You may not know it from just reading this blog o’ mine, but it seems that I have in fact been in hiding, y’all. I hadn’t actually realized it myself until Monday night at karaoke with my two BFFs. Jery bought the first round of drinks and as we were about to toast (Wyder’s pear cider, yo!) he leans over and says to me, “I’m so glad you finally decided to come out.” gobsmacked, I replied, “Have I been in hiding or something?” to which he said, “Well, yeah, it felt like it.”

Wow! Truer words have never been spoken. I do feel as though I’ve come out of some sort of hiding/cloistering period. I guess I just hadn’t thought of it that way. The thing is, I used to go out at least once a week. Usually to karaoke with the boys, but then it stopped being fun, I ran out of moolah and got super tired and depressed. It happens. I got so caught up in my own stress and anxieties that I’d forgotten to have fun. What a huge missing piece of my giant self-care puzzle, right?! Whew! So happy I’ve found it!

And it wasn’t actually that sudden of a thing, either. I think the fat clothing swap in San Francisco a couple of months ago (was it that long?) really kicked things off and reignited my fatty activist passion. Then of course meeting so many fabulous local fats helped and soon I found my social calendar filling up! Who knew? I do remember a point where I was scrambling to fulfill plans made and even canceling some for both personal (anxiety/panic) and logistic reasons.

The fat flesh mob with Marilyn Wann in S.F. for International No Diet Day was another big push in the right direction. It certainly reminded me in an indelible way just how important and needed the fat acceptance movement is and why I am committed to being a part of it and furthering its goals (equality, anyone?). The burlesque class* that made me realize that I could feel sexy again! And somehow it all culminated in this past weekend with the BBW dance night in Oakland and then karaoke on Monday? Well, what a wild ride and a blast! And I’m still standing! Fun didn’t kill me! Ha-ha!

I guess I do tend to cloister myself reflexively. I stay where I can control my environment and interactivity. I stick with what’s comfortable and easy and low maintenance and stress. It’s why sometimes I just can’t want to try a new restaurant while other times I’m jumping at the chance. My husband both help and hurts this type of self-preservation things depending on what end of the spectrum we each are on at that time. I used to think being a homebody was some terrible waste of time or whatever. Now I totally get it! I do!

I would like to thank my friends, new and old, for sticking by me and being so patient and kind to me. P&J for being my all-time cheerleaders and the tough love givers when they somehow know the time is right. Steph for making me feel like we were in high school talking on the phone about all things boys for hours! Virgie Tovar for being so fucking sweet and awesome and helping me feel sexy again! Carmen for accompanying me to the burlesque class and getting out of your comfort zone…you sexy bitch! Marilyn Wann for making me see you in a whole new light (human? Yep, totally!) and putting one of my dreams into reality (fatty flash mob!). Jeanette & Jessica for inviting me out, making me feel welcome and for making me feel like a girl, too! Twistie for always somehow knowing the right thing to say to me, keeping me sane. Psycho Sue and Rachel for being such amazing and supportive bad asses even though y’all live so very far away from me. WithoutScene for actually wanting to put up with my random-ass chat sessions (ha-ha!) and inspiring me and making me see my own potential. Amanda for making me so hopeful for the hardworking college folks out there! What you are doing is amazing, I don’t know why you don’t have a  fan club yet! Kath for inspiring me and being a super fatty blog mentor to me (without you realizing even). Of course, my husband, Bryan for being my rock and my best friend and putting up with my chaos (even though he’s never seen this blog–he’s aware of it). And my regular  here and my regular customers at the cafe for lifting my spirits by just saying hi! Thank you for that!

If you’ve never left a comment, please do. I forget anyone reads this sometimes and it really does help me keep going.  

Not sure how this ended up all sappy…meh, whatever. Go with it! Ha-ha! Thanks y’all! You rock my socks!
<3
S

Oh babes! (You’re all hawt-ass babes in my eyes, just so ya know!) I went out dancin’ on Friday night with my friends Jessica, Jeanette and Nicole (and Amy & her gals *waves* Hi ladies!!!)…whew! I’m still recovering! Ha-ha! There was a time, a long-long time ago chi’ren, when this fattycake used to go out dancin’ every Friday and Saturday with my girl Summer (I miss you girl, where you at?) and we would dance all night for nobody but us! This last Friday? Totally reminded me of back then. *sigh* It’s been soooooooo long! And I had SO much fun!

Full Figured Entertainment hosts a BBW night on the 3rd Friday of the month at Club Anton in Oakland, CA (you save $2.50 by pre-paying on their site just in case you plan on coming to the next one). I wasn’t sure what to expect, to be honest, but as co-designated drunk, I was ready to make it a good time one way or the other. Luckily I didn’t need to do that at all. Oh no, the fun was there just waitin’ for us! When we arrived the place was near empty, but soon that all changed!

As DJ Pam “The Funktress” was spinnin’ everything from today’s hottest hip hop hits to some fantastic old school numbers for me (“Humpty Dance” is my jam!), she even went all out, even scratchin’ with, well, her boob! It was fabulous, you don’t even know!!! It took me a bit (and a couple of cape cods) to get my courage up for some fatty booty shakin’ but I will tell you what, once I started I didn’t wanna stop! Ha-ha!

The gals and I had a blast! It was so much fun! I barely felt time pass as we were out there dancing and dancing and popping out into the cold Oakland evening air to refresh from time to time. I love that feeling! When you’re all hot and sweaty from dancing and you step outside into the coolest breeze and the air is nearly electric? Well, it felt so good. I felt so alive! For once I didn’t feel like an old fussy lady sitting at home, ya know?

At one point they stopped the music to pull the raffle winner (they raffle a big bottle of booze each night) and then proceeded to introduce and instruct us on “The Cupid Shuffle” which I’d never heard of nor done. It took me a full rotation, but I got the hang of it enough to throw my own flavor into the moves. FUN! I was feeling so good, I mean, I was full-on blissed-out, y’all! OMZ!

Photography by C’Davisionaire Photography

You can see Nicole and I there doin’ the Cupid Shuffle, I think I was watching my feet or the people in front of me, still trying to get my counts down. Ha-ha! I could have done that shuffle the rest of the night! So fun! And the music was fantastic! I had a hard time coming out of my shell at first because I didn’t know most of the music (this is a rare thing), but thanks to Nicole’s “peer pressure” (so not the bad kind, no worries) I soon found myself and the rest of the bunch dancing the night away!

I got home about 3:30 AM and ate a couple of tacos I’d grabbed  on my way back. And then I just crashed a crash like I’d never crashed before. Whew! The next morning? Well, I was a wreck and a mess and a cryin’ shame! But it was so very worth it! I need to do this stuff more often, I’ve decided (and it’s been insisted by my friend across the street). Ha! And yet another fantastic fat event I’ve attended has changed my life for the positive. I cannot emphasize this enough, get out to these events! Support your local fat groups or start your own! It’s so worth it!

My last podcast was with the ever incredible and amazing Psycho Sue! I had no idea at the time how much of an impact that little convo of ours would have on each other and even our readers.

I was ever so delighted to find the song she mentioned writing recently about being rejected for her size in the music industry (BULLSHIT!!!) on her blog. I clicked play and got chills instantly. Though, I must admit, by the end of the song I was bawling my face off. Good stuff, you guys! You don’t even know. Get over there and watch/listen and prepare for awesomeness and inspiration!

And then again to my delight and amazement (I am beginning to believe that this is all she does, amaze me), she started a sewing tutorial video series! Woot! A Total bad ass! I love ya, Sue! Keep doing what you’re doing, because you’re doing it just right! <3

I wish we were neighbors! Oh the shenanigans we would get into?! Ha-ha! And our little puggies would be BFFs and we’d live happily sewing after…Ha-ha! Seriously, I am so glad to have her, and you all here reading, in my life! Thank you!

It was so nice talking with Psycho Sue of Sew-MisUnderstood.blogspot.com!
If you’re not already reading her blog, get on over there and prepare to be wowed!

Also, you can check out her band’s page TheBackSeatBetties.com

ThreadBanger.com (sewing tutorials)
HerRoom.com (retro shapewear)

We talked sewing and pugs and rocking out and well…just listen and see!  =0)

Podcast Episode 7 Psycho Sue.lite

You may listen to the podcast here on the page (player is below) or on iTunes here or search podcasts for: NotBlueAtAll
(please subscribe if you are able).

Thanks,

S

Standard Podcast [ 1:02:31 | 3.58 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (15)

I had some brilliant post idea and then completely forgot it. Ugh! So, instead I’d like to share my fave 80′s song! I will hopefully post my very first podcast tomorrow, but we’ll see. No promises. Enjoy: