NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Broke

January11

This not having an income thing is fucking hard! Everyone thinks because I opened my own business that I’m Ms. Moneybags or something. What a joke?! The funny thing is that it’s the only aspect of my life that is lacking. I’m not trying to brag or anything, but it dawned on me this morning that I have it pretty good. The reality of it is one horrible incident could leave us homeless, but we’re careful and smart and try to take things day by day. The café is struggling, but it’s almost over the proverbial hump. Almost.

I am so grateful for everything I have and for my friends just being there and for hot water and for every fucking thing! Every day I am reminded of how great life can be, but never forgetting how bad it can get, too. And being poor has given me a new perspective and also gotten me back in touch with childhood memories that I had long forgotten. I don’t use the word poor to gain sympathy or to exaggerate things, but I know that we are living under the current poverty level. We’re fine, we’re happy and we’re healthy. Love keeps you warm at night and I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful and generous husband who is willing to support us through this difficult and exciting time and a crazy tabby-cat who loves us despite her sassiness.

While I have had to make some adjustments to my own habits, we’ve both realized that we took our former living standard for granted. Two years ago I was making $54k a year and living it up when I could. We had two full time incomes and plenty to save for a rainy day (or at the time we thought a down payment for a house). Now we are grateful for that freedom and choice because we need that savings more and more every day. I was quite embarrassed last night when J asked if I was coming to karaoke and I felt weird about coming and not buying anything. It is a bar after all. But with $6 in my checking account and no “spending money” to speak of I was hesitant. But my sweetie of a friend bought B & I drinks and we all had a great time! It’s not about what you do it’s who you do it with!

Your priorities adjust and you streamline things and you find other ways to do things. We enjoy projects around the house where we can make something or use something to improve upon something else. We made this awesome organizer thingy for my dresser. We want to make an end table for our new living room arrangement (B moved everything around last week).

Life ain’t so shitty. I want no pity. I just want the freedom to decide what’s right for me.

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