Listening to the Fatcast: Two Whole Cakes has been such a comfort and a little therapeutic for me lately. It really is like listening to two BFFs chit chat about all things fat. I love it! In one episode they mention early fat shopping buys and experiences and the discuss something I hadn’t thought of but just now found myself shopping and realized that I do it, too. The whole “I’ll Never Find This Again” syndrome.

You see, plus size clothing options are already pretty dang limited. I get that with the internet we have a much larger selection than ever before, but there’s issues with that, too. Sizing is all crazy, no matter what store/brand you still have to try on or check measurements and then HOPE those measurements were true…UGH! Exhausting and not so fun actually.

Marianne and Lesley mention having things simply because they thought they would never find anything like it again, even if it didn’t fit right or comfortable. Story of my life! Or the ever popular, looked great in the store, not so much at home. Or it fits fine, but wears awful: Chafing, bunching, riding up…NO THANKS!

So, a month or so ago my husband says to me, “Do you think you might have a clothing addiction?” he seemed serious, but I could tell he didn’t want to freak me out. Well, I was sort of offended. It stuck with me awhile. I explained to him that day that women must dress for occasion and don’t have the luxury of simply changing a shirt to complete a look for an event, etc. He only half bought that.

Now? Now I think that I don’t have an addiction, but I do have a case of the “I’ll Never Find This Again-itis!” Things I have bought over the last several years in hopes of finding what could be my own unique style. Alas, this just isn’t what’s accumulated in my closet, dressers & big basket of WHOA! (Or possibly Woe.)

As I do every so often, I shall purge and see what I can sell/donate/reconstruct/etc. I have no idea what the results will be, but I have a lot of trying on and prioritizing to do. Hopefully this will give more space to my well loved clothes and get rid of things I’ve only worn once.

And yet…I get a dollar in my pocket (so to speak) and what do I do but go on eBay and search for Mexican embroidered peasant tops in my size. DAMN! But I do love them and I only have one and I cherish it so! It’s from LB years ago. I paid close to $50 for it and it still fits. Though it seems shorter than I recall, but I still wear it with pride when The weather warms and I’m feeling a little more confident in my arm showings.

Do you have a closet of I’ll Never Find This Again? Tell me about it! =0)

Some fluff, thoughts and even some neat-o stuff I thought would be of use:

I really liked this article about conversational phrases. Go beyond the usual chit-chat!

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=5338&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=68352

While I cannot stand the word they use in this article “Obesogens” there are some useful facts about chemicals in food:
(Trigger warning: mentions weight loss, dieting and other related talk)

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/loveyourbody/why-you-cant-lose-those-last-10-pounds-1964849/

12 things retailers do to get us to spend more, more and more:

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/financiallyfit/12-spending-schemes-we-fall-for-2029497/

9 myths & facts about lightening!

http://green.yahoo.com/blog/the_conscious_consumer/143/nine-myths-and-facts-about-lightning.html

Brain teasers and optical illusions:

http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/brain-teasers/brain-teasers-and-optical-illusions/1400154

2011 Betty White calendar to benefit Morris Animal Foundation: I LOVE IT

http://www.stylelist.com/2010/07/08/betty-white-calendar-2011/

Adipositivity = Fabulous!

http://adipositivity.phototage.com/archives/9478_1745602162/348037

This one makes me completely unable to stop smiling:

http://adipositivity.phototage.com/archives/9478_1745602162/347764

This blog makes me daydream:

http://ohjoy.blogs.com/

This blog makes me giddy for a new project:

http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/

Oh the possibilities!!!

This is terrible, awesome, funny and creepy:

What are your plans for this weekend? Are you happy it’s Friday? I have to work tomorrow, but still plan on enjoying my Friday this evening. Woot for the weekend!  =0)

“Pinhole” lens                        “Fish-eye” lens

“Drawing” lens

The babies! Hover-cat & Melty-pup!

In regards to this post Socially Fat , it was recommended by a great friend and commenter that I x-post to an LJ community. I did and the response was an impressive tale of online dating adventures and failures (not on the part of the responder, mind you). She mentions that many guys she met were under the impression that “Fat Girls Are Easy.” Of course the first thing that came to mind was the fabulously cheesy 1989 film “Earth Girls Are Easy.” I know, it wasn’t intended and I know what she means as I have encountered this way of thinking myself in various moments of my life. But then I began to see some strange parallels. Forgive my tangent, but I think I have something here…

Man, I love that movie! I could not tell you how many times I’ve seen it if I tried. And I was a valley girl, still am I guess. I mean, if I get particularly excited about something, I slip right back into the verbiage and everything. Just need to Aquanet my bangs, put on the jelly bracelets and I am there! Ha! I had wanted to be a hair stylist back then, too. Though I also was convinced I’d be the greatest Pop star ever “Blaze” was going to be my stage name. Ugh! *bows head in shame*

The movie was about a gal whose relationship is falling apart after she catches her doctor boyfriend sleeping with a female nurse. And hilarity ensues, but then it doesn’t. This movie is truly about a girl who has been betrayed by the man she loves and at first she wants him back, that is until she meets three fine strangers who distract her and show her that there’s more to life than some jerk of a boyfriend. Her BFF played by Julie Brown (not the “Downtown” one, either, the Original!) is there to help her along the way and give the three strangers a brilliant valley-esque makeover. The result? More hilarity but also a slowly brewing romance.

One could easily compare the “aliens” to fats in this plot. You see, a fat in a valley dating scenario would easily be considered alien. And certainly any salon-a-tron would jump at the chance to makeover a fatty! Always seems to be someone around to transform a fatty, be it on t.v. or movies or what have you. There was nothing wrong with the strangers when they arrived, but in this valley world they simply don’t fit in. So they emerge as the salon-a-tron’s ultimate success as these hairless, hipster dorks (in my opinion). Suddenly the main gal played by Geena Davis in full glam valley-osity, sees them in a whole new light! Suddenly these strangers/aliens/fatties are A-OK because they fit in her version of the norm.

This film makes no bones about the fact that the women in this “valley” are quick to bed only the hottest of hotties and thus you see many a scene of flirtation and so on. Everything seems to revolve around sex, even when it doesn’t. While Geena Davis’ character seems a bit on the light-headed side, she does “get it” eventually and beds Jeff Goldblum’s character. After which she is of course in love and cannot be without him. Because, of course, sex = love for ladies, right? Um, not exactly.

Here’s the thing, everyone is an individual. Every person is a multi-faceted personality with varying emotions and experiences and thoughts. Amazingly, this applies to fatties, too! Yep! Incredibly, just like “normal” gals, fatties, too have different ideas and experiences and feelings on any given subject. And when it comes to sex? Yeah, we’re not all the same in that arena either. I have actually been both the prude and the slut in my lifetime and now fall somewhere in between. I’m a unique individual. Fun! I get to have my own ideas and opinions and go about my life in a different way (than most).

So, when I heard this “Fat Girls Are Easy” thing again I thought about it awhile. And just like a lot of people think that blonds are dumb and redheads are feisty (I so f-ing hate that stereotype, yo!) fatties are not necessarily easy. YOU GUYS!!! Fatties are unique individuals, too! Being fat is no more or less a descriptor than being tall or having long hair. Yet somewhere along the way in our civilization (or more to the point U.S. society) fatties have become the aliens and must be changed! They must fit into some pre-labeled concept of we just can’t deal as a society.

Well, FUCK THAT! I refuse to fit into any category. Wait! Unless Bad-Ass-Punk-Fat-Awesome is a category? No? Okay, then FUCK THAT! Ha-ha! I won’t compare anyone to a fucking snow flake, but dude! DUDE! We are all unique, no two are alike and while we may have some traits in common with someone else, just being fat does not make me or anyone else a slut by proxy! Yes, I’ve been treated like a one night stand when all I was looking for was love. Yes, I’ve treated guys like a one night stand when they just wanted to get to know me better. This doesn’t mean anything about anyone else but me. I hate to keep harping on this, buy you guys? This stereotype won’t kill itself. We have to actively remind people that not only are we human, but we are our own people and can make our own choices. DAMN!

Thanks for hanging in there for my “Earth Girls Are Easy” comparison. Hopefully it came across as intended.

IMDB info on the film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097257/

It’s been about three years (although I think it’s been four) since I discovered the community online that is Fat Acceptance. It’s been a wild ride. It’s been a personal journey. I’ve grown so much and learned so much. I’ve met cool people both online and in the real world. I’ve found my self-esteem again. I am more open. I am more honest. I am more truly me. I promote these things in my life, too. I lead by example. I have discovered that there is very little in this world that I cannot handle or tackle or do. I smile much more easily than I ever have before. I enjoy life. I am happy!

I try to keep my friends and my husband in my little FA loop, but sometimes things get lost in translation. And sometimes people just don’t want to hear it. Just like I don’t want to hear their diet and weight loss talk. I get it. Sometimes I think I get a little too excited about this stuff and I get very caught up in it and sort of mouth-splode all at my husband. He’ rad though. He wanted to read the “Lessons from the fatosphere” book and he enjoyed it. So I forget sometimes that he’s not truly part of the FA community. He’s never read a blog or an article or anything. He doesn’t know the “Fat Nurse” from the “Fat Nutritionist” and could never tell you why Marianne Kirby’s blog is called therotund.com.

I have friends who understand my thought on fat and FA and can generally get behind what that means to me. They will say things like “that’s so refreshing to hear” and generally seem happy that I have found this strength within myself because of FA. Sometimes though, these same people will say things to me like, “Gawd! I just need to lose ___ lbs!” or “I know if I join Weight Watchers again I will lose the weight again.” and “I just want me pre-baby body back!” never thinking about how this may seem to me. These friends who are certainly under 150 lbs, though some much much lower than even that. I was mentioning this to my husband and I had had a sort of revelation on this and he interrupted me saying (not verbatim), “How can they look at YOU and say that about themselves with any seriousness? Somehow their fat is in some other context from yours? I don’t get it.”

But then I told him what I had come to realize earlier that day. It’s nothing terribly new or exciting, but to me it was a bit of an “Ah-ha!” moment. I told him, “But they don’t see my fatness the same way they see their bodies. They may think I’m fattastic or whatever, but in their own mind, they feel fat or what they think of as fat. It has nothing to do with me at all. And it certainly isn’t met as anything towards me.” He understood this immediately. If you change the context from fat to say general insecurity anyone can relate. I mean, everyone has some part of themselves (body part or inner characteristic) that they don’t like about themselves, even when others insist that thing isn’t true. It’s somehow just in our nature as a society. I think that is the biggest part of this, too. Society! Somewhere along the way “Society” has turned us all into perfectionists when it comes to our appearance. We’re supposed to look a very specific way or we are considered worthless.

This little revelation actually had an immediate effect on me. While watching t.v. later that night some promo for some awful show came on and had all of these obviously surgically altered ladies strutting and catting and whatever to promote their reality show and my husband just sort of groaned in disgust and I turned to him and said, “Wow! These are supposed to be some sort of an example of a beautiful if not perfect woman and yet I find them completely unattractive.” He smiled and agreed. I love him so!It was as though this whole societal pressure veil that’s been shoved down my throat my entire life had been lifted from my eyes. Let’s hope it’s for good!

I do still have friends who will never see the beauty in themselves the way I see it in them. There are others, still who just don’t get that 10 extra lbs. is not the end of the fucking universe. And some just feel unhealthy despite their 110 lbs. weight. they just know that they are inactive and need to move to feel good again. If only we were all so attuned.

Let’s try this together. Stand up. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and then out. Again. Then put your hand on your heart. And sat out loud to yourself the following (only, use your name instead of mine):

I love you, notblueatall. You matter and are important and strong and loved. I love you notblueatall

Now take another big deep breath in and let it all the way out. Open your eyes and see a brighter world waiting for you to take a big fat bite out of! YOU FUCKING ROCK! =0)

Thanks for reading. <3

This outfit was what I wore on my day off this week. I went to get coffee and grocery shopping and then saw a movie. I was out & about! And…Publicly FAT!

Still getting used to my new camera, but I found my little gorilla tripod and it turned out okay.

Headband: Ross $3.99 (I have four!)
Dress/Top: Ross, can’t remember the brand, but it was $12.99
Crops/Capris: Avenue Chinos
Pearls: Shane Co. $100 a few years ago, love them!
Glasses: JC Penny, Yo!

I must admit, it was a bit of a challenge for me to go out like this (read: sleeveless!) for all of my various errands and fun. Somehow though, I felt very powerful. People looked at me and I didn’t cringe. I saw a fellow fats at the mall where I saw the movie and we smiled at each other. She was wearing a tank top! So at least my sleeveless-ness wasn’t a solo effort! Ha-ha! In fact, when I did notice people looking at me, I smiled and looked them in the eye. This can be very uncomfortable for a lot of people, but I figure it’s gotta be harder for me than them, right?! I’m the one being appraised here. Again, powerful stuff, my lovelies!

Yesterday while chatting with my good friend, Lu (she’s 85 and fabulous), we saw this gorgeous butterfly fly right into the cafe and was desperately trying to get out but was caught up on the window and finally rested awhile and I snapped a pic. Later we decided we had to intervene, so I sort of gently scooped it from the window and you know, when I took it outside it didn’t want to leave my hand! I thought I’d have to name him! Ha-ha! But eventually I placed him on a marigold and he took off into the clear blue sky!

From outside the window:

Just lovely! I’ve always loved butterflies and have two tattoos of them. They are amazing creatures.
And if you’re into them, I highly recommend the book “Dangerous world of butterflies” Oh so good!

Have a great weekend! I will be giving it my all. It is a choice, after all,  and I have chosen to make it so!
Cheers!