buy the fat arse shirt and stand outside my local LB with a giant grin on my face!

Honestly, I’ve been sick of LB overall for awhile *now. The quality of their clothing has gone down while their pricing seems to keep on creeping up up up! Plus, the styles? You guys, they kinda suck! I used to look forward to payday and quickly turn said paycheck into dust, walking out with those giant LB bags of yore. *sighs* Now? I only buy their bras. Well, one bra in particular. They are the best ever.

Now? I may have to find another store/place to buy my ladies a comfy home. I just don’t feel very good about giving LB more of my hard earned money. Not when they are perfectly okay with fat shaming. Nope! No Thank You!

My response to their tweet:

Notblueatall @lanebryant Yes it’s necessary! Not everyone buys into the old beauty myths. And no pair of pants are going to make my fat ass any less so!

Feel free to follow my tweets and I will do the same. Just wish I was back into tweeting for more positive reasons.

*Also, since moving from a typical LB 26/28 to a straight up in yo face 28/30, seems they don’t want my monies anyway. Neener! Too bad, since this started when I had that old corporate trainer position money in my pockets. Those were the days. Sadly, the LB gals always tried to get me to wear slutty stuff to my very straight-laced corporate office. Ugh!

Instead of the usual “stuff I wanna buy but can’t or will never afford” type of wish list, I’ve decided there is a more important list for me and my fat ass today:

1. I wish all fats could travel in comfort regardless of the mode of transportation they choose. No weight limits or any other type of restrictions. No embarrassment. No shame. No dirty looks. None of it! And seriously, someone solve the airplane seat thing already! You’ll be rich!
2. I wish that all fashion designers would make clothing for all sizes. Seriously? What is the hold up?! Is our money not green enough for ya? I mean, it’s just bad business. Get on this!!!
3. I wish that all shoes came in different widths. Humans have varying sizes and widths of feet and we should not have to scour the internet to find a pair that is a.) comfortable b.) fits my foot and c.) affordable! YO!
4. I wish that sizing in general would be more uniform. When you’re a fatty looking for fatshions, it’s hard enough to find the actual garment measurements, let alone figuring out what size is which for every damned company! Even fats only clothing lines can be mega-wonky. Try some European style sizing where the number actually reflects the measurements!!!
5. I wish that I could walk into a Nordstrom or Macy’s or Sephora or MAC or any upscale-ish store and be treated like I’m literally made of money. Just once I’d like to look up at a sales girl and not see her looking down her nose at me with disdain. I do have money from time to time but I shall not be padding your commission today. Or how about this radical idea: Treat Everyone The Same & With Respect!!!
6. I wish that height & weight were added to every discrimination law in every state in every country in the world. PERIOD!
7. I wish I could tell every child that they are wonderful and worth every bit of effort under the stars. I wish I could look them all in the eye and tell them they are beautiful and loved. Especially the fat kids!
8. I wish that there was one big fat universal all over the world health care system. It would cover anyone at any time regardless of everything and only the truly selfless & passionate would become doctors and they would be well paid and highly regarded.
9. I wish that people would brag about losing attitude and negativity over pounds. We should reward each other for being more positive. People who talk badly about themselves would be encouraged to love themselves.
   
10. I wish that the diet industry would make a huge (ha-ha) press release to announce their great failure & shame for lying to the entire world. They must pay back a percentage of money to anyone who has tried their programs/etc and apologize to them. People would use the word diet appropriately from then on.
    
11. I wish that talent was the new thin! Creativity the new black! And positivity the new everything!
12. I wish that everyone could say the word FAT with a smile and forget words like “obese” & “morbid” & “overweight” and any other euphemism for FAT!  It would forever be used as a descriptor and little else.
13. I wish that fat characters were portrayed in every movie, show, play, musical, comedy troupe (you name it!) with a real sense of respect/honesty/reality.
    
14. I wish that whole, healthful & nutritious foods were available to everyone, regardless of class, status, geography or other restrictions.
15. I wish that all fats could leave the house with their head held high and without a worry or fear of harassment or shame.

What would be on YOUR Big Fat Wish List???

Last night on my long drive home from work, I was listening to KPFA (as per my usual) and heard a report where they were talking about food banks and pantries and how the face of poverty is changing. The middle class is dwindling right into poverty and how we’re not prepared for this major change. There is an ordinance up for vote in Los Angeles that would make it easier for local business to donate foods that are still good without threat of legal repercussions. Basically, the food and safety regulations currently in place do not allow for this because of set time guidelines or other guidelines that dictate how long a certain food may be kept/stored/served. This is why grocery stores often have to throw out perfectly good food, if they didn’t they could be sued for a number of reasons. This new ordinance would cost the state/city/fed zero dollars and actually cut waste that would otherwise head straight to our landfills.

Well, all of this got me thinking about that changing “face of poverty” and an idea/image popped into my head that made me catch my breath, think and just feel pretty sick overall. I also think it’s a real thing and could happen and well, LA isn’t exactly the fat friendliest place on earth, but…

Can you imagine a fat standing in line for food at a food bank or soup kitchen? Would they be harassed? Would they be refused? I cannot imagine. I don’t know what it is like to have to rely on said food banks and pantries, but I am happy as hell that they are out there to help people who are food insecure. I had never heard that turn of phrase either: food insecure. I get what it means, but never heard it that way before. I mean, when I was a kid, I was just poor. My family never went on well fare or received food stamps, but we probably would have qualified and probably should have. Luckily we were often helped/supported by my grandma.

What about the mom trying to feed her kids? Is she going to be more reluctant because of her size? Doesn’t she work hard enough? Man, I just can’t fathom it. You know? But there are assholes out there who just make it their life’s mission to be a dick to any and all that they possibly can.

My thoughts, love and hope go with you!

If you’d like to hear the broadcast I heard yesterday:

It’s been about three years (although I think it’s been four) since I discovered the community online that is Fat Acceptance. It’s been a wild ride. It’s been a personal journey. I’ve grown so much and learned so much. I’ve met cool people both online and in the real world. I’ve found my self-esteem again. I am more open. I am more honest. I am more truly me. I promote these things in my life, too. I lead by example. I have discovered that there is very little in this world that I cannot handle or tackle or do. I smile much more easily than I ever have before. I enjoy life. I am happy!

I try to keep my friends and my husband in my little FA loop, but sometimes things get lost in translation. And sometimes people just don’t want to hear it. Just like I don’t want to hear their diet and weight loss talk. I get it. Sometimes I think I get a little too excited about this stuff and I get very caught up in it and sort of mouth-splode all at my husband. He’ rad though. He wanted to read the “Lessons from the fatosphere” book and he enjoyed it. So I forget sometimes that he’s not truly part of the FA community. He’s never read a blog or an article or anything. He doesn’t know the “Fat Nurse” from the “Fat Nutritionist” and could never tell you why Marianne Kirby’s blog is called therotund.com.

I have friends who understand my thought on fat and FA and can generally get behind what that means to me. They will say things like “that’s so refreshing to hear” and generally seem happy that I have found this strength within myself because of FA. Sometimes though, these same people will say things to me like, “Gawd! I just need to lose ___ lbs!” or “I know if I join Weight Watchers again I will lose the weight again.” and “I just want me pre-baby body back!” never thinking about how this may seem to me. These friends who are certainly under 150 lbs, though some much much lower than even that. I was mentioning this to my husband and I had had a sort of revelation on this and he interrupted me saying (not verbatim), “How can they look at YOU and say that about themselves with any seriousness? Somehow their fat is in some other context from yours? I don’t get it.”

But then I told him what I had come to realize earlier that day. It’s nothing terribly new or exciting, but to me it was a bit of an “Ah-ha!” moment. I told him, “But they don’t see my fatness the same way they see their bodies. They may think I’m fattastic or whatever, but in their own mind, they feel fat or what they think of as fat. It has nothing to do with me at all. And it certainly isn’t met as anything towards me.” He understood this immediately. If you change the context from fat to say general insecurity anyone can relate. I mean, everyone has some part of themselves (body part or inner characteristic) that they don’t like about themselves, even when others insist that thing isn’t true. It’s somehow just in our nature as a society. I think that is the biggest part of this, too. Society! Somewhere along the way “Society” has turned us all into perfectionists when it comes to our appearance. We’re supposed to look a very specific way or we are considered worthless.

This little revelation actually had an immediate effect on me. While watching t.v. later that night some promo for some awful show came on and had all of these obviously surgically altered ladies strutting and catting and whatever to promote their reality show and my husband just sort of groaned in disgust and I turned to him and said, “Wow! These are supposed to be some sort of an example of a beautiful if not perfect woman and yet I find them completely unattractive.” He smiled and agreed. I love him so!It was as though this whole societal pressure veil that’s been shoved down my throat my entire life had been lifted from my eyes. Let’s hope it’s for good!

I do still have friends who will never see the beauty in themselves the way I see it in them. There are others, still who just don’t get that 10 extra lbs. is not the end of the fucking universe. And some just feel unhealthy despite their 110 lbs. weight. they just know that they are inactive and need to move to feel good again. If only we were all so attuned.

Let’s try this together. Stand up. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and then out. Again. Then put your hand on your heart. And sat out loud to yourself the following (only, use your name instead of mine):

I love you, notblueatall. You matter and are important and strong and loved. I love you notblueatall

Now take another big deep breath in and let it all the way out. Open your eyes and see a brighter world waiting for you to take a big fat bite out of! YOU FUCKING ROCK! =0)

Thanks for reading. <3

I was thinking about social networking on my way into work this morning. Okay, I think about a lot of things in the car, I have a 45 minute commute after all. And well, I listen to things like KPFA & today, the Fatcast: Two Whole Cakes!  On said Fatcast, they were talking about gender in relation to fat. And while my thoughts were wandering at a stop light I found myself thinking about fats and how we can use social networking to our fatvantage (totally made that up but I like it!). I only use social networking sites (like facebook, twitter, myspace, linkedin, etc) for staying in touch or up to date with friends. Mostly people I know in my social circle, but also people I have met through blogs or livejournal. I enjoy getting updates on their lives or things they’re into or what have you. But this morning I started thinking about dating.

Okay, so I’ve been married 6 years and my husband and I have been together for over 12 years…so it’s been awhile since I’ve dated (if you can even call it that). Back then it was just AOL and chat rooms. Ha-ha! Oh man, so much time chatting with all sorts of people. I found myself in an San Francisco based one even though that wasn’t where I lived. Made some friends, but mostly just found drama. Today there’s a ton of dating specific sites, not to mention the usual ones like I mentioned above. Back then I would simply identify as full figured. Funny, I would never say this now. I prefer FAT! I remember a specific instance that turned out alright after all was said and done, but the guy in question when answering his door for our “date” (he was going to make me dinner, oh yeah!), “Um, you’re more full figured than I thought.” and I responded unflinchingly, “Yeah, you’re a lot skinner and shorter than I thought.” but we got along so well over the phone it seemed silly to let this get in the way. We eventually became friends, but then life happened and we lost touch.

It makes me wonder about fats in the dating scene today. Especially online? I mean, your employer can look you up for free so it’s best to keep these things low-key, right? When MySpace was at the height of it’s popularity it seemed to be full of nothing but wannabe porn stars mugging for (or showing other things very close to) the camera. Now it seems like only comedians and aspiring musicians use it. I don’t see much of that sort of thing on Facebook, I wonder why. Or maybe it’s there and just not in my circle of friends. At any rate I was thinking on this and wondering how one presents themselves in the dating environments of the interwebz. I think if for whatever reason I found myself “out there” again (like what, in the cold & rain? Ha-ha!) I’d be much more willing to identify as fat and think it would be a great jerk filter simply by using that word.

Certainly there are fat specific communities and events. I’ve seen many a BBW night at local clubs/bars, meet up groups and such…I’ve never been to one, being that I am married, but have wondered what that’s like. Is it a bunch of sleezeballs on the prowl for their next fat-lay? Because it does seem to be an accepted (although mega-wrong) concept of a fat woman being easy. I don’t think I ever hat to beat them off with a stick (as my uncles all warned when I was a little girl), but I was hardly in want of a lover, for sure. I just can’t wrap my head around how technology has taken over that part of our social interactions.

I have always been one for more spontaneous human interactions, preferably in a public place. Do blind dates still happen? Do successful relationships ever start at a bar? I met my husband by hiring him for x-mas help at a music store, so that was easy. He came to me. Ha! Prior to that though I would usually meet guys at music shows or goth clubs or through friends or at parties, just whenever wherever, ya know? Ugh!

I know it’s rough on the old self-esteem no matter how you find dates, but with the amount of control you have over your profiles and images online, is it easier? Are people photo shopping and glamor shooting themselves into an unrecognizable fantasy? I guess it’s pretty dang random of me to even care, but hey I just think about stuff!

I would love LOVE to hear from anyone who has some first hand experience on the subject. Speak up! I wanna talk!
Thanks for reading as always, darlings.

=0)