NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Too Fat to Rock?!

July8

Pretty much…

I’d responded to an ad on Craigslist for a singer in a goth band, something along the lines of Evanescence. The drummer responded to my inquiry and explained a bit about the band and it’s style. I responded with a bit about me including that I often sing Evanescence’s “Sober” at karaoke to rave reviews. I also included a link to my blog and pictures, my recent return to performing and my experience in the music industry back in the day (I did not ask about their image or anything along those lines).
This was their response:

“Hi Sarah!!!
That’s cool that you’re into music and have had experience in that field.  As far as image, we are looking for a slender model-like classically trained/opera singer.  Hmmmm…. Would you be interested in managing/booking/promoting?
Joey”

“Hi Joey,
No, I’ve done the whole promoting/booking stuff before. I’m looking to broaden my horizons and get out of my comfort zone.
Good luck to you.
Sarah”

Being in a band is on my “bucket list” and I will make this happen. No, goth wasn’t my first choice in a band or style, but I thought what the hay, it might be fun. Being turned down outright without allowing for an audition based entirely on my size/looks? Um…way to go bigots! Isn’t it funny how those who would be considered outsiders by the mainstream go along with the mainstream opinion on such stuff. Way to be…NOT!

So, my dream of a bad ass, fat ass, kick ass punk-pop-rock band will continue to be a dream…for now! One day it will come together and be so much fun that I won’t even remember this silly moment in time at all. It’s disappointing, sure, but not devastating. In fact for some reason I find it kind of hilarious. Why did I think I should be in a goth band anyway?! Ha-ha!

If you live in the SF bay area and play an instrument and wanna rock…HIT ME UP! 😉

What Comfort Zone?

September16

You ever do something that surprises even you? Yeah, I did that! I had considered entering a model contest, for the club I go to about once a month, but chose not to…until yesterday (the last day for entries)! I entered my info, answers to cool fatty questions and pictures. And hit submit! WHAT?! I know!!! What?! I don’t know what I was thinking, but it really doesn’t matter. I mean, it’s a fun idea and if I get picked, awesome. If I don’t? No biggie. I just can’t believe I did it at all!

I have been really pushing back on the ideas of presentation and how women are “supposed to look” and all of that bullshit. I generally don’t do things like wear make up or high heels or anything one could identify with a model. But shit, dude, I can break down those standards of beauty and flaunt my own version of it! I can be a model and a bad ass, right? Secretly, being a model for something/anything is on my bucket list. So is joining a book club…and tonight I might just fulfill both! A good friend invited me to join her book club and after some questions I accepted! Woo!

I am all about getting the hell out of my comfort zone lately and repeating the phrase, “Why Not?!” So, can I be sexy in Doc Martens? You bet your sweet Asparcreme I can! (I miss those ads, always cracked me up!) And if I don’t get into the semi-finals or finals or whatever, so be it! I tried! Ha-ha! Today is about possibilities. Tonight is about fun with my gals! Right now is about nourishing my body with these  lovely fresh blueberry scones (Trader Joe’s Freezer Section, yo!) and espresso! YUM!

I am nearly done decorating my piggy for Love Your Body Day and have been surprised at how much fun I’m having while doing it. At one point I had it all planned out, something flubbed and now I swear to you it is creating itself! My ideas? Out the window! This piggy knows what she wants! My hands are merely the instruments she’s chosen to beautify herself into her truest and most authentic form (sparkly)!!! And then I shall be sewing/repairing the dress I’d like to wear to the club tonight! Woo! I’m terrible at sewing, but luckily the repair is on the seam and that should be about what I can manage. I had meant to do it yesterday, but piggy demanded more of my attention! Ha-ha!

It’s Friday and I’m in Love…with The Cure! I heard “Fascination Street” in the car yesterday and have been listening to their best of ever since…non-stop (okay, I slept)! They are so great! I can’t even handle their greatness! I’ve fallen for them all over again. I love when that happens! Like a couple of years ago and I “discovered” The Pixies! Oh man, one of the best bands ever! I’d just never been introduced to them back in the day. Oh well, still plenty o’ time to love! Now to start my own band…another bucket list item for sure!

Tomorrow we visit our local Renaissance Faire! We have a bogo coupon and the weather should be just right! Woo!

What are you stoked about today or this weekend? What was the last thing you did outside of your comfort zone that you’re glad you did? I wanna hear all about it! Let’s celebrate something, shall we?! Woo!

Happy On-The-Go

August3

I want to put together a happy kit. Something that I can carry with me (in my bag) that I can use to lift my mood quickly. I had taken an art class a few years ago and the instructor was very much into the tapping into your inner child thing and had us make toy boxes out of old cigar boxes. It was fun decorating them, but I’ve only touched mine once or twice since and mostly just to see what was in there. But a happy kit? That I can get behind.

So, what might be in a happy kit? Anything that makes you smile, laugh, dance, play, etc. I tend to get very anxious when I’m about to go to some sort of social gathering and I could see this kit idea coming in quite handy. Even when I’m at a party or something, I could duck into a restroom and access that happy!

Just some initial ideas for my own kit: A picture of my husband, puggyman and tabbycat. A sourball or other hard candy (peppermint!). Something soft or fuzzy to feel/pet, maybe a tiny plushie. Something to smell, like a peach or berry or citrus fragrance. I should really create a HAPPY playlist on my iPod, too. Maybe even a picture of one of those hilarious memes that always seem to be on the web. Something silly, ya know? And maybe a picture of Jessica! What Jessica?

This Jessica:

What else should be in there? Oh, Advil, Pamprin, Tums…things I may actually NEED! Ha-ha! A wet wipe! Practical stuff, like a Tide pen. What else?

What would you include in your Happy On-The-Go Kit?

Shadow On A Tightrope…

July18


I just started reading the book “Shadow On A Tightrope: Writings by Women on Fat Oppression” and am only about 30 or so pages in. Strangely, I’ve had the book for over a year just sitting on my bookshelf. That is until my friend Jessica mentioned it and I said I needed to read it and then realized I already owned it! Ha-ha! I am grateful for this reminder though because sometimes I get overwhelmed with reading too many books. I’m bit of a slow reader and don’t have enough distraction-free time in my life to get much reading done anyway. So I can’t exactly comment on the book itself, but some things I’ve discovered so far are very interesting. The book was written by many women all over the world submitting essays and poems and such. Great stuff! Some of the language used would be different now and certainly because this is pre-internet era, things have changed. But not everything. I can’t go into detail, but it’s a great read and definitely a must read for any fat activists out there!

The first thing that struck me was the mention of where the word “obesity” came from. I’ll quote from the book, “The word “obesity” itself (Latin obesus, from obedere, “to eat up”) presents  view of fat people which rules the thinking of virtually all obesity scientists, regardless of their specific field.” I quote that because I didn’t know where the word originated and now I cannot help but wonder (and if you know or can link, please share!) when this word became part of the scientific, medical and finally general society? I will now refuse to accept this word as anything relating to myself or other fats. It is a gross and prejudicial word in my mind now. I honestly had no idea. Just thought I’d share that with ya. =0)

What made me want to post about it today was a song that I woke up to this morning (gotta love radio alarm clocks) . I thought it was a Randy Newman song! Oops! It was, in fact, a Leon Russell song called “Tight Wire” and I love it and wanted to share it with y’all! It’s general vibe is just rad. And the lyrics are awesome. Here’s the song and I’ll post the lyrics below:

I’m up on the tightwire
one side’s ice and one is fire
its a circus game with you and me
I’m up on the tightrope
one side’s hate and one is hope
but the tophat on my head is all you see
And the wire seems to be
the only place for me
a comedy of errors
and I’m falling

**Chorus**
Like a rubber-neck giraffe
you look into my past
well maybe you’re just to blind to – see
I’m up in the spotlight
ohh does it feel right
ohh the altitude
seems to get to me

I’m up on the tightwire
flanked by life and the funeral pyre
putting on a show
for you to see

**Chorus**
Like a rubber-neck giraffe
you look into my past
well maybe you’re just too blind to – see
I’m up in the spotlight
ohh does it feel right
ohh the altitude
really gets to get to me

I’m up on the tightwire
flanked by life and the funeral pyre
putting on a show for you to see

Unicorns & Rainbows

June6

No really, that was the name of the show I attended last night! Okay well it was actually called: The Kentucky Fried Woman Show Unicorns & Rainbows: A Queer Cabaret Celebrating All Things Gay It was fabulous, if not too short in my opinion. I had never been to the venue before, but I liked it a lot. The decor was a bit posh for what I’m used to, but in general not too stuffy or stuck up or anything either. Nice! The show featured music, dance, burlesque and fun fun fun! To say I enjoyed myself would be an understatement. I had my two BFFs with me, many laughs were had.

Actually, the only bummer of the evening for us was after the show was over we were invited and promised that there would be a Dj for dancing. I don’t know who the Dj was, but at first he was playing some pretty cool 80’s songs and J & I had fun goofing around dancing to those, but suddenly it was slow or just strange songs in general. Before the show started they were playing The Gossip, Beth Ditto and even Lady Gaga over the sound system. We were all into it, so the after show music left us wanting. It really bummed us out. We were ready to dance the night away, especially since the show ended at 9ish. I don’t wanna pick on anyone and I don’t know the situation, but I’ve always felt that the role of a Dj is to read the room and enhance or lift the mood. Ya know? Am I off base here?

And so we left, with some hesitation, singing our way back to the car. As per my usual, I got us a bit lost before finally finding our way back onto the freeway. I don’t know what it is about Oakland, but this happens every single time! Ha-ha! J & I kept the dancing going most of the way home. But by the time we got to our apartment building I think we were all pretty tired. I was still very much awake, but physically tired since I’d been up since 6 am and already went fishing with my husband and went to an art & wine festival that day. All in all it was a fun and full day. It was lovely to see so many friends and new acquaintances.

How was your weekend? Tell me all about it!

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