NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Post No Lose 2013 (TW)

July23

*Serious Trigger Warning on this one, folks. I cry a lot, talk about my struggles and feeling excluded and bullied.
Thank you for watching, listening and supporting. ♥

TMI Tuesday!!!

June25

Today’s post is a review of a personal massager/sex toy. If you know me or would rather not know about my preferences or thoughts on this topic, please come back tomorrow for more of my usual fat talk and thoughts. Thanks! 😉

The following review has in no way shape or form been sponsored by anyone, nor have I been compensated in anyway. This is my own honest review of a personal purchase. 

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Oh dear readers! You always know what I need. Often it’s love and support, advice or solidarity, but when it came down to sexy stuff? You did real GOOD!!! I’d heard from many of you publicly and privately (you can always hit me up at notblueatall@notblueatall.com) that the Hitachi Magic Wand is nothing short of amazeballs. But you also frightened me with tales of it’s strength and intensity “so powerful it can give you an orgasm through a snowsuit….from across the street!” Yikes! But I’m here to share my thoughts on this hot topic! Ha-ha!

So, okay, y’all know I’m broke as fuck, but I did this user study thing at eBay and got a $50 visa gift card. I thought it was the perfect time to give the Hitachi Magic Wand a shot! And so…I did! I ordered it from Amazon and found one with two attachments for a great price. When it arrived I was a bit nervous about trying it. At first I just plugged it in and held it in my hand and then thought, “Hell no!” It was big and powerful and noisy! I put it away and didn’t touch it for a week.

Then I ran out of batteries for my go-to toy and thought, “Fuck it! Let’s do this thang!” and gave the Hitachi a go. WOW! It was too powerful for me that first time. It made me cum so fast I barely noticed. Which, let’s face it, kind of sucked. I just didn’t know what to make of it. Again, I left it alone for awhile. A few days later I thought to myself, “This is supposed to be the end all be all and I need to figure this shit out!” So I put on my favorite porn (“Libidinous Games” if you’re curious…it’s pretty tame and hilariously dubbed, but feel free to share your faves too) and took my time.

Holy Shitballs, Batman! I came so hard I thought I’d have a heart attack or pass out or something! This thing has two settings: “Low” (we’ll call it the clit pounder) and “High” (aka: are you insane?!?!). I can only handle the “Low” setting thus far. I’ve toyed with the “High” but only for like a second because I’d actually like to have a pussy left intact when I’m done masturbating! Ha-ha!

I have used the attachments and I have to say that they aren’t really that great. They make the whole thing noisier (no thank you) and are a pain to remove. I personally enjoyed the curved g-spot one a lot, but the straight one was of no interest to me (tried it, meh). What works best for me is using the curved attachment thingy to, um, penetrate myself vigorously (Ha-ha) and then remove it and focus on clit stimulation. Again, removal is no fun. I suppose you could leave it on but it will muffle the vibrations while simultaneously making the thing super loud. I don’t get it. I know there are other attachments, but until I have a disposable income (what is that again? Ha-ha!) I won’t have a chance to try ’em (let me know what you think of ones you’ve tried in comments, please).

The bottom line for me is that this thing is awesome! It plugs in so no more batteries!!! This has to be the best part. No waning battery life, no expense or trips to the store. It keeps on truckin’! I have sort of gotten used to the intensity and do try to take my time with it so as not to hurt myself or whatever. AH! The long handle is fantastic, too! That’s a great thing for a short armed, big bellied fatty like me! Long cord, long handle, never ending vibes: happy ‘bating! Ha-ha!

I was always too scared to spend the money on this sexy legend, but I can honestly say that I wouldn’t hesitate now. And I know many people who use it as a genuine massager for those hard to get knots. Especially in your neck/back/shoulders. All in all this is a great toy and a great buy. Do you have one of these babies? Tell me what you think, what works for you, tips, tricks, etc! 🙂

Waking Up Diseased

June19

Oooh! That awkward moment where you went to bed happy and healthy and woke up as the embodiment of DISEASE! OMZTEHOBEESSITTEEEEEEEEEE! It’s fucking ridiculous, all of the AMA bullshit. Ugh! I haven’t read up on it, to be honest, but I have shared all of the articles I’ve come across (and will catch up on them myself shortly) on this blog’s Facebook Page. Actually, I wasn’t truly surprised by the AMA decision. I mean, we (fatties) are already treated as though we’re diseased. Not only that, we’re treated as though we chose to have a disease. Like, “Hmm, I’m bored today. You know what? I think I’ll contract FAT!” Ha-ha! But I do feel as though more informed and intelligent fats have already written all there is to be said on this matter. So, please check out their stuff and come back here for my usual neurotic ranting. Ha-ha!
<3
S

TMI Tuesday

June4

Today’s TMI Tuesday post isn’t salacious or exciting. It’s just about my feelings over recent fat happenings and my own personal struggles with access and financial status at the moment. If this doesn’t interest you, please come back another day for your regularly scheduled fat/Sarah’s emo talk. 🙂

So, I won’t be linking to anything here today. This shit is all over the damned web already, I choose not to contribute the traffic at all, thanks. And while I have been silent thus far, it is only because I hadn’t processed my own feelings about it. Specifically the whole Abercrombie bullshit scandal and the whole “fat people shouldn’t get PHDs” thing. Ugh! *EpicEyeRoll*

I haven’t touched either of these topics for one reason: I’m Poor! I say this not to gain sympathy, pity, charity or words of encouragement. I state it as a simple fact. I refuse to be ashamed. I refuse to hide it. It just is, so be it. My immediate future is so uncertain that I am forcing myself to keep that shit out of my mind as much as I possibly can. Here’s the truth though, last night I was filled with anxiety because of food insecurity. I felt like shit when B bought my dinner, again. Ugh! I know I am soooooo fucking lucky to have friends who can support me through meals or just general support and stuff. I am eternally grateful and tell them this often. It doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t know if I could eat the next day.

So this morning, realizing that I’d received my last paycheck direct deposit, I went grocery shopping. I went to this new Walmart grocery store and holy crap I got so much stuff for so little money! I’m hoping to stretch what I got for a few weeks or at least until I know where future monies will be coming from (new job, unemployment, etc.). Being with loving friends who also enjoy cooking inspired me. These are “broke bitches” after my own heart and believe me when I say that  “broke bitches” know how to take care of business and get shit done and make everyone in their life feel good, too. I am in awe of them both! So I loaded up on staples and produce and will hopefully come out of this scary period unscathed.

Because it is hella scary. I know I said I would keep all the bad things away, but I’m trying not to live in denial, either. I just gotta face this shit and keep moving ahead and hope and believe that thing will turn out alright. They just have to. So yeah, I bought groceries, but I feel a lot better overall because of it. I offered to cook dinner for B tonight and I’m excited to do it! This is progress, at least for me.

So, what does any of this have to do with the recent fat hate scandals? I always say, follow the money and the truth/intent will be found. The truth is that I’ve never had access or ever fooled myself into believe I could ever have access to either name brand clothing or a higher education. I was reprimanded by high school teachers when I explained that college would never be an option for me. Is it any wonder why I dropped out?! Ugh! I went to work full time at age sixteen and never looked back. The only time I longed to wear name brand clothing was in Junior High School when Guess jeans were all the rage and once my dad saw the price tag he snatched me up and outta the store on the double. Ha-ha!

If these entities have bias it has always been against the poor. If they are choosing to publicly hate on fatties? What the fuck else is new? I want no part of either. I choose to focus my time and attention on what I can in my own life and community. I know what has held me back that  I had control over and that is my own self esteem and general attitude towards life. Money? Psshht! I haven’t ever had control over that. It has ebbed and flowed as it pleases and I try not to get too hung up on that shit. It only distracts and dazzles and makes you want things you don’t need.

What has been difficult is getting invited to all the things by so many lovely and wonderful people but having to decline every single one because I’m too broke to buy a ticket, bring something or really leave the house much. This past weekend was such a luxury and really all I did was drive. My lovely friends really did take care of me. But I cannot expect nor count on that forever, nor would I want to. I don’t want to have to rely on such kindnesses, but I am so grateful that it’s there if needed.

All of my problems could be answered with such a simple thing: A full time job. That’s it! Not a six figure salary or retirement plan. No, simple is what I prefer anyway and really all I typically want. I’m pinning my hopes and thoughts on that dream job I interviewed for last week. I have to keep applying/looking for work though or my unemployment could get screwed. And if something comes along before the dream job I will have to take it. The thought hurts, but I gotta keep on keepin’ on as always, babies.

If you have tips, recipes, or just wanna share some love, hit me up! 😉  notblueatall@notblueatall.com

<3
S

Don’t Worry…

May30

I would like to take this moment to just be happy. Today is a huge day for me. I have an in-person interview for what appears to be the perfect job for me. Not only is it a job, though, it is basically the missing piece of my awesome life puzzle right now. If I get this job I won’t have to worry about EVERYTHING all of the time anymore. The funny thing is, I kind of feel like it’s already mine. In an intoxicated state after my dance show on Sunday, while having dinner with my bffs, I said aloud, “Now that I’m at _______, I’ll totally be the most fashionable chick in the office! Ha-ha!” jaws dropped and eyes widened and they all said, “Wait?!?! You got the job?!?!” I realized it was a slip of the tongue, maybe some visualizing and hopes sprinkled in and nothing more. Oops! But…It will be mine! Oh yes! It will be mine!

The truth is that the last few weeks have been extremely stressful and bad. This week has felt magical by comparison. In this moment, right now, everything seems possible and wonderful. I feel fearless and capable of anything. I feel so perfectly me that there is just nothing stopping me or holding me back…except that whole not having a job part. Ha-ha! Even though things seem kind of dire in this whole employment-finances department…I’m fucking HAPPY!!! It’s…nice! It’s certainly refreshing, anyhow. I’d been so depressed and stressed out for so long. Not to mention tired. Whew!

I’ve had some great surprises this week as well. My “Special Geek” gave me a phone on Monday which has greatly improved my life! My old one was so fritzy I’d get lost anytime I needed to rely on my GPS, it would crash and freeze all of the time. Now? Perfection! And as of last night…I have a boyfriend!!! I feel like a fucking teenager! *Blushes* He is like no one I’ve ever met and I just adore him! He makes me very happy! I mean, I knew I liked him waaaay too much after our second date, but when my friends all loved him, too? Oh yeah! It was a done deal. When that boy says my name my heart is all a-flutter! *Blushes* I just hope that I am the awesome girlfriend he’s always wanted. 🙂

And my road trip to Fatlandia (aka NoLose.org) will be amazeballs because my bff of over 22 years will be driving up with me and it will be just like old times! SO EXCITING!!! I know we will be blasting the good old tunes like back then.  We used to write in bathroom stalls, “There’s No Diva Like Me!” and scream our favorite songs at the top of our lungs! Ha-ha! So fabulous! How has time just flown by?!?! Oh man!

I’m writing this before I know what this day brings. No matter what I will be with people I love and whom I know love me back. After my interview I’m having lunch with my other bff of over 22 years. Then I’ll be spending the evening and night with my beloved Raven!!! Saturday I’ll be heading up to visit my friend Laura for some seriously needed girl bonding time. I just…WOW! I’m so grateful for all of it right now, ya know? HAPPY!!!

I know good things are on their way and they are already in my life, too. I know that despite the dark times, the light always finds a way to shine through. There’s no fighting it now and I want nothing more than for you all to feel as great as I do now. I’ll keep y’all updated and definitely share my continued joy, no matter what happens. 😉 Have faith in you and don’t let anyone else get or keep you down. You’re amazing and worth all of the love in the world!
<3
S

 

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