While my husband and I didn’t celebrate x-mas yesterday, we did have our nearest and dearest over for a lovely potluck Sunday dinner. It was grand! It felt decadent in the least possibly sinful sort of way. I mean, everything was made with such love and care and was delicious. We drank, we talked, we listened to music and played a party game. It felt like this is the reason to be around this planet. It felt like connecting with people was truly the purpose of life. But I spent a lot of time drinking last night, so don’t worry, not trying to get too mystical on ya! Ha-ha!

I won’t lie though, I did feel like something was missing or amiss. What can I say? I feel left out of all of the good parts of this time of year because I refuse to participate in the bad. Ignorance is truly bliss, I guess. I used to get really caught up in the spirit of it all, especially as a teen, though I’m not sure why. That magic has been lost to me now. But getting to hang out with my friends is such a special treat that I’d feel like an ass not to be mega-grateful!

Here it is the next morning and all I can think about is when we get to hang out again, which is this Thursday! Ha-ha! We will be having our third annual “Donut-Pajama-Video Game Day!” You can guess the point of this time honored tradition. Though any excuse to hang out in ones bed clothes other than illness is always a good one in my book. And I’ll be starting my new job on Monday. Wow!

So, regardless of the “day” and all, I wanted to wear green for some reason…so I did:

I don’t know much about the outfit. The dress was from Nicole, the top was Target from ages ago…The lip gloss I’m in love with though!  It’s NYC Liquid Lip Shine in Midtown Mulbury and it smells like fucking vanilla cupcakes! And the color is perfection! Damn I love cheapy cosmetics! Though if anyone can recommend a GOOD eyeliner, do let me know. I keep trying new ones and they suck.

Anyway, I hope you had a lovely weekend and if you’re still off work, do enjoy your time off and do something extra special for yourself. Thanks.

And here it is, the “big day” is upon us this weekend and we can choose to dread it or just go into it with an open mind and some hope. I am not celebrating the holiday for many reasons, so if you need support, do let me know! If it’s later in the evening I won’t promise to be sober, but I can at least provide endless humor in that state! Ha-ha! I hope that you find yourself surrounded by love and gratitude and affection and if you’re not, do know that I think you deserve to be!

If you’d like some inspiration or something to ponder, consider the “steps” posts aka my “Stop Giving A Damn” series, which I am now working on turning into a book. They have helped me and others and I think it’s an important thing for me to work on at the moment.

Bit of good news: I was offered a j-o-b! It’s part-time, but I’ll have 3 day weekends, which is fabulous! I start in January. Still have to nail down the details, but if ever there was something I would have asked “Santa” for it would have been this. Thank you for the encouragement and support. Y’all inspire me to no end!

I hope you all have a safe and happy weekend, regardless of your plans. Just be YOU and don’t apologize for a damned thing!

I am rooting for you! Why? Because you’re awesome; never forget it! <3

“I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.”  ~Booker T. Washington

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I saw the above quote on Tumblr.com yesterday and it got me thinking very specifically about what “this time of year” brings out in people. Suddenly simply eating a regular meal becomes a teachable moment weather you like it or not. Holiday meals are now a spectator sport. Everyone must tell you or anyone within earshot how they simply “can’t indulge or I’ll be on the treadmill for the rest of my life!” And everyone has something to say about somebody else. Ugh!

First, fuck gossiping about people. Period. Second, since when what you or I do with our respective bodies is it anyone else’s business or concern?! End it immediately. Diet talk? BORING! Change the subject! Depending on the situation, be blatant about it! “So, how about those Lakers?!” When everyone knows I don’t care about sports…you get my drift?

You are under no obligation or social contract to listen to or deal with this stuff. You have every right in the world to say, “Excuse me but your topic of conversation is ____.” That blank? Boring, offensive, making me uncomfortable, wrong, over-sharing…whatever it is you are thinking or feeling. You’re thoughts and emotions are valid! Don’t let anyone try to insist otherwise. Because sadly, they probably will.

If you haven’t managed to avoid the holiday advertising you may want to brace yourself for the coming onslaught of resolution ads. I do think that those are the worst ones of all! Those and the “bikini body” bullshit ones. When someone asks what your resolution is, why not tell them it’s no longer dealing with nosy assholes? Ha-ha! Instead of resolutions, why not offer positive revolutions?! Celebrate all things YOU! Why the fuck not?! I mean, even when times are tough, and I know that they are, you gotta simplify and just do You!

But let’s all agree to not let these fuckers get to us. We won’t sink to their body judging levels. We will not feel shame or guilt for simply eating a damn meal! Food is not our enemy, it can just stay theirs. We will not engage in body talk of any kind, even what would be deemed “positive.” Do not comment or even acknowledge weather or not someone has lost weight. Don’t let the bastards get you down, no matter what. They will try and they will test you, but you are strong and amazing and you can do whatever you want! Hating someone allows them to get the better of you. Why waste energy on such a person? By remaining calm and cool and shrugging off their hate, ignorance and cowardice will only serve to show that you are the better/more positive person.

If you need support, we are all here for you. I am here for you. You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You are a multifaceted individual. You know what is best for you. Trust yourself and your body. Listen to your heart and don’t second guess your gut/intuition. Stay safe. Stay true to you. Don’t take crap from anyone. Love yourself just as you are right NOW.

I’ll leave you with my fave quote of all time:

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.” Mother Theresa

Attain at least 1 Star Rank for all Mirror

Since many parts of the world are getting colder right now I thought why not try something different than the old Tank Top Tuesday posts and go in the opposite direction: Winter Wear! I also hope to do a coat shopping guide/options post soon.  Please see below for information on how you can submit your own pics and info for future posts. Thanks.

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This week’s Fats in Winter Wear submission comes from Heather!

This is from last christmas! Beautiful sweater from Torrid and the necklace was made by me sterling silver cypress leaf with quartz chips and swarovski crystals.  Finding good, attractive, winter clothing for fatties is not an easy task! We’re often stuck with sweaters with pictures of kittens- which is fine if you really love kittens, but it’s just not my style. I hate high necks, so I really love the low neckline and the gathered fabric and this has become my number one favorite winter sweater.

Bit of a ranty post, folks. You know how I roll.

Have you had this happen?
You’re talking to some person about yourself and you refer to yourself as fat, feeling all full of activism and pride, when the person stops you with a look of horror and exclaims, “You are NOT fat!!!” Ugh! It’s almost as though admitting you are fat there in makes them fat…or something. It’s bullshit. It’s their hang up, not yours. And here’s the thing, you have every right to identify as anything you want to. Period. No one can take that from you.

This time of year makes these situations all the more difficult with the endless presence of food. But we are strong…no one can tell us we’re wroooooong! Sorry, my inner Pat Benatar does tend to come out occasionally. I personally believe that it is vital to assert your preferred identity as something wholly your own and in no way a reflection of others. When people try to take this from you it is rude, disrespectful, but also very fucking belittling. As though you couldn’t possibly know or understand how you yourself think/feel, etc. Ugh!

When faced with this situation, I quickly and calmly attempt to educate them on their misstep. Not in any way rude or overly aggressive, but again calmly and as simply as possible. Most people receive my little schpeel of info easily and even tend to ask questions…but then you get these insistors! They insist XYZ is bad/unhealthy/the Devil! Yes, I still attempt to explain to them that food has no moral value. If they get even more insistent, I smile and deliberately walk away, if I can. If I cannot and I don’t know the person I will attempt a polite, “well this is going nowhere” with a giant cheesy grin. Why? Because fuck them, that’s why!

Why do we let people walk all over us and then apologize to them on top of it? WHY? There’s no reason! Apologize for nothing you had zero control over! I am sick of hearing people say “sorry” for every little fucking thing! Stop it right now! You have no reason to be sorry. It’s some bullshit social construct either foisted upon us or by our own design, in either case I am throwing that off and away for good. No more, “Sorry” when someone bumps into me or rudely steps on my feet. I mean, why the hell should I be sorry? THEY SHOULD!

I am done with people pushing their prejudices and baggage on me. DONE! And I feel so much better about myself and social gatherings. I even went to a party the other night and found myself chatting with all kinds of people I’d never met before and I had a blast. Body stuff didn’t even come up…not once! Shocking!

So yes, when someone is rude to me, I tell them. It’s important to me that someone tell them and since most people are fearful of a social faux pas . Well I had no say in the building of such social constructs, honesty is best so long as you’re not rude about it. Civility is important. Calm and intelligent discussions are vital! These are the things we are lacking in society today. You don’t see much of that in films or television…it’s up to us to create the world we want to live in.

And because I had a shit morning and spilled my perfectly crafted coffee all over my kitchen in an attempt to make myself something for breakfast  besides coffee I will leave you with the above to consider for  yourself. I really need to finish this second coffee before anything else happens. ha-ha!