NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

I Survived

July30

Well, I have survived my first surgery! Honestly everyone at the hospital was great, but I gotta give a special shout out to the anesthesiologist who saw the panic in my eyes but listened very carefully to all of my questions and made sure to explain everything and more to ease my mind. Seriously, a really great human! When I told him what the other doc had said about cannabis interacting with anesthesia and causing brain damage he was gobsmacked. “A doctor told you this? That’s just wrong. That’s so rude!” And my gallbladder removal surgery went exactly as planned without issue. All I remember in the actual room was scooting onto the operating table from my wheely bed (you know what they wheel you around on) and the surgeon explaining how things would go in which order. I had asked how my fat body would be moved back onto the wheely bed and they calmly explained that I was laying on a set of rollers of some kind that would make the transition smooth. Then each person in the room (6 total I think) introduced themselves, said my name and what procedure I would be having done. It felt a bit like a press conference for a celebrity only I was laying down and naked beneath a thin gauzy medical gown (that would have easily fit two of me inside). Then they put the “oxygen” mask over my face and instructed me to breathe deeply. No counting backwards or any of the old cliches. 

Next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery with RN Cassie trying to talk to me as I mostly just groaned in confusion and pain. I was so terrified of being put under but that was honestly the easiest bit. Cassie was very patient and kind and gave me ice chips and water and strawberry jello, and helped me get my knickers back on. Within half an hour I was dressed, visited the restroom, and on my way to the main entrance where my bestie J was waiting for me with his carriage (okay it’s a Toyota, but allow me to romanticize a scene now and then, yeah?!). I’m sure I said little and groaned more on the ride home, but J was the best, a tried and true ride or die. I was just super extra glad that I didn’t die. That paperwork they had me fill out really got into my head. Ugh! 

The next three days I mostly slept and took my meds and ate fruit. That’s seriously it! After that I stopped taking the oxycodone and stuck with the lovely combo of Motrin and acetaminophen. Gosh that stuff works great! I’ve been walking around like I have never had a knee injury in my life! I know I can’t take this stuff forever, surely that would fuck up my liver something awful, but it really helps feeling more steady and able to do things at home as needed. Yesterday I even chopped and roasted a ton of veggies that would have otherwise gone bad. Had I done that without the NSAIDS I would have been limping and in agony. I will definitely be discussing this with the surgeon at my follow up. 

Yesterday I went back to my office job and honestly, it was great! People were happy to see me, relieved even. My boss admitted he was worried. It’s nice to be valued. I get it in my head sometimes that what I do doesn’t matter, but yesterday showed me that’s ridiculous. While I had a ton of things to catch up on, I conquered it all and felt pretty darn good about myself to boot! I really wasn’t sure how I would feel or what I’d be walking into, but it all worked out well. Even if I did sleep like crap the night before. You know when it’s too hot without a fan but the fan is too noisy too?! Ugh! I am feeling hopeful though. Having this big scary thing over and done with is a massive load off my mind. I will eventually need to have a very similar surgery to remove a mystery mass they found when scanning my gallbladder (it’s benign but it grew), but I’m far less fearful about it all. And hey that scary “you’re gonna die” paperwork is all done! Ha-ha! 

Now if we could all just work together to end this darned pandemic, that would be greeeeeeeeat! Ha!

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (We only recorded a few episodes but they were good!)

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall currently donations will be given directly to Black women in need through my network.

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated frequently and not just about fat stuff): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it! I’m also on Space Hey “NotBlueAtAll”

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.) notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Shake it Off!

July21

This entire pandemic shutdown has affected us all, regardless if you or someone you know has had the illness itself. We have all been forced to sort of slow down and do things differently. Something I have seen come up so much in all of the fat facebook groups I’m in is this deep seated shame about a lessening in mobility. A feeling of failure around being forced to be more sedentary over the last fifteen months. I’m here to tell you that for one, it ain’t just fat folks feeling all of this, we’ve all been affected by it. Fat folks seem to have a more immediate self blame/shame reaction to it, but it’s not just us, I promise!


I have previously talked about thriving in those first few months of the pandemic shutdown, and that’s true. Once my gallbladder started failing me I was forced very suddenly to simply stop everything. Extreme pain takes over every aspect of your life. Even after the initial ER visit, my situation was a mystery and the pain attacks were intermittent, which really sucked any morale I had left outta me. After three months of the pain attacks I was miserably depressed. So when the pain finally went away I still wasn’t really wanting or able to get back to my previous movement habits.


Now as I’m back at the office everyday I’m finding everything more difficult. I don’t have energy, what I do have runs out quickly. Standing still for any stretch fucks up my right knee. I have stiffness and soreness seemingly all of the time, but it gets better before it gets worse. I have my gallbladder surgery tomorrow, so I know it will take awhile for me to recover, but the mobility I have lost in the last year is very much apparent to me now. I was struggling internally about this until I started to see post after shame-filled post about the exact same issues. That’s when I realized that this is so much bigger than just me or just you. We’re all in this together so let’s throw that shame and blame game out the damned window!


One of the best things you can do right now, without even leaving your seat, is deciding and committing to yourself to be kind and patient with yourself. That really is the best first step you can take. I have seen a lot of folks worrying about not being able to walk down their block without needing a break or sitting down, so I will share some tips others have shared. First, if going out feels unsafe or you’re uncertain of your needs in such a public place, try using your home or yard to start moving more, incrementally. One rad fatty used their long hallway, walking the length and placing a chair at each end. This way you can take your time, rest when you need to (please honor your body’s cues on this) and not worry about harassment or unsteadiness outdoors. Doing any kind of stretching will also help so much! Did you know that Joyn is free now?! They have plus size instructors and all levels of classes you can try out. Check it out if that format is more your style. There’s lots on YouTube as well, but I urge you to ignore the comment sections and maybe even do some digging before searching for a class type as I have found many to appear fat positive but then they hit you with some nonsense mid-instruction that I just can’t hang with. If your knees are your main focus, I would highly recommend Cinder Ernst’s book on the subject! Cinder also has a facebook group for this, as well as youtube videos. I’ve met and known Cinder for some years now and she is absolutely a joy and a pleasure to work with.


If, like me, you found yourself in an increasingly icky depression nest, please consider (if you are able) hiring and/or asking for help.  It was very difficult for me internally to do this but I ended up hiring someone to help me clean my kitchen. It was only a hundred bucks for three hours of work, and the person the agency sent (I used an app called Diem) was absolutely lovely! They understood my situation without judgement and prioritized the cleaning tasks based on my actual day to day needs. I never could have cleaned that kitchen on my own without wrecking my back and knees. The weight lifted by having a clean kitchen was just what I needed to tackle my living room and bathroom on my own. Now I come home and I don’t feel all of the shame and guilt over having a messy/gross home. I know I deserve to feel good about coming home, and kept meaning to prioritize this, but that shame and guilt combo is fucking HARD to shake off. Maybe you have people in your life that want to help but you are afraid to ask or keep telling them no. I kept telling myself that I would do it all on my own, such is my way in most things, but I was finally faced with not having the mobility or time to accomplish this before my surgery. Sometimes we have to confront ourselves over this stuff. I am glad that I did.

There was a recent study that came out that discovered that those who spend a little money to get a little time back for themselves actually had higher levels of happiness and lower levels of stress over all. It specifically mentioned things like household chores, which has always been my struggle (thanks to my childhood). The people who clean for a living will not judge you, they will understand and will treat your home with respect. I know for me this was such a huge internal battle that I had with myself. It sent me down so many self-hating spirals I can’t even count! I even let the cleaning folks know that I was incredibly anxious and that this was my first time hiring someone for this work. I let them know that I would have to remain in my apartment (this was before my office was reopened), and I kept myself and my puggo in my bedroom while they worked. It wasn’t easy for me mentally, but again it was so very worth it! Your situation may be different, and your experiences will certainly vary, but I hope you can do something that will take some of the stress and shame off your mind and heart.


We put so much on our own shoulders before we even get out of bed each day. We all must find a way to be kind, patient, and to honor what our bodies need. It sounds so simple, but it takes a lot of effort and reframing, I have found. Please know that you are worth every ounce of effort in the world! I think after my surgery I will be seeking physical therapy of some kind to aid my recovery efforts as well as hopefully regaining my overall mobility. If you are working from home I urge you to carefully consider your ergonomic setup and reassess based on what your body is actually telling you. There’s lots of easy guides online you can look at for this (I’m an office manager so it’s part of what I do).


I say and share all of this because I honestly do care, maybe too much. I see no point in participating in my own suffering. I do not want to see others struggling with the same if I can help it, ya know? The shame and blame isn’t useful, let’s banish it from our minds and hearts for good! Remind yourself, as I do each day when there is pain, this isn’t your fault in any way, you’re human and doing what you can with what you have at any given moment. Honor that shit! You don’t have to love your body, I know that hard af and some of us will simply never get there or want to, but we can all find a place of neutrality with our bodies so that we can live our best lives. I hope you find what works for you and unburden you from the intrusive negativity. 

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (We only recorded a few episodes but they were good!)

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall currently donations will be given directly to Black women in need through my network.

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated frequently and not just about fat stuff): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it! I’m also on Space Hey “NotBlueAtAll”

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.) notblueatall@notblueatall.com

My First Surgery

July19

Hello lovely people! I wanted to check in before I have my gallbladder removal surgery (finally!) this week. As I have been preparing my home and my head for my very first ever surgery I realized that throughout the past year of dealing with what were first mystery symptoms, alllllll the medical tests, video visits with the surgeon, and more. The one thing I did not have to deal with, much to all of our surprise I’m sure, is fatphobia. In fact, my size was not mentioned once! Not at the ER and not anywhere else. I was always bracing for it, always anticipating the worst, and always ready to hand someone back their entire ass if they did. 


But it didn’t happen! The first person to mention my size was myself to the surgeon who will be performing the operation. I had asked about the robot versus laparoscopic and he explained that the robot was recommended specifically for those with a BMI over 50, mine is 55, and so he said I will have a better outcome with the robot. I was very pleased to hear this. The robot allows not only 3D imaging so the surgeon can see better in such a tight space (because hooray for teeny incisions), but the robot allows for finer movement of the instruments once inside my body. 


Look, I friggin’ love robots anyway, always wanted a robot bff a la Judy Jetson and her diary, but this made me much more calm about the whole thing. I also watched the entire procedure with the robot on youtube and I gotta say, it looked minimally invasive. There was only part of the procedure that made me wince while watching and it was at the very beginning when they first make the incision and place the posts or arms inside to make room for the instruments. Very quick, but they did this sort of shake movement that I simply did not care for, but the patient, like I will be, was under anesthesia and thus likely never knew it was occuring. 


I am concerned about anesthesia. I’ve never been put under for anything. When I had an upper endoscopy, while they were trying to figure out what was going on, I had only twilight drugs and I had nightmares about that procedure for weeks after. I don’t know if that is normal for twilight drugs or if it was my C-PTSD doing it’s usual thing, but I do worry about this after the surgery. 


I had a pre-op video visit to go over my medical history, to make sure no further tests were needed (just a covid test). During this visit they asked about any medications I was taking, and then asked about “street drugs” usage. I have no qualms about the question itself, but I do take issue with calling cannabis a street drug (it’s legal and fairly regulated in California), as well as using the historically racist term “marijuana”. I was very up front and explicit about this and my usage with the doctor in this visit. They were surprised but seemed to respect it.  They then asked about frequency of use and method. The thing is though, the medical world doesn’t know shit about cannabis use. Until very recently it was illegal (federally) to study it on human subjects. The doctor on this call insisted that I halt all use leading up to my surgery, which I have no issues with complying. 


But when they said that it will interact with the anesthesia and cause brain damage I was surprised and so I did some digging. And I was right, they don’t know shit about cannabis. That belief was based on mice and no human study has been done. Plus the mice were given high doses of pure THC. The medical world still thinks we’re out here smoking “marijuana cigarettes” which is hilarious to me as I don’t smoke anything. I vaporize cannabis flowers. It’s a very different thing, just in case you didn’t know. I take it for pain, nausea, and anxiety. I do take it for fun sometimes, but I use different strains and strengths to manage specific things. The fact that it is still perceived as a “street drug” is harmful and furthers stigma. They don’t take into account that chronic pain sufferers often use CBD products such as patches to manage their pain when other pain management has been unsuccessful or unsustainable. CBD products offer no “high” or heady euphoric states at all. And cannabis doesn’t have to give you “the munchies” or make you paranoid like the old days. The more you know! 😀


I went three months without the correct diagnosis and was in horrible pain intermittently throughout that time. I was fortunate that I could work from home due to the pandemic. I went several months without pain but after the length and severity of the original gallbladder attack I was deeply depressed and never fully recovered my energy. As I was preparing my office to reopen the pain suddenly returned and it was so incredibly hard to function. I wanted to do my job but I needed to take it easy. It has been a delicate balancing act for sure. Now I am hoping that this will all be over after my surgery and I will regain my energy soon after. Before that first attack, I was taking dance classes 2-3 times a week, walking my dog everyday, really thriving during the early pandemic shutdown. I miss who I was then. It has definitely changed my perspective on a lot of things.


I am hopeful and nervous but I know I am in good hands. I know how fortunate and privileged I am to even have access to healthcare. My insurance, through my employer, will cover most of the cost of the surgery. I can afford the rest without a worry at all. What I was not prepared for was planning for the event of my death. So that’s how I spent my last weekend with a gallbladder. I know I’m a secret goth, but it was a mind fuck! My final wishes are a combo of formal and informal documentation that hopefully no one will need to bother with. I really never imagined having to decide all of this as a single person, but here I am. I will get through this and be all the better for it! 

***

I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (We only recorded a few episodes but they were good!)

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall currently donations will be given directly to Black women in need through my network.

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (updated frequently and not just about fat stuff): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it! I’m also on Space Hey “NotBlueAtAll”

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.) notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Update

July7

How is it July?! This week I went back to everyday office life and it has not been easy. While part of me was excited to go back and feel like a part of something again, another part of me, namely my gallbladder, had something else in mind entirely. Ugh! Yeah, two weeks ago, after no gallbladder pain since the beginning of November, my gallbladder pain returned in full effect. The fucker! After the first week of feeling truly terrible I emailed the surgeon and her assistant trying to get this damn thing removed already. Well, California “opened” on June 15th and well before that the surgery departments have all been booked up for months. I was fine with waiting when I had no debilitating pain, but now? Um…I don’t think so!

The surgeon at first told me to go to the ER but I explained that they didn’t believe I was in pain when I was at my absolute worst last August. After months of wrong diagnosis and testing it was the surgeon, on a hunch over the phone, who discovered what the real issue was. She was the only one who listened to me, who asked about the rest of my life and lifestyle. Because of that I know that I don’t have a blockage or stones, I just have a gallbladder than quit its only job. She wanted to use a robot for the surgery, mostly due to the fact that they also found a mystery mass that while benign it actually grew since the start of the year so she wanted to remove it. This would mean two separate surgeries that could be done in one session using the robot. Now that my pain is back she suggested going with the regular laparoscopy and only taking the gallbladder. I said yes!

I haven’t heard back since but I do have an in-person appointment with her next week so I’m hoping for more answers then. In the meantime my life is ruled by this pain. I feel fine in the mornings when I get up, and for a few hours after. Until, that is, I eat. Yeah eating is a basic function of life. So I went for a few days of not eating until 5 pm, which is the pits and I do not suggest it. But I had to prepare my office for the big reopen. I loved working from home, but suddenly that was no longer an option (I’m an office manager). I wanted to do it, but my body was fighting me every step of the way. Then I had four days in a row of no pain and I got soooooo much done at home. I rearranged my living room, cleaned, built a shelf, did all the laundry, washed the dog, went on a date (my first since Dec. 2019)…

Then my first day back at the office and I started to feel crummy before lunch. I thought I was just extra hungry because I had gotten up so much earlier than usual and hadn’t slept much that night. Nope! Fucking gallbladder! UGH! It took two more hours before it became fully apparent what it was. I can only take Tylenol so I just waited and left work a few minutes early. When I got home I just collapsed on my bed with my puggo snuggled up beside me. After an hour I finally got up and fed the puggo, took some Tylenol, vaped some cannabis, and laid down again. I would not have been able to eat at all if not for the cannabis. Once it all kicked in I was able to sit upright and eat and take care of some things at home.

The part about this that truly sucks is that my life is now ruled by when this pain will return. Will it be another three days of pain followed by four days of no pain? Will it just wreck me entirely? And why can I not get scheduled for this fucking surgery?!?! I understand things are backed up, but this ain’t no mole removal. I’m actually terrified of having surgery, more so being put under anesthesia. I’ve never been put under for anything. Not being able to make decisions for myself, especially medically speaking, is one of my biggest fears. Facing it alone is not what I had planned, but it is what I must do and so be it. It is far better than just living with this awful pain.

People keep telling me that gallbladder pain is some of the worse you can experience. Yeah, no shit! I put on a tough facade, but lemme tell ya, at home I am all moans, groans, and whines. Dealing with this for so long seems absolutely cruel to me at this point. Yet there’s nothing I can do about it either. I just keep getting up every morning like it’s going to be fine. Some days it is fine. When it’s not it is unbearable. I cannot live my life like this.

It’s been weird, too, to have to be “on” again at work all of the time. After wearing PJ’s and not worrying about my looks at all for fifteen months, I kind of like putting a little makeup on in the morning. Driving in traffic I could definitely do without. Ha! The few people who have come into the office have been great though. All very complimentary. I have a new boss who seems to give a shit about way more than any of my previous ones, so that’s cool. Usually with my job people only really notice what it is I do when something goes wrong. Having people in the office thanking me for getting it ready and assisting them feels good.

I’m so grateful to have what I do and be where I am in life and I am doing my best to take nothing for granted. It is an odd feeling to both thrive and struggle through on my own. It is a hard thing to explain. When I’ve had my darkest moments in the throes of truly horrific pain, I can’t imagine having someone else around or looking after me. It has often been when I’m having bursts of joy and silliness, dancing around in my little apartment, that I wish I had a person to share those moments with. I don’t feel that my life is lacking in any meaningful way. I have jolly good fun on my own with my puggo. My nearest and dearest, though spread far and wide, are very supportive. Once this gallbladder is outta me, I’m definitely going to “get out” more, but I also won’t feel bad about preferring my own company at home.

It Can Happen To You! (Romance Scams!)

April16

Being a single woman is awesome until it’s not. I feel like an old pro with most of the dating apps at this point. It all starts to feel very scripted, same old pickup lines, same old excuses. My bullshit detector is sensitive af! With the pandemic shutdown still in place but everyone scrambling to get their vaccines completed, the dating world has suddenly turned into the wild west. I was talking to some people, nothing out of the ordinary, but the conversations continued and I started to really enjoy myself. When someone is interested and enthusiastic, it can feel really good. Throw in some fun flirting and finding things in common with one another, it can even be addicting. Like when you have a new crush and that’s all you think about. Ha-ha!


It began with talking to one person, then two, and now three. Each had qualities and characteristics that I was into and found refreshing. Conversations were frequent and started to become a regular part of my day. Two people in particular I had been talking to virtually everyday for over a month. It felt like things were really great and that I might get to meet these people once we’re all vaccinated. But you see, friends, I have this annoying ability at picking up on behavioral patterns very quickly and the coincidences were not sitting right for me. I started to take notes about these people, at first to keep my facts straight, and then things took a dark turn.


I was texting with one when they said they had an issue. I’m an empathetic person, so I asked what was going on. They said it was their tax return, because they were overseas (short term contract they said, more on that in a mo), they weren’t able to access their account for some reason. They said that a friend or relative could get it for them with their SSL and DL. I simply said that isn’t true, only a spouse that you’ve filed jointly with can do that. I’m no fool! The IRS is very clear about these things. They insisted that because they’re working for the government they were allowed to do this. C’mon! The kicker is when I respond with facts they respond with emotion. “I’m hurt and feel disrespected” they claimed. “I don’t appreciate you insulting my intelligence like this” I replied. Then they fell silent for a bit claiming to be working…at 3 am…as an orthopedic doctor working with the air force stationed in Yemen. SUUUURE! This morning they popped up again and said they were angry at me about it. I said, “You’re only angry that I didn’t naively fall for your scam.” Then they got rude and offensive. Y’all, they said I was a selfish asshole! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!


As if that wasn’t enough, the second person I was talking to, that I really thought was real I tell ya. Well, they said they had a problem that was stressing them out. And my stomach dropped. They work in construction project management and their retainer fee was shorted and they needed to pay their workers. They claimed that because some of their workers aren’t from America that their bank froze their account when too many foreign transfers occurred on the same day. Plausible. They explained that they were trying to log into their Cash App to pay their workers but someone must have hacked their account because they can’t log in. They claimed to have called customer service and still no luck. Playing coy I suggested they call their bank or go in person. That they try Paypal, Venmo, Zelle…They started to say how much they trust me and that if I could help them to just create a new Cash App account and share the login…and I laughed my ass off. Two scammers on the same day?! Are you kidding me?! Life can’t be this ridiculous, right?! It is, friends, it really fucking is! When I suggested this was a classic scam technique they got upset, said they were hurt and then very suddenly went to bed. Ha! 


So let’s break down some red flags because I didn’t catch them as such immediately but very soon saw them for what they were, bullshit!


All three were:

*Local to me but suddenly traveling for work, not returning for several weeks
*Only children (maybe not a red flag on it’s own, but all three at once?!)
*Were not born or raised in my state
*Not vaccinated and didn’t even have an appointment to get one (it’s open to all over 16 in my state now)
*Professed their heavy feelings very early in communication (“I love you!” lots of future life talk, promises of *happiness)
*Never asked for a phone or video call (one even claimed a phobia, which I get, but also, c’mon!)
*Wanted to chat on another app right away rather than use the dating app (some dating apps super suck, I get that, so I offer Kik as an alternative since you don’t have to give out your phone number like you do with WhatsApp)
*Suddenly had a money issue that required my assistance via providing my SSN/DL (they never asked for money, one even offered to split their tax refund with me ahhahahahaha!)
*Responded with emotional manipulation when I said this was a classic scam technique
*All 3 gave or used their full names either in conversation or as their usernames, I mean who does that?!

Now there were things that made me believe they were the people in their pictures. Like when I asked for a pic they would send one right away, but not posed or in odd locations, it seemed to me they were who they claimed. They never asked for nudes or anything salacious. One never really even flirted in the usual way and always kept things respectful. All three seemed to be very well mannered, which I was super into. UGH! I forgave typos and other text based oddities. Like the Dr used exclamation points instead of question marks. The Project Manager copied poetry from google and then lied about it. Didn’t use proper grammar, which I get is not something a lot of folks do in text, but they were supposedly wooing me, right?! 


I am careful before I even interact with people. I do reverse google image searches, social media searches, what have you. I never give out my real phone number. When they insist on moving off the original dating app to communicate I always push back at first. “What’s the difference between texting here or another app?” Sadly apps like Tinder and POF are not timely with their chat notifications, used them for years, so I’m more forgiving because of this. Which is why Kik is a better choice since you don’t need a phone number to use it or find people. I use google voice for my phone number, it’s free and will text and ring your phone like normal, and they are none the wiser. I actually say in my profiles, “Do not ask for my number, I will offer it when I’m ready.” but I’ve yet to have anyone actually fucking respect that. These people didn’t even know my last name. They knew so little about me and yet claimed to be in love with me.


Please be safe! Report profiles once you see the red flags pop up. Protect every aspect of your identity! I know how hard that is, you wanna meet people, get to know them, see how things progress. But some things really can wait. Addresses, real phone numbers, last names…why would anyone need those in order to know they like you and wanna meet you IRL? Push back or say no to something at random and see how they react. Strong emotional reactions are a big red flag! If they are insisting on using a specific app, offer an alternative. The harder they push for what they want, the more likely it is that they will try to scam you. It is a sad state of affairs here, folks. I get it. I’m touch starved and horny af over here but I’m also not trying to fuck over the hard work I’ve put into getting my credit where it is now or risking my home or life in the name of getting laid. Below are some infographics I found useful, I hope you do too:

At least Tinder has a way to verify profiles now, so I will only be interacting with verified users going forward on there. They are also introducing a background check option (for a fee of course). I tried using Spokeo to look up their phone numbers (it’s a dollar) but what the hell is with being unable to look up phone numbers these days?! Googling their very common names came up with nothing. One blocked me before I could report them. I took screenshots of their profiles though. I really don’t mess around with this shit. And this is all before an actual date to meet is set.

When I know I am going to meet someone IRL I will gather what info I have and give to a friend, even checking in on Facebook or giving a friend the address of wherever I’m going to be. Never travel to a second location or get into their car on the first date (I have done this when I felt comfortable with the person, but I do not believe I ever will again). And it never hurts to brush up on some self defense techniques. I know it’s shitty to have to worry about all of this while looking for love, but this is the world we live in. I wish everyone much success in their love life, but more so, just stay as safe as you possibly can.

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I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

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