NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Be Kind to You!

November19

It’s something I hear often (too often lately, snark) and preach often. So why can’t I get a handle on it? Being kind to yourself is important. It’s essential to stay mindful of how you’re feeling and what you need in a given moment to make sure you’re not wearing yourself out. I feel as though I thrive when very busy. I feel productive and fulfilled. So why do I keep getting the “you need to show yourself the same compassion you show others” talk?!

Is there an instruction manual on this? Ha-ha! Seriously! I thought I was doing a decent job of honoring myself and my needs and all. But apparently, no. I’m not getting all I need and I’m not exactly sure how to get there or where to begin. Yes, I’ve ditched some very toxic relationships and have been developing the good ones, this feels right. But what else?

I’ve been more careful, yet more vocal when expressing my needs to others. I think the message is coming through clearly for them, but perhaps I’m not entirely listening to my own words, eh? I’ve had two friends recently tell me that they are praying for me, and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. It’s a bit of a foreign concept to me. I send my thoughts and wishes out into the universe, don’t get me wrong, but to have others do this in their own way for me? I have awesome friends, this much I know.

I’ve been using music as therapy again, it’s nice, though it can very easily turn masochistic. *Sigh* I’m a strange bird! The truth is I’m full of apprehension about the coming weeks full of traditions, rituals and holidays that feel very alien to me now. Alienated by my blood relatives, feeling pushed away by my chosen family lately and just not knowing where I fit in, belong or want to be or have. Ugh! It’s exhausting to be so apprehensive about so many unknowns.

“Do what feels right.” But what if I don’t know what that is? I’d like to sleep for three days solid and then cavort about, eat, drink, be merry…all that jazz. But at this point that would mean being alone and I don’t like that option much at all. I’m a damned contradiction in a big fat body! Ha-ha!

My goal for this week is to meet one new person and have an interesting conversation. Other than that? I guess I’ll just roll with the punches. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on, it’s all I know and apparently what I’m good at. Until such time a new way of being presents itself to me or I stumble upon it, that is.

Also…I adore this:

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