I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

You And Me And NYE!


How are you? No really, how are you feeling right now? I’m feeling pretty damned good, I must say. This past week has given me time to reflect and appreciate what I have and those I love. I haven’t done much, physically, but only because my left knee has been completely fucked…certainly not because I was lacking in spirit. These last few days hanging out with my husband and our puggyman and our tabby-cat and our BFFs and just all of it. The wine and food and laughs and games and fun and silliness! You know what? That is the spice of life, silliness! To be so at ease with yourself and whomever you are in proximity to just let go and be silly? That is the raddest thing of all!

Tomorrow night my friend Jeanette and I are hitting up a local BBW club for their NYE party. I’m so excited! I’m so nervous! That is so weird, I don’t really get nervous anymore. But it feels a bit like prom or something. I’ve never gone out on NYE. Well, okay, to friends’ houses or whatever, but never dressed up and never to a big fab party! We both bought dresses for it and are talking about up-dos and sparkly shoes and it’s so fun! I feel girly! I don’t often get to engage this side of me so it feels strange and adventurous! I will no doubt have many pictures to share, but more importantly, the experience itself. I know so many aren’t able or aren’t confident enough to do things like this. But this is why I do it!

I do it to show that you can even be a death fatty like me and have a great NYE or dress up and go out dancing or anything your heart desires! I do it to normalize fatness. I do it to feel fucking awesome! I do it to push back against the haters that would have us all hidden away or worse! When I try a new style of fashion that I’ve never seen on a fat person, I am pushing boundaries for myself and others. I love that! When I am unafraid and unapologetic about myself and my size? I am throwing a big middle finger to anyone who thinks that I should just shut up and conform!

That is punk rock, baby! And PUNK WILL NEVER DIET!!!

I hope that you have a safe and fun NYE no matter what you do. I hope that you will refuse to engage in the self-hating ritual of resolutions and consider ReVolutions instead! Check out some resources at that link or :

I do think that even small acts can create a ripple effect and together we can make a big fatty wave of positive goodness! I hope 2012 treats us all much better than 2011 did. I for one am glad it’s over and done with. I am hopeful for the coming year and it’s endless possibilities and opportunities. Here’s to you and yours! Aand Cheers to all on Earth!

Fats In Winter Wear!


Since many parts of the world are getting colder right now I thought why not try something different than the old Tank Top Tuesday posts and go in the opposite direction: Winter Wear! I also hope to do a coat shopping guide/options post soon.  Please see below for information on how you can submit your own pics and info for future posts. Thanks.


This week’s Fats in Winter Wear submission comes from Courtney:

It was Date Night with my man, so I dressed up all pretty for him. ^.^
~ Courtney M.


I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to participate in “Fats in Winter Wear” posts! Email your pics here:, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on winter wear or other fatty philosophies. Have fun with it!

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Resistence is Futile


Bit of a ranty post, folks. You know how I roll.

Have you had this happen?
You’re talking to some person about yourself and you refer to yourself as fat, feeling all full of activism and pride, when the person stops you with a look of horror and exclaims, “You are NOT fat!!!” Ugh! It’s almost as though admitting you are fat there in makes them fat…or something. It’s bullshit. It’s their hang up, not yours. And here’s the thing, you have every right to identify as anything you want to. Period. No one can take that from you.

This time of year makes these situations all the more difficult with the endless presence of food. But we are strong…no one can tell us we’re wroooooong! Sorry, my inner Pat Benatar does tend to come out occasionally. I personally believe that it is vital to assert your preferred identity as something wholly your own and in no way a reflection of others. When people try to take this from you it is rude, disrespectful, but also very fucking belittling. As though you couldn’t possibly know or understand how you yourself think/feel, etc. Ugh!

When faced with this situation, I quickly and calmly attempt to educate them on their misstep. Not in any way rude or overly aggressive, but again calmly and as simply as possible. Most people receive my little schpeel of info easily and even tend to ask questions…but then you get these insistors! They insist XYZ is bad/unhealthy/the Devil! Yes, I still attempt to explain to them that food has no moral value. If they get even more insistent, I smile and deliberately walk away, if I can. If I cannot and I don’t know the person I will attempt a polite, “well this is going nowhere” with a giant cheesy grin. Why? Because fuck them, that’s why!

Why do we let people walk all over us and then apologize to them on top of it? WHY? There’s no reason! Apologize for nothing you had zero control over! I am sick of hearing people say “sorry” for every little fucking thing! Stop it right now! You have no reason to be sorry. It’s some bullshit social construct either foisted upon us or by our own design, in either case I am throwing that off and away for good. No more, “Sorry” when someone bumps into me or rudely steps on my feet. I mean, why the hell should I be sorry? THEY SHOULD!

I am done with people pushing their prejudices and baggage on me. DONE! And I feel so much better about myself and social gatherings. I even went to a party the other night and found myself chatting with all kinds of people I’d never met before and I had a blast. Body stuff didn’t even come up…not once! Shocking!

So yes, when someone is rude to me, I tell them. It’s important to me that someone tell them and since most people are fearful of a social faux pas . Well I had no say in the building of such social constructs, honesty is best so long as you’re not rude about it. Civility is important. Calm and intelligent discussions are vital! These are the things we are lacking in society today. You don’t see much of that in films or television…it’s up to us to create the world we want to live in.

And because I had a shit morning and spilled my perfectly crafted coffee all over my kitchen in an attempt to make myself something for breakfast  besides coffee I will leave you with the above to consider for  yourself. I really need to finish this second coffee before anything else happens. ha-ha!


Step 10: Share!


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This is the tenth and last in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7,Step 8 and Step 9.

Step 10: Share!

This is perhaps  the best and most fun step of this series: sharing! Woo hoo! I mean, sharing is fun, dude. I love to bake simply because I then get to share my goodies with my friends and family. Sharing can be hard, too. I mean, I still have a difficult time sharing certain things about myself with strangers or acquaintances. Y’all know I am far from afraid of TMI topics, but I mean simple things like my fat blog and activism…I hide behind the words I use and this makes me sad. I should be proud of what I do and I am, usually…but it’s hard sometimes! But let’s break this down, shall we?

Share yourself with others. You can take this in any direction you like. Share your whole self! Don’t hold back! You’re already being brutally honest with yourself and others and you stopped giving a damn what other people think…so go for it! I firmly believe that one of the greatest parts of existing, and how we can grow as  a society, is simply to share what we know and love with others. Human connection! Why else exist? To keep all of your wisdom and experiences to yourself? No thanks. It feels good to share, too!

Share what you know and what you’ve experienced! Ever feel like you’re the only one to have X happen to you? Or are the only one to have X problem? You don’t know if you don’t share! I didn’t know that I had hidradenitis suppurativa until I saw other gals sharing their experiences and talking about what it’s like to live with HS. Had they not shared this, I would have continued to feel like a freak! And sharing my story of abuse survival with you all here has allowed me to gain a new perspective on what I’ve been through and have been touched by so many other abuse survivors who have reached out to me as well. No, I think sharing is the best part of being human…well, sex is good, too! Ha-ha! That’s sharing, too, though!

When you keep things to yourself, positive or negative, it weighs you down. You feel burdened or guilty or shameful. That’s  bullshit because you’re awesome and even if you have a terrible problem, we can’t always figure these things out on our own, ya know? SHARE! Share with a friend or relative or me! But do share. I know that I often need a sounding board to work through things, even minor things. I love it when I have the right person to talk things out with, it can even sound like I’m talking to myself, but I need that other person’s reactions and thoughts and opinions and experiences to push me to my own creative solution or idea. I can’t be alone in that…can I?! (See?! Sharing!!!)

You may be thinking, “Well, no one ever shared with me. I work too hard for what I have. Why the fuck should I share?!” That is precisely why you should share! Share BECAUSE no one shared with you. Share because you can! Share because it feels good and it looks good on ya! Start off small if it scares you. Talk to strangers at bus stops and check out lines. Share your thoughts on baby hedgehogs and rooster art! Just share and share alike and watch as others feel the positive impact of your sharing and pay it forward in their own special way. It’s magnificent!

Share your creative endeavors! Share your skills! Share your talents and abilities! Don’t let fear or worry hold you back…you’re too awesome for that! Share a hug and share the love and share your cupcakes and carrots and puppy-love and kitty snuggles! Share it! Share a smile, a wink, a nod, a factoid, a bit of good news or share your story with a trusted friend or the world. Sharing will lift a burden from you and help you see things in a new way. Perspective you cannot buy, sharing is free and it can get you just that.

In a time where sharing is considered socialism, and somehow that’s a dirty word, why not be a radical bastard and share the fuck out of everything you see fit?! Share your time with a neighbor or old folks home. Share your dinner leftovers, too! Share your rarely-worn clothing with a fellow fatty and spread the rad fatty love all over the damn place! Sharing is like the best drug, you try it once and you’re hooked and next thing you know you wanna share it with all of your friends so they can get high on sharing, too! Just please be mindful and try not to share too many germs…wash your hands people. Ha-ha!

Share what you have learned from Fat Liberation/Acceptance/Pride! Share your thoughts and feelings about it! Share your feelings on diet talk when the subject comes up. Most people only know the societal norm and would never come across our radical ideas and movement. Share this amazing self-love lifestyle! Let people know that they don’t have to go through life hating themselves, they are worth more than that and so are you! Let them know that it IS a choice once you realize it.

Share the steps of this series. Share what makes you happy! Share what works for you to keep you sane or healthy or feeling more like  your authentic self. Share not because it’s “that time of year” *groan* but because you just want to! Share what has given you strength when you didn’t think you had it. Share what you’ve been through and stop keeping secrets that are a source of pain or shame. Be brave! Because I know you can do it and I know how it can impact other people. It can only lead to good, folks. It’s so very worth it and so are you!

“Ideas should be worth spreading. There is no delight in owning anything unshared.” ~Seneca

Have you tried any of the steps? I would love to hear from you! In fact, I would love some guest posts with your thoughts/experiences/pics/etc from the series. Please hit me up! notblueatall at notblueatall dot com

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Step 9: Show Your Gratitude

This is the ninth in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7 and Step 8.
Step 9: Show Your Gratitude
This one may seem easy, but you’d be surprised by how much we hold ourselves back from acting out and on it. It is one of those things we tend to think we do automatically, but actually takes some mindful effort. I’m not just talking please and thank you here (manners are free, use them freely). I mean truly letting people know that you are grateful to have them in your life. Expressing gratitude is an exercise in positivity and vocabulary, I think. It can take people by surprise and you can watch as it pays itself forward, almost effortlessly at times.
I was so inspired by Living400lbs and how she would post her gratitude on her blog. I wasn’t at first comfortable doing exactly the same thing on mine, so I went to my LiveJournal personal blog and did it there for awhile. Then I began to talk about it more openly and soon posted my own list of things I am grateful for. Listing what I’m grateful for was easy at first, I am always grateful for my health and friends and husband, etc. But to do it more often and trying not to repeat myself was difficult. But if you’re mindful, you’ll discover that there is little in this world to not be grateful for.
I now see expressing gratitude as part of my self-care routine. While my husband and I have always said “thank you” to each other for the tiniest to the biggest of things, it can lose it’s intent/meaning. I try now to find ways to really let him know how I feel. Ha-ha! Not always like that! But you’d be surprised whilst living with anyone how rarely you actually make and hold eye contact with a person. It matters, too. Almost as much as what you say. How things are said, your body language, all of it can affect how your gratitude is taken and accepted.
You may come across folks who don’t know how to accept your gratitude. They don’t have to accept it, mind you, but some will even try to deflect it. This is a lot like deflecting a compliment in my opinion. To deflect it is to reject it and to basically tell the giving party that you think they’re nuts! Let’s have none of that, shall we? If someone does try to deflect, tell them you wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true because you’ve stopped lying all together anyway! Try to hold their eye contact. Try to make them feel your gratitude as you say it. It makes such a difference, let me tell ya! And it can help prevent the fake, “Oh, I’m so grateful for you, too!” knee-jerk responses. Not that those are bad, but no one is feeling anything there and it’s best to give and walk away, I think, when you get one of those.
Now comes the hardest bit: tell people you love them! I started to do this several months ago and soon found more and more of my friends responding and spreading that love. How often do we tell people we love them and really mean it? I tell my husband probably 20-40 times a day and mean it every time. But friends? Family? It’s not easy. But when you start to do it, even when it’s uncomfortable for you to get the words out at first, you feel so fabulous having done it! Now I have friends who say it more than I do and that is fucking awesome! And I have been surprised by some of my friends’ expressions of love towards me. I am grateful for each and every one of them!
It just seems to me that when you show your love and express your gratitude it makes you feel great and the other person, too. It seems a shame to keep so much greatness inside. We’ve come to a point in our civilization where such feelings are rarely shared with one another except in romantic or private scenarios and I am here to fuck that up in a positive way! Why can’t I tell a friend I love them? Why shouldn’t I tell the guy at the post office that I am so grateful he was there to help me today? Both are deserving and open to my feelings here, so I go with it, man!
It really is all about using what you have, even when that is barely enough to get by. We gotta do what we can to see another day and I choose the positive route more often than not. It’s not always the easier option, but the rewards I reap are all mine, baby! And they keep me warm at night! Ha-ha! Have fun with it and mean it. That is the most important thing. Please do not use phony gratitude in an attempt to butter someone up or get something you want. If you believe that what goes around comes around you know that this will only lead you astray. Listen to your heart, show some love, share the gratitude and shake your booty, babies! I am doing it right now!!!


How do you show gratitude everyday? Who do you tell you love them? Who do you keep your love from? Why?


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